We spent an hour discussing Mom’s old habits before dementia tamed her. I also mentioned her current reaction to me.
Kini patted my hand, his expression comforting. “She may not remember from when the dementia asserted such a devastating hold over her. Her recall of the rescue site possibly doesn’t exist. She may not even remember any hostilities between our worlds. In any case, she’s confused and frightened. She has little control over her body, she’s surrounded by Kalquorians in a place she’s never seen before, and you’re not relieving those situations…in her view,” he hastened to add.
“I basically suck, as far as she’s concerned.” Oh well. I’d been in that position before.
“From what you’ve told me, fear and uncertainty result in an anger response for Matara Eve,” Kini said. “It’s common in even less severe cases that people who are upset lash out at those closest to them. Perhaps because we feel safest doing so. When someone loves us, they’ll put up with a lot more.”
I could see his point. “I shouldn’t take any of it personally then.”
“Good luck with that,” Kini laughed. “Shalia, you want to do right by your mother. You wish to be there for her. However, you’ll be required to step away from time to time in the coming weeks for the sake of your own well-being. If she decides to verbally abuse you more often than not, you need that space.”
I frowned. “I can’t abandon her. A lot of this is not her fault.”
“It’s not yours, either.” He patted my hand again. “You’ll have to periodically put some distance between her and yourself for the good of both of you. At least until she understands and uses the emotional managing tools I’ll attempt to give her. Otherwise, you’ll be hurt and resentful and no help to her at all.”
I could see his point. It didn’t help the guilt coming over me to have to abandon her for hours at a stretch. Ugh, life is hard.
Meyso winked at me to soften the authoritative tone he used. “Shalia will take those breaks. I’ll see to it.”
“Great.” Kini stood, bowed to me, and left me with, “I’ll begin work with Matara Eve tomorrow. She may not be able to answer me…or scream at me, as she would prefer to do,” he chuckled. “Right now, I should become a familiar sight and build trust. I’ll meet with you weekly for updates, Matara Shalia.”
After he’d left the office, I told Meyso, “I like him. I hope he’ll listen to his own advice about the frequent breaks from Mom to keep his sanity.”
October 27
Well, Mom is finally talking to me. Actually, snarling would be a better description.
She’s becoming more coherent by the day. Her words burst out in fits and starts, but she’s stringing together complete thoughts now. Not necessarily thoughts anyone is interested to hear, but it’s a victory, right?
This morning, I walked in to be greeted by a glare. Her head wove slightly from side to side, but she was able to keep that angry stare on my face as I came over and planted a kiss on her brow. The rest of her was still, held down by stasis. She keeps trying to push off the cross-arm computer panels of the medi-bed and escape, even though it’s certain she doesn’t have the strength to stand yet. Nonetheless, it became clear she might hurt herself.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” I ignored the furious scowl greeting me. “You look good today.”
“Get. Me. Out. Of here,” she rasped, her words halting but clear.
“No can do, sunshine. You have a lot of recovering to do.”
“Don’t. Want to. Be here. Those. Fucking. Kalqs. Keep. Fucking. With me.”
“The Kalquorian doctors are healing you. Your dementia is gone. Do you remember the diagnosis on Earth?”
Her lips wrinkled in a snarl. “Not. Ever. Sick. Always. Fine.”
I sighed. This was going to be an uphill battle all the way, but I’d expected that. “No, Mom. You had dementia. I had to put you in a care facility because you weren’t able to live safely on your own anymore.”
“This. Is not. Earth.” Her tone was flat, not questioning. “Take. Me home.”
I swallowed hard. I often ignore the state of the planet I’d left because it hurts too much. I wondered how Mom was going to take the bad news, but there was no way to sugarcoat it.
As gently as possible, I told her, “You don’t remember, but there is no longer a home to return to. When the Kalquorians tried to invade, our government turned Earth into a nuclear wasteland. Earth is dying, and we had to leave. Forever.”
She blinked, but the fury in her eyes showed no sign of dimming. “Where. Are we?”
“On Kalquor. They felt terrible about how the war ended and their part in it. They’ve offered us sanctuary.”
It was an overly simplistic explanation, but I figured Mom could only take in so much at once. She’d get the full story in the weeks to come.
For now, she was not impressed with what hints I’d given. She scowled at me. “You. Are an. Idiot. Shalia.”
“Yeah, well it’s nice to see you too.”
“Keep. That. Shithead. Away. From. Me.”
“Which shithead would that be, Mom?”
“You. Know. That. Ass. Hole. Kini.”
I tried not to laugh. I’d been present each time Kini came in and talked to Mom. He’d been pleasant and cheerful, telling her about himself and how he hoped to help her adjust to her new existence. Mom being Mom, she refused to adjust to anyone else’s vision of how she should live.
“Dr. Kini is nice, Mom. He’s trying to make life better for you.”
“Are. You. Fucking. Him?”
Classic Eve Monroe. And here I’d been worried I wouldn’t recognize her after the surgery. I shook my head, as much at the question as the realization that it was Same Shit, Different Day.
