I am so nervous! I need to start putting myself together. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. How do I persuade over 400 Kalquorians to think my opinion matters when no Earther ever gave me two thoughts? Nang put his faith in the wrong person. Now I have no choice but to get through it. I think I might throw up.
September 25 (late)
Oh my God, what a crazy night. The whole Academy is now in lockdown. Shit has hit the fan.
Let me back up and start from the beginning.
I arrived at the auditorium, meeting Nang backstage. I noted where the pro vid cams are; exactly where I suggested they go. Nang assured me the men handling them practiced so they’d know how to run the things. I made myself accept that. After all, it’s just a presentation for the Kalquorians. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Still, I found myself wishing I was in control of the whole thing. I’m still a producer in my head, I guess.
Everyone who came to watch settled in their seats. I swear Nang went out on stage the very second everything was supposed to begin. Talk about punctuality.
His introduction was incredibly flattering. “Kalquorians, as so many of you know, Earthers are more prone to run from us than welcome our rescue efforts. Every day, we encounter hostility from those we have so recently fought and now endeavor to rescue. We’ve had little luck in mitigating these ill feelings. Because of the problems we face, I have convinced a lovely Earther named Shalia Monroe to speak to you. This intelligent, brave woman lived under the lies of Earth. Indeed, she was forced to spread them to other Earthers because of her unequalled talents in persuasion and psychology.”
Sheesh. If I’d been that smart, I could have convinced men to stop raping me and the Holy Leader to disarm the explosives. Nang was piling it on thick, but I could understand why. The more credibility I had with this audience, the more likely they were to take my message seriously. Still, the buildup was going to be hard to live up to.
“Now she will share with you how to best combat the fear and anger Earthers – women in particular – have against our race. Some of her solutions run counter to everything we as Kalquorian men have been taught. You must keep an important fact in mind: Shalia comes from a place where she knows better than we what Earther Mataras expect of us. She understands intimately what it is about us that keeps them from accepting our help. Matara Shalia, please educate us and thank you for doing this service.”
There was no applause as I took the stage, not like we Earthers would do in such a situation. The lights were up throughout the auditorium however, and I could see the intense interest in the eyes that pointed in my direction. Lots of eyes. Yipes.
Nang bowed to me and left the stage. I stood up there all alone, in front of hundreds of dark faces and piercing stares. Then I saw Dusa and Esak a few rows back, with Weln sitting between them. All three gave me encouraging smiles. What sweethearts. I drew a deep breath. I glanced down at the floor vid that had my talking points. Off I went.
The first thing I said was, “As Commander Nang said, my name is Shalia Monroe. Before Armageddon, my job was to make Earthers despise Kalquorians. I was very, very good at it.” After that opening, all my nervousness disappeared. I knew my material well; after all, I’d lived it. For the next hour I shared the workings of the propaganda machine. I told them about the way we women had been treated by the regime and how the Church taught us about the evils of sex. I showed them vids I’d made, including the horrible one which followed the conviction of a rape victim, her torture, and finally, her death. My stomach churned anew at the old sights that had robbed me of sleep so many nights, the horrific sounds that haunted my nightmares when I did manage to slumber.
I could tell that was the big turning point for the Kalquorians. Imdikos cried unashamed tears. Nobeks gripped the armrests of their seats, breaking them in some instances. They and some of the Dramoks snarled as if ready to jump into the vid image and attack the torturers.
For my part, I was glad that at long last that the woman’s execution and my recording of it had done some service. If nothing else drove home the terror we women lived under for so long, that vid did. Poor Brenda Horowitz could at long last be the example of all that had gone wrong with Earth instead of what was supposedly wrong with women. Her suffering condemned those who had condemned her. I prayed that wherever she was, she knew peace.
I wrapped up the presentation after an hour and a half. It seemed like much less time had gone by. When I called for questions, the most pressing concern of my audience turned out to be how they could have better handled specific situations they’d encountered. They were eager to learn and to make their future approaches to Earthers as non-traumatic as possible.
It went phenomenally well. They applauded me, a standing ovation no less. It was a thrill to get the accolades, but in the end, I hope it will help the rest of my people. Enough Earthers have died. The more people Kalquorians and the rest of the Galactic Council of Planets can save, the better.
I walked off the stage, buoyed by the approval of the Kalquorian audience and the sight of Nang beaming at me from the wings. The moment I reached him, he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me like he owned me.
“I knew you would be perfection out there,” he said as soon as he ended the possessive kiss.
I was a gooey mess from being enfolded and embraced. In the wake of meeting Trenu and spying Dusa and Esak in the audience, thinking that they might even be heading backstage to greet me, I found the strength to resist.
“Nang, I’m glad to have helped you. You know I’m attracted to you. But I am seeing Dusa and Esak. I told you I’m not comfortable being anything but monogamous.”
