Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  Nayun cleared his throat. “After his sudden disappearance, his Nobek dug into Nang’s computer, trying to figure out where he had been headed. He discovered Nang had hacked into our clan’s communications. Nang had also gained access to personal data held on our devices. He’d been reading our correspondences for the last two months before he ran off.”

  My mouth fell open. “Your stuff? Why?”

  Bitev seemed almost as enraged as Rak. “To find out what he could about you. Once Nang broke into our files, he accessed everything to do with you.”

  Nayun drew a deep breath. “Nang’s Nobek also discovered he’d done the same thing to Clan Dusa.”

  It was everything I’d feared. “Nang learned I was pregnant. He realized he might be Anrel’s biological father.”

  Bitev nodded. “His obsession with you has made him unstable. Or maybe he was already mentally ill, and this brought it out. There are alerts circulating to apprehend him if he’s seen by any of our people or our allies.”

  Rak gave me what I believe was supposed to be a reassuring gaze. “Nang will be found before he can reach Kalquor. He’ll be picked up. He’ll get nowhere near you or Anrel.”

  I’m pretty certain Rak believed that, that they all did. It was why they hadn’t been too quick to raise an alarm with me. After all, Nang can’t catch up to the transport, not being seven months behind. He’s a long way from Kalquor. Odds are pretty certain that he’ll be captured in short order.

  I wish I could accept that. Yet I know how my luck has been running lately. I can’t help but worry, especially because of what he could be thinking now that he’s aware of the baby.

  Nang. Fucking Nang.

  Tep would have my head if he discovered I went from Medical and the visit with my dads straight to Oses. The Doc was not happy that I appeared so worn out. I really was beat. But with confirmation that Nang was on the loose and more than likely searching for me and my child, I needed to find out what the weapons commander’s inquiries had unearthed.

  Oses had been in contact with the Atlanta site’s security team. He confirmed all my dads had told me, along with a few more details.

  “Nang attempted to de-clan his Imdiko and Nobek,” Oses reported, his brow furrowed with disapproval. “His complaint was that he clanned them not realizing that he might someday have the opportunity to claim a Matara. With his clanmates being as fiercely homosexual as Betra is hetero, he could not hope to gain an Earther female for his clan. At the mediation, his Imdiko and Nobek reported Nang was not merely interested in clanning a Matara ... they insisted he wanted you specifically.”

  “Was this before or after he got into my fathers’ communications with me?” I asked, my heart thudding painfully. This was scary as hell.

  “After. Two days after his bid to de-clan was rejected and therapy was ordered for the entire clan, he took that shuttle and left Earth.”

  “Any sign of him since?”

  “There was a report of a Kalquorian matching Nang’s description signing on to an Adraf freighter at the space station orbiting Neptune.”

  “The station Earth allowed the Solns to operate before the war,” I remembered. “It was shut down when the fighting started since the Solns refused to drop Kalquor as a trading partner.”

  Oses nodded. “The Galactic Council re-opened it to help facilitate Earth’s evacuation. Kalquorians have been in and out of that station since the end of the war, so there is no certainty it was Nang who was seen.”

  “What about the shuttle?” I asked. “Leaving it behind would be a definite giveaway that he had been there.”

  “No sign of it anywhere.” Oses scowled. “That doesn’t mean he wasn’t there, however. Adrafs are profiteers. It could be that Nang was desperate to book passage and gain cover while he was at it. He may have paid for his right to work on the Adraf freighter by giving them the vessel he showed up with. They probably disassembled it to put in their cargo hold to sell for parts elsewhere.”

  “Let’s say it was Nang. Was that freighter heading to Kalquor?”

  Oses shook his head, confirming what I’d suspected: he’d already investigated everything possible. “No, but it is making stops at various outposts. Nang will doubtless not stay aboard it to avoid being caught. He’s possibly departed already. I expect he’ll jump from ship to ship, making his way to the empire in that manner. Flying into Kalquorian space will be a trick given our strict examination of incoming foreign vessels.”

  “He’ll find it hard to come in on any of your ships since there’s an alert out for him,” I mused.

  Oses smiled his most predatory smile. “Damned hard. I’m not saying he can’t pull it off, but it’ll take some doing.”

  “There is little chance he’ll be on Kalquor in nine months.”

  “Next to none.” Oses came close to stroke my hair, comforting me. “Pet, you should be fine even if Dramok Nang turns up on the home planet. I’ll personally see to it that the Matara Complex’s security is aware you have an obsessed stalker. I’ll also see to it that the local police force is aware of the problem. You won’t be alone to fend for yourself and Anrel.”

  “Just the same, I’m worried,” I admitted. “It sucks to have to depend on others so much.”

  Oses nodded. “I would hate that too. I can’t imagine how helpless you must feel. But you’ll be safe, Shalia.”

  I’m glad one of us feels so sure.

  I went to my quarters. It was time for dinner, but my appetite was nil. I was too tired to think of anything except that Nang was coming for me and Anrel. I tried to lay down and sleep, positive nightmares would come.