“No, Mother. I am not having sex with Dr. Kini.”
“Are. You. Fucking. Kalqs?”
Here we go, I thought. “I have been approached by Kalquorians who want me to join their clans. I am not clanned yet, but I have made friends with Kalquorian men. I have taken lovers. They are good people.”
Her brows drew down, and she looked away from me. “Stupid. You. Are a. Slut.”
“You were never a saint yourself, if I remember correctly. After Dad walked out on us, there were a couple of men.”
“Fuck. You. I didn’t. Fuck. Aliens.”
“Well, you missed out. I highly recommend it.”
Her burning gaze was back on me. “You. Put. Me. Here.”
“To help you. To let you recover and lead a normal life.”
“I was. Fine. You. Let. Them. Screw. With my. Head.”
I shrugged. “I was afraid you weren’t fine. Others agreed. We’re hoping now you can be.” I had made my decision. For better or worse, we were all in. “I agreed to the procedure because I love you. That was my one consideration, even though I knew you’d be pissed off with me.”
She turned away again. “Go. Away. I don’t. Want. To see. You.”
I left for about an hour. When I peeked in again, she instantly said, “Get. The fuck. Out. Alien. Fucker.”
That’s been the response each time I go in. Sometimes it hurts enough that I have to hide and cry. Sometimes all I can manage is tired resignation. Sometimes I laugh, because it strikes me as funny. Mood swings are me. There’s a chance I need a regulator in my brain too.
She ordered me out when Kini made his daily visit. She ordered him out too, but he stayed. I could hear her yelling at him from the waiting lounge the entire time he visited her. I guess she appreciates her one new freedom on Kalquor; the nonstop profanity would have landed her in prison on Earth. Boy, did she ever indulge herself on that account.
Meyso, the nurses, and orderlies received their fair share as well. I’m sure I’ll hear her rasping yells in my sleep tonight in an endless stream of foul language. I’m rethinking my plan to surprise her tomorrow.
October 28
I stood outside the doorway to Mom’s room this morning, Anrel in my arms. I had a near-
army at my back that consisted of Aslada, Meyso, Jaon, Kini, and Imdiko Snoy.
I gave Anrel’s manny a grim smile. “The moment you hear her raise her voice or offer one nasty word, come grab the baby. Don’t wait for me to call.”
He nodded. “I’ll have Anrel out of there as fast as possible.”
“Okay,” I said. “Then we’re as ready for this as we can be.”
The men nodded at me. I wasn’t sure how any of them felt about me showing Anrel to Mom, because none of their faces hinted at emotion. That they had all elected to be present told me they were as worried as I was about what the next few minutes would bring. Yet no one contested the wisdom of this move.
Given her bouts of anger, I thought I probably should have my head examined for exposing Anrel to her. I know Eve Monroe. She’s unpredictable. Seeing her granddaughter might set off more fireworks, but it would also give her something to think about. Right now, she rejected me. I believed that knowing Anrel existed would eventually make her want to forge some sort of tie with us.
The men stayed outside the room. They would remain out of sight unless Mom turned verbally abusive. If that happened, Snoy would grab Anrel and get her out. If Anrel was upset, she’d have the comfort of Clan Aslada while I dealt with Mom. Kini would observe Mom’s reactions to further his work with her.
I smiled down at the sweetheart I held in my arms. “Okay, precious girl. Let’s see if you can charm your grandmom.”
Anrel smiled and burbled at me as if to say, who can resist me? She is so precious, but Mom is a force unto herself.
I drew a breath and walked into the room.
I went in just far enough that Mom could see us. I was prepared for Anrel’s quick exit. Mom turned her glare in my direction.
She noticed Anrel. Her face froze. I held my breath.
Her mouth opened, and I tensed. Her raspy voice issued forth. “Is that. Yours?”
I nodded. “This is my daughter. Your grandchild.”
Mom stared. There was a long beat of silence as she absorbed this new development. I waited for what felt like an eternity. Anrel made nonsense noises and blew bubbles with her spit. She tried to feed me her little fist.
At last, Mom spoke again. “Can I. See her?”
I nodded. “Sure. That’s why she’s here.”
I walked over to Mom’s bed, positioning Anrel so she could have a good view of her. Mom’s gaze stayed riveted on her the whole time. Her expression had gone from angry to – well, I’m not sure how to describe it. It wasn’t warm. There was no sign of hopeless adoration. But she didn’t breathe fire either, so that was a plus. It was the kind of expression Mom wore when she’d been mad and wasn’t really eager to let go of it…but she wasn’t up to fighting anymore either.
I held the baby close so that Mom could see her without straining. Anrel babbled at her and waved her little hands. “This is Anrel. Anrel this is your – what should she call you, Mom? Grandmom? Nana?”
Mom pulled a face. “Mimi. I’m her mimi. It will. Be easier. For her to. Say when she. Starts talking. I called. My great. Grand. Mother ‘mimi’.”
My body relaxed. I hadn’t expected instant acceptance, but here it was. Prophets be praised, Mom wanted to be Anrel’s grandmother.