He shook his head at me and smiled as if I was a child. “Their group is incomplete. They cannot court you for clanship, Shalia.”
I wasn’t thrilled with his condescension. “You can’t court me either. Your Imdiko and Nobek don’t want a Matara. Besides, I told you, I’m not looking for a clan. I’m having fun and taking advantage of the chance to explore my sexuality with those two.”
Nang shrugged. “So why can’t your explorations include me? There is nothing wrong in Kalquorian society with an unclanned person enjoying many lovers.”
I struggled to explain, because I knew full well I wasn’t making much sense. How indeed could I be testing my boundaries and also be monogamous? Still, I tried. “I realize it’s absolutely crazy how I’m going about this. Still, I’m reluctant to be with anyone besides Dusa and Esak. It feels wrong to me. I’m sorry. I can’t get past it no matter how good it feels with you.”
Nang’s expression told me he was confused. Heck, I’m confused too. A tart with morals. Go figure.
Before we could argue the point any further, a young Kalquorian rushed up to Nang. “Commander, we’ve got an emergency. A large number of Earthers we had in custody have escaped.”
Nang gently pushed me back as he confronted his underling. “Escaped? How?”
“The two rival gangs started fighting each other when their guards took them into the common area for their late meal. Then when our men moved in to break it up, the groups turned on them. They worked together to overcome the guards. At least half have escaped.”
Nang said something in Kalquorian, and from the expression on his face I guessed it wasn’t a nice word. Then he told the young man, “Take Matara Shalia to her quarters and return my Imdiko to mine. All Earthers and non-combat personnel are on lockdown until we take care of this matter.”
He took off running, shouting into his com as he went, and leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open. His underling lost no time in hustling me to my room. When I got there, I noted the Nobeks guarding me and Mom were gone.
Imdiko Trenu put a finger to his lips as I entered the dorm, letting me know Mom was asleep. “Everything is okay here,” he said, preparing to leave. “Matara Eve was quiet and seemed to enjoy herself tonight. We both had a lot of fun with the knitting.” He showed me the beginning of a scarf he’d done.
<
br /> “Our guards are missing,” I whispered.
He nodded. “A site-wide alert has gone out, recalling everyone in the hunt for those violent Earthers. Everyone else is in lockdown, so you’ll be safe. No one is allowed to roam the grounds. How was your presentation?”
“Nang was happy, at least until this nonsense started.”
“I look forward to viewing the recording of it.”
Trenu left soon afterwards. My escort became his to conduct him safely to his quarters. It’s a good thing. As big as Trenu is, he seems too quiet to deliver violence. I thought three or four Earthers could easily take him down.
I hope they catch those gangs and nobody gets hurt. I think the whole fighting thing between the two groups was actually a ruse to gain the upper hand on their guards. Apparently, they were working together, and that’s pretty scary. Those people do not need to be roaming loose.
As crazy as everything was today, I am exhausted. Now that the stress of the presentation is over, my body is ready to collapse. Sounds like a plan to me. Nighty-night, world. Shalia Monroe is out.
September 26
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Mom’s gone.
I woke with the sun streaming full blaze in through the window. I knew immediately something was wrong even before I rolled over to see her empty bed. Naturally, I panicked. I jumped up and went to the com unit, ready to call Nang and scream bloody murder. I paused when I saw the message beacon was going off. I paused, unsure if I should check it on the off-chance Mom had taken herself to the rec room and someone had been nice enough to alert me. I didn’t know if the lockdown remained in effect or not. I checked it and Mom’s voice came through, loud and clear like she was in the room.
“Hi Shalia. You had a busy night, so I thought I’d leave a message rather than wake you up. My friends are having another party and asked me to go, so I’m leaving for a little while. They’ll call you to let you know where we are so you can join us. No pouting! I’ll see you later.”
Son of a bitch. I didn’t realize Mom’s poor scrambled brain could figure out how to leave a message on the Kalquorian com. Maybe her imaginary friends told her how, ha-ha.
I commed Nang. I knew he had his hands full, but who else could I call? No doubt Dusa and Esak were under orders of some sort in the wake of the escaped gang members. They had to be in the middle of reclaiming order for the Academy, so they wouldn’t be able to help. Hearing that Mom had gone party animal would only upset them. Besides, Nang is in charge. He’s got all the resources.
Nang answered almost immediately. “Shalia, I don’t mean to put you off but—”
“My mother disappeared overnight, Nang. She must have wandered off while I was asleep. You have to let me out of the lockdown to look for her.”
He paused for only an instant. “You can’t help, little one, and I can’t lift the lockdown for you. However, I’ll have someone go over the surveillance vids immediately, and I’ll put a watch out for Matara Eve. I have a lot of men all over the site looking for the escapees, so someone will come across her. Promise me you’ll stay where you are. I’ll contact you the moment they find her.”
