He ignored it the best he could. “Which is why I’m leaving that up to you.”
“Are you referring to our sleeping arrangements?” I asked motioning to the bed with a flick of my fingers.
Darius swallowed. “Of course.”
“Well,” I said, with a forced smile, “since I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate us sleeping in the same bed”—I noticed the satisfying shade of red within his cheeks—“perhaps it would be better if we just go to our own rooms.”
He rolled his head, rumbling in frustration. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
“That’s not what I’ve heard,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Oh?” He cocked his head to the side. “And where have you been getting your information from?”
“She is your girlfriend, and I don’t need or want a Guardian with such a huge disregard for the feelings of another.”
“She is not my girlfriend!”
“You lie!” I yelled, unintentionally, but I couldn’t reign in the monster any longer. Power surged inside me, boiling to a scalding degree.
Darius’s face grew an even darker shade of red. “I do not lie,” he said, his voice deep with anger. He leaned forward, pressing his fists into my mattress. “Who have you been talking to? Did this come from Ray?”
“Does it matter?” I asked, unconcerned if my voice carried. Everyone could hear, for all I cared. “Does it matter where I get my information?”
“It matters to me,” he growled.
“Why?” I screamed. “No matter what you choose to call her, you liked Charlotte enough to ask her to become your Defender!”
His head jerked back and his mouth snapped closed. My eyes grew large when I realized my mistake, but I also realized I didn’t care.
“And now, I cannot accept you as my Guardian, temporary or not, because I refuse to be the reason why you broke off your association with Charlotte.”
“That’s not—”
I laughed wildly. “No wonder the girl absolutely hates me! She finally gets the man she’s always wanted, only to have me come along and pull you away.”
“But your mother—”
“I don’t care! So my mother asked you to be my Guardian. So what? Ray says it’s still my choice, and I choose not to break up a relationship or build one from the ashes of another. No thank you, please leave. Go to your Charlotte.”
Darius pushed off from my bed, turning away. “She’s not my girlfriend. I do not love her; I never have.”
“Why not?”
He spun on the spot. “Because she wasn’t you.”
He watched me as I stared at him. I could feel my confusion twisting my features, feel my chest squeezing in anxiety as I tried to control the uncomfortable pace of my heart.
After a moment, he calmly retrieved his book. “I’ll go to my room,” he said quietly, “but I ask that you allow me to take the first watch and to keep the door open while you sleep.”
“Fine,” I mumbled, unsure of what he had just confessed. “You can open the door while I sleep.” As if I could sleep.
But I needed to. I needed to speak to Jonathan. Before Darius could get across the room with his chair, I called to him.
“So, do you have anything that would knock me out for a few hours, or do you only tranquilize people when you want to?”
He ignored my jibe and walked from the room, leaving the door to his suite open.
Guilt stirred in my stomach. I rolled my dampening eyes, got up to turn off the lights, then flopped down on my bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. I had gone too far.
I wiped angrily at my tears. I had made another mistake tonight, but while I was sad to have caused a temporary rift in my relationship to Darius, I refused to cause more people to hate me, if I could help it.
“Here, my Defender.”
I inhaled sharply, holding the air in my lungs. Darius stood over me, a cup in his hand. “This should help you sleep for a few hours.”
I slowly released the breath. “Thank you,” I managed. I took the glass from him; his warm fingers grazed mine as he dropped a small white pill into my palm. “This is a very low dosage. You should have no side-effects when I wake you.”
I swallowed the pill after taking a long draught. He didn’t linger, but abandoned me to my room.
A tear slipped down my face. I crawled beneath the covers knowing I was the worst person in the world.
I searched for him in the orchards of my dreams, but Jonathan was not there. I grasped the low branch of a tree, calling out to him, wondering why he was not waiting for me as he had said.
“Ava.” A whispered voice carried along the current of a breeze, and I followed the origins.
Concealed behind the archaic stones of the archway, Jonathan beckoned me closer. Just as I neared, he grabbed my hand, dragging me past what would have been the line of the veil.
“What are you doing?” I asked, but he hushed me, pressing a burning finger against my lips.
“I wanted to get you past your protective borders.”
I pulled his fingers from my face. “But this is only a dream.”
“I know, but it is yours, and your mind can make this barrier real to anything entering your thoughts if you are powerful enough.”
“Entering my thoughts?”
“You need to wake, Ava. Whatever you did to stop me from entering before, do it again. I don’t think it’s safe within your dreams anymore. We can meet when you wake.”
“I can’t. I have a guard watching me sleep, even now. I’m supposed to take the next shift.”
“Do you trust this person?”
“Yes,” I said, my voice catching.
“Good. And you should be protected. The Annihilator is rallying her supporters. I tried to follow her, to get into her base of operations, but I stand out from her normal… crowd. I’m sending in my personal spy, a lesser demon loyal to me and the Destroyer.”