  They didn’t because I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, unable to rest for the constant vision of Nang, far off but heading my direction. Who knew how far he would go, what he would do in his state of mind?

  I’d been acquainted with a woman on Earth, a decent lady who dated a guy she thought was the answer to her every wish and prayer. Her husband had died, leaving her the sole supporter of three young kids. Her new sweetheart was a charmer, a guy who seemed rock solid ... until he started showing up at her work and following her everywhere, including the grocery store. He spied on her to discover if she spoke to other men. He made it clear that he would not tolerate her leaving him. Freaked out, she tried to call the relationship off anyhow. He abducted her kids and disappeared with them. After a terrible couple of weeks, with no idea where her babies were, she started receiving messages and pictures of the children from him. He said that when she agreed to marry him, he’d bring the kids home. They’d live happily ever after, as the prophets had explained to him they were fated to do.

  Fortunately, that tale did have a happy ending ... of a sort. The police were able to track the man down soon after he got in touch with my acquaintance. He was arrested. The children, whom he had taken excellent care of, went home to their mother. The most chilling part was the kids’ reports that the boyfriend had constantly told them, “Your mom will join us soon. As soon as she does, we’ll all go to the Kingdom of Heaven, where we’ll spend eternity together.” Then he showed them bottles of juice, which they would drink to toast their new beginning.

  The bottles were all laced with poison. The five bottles, one for each of them, were deadly hereafter cocktails.

  I’m not certain that Nang is that obsessed or unbalanced. For Anrel’s sake, I’ll do everything in my power to not find out.

  Maybe that was why I sprang up and clicked on my com. I had to do something, anything, to feel I had some kind of control over the situation, some avenue of protecting my daughter. I called up a frequency I hadn’t tried in months. I waited for no one to answer, as they had not the last dozen times I’d attempted to reach them. They knew my frequency and avoided it.

  Then a low, dangerous voice came on. I recognized it after seven months of separation. “Shalia?”

  “Esak,” I whispered, hardly daring to believe the Nobek had answered. “Esak, is that really you?” He hadn’t turned
on a vid connection.

  “It is. You sound ... tired. Are you all right?”

  Tears welled up and a sob trembled at the back of my throat. I swallowed it down. “I had my baby. Her name is Anrel. She is beautiful.”

  There was a long beat. When Esak spoke again, his voice sounded thicker than before. Maybe he hadn’t turned on the vid because he didn’t want me to see him hurting. Nobeks, especially the youngest, have a lot of pride over such matters. Showing certain emotions is akin to showing weakness.

  “Of course she’s beautiful. You’re her mother. Congratulations, Shalia.”

  “Thank you.”

  The words dried up for a moment. After so long, after all that had happened, I should have had a million things to say. For a few terrible seconds, I couldn’t think of a damned thing.

  Of course the first questions should have been easy. “How are you? How are Dusa and Weln?”

  “We are all well. Healthy. Strong. Dusa and Weln are working the overnight shift tonight.”

  Dusa’s absence must have been why Esak had taken the chance on answering. The young Dramok had cut off all contact, convinced it was in my best interests. I understood Dusa’s reasons, but it still hurt after all this time.

  I took what comfort I could in the sound of Esak’s voice. “How’s your head?” I smiled, thinking of his pride in his ‘marks of honor’. My first Nobek lover had plenty of those on his skull, thanks to a bomb that had nearly killed him. Such scars were glorious to his breed, prizes to dote on.

  Esak’s tone was pleased. “My hair won’t grow in some places. When others come close enough, they see the scars I earned protecting you and the others. I have impressed a lot of older men with more experience than me.”

  “Good for you.”

  Words failed me again. Why was it so hard to speak to this man? He had been a lover, protector, friend. For all I knew, he was Anrel’s father.

  Thinking of that, I remembered why I had commed in the first place. “I heard about Nang.”

  “I’m glad you received my message.”

  It had been Esak who’d sent the cryptic Ask your fathers about Nang. I was willing to bet Dusa had no idea about that.

  “Thanks for the heads-up. From what I understand, he went pretty far off the deep end.”

  Esak growled something that was no doubt some Kalquorian curse word. “Nang left to look for you, Shalia. He found out you’re pregnant and thought the baby might be his.”

  “That’s what I understand.”

  “Have you picked a clan yet? Do you have a Nobek to watch out for you and the little one once you reach Kalquor?”

  I recognized the desperate fury behind the questions. “I have a couple of prospective clans. The Nobeks in them are big badasses, Esak. Total beasts. Plus I have a friend here on the ship who is keeping tabs on the situation. He promises to make sure I’m well protected by the complex’s security and law enforcement on Kalquor.”

  He sighed with relief. “That’s great. Because Nang ... I think he may have gone insane. His actions are not those of a rational man. He probably won’t reach empire space ... but it’s best to be cautious.”

  “I know. Damn, Esak, it’s wonderful to hear you again.”

  I detected a smile in his tone. “It is good to hear you too. So very good, Shalia.” His tone softened. “The baby ... she is well? I am no expert when it comes to such, but she must have been born early.”

