“There is no wrong thing that you can say,” Cassie assured the woman. “This is just a session for me to get to know you better and for you to express some of your feelings.”
Lizzie nodded but didn’t look very confident about that. “I guess I just miss his smell. Bernie always smelled very nice.” Lizzie began to tear up, and as she took another tissue from her purse, she motioned for the person next to her to continue.
It was Meredith.
Meredith took a long breath first. “I miss everything,” she said. “Being part of a couple. Sharing a morning cup of coffee. Just having someone there who actually cared how my day was going.”
Even though Meredith probably hadn’t meant that as a dig to Nicky, it sort of felt like one. Though it shouldn’t have. It’d been a week since Nicky’s kissing incident with Garrett, and she hadn’t spoken to him since. He’d called her twice, but she’d texted back to say that she was busy. Not a lie exactly but not the total truth, either.
She was avoiding him.
Because she didn’t want to see the look of “poor pitiful Nicky” in his eyes. That’s why she’d come here, to get away from pitying looks like that. And besides, if she saw Garrett, she could end up in his arms again. She’d discovered she became a little like Lizzie whenever she was around him. Weak and mindless.
“I’m hearing that the little things are what you miss most,” Cassie prompted. “That’s natural. Relationships are complex, filled with little and big moments.” And with that counselor-ish comment, she turned to Nicky. “What do you miss about your late husband?”
It was her turn.
When she’d first come up with the idea of the Widows’ House, Nicky had looked forward to this next step in the healing process, but this suddenly seemed like a really bad idea. Bringing all this back to the surface. Especially since she had so many other things to deal with. Too bad she hadn’t insisted that Loretta take this particular session instead of babysitting Kaylee.
“I miss just having someone around,” Nicky finally said.
That was code. What she missed was having the possibility of someone there who had lived up to her expectations. Especially since she hadn’t set those expectations that high. That probably came from being the daughter of an alcoholic. As long as she wasn’t getting beaten or berated, then life was good. But in Patrick’s case, she’d added fidelity to her marital wish list. He hadn’t beaten or berated her, but the man had definitely had trouble keeping his zipper up.
Cassie paused as if waiting for Nicky to continue, but when Nicky didn’t volunteer more, the therapist looked at Gina.
“Kisses,” Gina readily admitted. “I really miss being kissed. And snuggling. I miss talking about a good book or movie with Simon.”
“I miss my husband’s dick,” Lady volunteered the second that Gina finished. “I miss sex.” She dabbed her eyes, though Nicky wasn’t sure there were actually any tears there. “When I was married, it was okay to have sex anytime I wanted. Now, when I’m with a man, people complain.”
Lady quit dabbing and aimed a glare at the sisters who had indeed complained about the woman’s rather vocal lovemaking. The frequency of it, too.
“Just because I’m having sex, it doesn’t mean I’m not mourning my husband,” Lady went on. “I am. I miss Derek in the worst possible way.”
None of them doubted that, and none of them doubted that the worst possible way involved sex. Nicky certainly didn’t judge her for that.
“I miss sex, too,” Nicky admitted. Of course, she hadn’t actually intended to admit that aloud. Or to have the image of Garrett’s face pop into her head. Nor had she expected to get the attention of every woman in the room.
She glanced at their expressions and silently cursed. Clearly, they thought she was already getting her sex quota filled, and they obviously thought Garrett was the one doing the filling.
Ruby smiled, gave a dreamy sigh. “Rekindling an old flame is the best.”
Yes, they thought it was Garrett doing the filling, and it probably wouldn’t do any good to deny it. Still, Meredith looked at her as if waiting for Nicky to do just that. If Nicky had had any doubts that Meredith was here to get her man back, she didn’t have them now.
Cassie turned to the last women in the group. The sisters. And she didn’t say a word before the women burst out crying. Like Lady’s Camel-Tow sex and Lizzie’s shadow fears, this was normal, too. They cried a lot. But again, Nicky wasn’t judging. She’d lost a husband, period, and she’d had Kaylee to help her get through it. These women had lost everything but each other, and unlike hers, it appeared their marriages had been good.
Nicky went to them as did some of the others, and it started a group hug. Lizzie joined in on the crying.
“I don’t miss that D-word,” one of the sisters said, her mouth tightening. This was Diana, who always sat or stood between the other two. She was the middle by age, as well, probably in her early forties. “I have medorthophobia.”
That stopped the hugs and generated plenty of puzzling looks.
“Fear of a penis?” Cassie asked.
“An erect P-word,” Diana corrected. Mercy, the woman couldn’t even say it. “Aradia has it, too, and Hera has phallophobia, fear of all Ps whether they’re erect or not.”
Nicky, like the rest of the group, seemed stunned to silence. Lady appeared ready to keel over from shock. “As for me,” Diana went on, “as long as the P-word is just lying there like a sea urchin with jowls, I’m okay. Mostly.”
“So, what did you do?” Lady asked. “Screw your honeys with the lights out, or did they sneak up on you from behind so you wouldn’t get a good look at their sea urchin dicks?”
Aradia gasped. Hera glared. “No. We didn’t do A-sex,” Diana explained.