My gut twisted at the mention of the devil that had killed my father. “I’ll find a time for us to meet. I need to know what the Annihilator plans and how quickly she’ll act on those plans. I worry I’m running out of time…”
….to find my Guardian, my thoughts finished for me, but I couldn’t tell that to Jonathan.
He looked down at me; concern softened his face. “But you are one of The Three. You should not worry.” He caressed my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “And I will find out what you need to know.”
I dropped my head, closing my eyes.
Jonathan’s fiery hands grasped either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. “Do not fear. I will take care of my Ava.”
I looked into his black eyes. He spoke the truth. As much as we had been through, Jonathan had a vested interest in helping me defeat the Annihilator.
“Thank you,” I said. Placing my hands over his, I once again pulled his hot fingers from my face. “I trust you.”
His grip turned to steel manacles around my wrists. “What did you say?”
15
A deadly sight
His grip was painful. I tried to wrench my hands away without success.
“What did you say?” he asked again. His voice was incredulous, angry even.
I looked to him, confused. “I said that I trusted y—”
“Don’t ever say that!” he yelled. I jerked back, but Jonathan kept me close. “You trust me? Don’t you know who I am? What I am?”
“Of course, but—”
“Then why would you say such a stupid thing? You know what I’m capable of. I am loyal to the one that is your sworn enemy.”
“I know that! Of course I haven’t forgotten,” I shouted back, but my voice broke. “You’ve had the chance to kill me, and you didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t, but I did have to save you from the slaughter the Annihilator would have heaped upon you. Have you lost so much that you care so little for your own life?”
“I thought you wanted to help!”
He growled. “I do, and I will.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I asked.
“The problem is you’re a fool and so are The Three. Why would they focus on teaching you a power you can’t even control if you still can’t take the killing strike?”
“What do you mean?”
“I watched you fight that butcher in the forest. I saw you avoid every opportunity to destroy that scum. You would’ve died had I not taken care of him.”
He released me. I stumbled back as he tugged off his shirt, exposing his powerful physique.
The muscles between my brows twitched. “Jon, what are you—” He pulled his knife from his boot. My heart squeezed in fear as I took a defensive stance.
“You need to learn how to destroy a demon, Ava. The place is here.” He positioned the tip of the blade at his heart. “Right here.”
My heart stuttered then picked up speed. “Stop it, Jon.” I took a wary step toward him. “This is a dream. This is my dream.”
“If you kill a demon in your dream, it dies.”
“No!” I took the knife by the hilt, trying to pull it from his chest, but Jonathan only wrapped his other hand over my own, forcing additional pressure. Red beaded under the sharpened tip.
My pendent sensed the demon’s injury, pooling open slowly as his blood trickled.
Welcome, it breathed.
“Stop it,” I said to both him and the pendant.
“No, you stop. Stop your hesitation. Stop thinking. There is nothing here.”
He grunted in pain, the blade drawing more blood.
“You’re hurting yourself,” I screamed.
“Do it, Ava. You’re not killing anyone. There is nothing there to kill. There is nothing inside. There is nothing inside of me. We are… we are empty, Ava.”
I gazed into his cold eyes, arresting his attention. “I do not believe that, Jonathan. Please,” I begged. “Please.”
He hesitated, lessening his hold. Finally, I was able to pull his hand away. He dropped it to his side, the knife dangling from his grip. A confused expression marred his features. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“You once asked me if we were friends.” I picked up his shirt, wiping the blood from his chest. I threw it back to the ground when the Demon’s Eye relaxed closed. “Well, are we, or are we not?”
Jonathan flinched. I sucked in a breath as he again yanked me to him. He stared down upon my face, searching my eyes. “Friends?” He dropped his knife. It thudded to the ground.
His lips crushed mine, scorching my skin.
I tried to push away, to remind myself that the pain wasn’t real, that I didn’t burn, but Jonathan wrapped an arm behind my back, securing me to him. With my free hand, I beat against his shoulders, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t notice my struggles. His mouth worked upon mine, his other hand snaking behind my neck. I placed both fists against his chest.
He drew away, frustrated. His breath was warm on my cheeks. “Surely you must know. I never wanted you as a friend.” He stared, hypnotic, until my struggles ceased. Carefully, he brushed my skin with his mouth, gentle and enticing. He pulled my bottom lip with his teeth. My mouth opened, breathing in his heady scent.
It was then that I realized I did burn.
I splayed my fingers, grazing the contours of his chest, following the curves up to his shoulders. My nails scored down the lean lines of his back. Jonathan shivered, and his mouth consumed me. When his tongue pressed mine, my body zinged, aware of both his need—and mine.
Defender, you don’t know what you do, the Demon’s Eye warned, interrupting my non-existent thoughts, but I brushed them away. I didn’t care. I was tired of being alone.
When Jonathan’s fingers dug into my hips, they rocked me forward, deleting any gap between our bodies.
