With each step I took toward my door, my fear grew, almost drowning me. Panic seized me, and I wanted to fall to the ground in the fetal position and cry. I didn’t. I placed my shaking, sweaty hand on the door, pushed the lever down, and pulled it open.
My heart thudded loud and hard in my chest, and I was certain everyone in the office could hear it. My armpits gushed like Niagara Falls, while my face had a sheen of sweat that clung to my skin. But I held my head up proudly and walked toward Justin’s office as if I wasn’t facing the guillotine.
Each step brought me closer to my doom. Each step on the concrete floors echoed in my ears sounding as if they were echoing
I was sweating in places I didn’t normally sweat. My overwrought imagination told me that my waist was drenched, and my bra had collected enough moisture to add five pounds.
My pulse increased even more, my heart pounded harder, threatening to implode within my chest. I feared they knew my bravado was nothing more than an act, and that they could see the cracks in my mask. A mask I wore proudly, but lately had been dropped one too many times.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
I couldn’t figure out if that loud pounding was my heart or my steps echoing throughout the office. My neck felt hot, my face flushed, and the temperature of my body skyrocketed. The fetal position looked more and more enticing.
Reaching Justin’s door, it sat wide open with a false welcome, waiting for me. I stood at the threshold hoping he would tell me to go away, afraid to cross over, and not wanting to hear what he had to say, what they had to say. He wasn’t alone. Becky, our new HR manager was with him, rolled up to the front of the desk as if her wheelchair were another piece of furniture in his office. I couldn’t see her expression, but his was solemn.
I knocked on his door. “Jus…ahem. Justin, wanted to see me.” My voice cracked, but I quickly recovered.
“Yes, come in and shut the door behind you.” He waved me in, the furrow between his brows growing.
“Yes, sir,” I spoke softly and swallowed hard as I took that final step toward my doom. The sound of the door closing made my heart stop. It sounded so final. Death had come for me.
I walked toward his desk prepared for anything, and considering HR sat in on this meeting, it only meant one thing. Done. My career, the job I loved, over.
“Please, sit.” He gestured toward the seat next to Becky, and I slunk down into it.
“What’s going on?” I tried to sound casual, but I failed. Instead I sounded more like a scared child than a grown woman.
His eyes darted toward Becky and then he met mine. I saw it there. He hated delivering bad news, always had, but it was in his eyes staring back at me. “We have decided…” His words tapered off and he once again looked to Becky for help or guidance, I wasn’t sure.
“Decided?” I prompted. If he wanted to fire me for something I didn’t do, he was going to goddamn man up and tell me himself.
He drew in a deep breath and as he breathed out, he rushed through his words, “We’ve decided we need you to take a paid leave of absence. I want you to pack up your desk, leave your keys, computer, and leave the premises.”
A pin drop would have rang loud and clear in that office. Becky dropped her gaze her the files in front of her. Justin could hold my large shocked eyes. “You’re firing me?”
“I didn’t say fired. I said leave of absence.”
“Yes, but you are making me clear out my office.” Darting my eyes from him to Becky, I was on the verge of hysteria. “So that’s it. I should have known better. I’ve done nothing wrong, but of course instead of investigating it, you fire me. And considering Becky—“
“Before you finish that sentence, you may want to hear what exactly we’re doing,” Becky warned, glaring at me.
My mouth snapped shut and I focused on Justin, tilting my head to the side and waiting. I was confused. Nothing they said made sense to me. Supposedly, they were putting me on a leave of absence, but for whatever reason, they are forcing me to pack up my desk.
“Becky’s right. Listen to use before you fly off the handle. You aren’t being fired; however, until we determine who’s actually behind all of this, it’s best for you to take a leave of absence for now…with pay. You should be thanking Becky, not condemning her. She’s the one who convinced me that all of the problems couldn’t possibly be you. Truth be told, with this latest mishap, I planned on firing you, however, considering the fax was sent at 1:37 P.M. yesterday, we realized you couldn’t have sent it.”
“I was at the doctor yesterday and never came back,” I mumbled. Hearing that Becky had stood up for me, shocked me to my core.
“True, but only Becky and I knew that, however, typically return from your lunch hour around 1:30. So this was sent when you would have normally returned to the office.” Justin tapped a piece of paper that sat in front of him with his middle finger.
Proof? They finally had solid evidence that I was being framed. Tears of relief burned my eyes, but I held them back. “What now?” I asked with a strangled voice.
“Now, you go on a leave of absence and we try to figure out who sent the fax,” Becky stated simply.
“Why? Why are you helping me? You hate me.” I spoke before I thought better of it. This had been my M.O. lately: saying whatever was on my mind regardless of my audience.
Becky shook her head. Her long strawberry blonde hair had been pulled back into a French braid, and she rolled her hazel eyes. She wasn’t heavy, but she wasn’t stick thin either. If she stood, I wondered briefly if she would be taller than me if she stood up. But then I noticed her feet. They were small and rested limply on the foot rests of her wheelchair, not moving an inch. It was the first time I had ever taken the time to study them. With legs like that, she wouldn’t be able to use them for walking. She truly was disabled.