Nicky was clueless as to what that meant. Anal sex, maybe? Or had the woman meant that as a blanket comment to indicate no sex whatsoever?
“We can explore those phobias in private sessions if you like,” Cassie suggested to the sisters. “There are treatments for both, and all three of you could go on to have healthy sex lives.”
“That probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” Diana explained. “This way, we can keep ourselves for our late husbands.” Her sisters bobbed their heads in agreement.
“All right, then,” Cassie said after taking a deep breath. “This is a great start, but our time is up for today. I need to get ready for the second group.”
That was their cue to get moving, and after Nicky thanked her, she went in search of Loretta so she could relieve her of babysitting duties. But Nicky didn’t make it far, only a few steps outside the parlor before Meredith stopped her.
“Is it true?” Meredith asked. “Are Garrett and you back together?”
Nicky wished she hadn’t hesitated, but she did that only because Meredith’s ballsy question threw her for a moment. “No.”
Meredith just continued to stare at her. Not an ordinary stare, either. That was the look of a woman who didn’t believe what she was hearing. “I’m worried about him,” Meredith continued a moment later. “I know whenever he sees your daughter that it tears him up inside.”
Nicky wished there was no possibility that was true. But she couldn’t dismiss it. “And you believe I should stay away from him because of that?” She made certain that Meredith understood that it was a question.
Meredith stared at her. “I’m the bad guy here. I know that. I cheated on Garrett with your brother. It doesn’t matter that Kyle was the only one and that I regret it all the way down to my soul. I’m still the bad guy. That means anything I say to you will carry no weight.”
At that exact moment, Gina walked past them and mumbled “oatmeal.” Since her friend had threatened to fatten up Meredith via the oatmeal, the comment was timely. Meredith, though, didn’t seem to make the connection. She j
ust gave Gina a wave as if passing on the offer to eat.
“But you want what you say to carry some weight,” Nicky finished for her. “You want me to stay away from Garrett so that you can fix a marriage that I don’t believe is fixable.”
Meredith looked as if she’d slapped her. She pulled back her shoulders, kept staring at Nicky. “So, you two are together.” She finally glanced away. “That explains some things.” Nicky didn’t get a chance to ask her what it explained because Meredith kept on talking. “How’d you get over the past? How did you stop loving your husband enough to start seeing another man?”
Those questions were like driving on the potholed trail that led to the Widows’ House. “My situation wasn’t the same as yours. My husband died, and that means there’s no chance he’ll be my husband again.”
“So, if you’ve worked that out, why are you here?” Meredith asked. “Why did you start this place?”
Another pair of potholed questions. “I needed to work on me.”
Meredith flexed her eyebrows as if not buying that, either. Probably because she thought Nicky was there to stake her claim to Garrett.
“Meredith, I’m not comfortable talking about Garrett with you. And if you’re here because you want to make sure he doesn’t end up with me, then I need to ask you to leave.”
There. She’d found her backbone, and it felt pretty darn good.
“No, that’s not why I’m here,” Meredith assured her. Unlike before with the slapped reaction, her expression gave nothing away. She had a blank-canvas kind of face. “And even if I were, it’s too late for it. I accept that you two are together.”
Nicky wanted to throw up her hands. “Why do you keep saying that?”
Meredith made an isn’t-it-obvious sound. “Because Garrett’s waiting for you on the porch. I saw him from the window.” She paused. “He brought you flowers.”
* * *
GARRETT SAT IN one of the rocking chairs on the porch, staring at the box of flowers and wondering if this visit was a mistake. Since Nicky hadn’t contacted him, that probably meant she wasn’t ready to talk.
Yet, here he was.
This could backfire and send her running. And if so, he would just have to let her run and accept that Nicky might never be able to tell him why she had that scar.
Whore.
Not exactly a word someone would have purposely put on her breast. Well, unless alcohol had been involved. Still, even then it was a long shot. No, he had the sickening feeling that Nicky’s dad was responsible. Even if he hadn’t been the one to do the actual cutting, he was behind this. That made Garrett wonder just how bad the abuse had gotten before Nicky had finally managed to escape.
“They shouldn’t be much longer,” Loretta said from the other side of the screen door, a new addition to the house. As were the six rocking chairs on the porch. “They’ll be finishing up the group session soon.”
Garrett thanked her for the update and went back to the box, staring again. He didn’t mind waiting because the wait might help him figure out if he was doing the right thing by coming here.
“Any news on the d-e-a-d m-a-n?” Loretta asked.
He shook his head and wondered why she’d bothered to spell it out when no one else was around. “Clay’s working on it, though. Nicky, too.”
Loretta opened the screen door and came out slowly, and he didn’t think it was his imagination that she was somewhat alarmed by what he’d just told her.
“Nicky?” Loretta questioned. “What is she doing?” She sounded very concerned, maybe because she thought Nicky had enough to handle. Which she did.
Hell. Why was that word cut into her skin?
“Nicky’s doing internet searches,” Garrett answered. “She’s trying to find someone who might recognize the ring.”
Loretta nodded, but she still didn’t look okay with that. “She hasn’t been sleeping well, you know. And it’s not all because of the noise Lady makes when she’s having s-e-x. Not that I’m judging her or anything.”
