“Wear black.”
“I know that part. About yesterday….”
“Yeah?”
“The police brought me down to the station. They questioned me. I had to get a lawyer.”
“Oh my God. How could you not tell me?”
“Afterwards I wanted to be alone.”
“Did it help?” She sounded genuinely curious.
“A little,” I admitted, more to myself than to her. “I figured some things out.” But only some of them. Not the important parts.
“My dad says sometimes you just need a good cry.”
I laughed at the idea. “I can’t imagine you crying, Ash.”
“Yeah, most people can’t.” She sighed, no doubt looking in the mirror, probably playing with her hair. Ashley had long brown curls she was forever winding around her finger. “So the funeral starts at 10 a.m. I’ll be there at 9:30.”
“Got it.” I hung up and texted Jen back, thanking her for the offer of a ride but declining. I told Sarah that I’d heard and would see her later. Then, almost as an afterthought, I texted Sam about the whole thing. He was new enough in town that he might not know about the funeral. Then again, he didn’t know Ryan, so he might not want to go. He replied that he’d go to support me, but otherwise would spend the rest of the day looking up sea monsters.
I walked outside to look at the ocean, thinking. What did I want more: answers to the many mysteries in my life, or someone to hold my hand?
The sun blazed over the horizon, strong even though it wasn’t quite 8 a.m. The rays dropped over the ocean like liquid gold, and in the middle of it, swimming, was my mother. Seeing her in the water made me think about my grandparents, Serena and Dylan, about the deaths, Edgar, all of it. She’d kept secrets from me and dragging the truth out of her would cause our worst fight yet. I thought about Rose going off to join a new pod, and the way pods broke up when they got too big. Is that what Mom and I would do? Would I go my own way and never see her again? It seemed impossible, sad, and exciting all at once. Eventually we were going to have that huge fight, but I wasn’t ready for it yet. I didn’t want what it could bring.
I texted Sam back, saying his day was better spent in research. After a shower, I put on much less makeup than usual. Then I went looking for funeral clothes. I owned plenty of black, but none of it felt right for a funeral. Finally, I picked a slim black dress with spaghetti straps and put a sweater over it. The sweater helped tone it down. With twenty minutes left before Ashley would arrive, I headed to the kitchen for something to eat.
“Going someplace?” Mom stood in the kitchen, her hair dripping water on the tile.
“Funeral.”
She raised one eyebrow at me. “Anyone I know?”
“Ryan Rodriguez.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Hector Rodriguez’s son?”
I nodded. I’d met Ryan’s dad a few times. He always seemed like a nice guy. “Can’t say that’s a loss.”
“We dated, Mom.”
“You did?” Her tone took on an almost studied casualness, which meant a fight was coming. Maybe now was the time to have it, even if it changed my life forever.
“He told me I was beautiful. We went out for almost a year. Don’t worry; I dumped him so I wouldn’t kill him. Not like that saved him. I found his body in the water near the pier.”
“How close to the pier?” Her indifference disappeared, replaced with a worried interest I’d never seen before.
“Half a mile away. Maybe a mile. Is that really the most important thing? Your daughter told you her boyfriend has been murdered, and you’re worried about where they found the body?”
“None of that matters, you’ll be leaving soon.”
“I am? Really? Because Ryan wasn’t the only body. There was Mara, and Tiffany, and my friend Heather. They all died the same way, and most of the bodies showed up at my reef. So I don’t think I’m going anywhere until I find out what’s going on.” My voice kept getting louder until I realized I was shouting at her, practically screaming in the kitchen.
A car honked in the driveway, Ashley, early for the first time in her life. Mom stared at me, the look of concern gone, her face as unreadable as a stone. When she finally spoke, her words came with a measured calm, as if this was an order she wouldn’t let me defy.
“Stay away from Hector Rodriguez. He’s not safe.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, but I’m still going to Ryan’s funeral.”
“You don’t understand what’s going on.”