“How old. Is she?” Mom asked. Her voice, so long unused, couldn’t help but be raspy. Yet I could tell she was trying to soften it.
“She just turned five Earth months.”
“Big baby. Must be. The Kalq blood. I like her eyes. I like. The purple color.”
“Pretty, isn’t she? She’s tough too. Like her mimi.”
“She has. Our nose. Just like you. And me.” Mom shot me a look. “Where is. The father?”
I wasn’t ready to relate that complicated story yet. “He’s not on Kalquor. He’s not part of our lives.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “Men. They suck. No matter the species.”
I laughed, not because I agreed with her, but because I was happy we were having a decent conversation. “Anrel has a long line of admirers who would be thrilled to take on the job.”
Mom was looking at her again. A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “She looks good. You’re doing a. Good job with her.”
“Thanks.” I couldn’t take all the credit. “I have a big support system, thank goodness. I’m not sure I could handle it on my own.”
“You could. You’re going to be. Better as a mother. Than I was.” The smile was gone and sadness flitted across Mom’s face. “I screwed up. A lot.”
I patted her shoulder. “You were a single mom for the most part. There were a lot of problems not within your control. I’m here and I’m alive and I’m not a complete fuck-up. I’ll let you have a little credit for that.” I winked.
Mom’s attention went to Anrel again. “She is beautiful, Shalia. Thank you for. Not keeping her from me.”
“I’d never do that as long as you enjoy having her around. I’m glad you do.”
We visited for an hour until Anrel needed feeding and a diaper change. Mom spent most of it talking to her, telling her stories of how I was when I was an infant. She even laughed at the harmless mistakes a new mother makes with her first (or only) born. More than once I had to blink back tears. Mom spoke of me with such love that it overwhelmed me.
My sweet, beautiful, wonderful child. Anrel, once more you have enchanted us all.
October 30
I wasn’t allowed to spend more than two hours at the hospital this morning. Kini and Meyso agreed I needed to take one of those breaks I’d been warned was coming.
I guess I was due. Mom is better. The odd jerking motions have quit. She speaks in complete, lucid sentences now. When Anrel is brought in to visit, Mom is the adoring grandmom every child deserves. She’s calm enough that she’s out of stasis and holds her granddaughter for the few minutes of strength she can manage.
Mom is still unhappy about being operated on without her permission. The day she found out she had been treated for bipolar disorder brought out her verbal worse. She dropped the F-bomb every other word. Thank the prophets we made sure Anrel wasn’t around for the big reveal. Funny enough, she reserved the worst of her anger not for me, but for Meyso and Kini. Kini had nothing to do with any of it, but he’s a psychiatrist, so he’s guilty by default.
I got my share of ire too, but not nearly the amount I expected. She doesn’t want to risk me keeping Anrel from her. Not that I would. As long as Mom can behave herself around the baby, she can see her all she craves. I’m not so petty that I’ll keep Anrel from a loving grandparent.
Anyway, back to the day out. Aslada, Jaon, and Meyso swept into the room as I sat with Mom. She was carefully holding Anrel. The three men, referred to by Mom as my ‘harem’ or my ‘pet dicks’ depending on her mood, bowed to her with the utmost respect.
“Good morning, Matara Eve,” Aslada delivered in his smoothest tone. “You look remarkable.”
“If by ‘remarkable’, you mean washed up, worn out, and like the unwiped ass of a Tragoom, then you’re in the ballpark, Dramok Assalot or whatever your name is,” Mom snarled.
“Language,” I sighed.
“Ah, crap on it,” she groaned and gave each of Anrel’s ears a kiss. “Sorry, sweet baby. Mimi’s mouth gets away from her.” To make up for her mistake, she gave Clan Aslada the fakest smile any person has ever worn. “Why thank you, Kalquorian whose name I can never remember. I wish you’d let me call you ‘Al’. A most lovely morning to you and your pals, Jay and Mikey.”
Mom hates Kalquorian names. I’m pretty sure she remembers them all, but is too obstinate to use them. She’s renamed almost everyone who takes care of her, as well as my beaus. Jaon is Jay when he’s not Jackass, Meyso is Mikey when he’s not Dr. Dickhead. Dr. Kini is Ken when he’s not Shit-for-Brains.
Mom is not a fan of any of them. They are unfailingly respectful and polite. If she’s pissed them off at any point, they have yet to indicate it to me. I’m impressed with everyone who ha
s to deal with her since she gives them nonstop hell.
Even after being called Assalot, Aslada grinned at her. “If I let you call me Al, you’ll have to find some other fault with me. Since I’m so nearly perfect outside of my name, I hate to put you through all that stress.”
Mom turned Anrel around so she was facing away. She mouthed, kiss my ass, at Aslada, but she smiled. Her eyes twinkled.
Someone’s being won over, ha-ha.
“My clan is taking your daughter and granddaughter for some much-needed fun,” Aslada told Mom. “You’ve been shamelessly keeping them all to yourself, and our jealousy can’t take any more.”
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