Garrett was confused. “Who? Nicky or Lady?”
“Lady, of course. She won’t change that picture on the side of her truck, and she yells Camel-Tow as if we don’t remember that’s the name of her company. I mean, really, she’s preaching to the choir. If any of us need tow service, we’d go to her since we know her and all.”
That didn’t help any with his confusion. “Why isn’t Nicky sleeping well?” he came out and asked.
“Oh, dear,” she muttered as if she’d said too much. That didn’t stop Loretta from saying more though. “I think it’s because of you.”
Great. Now he was adding more crap to her crap-riddled life. That got him rethinking this visit, and he stood, ready to make his way back to his truck. Before he could do that, though, the door opened and Kaylee came out.
No pink overalls for her today. She was dressed like a cowgirl in jeans and a vest, complete with a hat and white boots.
“Who am I?” Kaylee asked. She twirled around like a ballerina.
Obviously, this was some kind of game, but he didn’t know the rules. “You’re Kaylee?” he tried.
“No.” She made a what-a-stupid-answer face and twirled again. Loretta tried to help by pointing. At him.
“I Gare-if,” Kaylee announced just as he made the connection.
He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel flattered by that, but he was. The only thing that didn’t go was the red superhero cape, and she was carrying what appeared to be a chicken feather coated with glitter.
“That fortune-teller lady gave her the feather,” Loretta explained. “And she loves it so much, she sleeps with it.”
“Miz Vita,” Kaylee added, showing him the feather. She also had a book under her arm, and she handed it to him. Garrett put the flower box on the floor so he could take it. “Read it to me like Roaming.”
Garrett looked at Loretta for an interpretation of the last part.
“Your brother, Roman, read her that story,” Loretta said. “Gina told me all about it.”
Garrett nearly said “No, way.” That wasn’t something his brother would do, but he went with a better question instead. “When did Kaylee see Roman?”
“About two weeks ago.”
Around the same time Nicky had run from him. Since Roman had been in town that day, maybe Nicky had run to him. Then, she’d had him read Kaylee a story.
And here his brother hadn’t mentioned a word about it.
Kaylee tugged him back into the rocker and then immediately climbed into his lap. Along with poking him in the eye with the glitter feather. He hoped she hadn’t been using that feather in any cow pies.
“I dress jus’ like you.” Kaylee used the feather to point to his jeans, boots and hat.
That eased some of the sting from the eye poke. Some of the sting from hearing about Roman reading a story. Though Garrett wasn’t sure why he didn’t approve of that. After all, it was good that Kaylee was getting that kind of attention. Even if it was from Roman.
And not from him.
“She goes on and on about you all the time,” Loretta explained. “Gare-if this and Gare-if that.”
“Gare-if,” Kaylee said as if confirming that. She added a smile that put a warm spot in his chest.
Oh, man.
The memories came, but this time they were just a flash. Barely time for him to even see them. That was because Kaylee caught his chin and turned his face in the direction of the page she’d just opened.
“Read it to me, please,” she said.
Like Roman, this wasn’t exactly his strong suit, but Garrett went for it. It wasn’t much of a story though because it was a book about counting kittens.
“‘One kitty, two kitties, three and more,’” he read. “‘Four kitties, four kitties, f
our, four, four. Mommy kitty, daddy kitty, more, more, more.’” He added a few mews to that, causing Kaylee to cackle with laughter.
She was such an easygoing kid. Sweet and loving. It bothered him that Nicky had said she was behind and that she needed a tutor. Then, he wondered why it bothered him. Kaylee wasn’t his.
Garrett made it through the book and what had to have been six hundred kitten illustrations, and Kaylee applauded when he finished. She hugged him, too, and then looked up at him with those big blue eyes.
“Are you a daddy?” she asked.
Judging from Loretta’s slight gasp, she’d obviously heard that he had lost a child, and she immediately hurried to take Kaylee away. But Garrett shook his head and motioned for Loretta to stop.
“I had a little girl,” he answered. Then, he cursed that lump in his throat. “But she’s in heaven with the angels.” He hoped that wasn’t too hard for her to understand.
It wasn’t.
“Like my daddy,” she said and hugged him again.
This time, that warmth settled into his heart, and even though part of him knew he should pull away, he didn’t. Garrett put his arm around her and hugged her right back.
Kaylee looked up at him and smiled. Even though she didn’t say it, he could almost hear her saying I’ll be your little girl. That was impossible, of course.
Or was it?
The thought came like a whisper, but it soon took on a full head of steam. There was no reason why he couldn’t get involved with Nicky. They were attracted to each other, and so what if they had shitty pasts? That didn’t doom them to a shitty future together.
He frowned.
But it wasn’t right to pursue Nicky just so he could have a daughter. Her daughter.
Except it wouldn’t be just that. He went back to the attraction again. And Nicky and he had been lovers...once. People dated and hooked up with less than that going for them.
The whisper turned to a shout, and Garrett stood up, ready to go inside and kiss the living daylights out of Nicky. Not solely because of Kaylee, either. Kaylee was just a nice fringe benefit.
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