“Then why don’t you tell me?” I looked her dead in the eyes and waited, waited for her to break down and open up to me, to tell me about Serena and the dolphins, about my father’s death, about everything.
The car honked again.
“Because you’ve got to leave for the funeral.”
It was an excuse. We both knew it. I almost told her I would stay, almost admitted that hearing her open up would be worth missing every funeral ever. Instead, I watched the stubborn angry look in her eyes for a minute and then walked out the door.
****
By the time Ashley told me all the gossip from Friday, I was kicking myself for not staying home and dealing with Mom more. Three couples broke up after my party: two of them because of cheating, one of them because of the police involvement. It seemed the girl, who I might’ve had math class with once, was grounded for life.
As we drove to the funeral, Ashley told me there would be a reception at Ryan’s house afterward. Then she added, “Oh and the most important thing: Heather didn’t show up at school on Friday. She’s not even answering texts. I’m pretty sure her parents have shipped her off to a mental institution.” Ashley spoke with a hushed sort of reverence. I knew this was meant to be the juiciest gossip of the week.
“No, they didn’t. And you don’t want to say anything like that today, in case her parents are around.”
“Why would they be around?” Ashley pulled up to a stoplight and looked at me like I’d grown a second head.
“Because Heather’s dead. The police told me yesterday. They suspected me.”
“Wow.” Ashley was stunned into silence, her face a mix of emotions. Tears filled her eyes, but the rest of her looked scared as if the situation, the deaths, had only just now hit her. “Really?”
“She’s the body they found at my party.”
“No, wait, that can’t be right. Heather didn’t even go to the party, did she? I barely remember seeing her that day.”
“She was there, keeping to herself. I think she wanted to act like everything was normal.”
“Except it wasn’t. Nothing’s ever normal around here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” It was a strange thing for Ashley, the popular spoiled girl, to say.
“I meant with the murders and all that…” She let her voice trail off. “Are you hungry?”
“I guess so.”
“Good, I’m going to grab some fast food. What do you want?”
Nothing on the breakfast menu appealed to me but I made do with some eggs. Obviously Ashley wanted the food to shut us both up, and while I wanted to call her on it, I didn’t have the energy. I’d had one fight already this morning, the one with Mom. That’d been a disaster, I didn’t learn anything and I upset her. Why bother having one with Ashley too?
****
Rough pink concrete swirls decorated the outside of the funeral home. Inside everything looked and felt beige, bland. I knew Ryan’s body lay still inside the casket but I couldn’t picture it. I wanted to look anywhere else, to see anything else, but my eyes kept going back to the smooth wooden surface. Ashley and I put our bags down on a pair of chairs Sarah had saved for us.
“Have you seen Heather?” Sarah’s whisper seemed to bounce off the silence in the room. So many people were there, but the quiet made it feel like we were alone.
“Oh my God, you’re never going to believe it!” Ashley whispered, but I grabbed her arm and squeezed.
“
She’s not here,” I finished for Ashley. “We’re going to get in line.”
Ashley stared at me. It should’ve been a dirty look, one of her patented Ashley death stares, but instead I felt how cold her arm was, the goosebumps on her flesh. Ashley, queen of everything, was scared. I didn’t drop her arm until we were in the long line of people advancing toward the casket.
“This is Ryan’s funeral. It’s about Ryan and his family, not about Heather. She’ll have her day soon enough.”
“This is my first funeral.” Her words came out in a tiny whisper that barely sounded like her voice. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“It’s just…not now, okay? No gossip, no texts. This is serious.” I dropped her arm and tried to sound reassuring. “You don’t have to whisper, though.”
“Okay.” Her eyes moved to the front of the room and she turned a little green. “Do we need to do this? Pass by the casket and everything? It’s not like he’ll know.”
“We’ll know,” I told her. She looked like she might be sick and scared instead of just scared. No wonder she wanted to think about something else. Guilt washed over me and I tried to reassure her. “It’s not so hard. Shake hands with his dad, hug his mom, then pass by the casket.”