  I didn’t want to tell him all I’d been through since leaving Earth. Esak was Nobek through and through, protective to a fault. He’d proven that by going against Dusa’s wishes and alerting me to what was happening with Nang.

  Instead I said, “There were complications which led to her being born ahead of term. She’s doing fine though.”

  “I’m glad. I miss you, Shalia. I think about you constantly.”

  I swallowed a lump of hurt that had lodged in my throat. I couldn’t claim the same. Sure, Clan Dusa was a continuous presence in the back of my mind, but I’d put them in a small corner of my consciousness. It had been the only way to deal with the loss.

  I’d had to leave them behind. Dusa had insisted on cutting them out of my world. I had moved on after a long struggle with that, building an existence without them. Yet hadn’t there been the hope of seeing them again someday, of showing them the daughter that might be theirs?

  This conversation was opening up old wounds. I almost wished I hadn’t made the call.

  Our exchange limped along after that, never reaching a real moment of ease. Esak, a typical Nobek, wasn’t much for talk. He’d always been a doer, a quiet man of action. I think we were feeling the distance between us, the impossibility of a real future with each other. Esak’s inquiries about the baby and myself were careful. It was as if he wanted to be told all of it and feared it too. We tortured ourselves and each other with our tenuous contact, which would be severed yet again when we clicked our coms off.

  In the end, it was too painful to go on. I heard relief along with regret in Esak’s voice when he said goodbye. “Take care of yourself and the child, Shalia. For my sake, be safe.”

  “I will. You do the same. Stay strong and alive for your clan. They need you.”

  Then he was gone, that ghost of my past. Once more, a bit of Clan Dusa had entered my life and left it.

  After sitting a while, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. I turned my attention to the future, to tomorrow, to my plans and what I needed to do to ensure Anrel’s well-being. I was resolute as I vowed to figure out how to keep her safe.

  I won’t look to the past again. With Clan Dusa it holds only hurt. With Nang it holds fear and regret. The past offers none of the answers I need.

  July 15

  After freaking out Clan Seot and my dads yesterday, I decided against more drama before I spoke live to my second set of beaus, Clan Aslada. An hour before I was to talk to them today, I sent a pre-recorded message. I dressed up again, hair and makeup, all that jazz. It did little to help my drawn looks after yesterday’s emotional storms, but it was the best I could manage.

  I told them the story of the It, the early birth of Anrel, the prognosis that we would both recover. “What you see of me now is not forever,” I teased. “Don’t run screaming quite yet. I’ll show you other reasons for that in due time. Oh, what the heck. Let me offer you a reason now.”

  At that point, I relayed what was going on with Nang and the possibility he might show up to cause trouble later down the road. I decided if Clan Aslada made our scheduled com appointment after all that, they were either extraordinary men or masochists of the highest order.

  They answered my live com when I rang them from Anrel’s room later. Maybe they’re extraordinary masochists.

  I was greeted by three gorgeous specimens of manhood who bowed to me the instant they appeared. Dramok Aslada appeared broodier than before. Is “broodier” a word? It fits him. He mitigated some of that with a gentle smile.

  “Matara Shalia, thank you for the opportunity to talk live to you. We are honored. Is this the lovely Anrel?” His politician politeness crumbled as he looked at the baby in my arms. She was in her pink dress again, since it was still pinned to almost fit her. Aslada’s grin stretched over his face. Someone loan me the ability to breathe. That Dramok is beyond stunning when he smiles.

  “Oh, she is beautiful,” Imdiko Meyso enthused. He didn’t gush as Cifa did, but his delight was genuine. He beamed wholeheartedly at my Anrel, who was doing her favorite trick of chewing on her fist. “What a wonder she is! I would give up body parts to hold her.”

  Nobek Jaon bowed to Anrel, his gaze riveted on her face. “Greetings, young Matara. You can’t understand a word I say, but I am fortunate to meet you.” His eyes flicked to meet mine. “Matara Shalia, may I express my regrets that I am not with the two of you to keep you from harm.”

  That he wanted to protect us, maybe just so he could rip someone’s head off for fun, was my first impression. Jaon is all
muscle, all ferocious intent. I had a vision of him and Oses beating the shit out of each other and then laughing about it later over drinks. Some Nobeks live for the opportunity to hit stuff. Jaon probably fit that description.

  Aslada’s expression turned concerned after Jaon’s declaration. “You have been through a terrible ordeal. I confess, I was stunned at your state when you sent us the earlier message. However, after hearing your story, I am amazed you fared as well as you did.”

  “Strong lady,” Jaon agreed. “I am most impressed, Matara Shalia. You put many Nobeks to shame.”

  I didn’t share his opinion, but I blushed at the praise. “Thank you all.”

  “Would you mind if I asked your Dr. Tep for a copy of your brain scans during and after the infection?” Meyso asked. “As a brain surgeon, I am fascinated with how it tried to acclimate to you as an Earther. I also want to make sure there is no scarring or evidence of impairment.”