Thoughts and opinions were bubbling to the surface, but I wasn’t ready to face them yet.
“I don’t hate you, never did. Did I know about you before I was hired on here? Yes. I met your friend Chad at a charity ball. He’d had a couple drinks and word vomited much like you just did. When I got the job here and heard your name, I instantly knew who you were and your opinion of disabled people. That said, you have yet to let it interfere with our working relationship, and you haven’t done or said anything that could be considered harassment. However, contrary to your belief, just because someone is disabled doesn’t mean they have to be shunned by society. I was able to walk until I was thirteen and a drunk driver hit me. I broke my back and lost my father that day. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. We can’t control it. The only thing we can do is live our lives as normally as possible. And that goes for your sister-in-law as well. I don’t know what happened to you to make you believe the way you do, but you’re wrong.”
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. Memories that I had long ago locked away tried to break free, but I wouldn’t let them out. Instead, I said, “Thank you.”
“I would suggest you use this time to get your mind straight, or I can’t promise that you’ll get another chance. This is your one shot at redemption.” Justin’s tone sounded harsh and clipped.
Nodding, I swallowed hard again. My nerves were wound tightly, and I was stunned by the turn of events. “Um, is there anything else you need from me?”
“No. Pack up your office and we’ll take care of the rest. We’re hoping that if whoever is doing this believes you left the company, they will make themselves known,” Becky answered soothingly, but I wasn’t ready for her pity or her help. I was confused.
“Thank you.” I stood up slowly and walked toward the door, not wanting to turn around for fear they would rescind their offer and fire me immediately.
I packed up my office, putting all of my personal effects into a box. Periodically, people would peer in and gape. Tears stung my eyes and threatened to fall, and I did my damndest to hold them inside, not wanting to cry in front of these people. I would not cry in front of th
ese people.
Questions swirled in my head. Would I be fired at the end of my leave? Would I have a job to come back to? Was I wrong about Becky and Emma? I didn’t have answers for any of them.
The last of my things were placed in a box. Odd, I would have sworn my world fit in more than just one paper box. Staring at that one box, it made me think I hadn’t done as much as I thought I had.
One simple little box was forcing me to re-evaluate my life and relationships, and the one thing that hit me hardest, was that I missed Chad and wished he was here to help me through this.
“Are you done?” Justin asked from my door.
“Yes, sir. All done,” I replied, my manners once again coming to the forefront in my nervousness, my body operating on autopilot, as my voice and hands shook.
Picking up the box, I followed him out the door with my head held high, swallowing hard when I realized he intended to escort me out of the office. The walk of shame. I knew this was just a leave of absence, but it still felt permanent. I felt like breaking down. I wanted to scream that this wasn’t fair and yell that I wasn’t really fired. I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn’t. I was on the verge of allowing the tears to flow, but I saw Regina standing there watching me with her hands on her hips and a smug expression on her face. She looked like she was about to laugh.
Seeing her, I mustered all of the emotional strength I could to keep my breakdown at bay. Not in front of her. I’d rather make nice with Emma than to give Regina the satisfaction of seeing one tear fall. I would remain strong.
My feet moved one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. And when we got to the door, Justin held it open for me until I crossed that final threshold and then he shut it behind me. They had taken my security badge that operated the door lock for the office. Once that door closed behind me, the ties had been severed temporarily—if Justin and Becky could be believed. I still wasn’t sure I could trust them…her.
I carried my box to the car, which I had picked up this morning thanks to another Uber driver, and placed it gently in the back seat. Unlike yesterday, I wasn’t in a frenzy to leave. Leaving meant everything was real and final. I didn’t want any of this to be real. I wanted to go back to when I was a kid and my parents were still married. Back when life still made sense to me. When my daddy protected me from the monsters and made sure that none of them lingered under my bed; and when my mom could kiss a booboo and make it all better. And back when my brother and I still got along and loved each other. I wanted those bygone days back. But they seemed so far away now. I tried to grasp them, to hold on tight, but they ghosted through my fingers and slipped away. Gone forever.
Slipping behind the wheel of my car, I put the key in the ignition and stopped. I froze, and then the first tear escaped. And then another, and another. Pressing my face into my steering wheel, my body shook with my sobs.
It wasn’t fair. I had done nothing wrong, and yet, I was the one they chose to punish. Call it a leave of absence or whatever, to everyone I worked with, they believed I was fired. They believed I wouldn’t be back. And when I did, would suspicion still hang over me, or would it disperse with the identity of the real culprit. Then again, there was a chance, they would never find the person responsible. My leave of absence couldn’t last forever.
My face was covered in snot and tears, my skin blotchy and red, and my eyes were swollen from all my crying. I didn’t know how long I sat there in my car balling my eyes out when I stopped to look around.
They doubted me. Someone was lying and it wasn’t me, but they had lost faith in me. I came in every day, did my job, surpassing everyone’s expectations, and they chose to pick another side. Fuck them! Fuck them all! When they came crawling back to me—it had to be when—I would reject their offer and find someone else who would appreciate me more.
I was angry and hurt. Yes, they said they believed me, but I didn’t know if they truly did.