“Pass by the body, you mean.” Her voice filled with dread.
“You’ll do fine.”
When we stepped forward to console his parents Ryan’s mom remembered me. She cried into my shoulder, telling me how happy I’d made him. That took less than a minute. His dad shook our hands and stepped away. Then we were there, in front of the casket, staring at him.
“Should we kneel? Other people kneeled down.” Ashley asked me.
“They were praying.” I knew I should comfort her but I couldn’t take my eyes away from him. A makeup artist had done one hell of a job on his throat. You could barely see where it’d been sewn back together. The tie he wore helped cover the wound, of course, and I was probably the only person in the room who saw how he looked before. Still…
“Are you praying?” Ashley whispered, interrupting my thoughts.
“Kind of,” I lied. Mother Ocean didn’t have anything to do with this. She might’ve seen it happen, felt his death beneath Her waves, but I didn’t think all the prayers in the world would help Ryan now. No, the only thing left was to stop this from happening again, and it felt like I was the only person who could do that. “Ashley?”
“Mmm-hmm?” She stared at her shoes, trying to look right but not looking at him.
“Do you think Ryan cares about what happens now? Like do you think it would matter to him if they found the person who did this?”
She glanced at me, then her eyes went to him. “Remember the game against the Hornets, when their team TP’d the stadium?”
I nodded, half remembering.
“Ryan wanted to kill them. I mean, all of them. He talked about it like it would be easy, like everyone hurt people when they got mad. I don’t know. I got the idea though that Ryan’s family wasn’t always the greatest.”
First my mom, and now Ashley saying things about Ryan’s family. I’d eaten with them, hung out in their home, and I’d never gotten a bad impression about them.
“So if you’re asking if Ryan would want revenge? Oh yeah. I can show you the locker he beat after that game. He ripped the door off and punched in the side.”
“I heard about that but I never thought it mattered, like it didn’t seem like it was really him.” The people behind us moved forward and I felt a little glad. I didn’t want to stand next to his body wondering what I really knew about him anymore.
Ashley kept talking as we walked to our seats. “He had a temper. Not around you or me, but with the team. Justin told me about it.” Ashley sat down, checked to make sure no one could hear her and went on. “He had bruises, too. Justin thought his dad hit him. Ryan said it was boxing practice, making sure he could fight, but….”
“Yeah.” I’d never seen bruises. Was it Ashley’s usual gossip or the truth? How could I judge? How could Ryan be dead in a wooden box ten feet away from me and still have new things for me to learn about? Shouldn’t I have known all of it? Little things trickled back to me, memories from when we’d been dating, comments and things he didn’t say. Maybe Ryan’s life hadn’t been wonderful. Maybe I’d missed something important.
“Ladies and gentlemen, if you’d take your seats.” And then the funeral started for real, with people talking about Ryan as his body lay in the casket. It felt like it took forever; but every time I checked my watch, only a few minutes had passed.
****
Almost two hours later, we’d watched Ryan’s mom cry and seen his dad choke up until he couldn’t speak. Their grief felt so real and so endless. I worried about saving the next person, about getting the kind of vengeance Ryan would want; but I knew I couldn’t do anything to help them. The football team was there. They’d worn nice suits and black armbands. They told Ryan’s dad that they planned to retire his number. Their gesture seemed empty, it wouldn’t bring him back, but it was more than I had done. The whole event made me feel helpless, frustrated, angry, and unsure of myself all at once. I wanted to go do something, anything, but at the same time, I knew there wasn’t much I could do.
“The family would like to invite everyone to their home for a final farewell,” the funeral director intoned, his voice somber. Even as my mind balked at the idea of more of this unending grief, I knew we’d go. We’d all go.
Ashley drove. Jen decided to leave her car at the funeral home and ride with us. The four of us climbed into the car just as we’d done on the first morning of school that year.
“Heather’s going to be so bummed she missed this,” Sarah sighed.