I wanted to run out and roam all over the place to search for her myself. Yet I knew Nang was in the right that his men would find Mom much faster. I made myself take a few breaths to steady my shaking.
“Okay, Nang. I’ll be here waiting.”
“Good girl. Don’t worry. I’ll find her.”
So here I am, taking a break from pacing a rut in the floor as I wait and worry. I nearly burst into tears when food service dropped off two breakfasts. I swear Mom, you’d damned sure better come back here to eat this shit. You’d better be okay, because dementia or not, you’re all I’ve got.
Please be okay.
September 26 (later)
Nang commed. Someone took my mother. She didn’t wander off. They abducted her.
According to the vid surveillance, someone came to my dorm just before sunrise. I slept right through the tapping on the door they did to get Mom’s attention (she was probably awake and knitting in bed by the light of a small headlamp she has, as she often does). The vid shows a person wearing a long, dark coat with a hood. It kept the person’s face shielded and covered all his clothing. We’re not even sure if it was a man or a woman. It was somebody Mom knows, because as soon as she answered the door, she smiled up at him and conversed pleasantly. There is no sound on the vid, so Nang couldn’t run a voice recognition program.
Mom went back into the room, and the person moved almost all the way out of vid range. Only the flared hem of his coat could be discerned along the edge of the vid frame. A couple minutes later Mom came out of the dorm, fully dressed and looking happy to go.
Worse still, vid surveillance shows them leaving with two others through a hole in the perimeter fence nobody knew about. Decorative shrubbery hid the opening from view. The Kalquorians only discovered it because they could see Mom and her companions duck behind a tall bush. The next moment, they were outside the fence and heading away from the Academy.
Nang told me they have re-captured most of the gang members. With only half a dozen still missing, he has sent out a bunch of Nobeks, including Esak, to track Mom and her abductor. I was so glad to hear Esak was part of the search effort. If anyone will do everything possible to find Mom, it’s Esak.
Nang said, “The lockdown is still in effect, Shalia, so I must ask you to sit tight for a bit longer. We have six dangerous men loose on the site. We are conducting a dorm-to-dorm search to figure out who else is missing that should be here. Your mother knew at least one of her kidnappers, and that person knows the Academy grounds.”
I couldn’t help but sob as I spoke to him. “It’s all my fault for being too friendly with your people. They’ve taken Mom to punish me for my crimes.”
“You have committed no crime, little one. The crime has been committed against you and Matara Eve. She will be found, along with those who dared to steal her away. You have my word on it. My own Nobek leads the search, and he is the best tracker we have.” Nang’s voice was strong with confidence. “They will pay for making you cry, Matara. I will attend to it myself.”
About ten minutes after Nang’s com, Dusa called. “Shalia, I am so sorry to hear about your mother being taken. Esak is out looking for her with a group of our best trackers. They will find her.”
I was so glad to hear Dusa’s voice. “You don’t realize how much it helps to know Esak is part of the search. You can’t come visit me, can you?”
“I wish I could, if only to hold you. Right this moment I snuck away from the search we’re doing of the dorms to check if any other Earthers are missing. I have to return before I’m missed. I did want you to know we are going to get Matara Eve back though.”
I became all weepy again. All my Kalquorian friends were being so kind to me. No sooner had I clicked off the com when Imdiko Weln called, irate and frightened over Mom. As non-combat personnel, he too is under lockdown. I swear he was in tears; I could hear the catch in his voice as he begged me to contact him the instant she’s found. My Kalquorian dad Nayun also commed with his encouragement and sympathies. His lockdown is in the heavily guarded medical center. It’s wonderful to know that – God, I hate to write this – if they find Mom hurt, Nayun will be there to take care of her.
If good intentions could save the day, Mom would be wished right here right now. It sucks I can’t be a part of the search, but everyone is doing their best to find her. As hard as it is, I have to trust in them. And pray.
September 27
There has been no word yet except a couple of calls from Nang and Dusa essentially telling me to hang in there. I tried to sleep last night but couldn’t rest. I’d doze off only to wake from nightmares. I even woke up once to discover I was checking under the beds, trying to find Mom in my sleep. I’m a wreck. I need
Bastard! I hate Earthers!
Apparently the lockdown is over, because there was a knock on my door that interr
upted my writing. Hoping it was Mom, I ran over and threw the door open. Instead of her I saw Father Lucas, that priest that sometimes ate...fuck, EATS with Mom.
I refuse to write about her in past tense because she’s got to be okay, wherever she is.
Anyway, Father Lucas had this serious look on his face, and I was afraid Nang had sent him to give me bad news, the kind you’d typically have a priest or cop relate.
“Yes?” I asked when I could find enough breath to speak.
He has one of those big carrying voices, which is funny for such a skinny old man. “Shalia Monroe, I have heard your mother Eve was abducted.”
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 17