“Yeah, to hell with all of them.” I wiped my face on my blouse, my makeup smearing over the delicate satin, staining the material. Oh well. I didn’t have anyone I needed to impress.
Throwing the car into reverse, I slammed on the gas, and then the break, screeching my tires. I still bumped the column for the second time, and my emotions were to blame on both occasions. Oh well. If it wrecked my car, no one would care. Besides, it would be the perfect ending to the worst day of my life—my brother’s wedding notwithstanding.
But I didn’t wreck. A love tap mattered not in the grand scheme of things.
Tears still blurred my vision and I had to keep blinking and wiping my face with my jacket sleeve or my hand. If anyone was in my way, they needed to get out of it. I sped through the garage, flew down the ramp, and slammed to a stop when the arm slowly lifted letting me out of the garage. The damn thing moved too slowly. When the arm was up and no longer blocking me, my foot pressed my accelerator to the floor and I sped out of the garage and into traffic without looking.
Horns blared around me and I ignored them as I fishtailed, cutting across traffic and turning the wheel quickly. I heard the sounds of people slamming on their breaks, I didn’t care.
I sped down the street, running stop signs and stop lights. If anyone had seen me driving the night before, they were probably afraid. Today, they would cut up my license and ban me from ever driving again. They would have to catch me in the act first.
Just as that thought entered my head, red and blue lights appeared in my rearview mirror. I took my eyes off the road for one minute, and when I glanced back to focus on the road again, I slammed on my breaks, my car skidded along the wet pavement from the sprinklers that were shooting water down on the grass and surrounding scenery as if rain poured from the sky.
Cars were stopped in front of me. I was going to hit them. I panicked, turning my steering wheel all the way to the right. My car jumped the curb and crashed into a large oak tree. I was thrown forward since I hadn’t secured my seatbelt around me, but the airbag deployed, stopping my forward movement and threw me backwards. The pain in my face did not compare to the pain I felt radiate down my neck, back, and arms.
I hurt.
Everything hurt.
I couldn’t keep my eyes opened.
Maybe sleep would make the pain go away.
Chapter 30
Chad
E very day I didn’t hear from Rayne, my resolve to give her space crumbled. I wanted to be there for her, so that she knew she had someone in her corner, but I stuck to my guns. And since she was no longer assigned to the rebranding project, I had no reason to call her at work.
In all honesty, I was worried. Guilt gnawed at me from how we left things at the club a couple of weeks ago. It was a lead weight in my gut, because she had caught me with another woman. Red-handed. I saw the hurt in her eyes, the way her face showed her disgust, but her eyes…her expressive blue eyes were full of pain. I couldn’t blame her for running.
My eyes dropped to the clock on my computer screen. Only three in the afternoon. I had at least a couple of hours before I could leave here and drive over to her apartment. Every night at seven, I took a drive and checked on her without her knowledge. Her car would be parked in its usual spot, and then I would look up at her apartment and make sure the lights were on. It gave me a small level of peace, but didn’t take away my urge to see her.
I could hear Mark typing away behind me as I pretended to be busy. Nothing held my interest any longer.
I heard my cell phone ringing, but I hit ignore. That was the second call from Bryan in the last twenty minutes. I couldn’t talk to him. Couldn’t he take the hint? The night before, I was supposed to meet him and Emma for dinner, however, I cancelled at the last minute. I didn’t want to see Rayne’s brother. I didn’t want to be reminded about her. But I’m always reminded. Everything, for some reason, made me think of Rayne.
The next ringing I heard came from the office line, and Mark answered. I didn’t listen to what was said, because I didn’t care
. To me it was a mumbled conversation and nothing more. But the call gave me a reprieve from faking my work. When Mark hung up, I started to move my mouse again so that it appeared as if I was busy doing whatever the hell I was supposed to be doing on this job.
“Chad?” Mark’s voice sounded strained, as if he was about to deliver bad news.
“Yeah?” I kept my eyes on the computer. I couldn’t look at him. Did Bryan call the office line? He never called the office line.
“Chad, look at me.”
“Busy.”
“Chad, it’s Rayne.”
I had picked up my mouse to move it to a different spot and it fell from my hand. Rayne? My hands clenched into fists, but I still refused to turn around and face Mark. “Is everything all right?”
“Chad, turn around.”
“Busy.” I repeated.
“Rayne was in an accident. That was Bryan. His mom told him to call you since you two had been hanging out.”
“Accident?” I hated the echo, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself from sounding like a damn parrot.
Mark’s hand on my shoulder surprised me and I jumped. “Come on. Bryan said it was pretty bad. She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and hit a tree.”
I rebuffed him, trying to make sense of his words. “She works downtown. She couldn’t have been going that fast.” It had to be a mistake.
“She was speeding. The police clocked her going over 50 miles per hour when she hydroplaned.”
This didn’t make sense. My eyes glanced out the window in the office. Not a single cloud could be seen. It was clear and blue. “There isn’t any rain.”
“I don’t know, man, but Bryan told me that it was pretty bad and they are having to take her into surgery.”
Redeemed: Book Two of the Love Seekers Series Page 20