“She’s dead, jackass,” Jen said without any sympathy.
“What?” Sarah wailed.
“She died at the party on Thursday night. My parents found out last night. Your dad called them.”
“He didn’t tell me that!” Sarah went from crushed to huffy in a second, in another second she was on the phone with her dad. Unfortunately, his confirmation brought tears. I put my arms around her, offering what little comfort I could.
“You okay, Jen?” It wasn’t like her to be cruel. That was Ashley’s thing.
“No. I’m so angry about it all. This whole thing sucks. It’s supposed to be senior year filled with parties and college applications, not going to funerals.”
“Life doesn’t always give you what you want,” Ashley said, her words somber. “You imagine how something will go, how it’ll feel, you think you know and you’re sure, then you get there and it just sucks.”
I wondered if Ashley was talking about Ryan or something else. Somehow, I’d become the most emotionally stable person in the car.
We drove the rest of the way in a silence only broken by Sarah’s sobbing. I’d always thought crying must be therapeutic for dry-landers, a wonderful release of emotions. I held her while she cried, realizing how wrong I’d been. It was like Ashley had said, sometimes things don’t go the way you’d expect them to.
Ryan’s house always looked huge. His dad owned a construction company and he’d built it big. But for the first time, knowing that Ryan wasn’t in there, it looked empty. We’d been right to leave Jen’s car at the funeral home; the driveway, sidewalks, and all the side streets were filled with cars.
As much as I wanted Sarah off me and to run away from the emotion in the car, I hesitated to get out. I didn’t know if I wanted to walk into Ryan’s house without Ryan being there. I’d thought I was over him, that I didn’t care about him anymore now that I had Sam. Maybe that was true, but all of this still felt wrong.
“Come on, Danika.” Jen offered me a hand out of the car. “The faster we get in there, the faster we can get out.”
“So we’re not staying long?” Sarah sniffed.
“No way,” Ashley decided. “I’d love to, but I have to get Jen back to her car.”
Jen added,
“And I’m really sorry, but with the murders my parents want me home.”
“I don’t want to walk in there,” I told them.
“But we’re going to, right?” Sarah questioned us again.
“Uh-huh,” Ashley decided, again. So we walked in, the four of us. I kept secrets from them and I didn’t always trust them, but we walked into that house together, as friends.
****
Inside felt like a party—a bad one where no one was really having a good time. We all sat in clumps talking about Ryan. Somehow his mom had gotten the idea that people would want his things. Groups of people were talking and going through his room deciding what they wanted to take home. It felt gross to me, and I couldn’t handle the conversation. His parents had ordered food, a platter of sandwiches, and trays of cookies, but I didn’t want any of that. I didn’t even want a soda, just a glass of water.
I excused myself and headed toward the kitchen, walking the way I had all those times I’d watched movies with Ryan or hung out doing homework. Ryan hadn’t been that into homework, but his mom liked having us there with our books opened. When he got in trouble, he invited me over for homework help, usually in the kitchen.
I pushed opened the door now, thinking about the things I knew about this family. Ryan’s dad was a runner; the two of them constantly competed to see who was faster. It bothered Ryan a lot when he lost, like somehow being younger automatically meant he should win, except that Ryan wasn’t into running the way his dad was. Ryan didn’t practice. He just wanted to win, mostly because the winner wrote his name on the chalkboard inside the kitchen door. It stayed up all week. Ryan hated the weeks his name wasn’t up there.
It was up there now. His name, the time, and the distance. They raced each other every Saturday morning, so technically as of today his Dad could win again. Except that his Dad never would, not any more.
“Danika?”
I knew the voice without even turning around. When I did, I tried to see what my mom saw. He was fit, but with a little bit of a potbelly; clean-shaven; older but with dark hair. Ryan’s dad, the way he’d always been. “Hi, Mr. Rodriguez.”
“I didn’t know you’d come. I thought you two had broken up.”
The Mermaid and the Murders Page 16