His mouth freed mine, trailing a path to my ear. “Let me show you where this leads,” he said.
A flash of a bedroom, dimly lit and richly decorated in all shades of red—our bodies intertwined upon an ornate bed.
Cast down. Fallen. Slave. The words leaked into my head, poisoning my brain and striking fear upon my soul.
I cried out, lurching back, distancing myself from him. Shame hung like a weight upon my shoulders.
He wiped his mouth with his arm as his eyes devoured me, his breathing ragged. “We could never be friends.”
He moved toward me. I stumbled back, but still he reached me, gripping my arms. “Wake, my Ava. Someone is calling you.” And then he slammed his lips upon mine in a farewell kiss.
“Ava!”
Darius yelled my name through the space between deep sleep and first consciousness.
“Wake up, Ava!” he called to me, pressing something hard against my chest.
I knocked it away, sending the object sailing to the other side of the bed. Morning light streamed in through my new window. My eyes burned, adjusting to the painful glow.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, feeling the urge to vomit. I swallowed back the bile and toppled from bed.
Darius backed up, reaching out to catch me if I fell. I pushed away his arms.
He swore under his breath. “You screamed, Ava. I couldn’t wake you,” he said, scanning my appearance.
I ignored the self-conscious thought that I must have looked atrocious.
“It—” It was a dream. I breathed through the accelerated beating of my heart but couldn’t get rid of the nausea. I gripped my stomach, stumbling over to the other side of the bed, groggy and disoriented.
“You’re pale. What’s going on?”
I picked up the object he had held to me. Elisa’s dreamcatcher shone in the light.
Darius answered my unspoken question. “It was on your nightstand.”
“Thank you,” I managed. “It was just that… a bad dream.” It was just a dream. It was just a dream, I chanted within my mind.
His eyes narrowed.
“What time is it?” I asked, ignoring the all-too-knowing look he gave, sensing more than I was willing to admit. “It’s light outside. Why was I not woken for my shift? Did you fall asleep?”
“Of course not. I thought you should have a little extra sleep. I felt you needed it.”
“A little extra? You gave me the whole night!” I stared at him as hard as I could, though I was sure my glare was ineffective from my constant blinking. I pointed at him. “I expect to be woken from now on when it’s my time to stand watch.”
“Yes, my Defender.” He moved away. “You should get ready. Breakfast is in an hour. I’ll wait in my room.”
I dropped my hand to my side, feeling another horrible wave of guilt sweep through me. Before he could pass the threshold of our two rooms, I called to him.
“Darius, wait.”
He stopped, wary of my approach.
I had only made it halfway before a new wave of mortification swept over me and I ran to the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet. I could feel strong arms wrapped around my middle, holding my wild hair from my face. When the heaving subsided, I melted to the floor and leaned against the wall.
What had I done? I had kissed Jonathan. I had kissed a demon.
“Something is obviously wrong, my Defender. Immortals don’t get sick. I’m going for one of the Healers.”
I seized his hand. “No. I’m not sick.” He tried to pull away, but I held on to his fingers even tighter. “Darius, I’m sorry.”
He flinched, then recovered from his shock. “For what?”
“Last night. I had no right to say what I did.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, my Defender,” he said, putting on an unaffected air.
I growled. “Stop it. Just stop it with the whole ‘my Defender’ crap. I’m sorry, okay? Last night was a bit of a blow. Ray told me everything.”
“Damn him.” Darius groaned, tapping the wall with his bare knuckles.
Again, I stuck my finger at him, poking him in the shoulder. “Don’t you dare. I had the right to know.
You shouldn’t have kept that from me. I’m more pissed that you didn’t tell me than that you chose your girlfriend as my replacement.”
But how could I be mad, hypocrite that I was? At least he didn’t spend his nights making out with his demon. I wiped the perspiration from my brow.
Darius grabbed a hand towel and wet it in the sink. He squatted down, dabbing at my forehead with the cool cloth. “And you need to stop that right there, Ava. I swear to you. Charlotte is not my girlfriend.”
Ignoring the pleasing reaction to his admittance, I halfway crossed my arms over my chest but didn’t have the energy to hold them in place. “Very well. Why don’t you tell me what she is, since I don’t think she’s happy that you’ve volunteered your services, temporary or not.”
His fingers gently tested the temperature of my cheeks, then combed through my matted hair. “After Ray gave me the dumb idea, there was a quick week when I thought about—getting together with her, I suppose. We’ve known each other for years, and for a moment it seemed to make sense, I guess.”
“But?”
“But I do not have feelings for her that way. I never have. While I appreciate her skills and tenacity—”
“And beauty,” I said, even more self-conscious about my current appearance.
He shrugged. “I suppose. But I cannot see her as more than a friend and coworker.”
“I hate to tell you, but she doesn’t see it the same way you do. Did you lead her on? Did you… sleep with her?”
Darius’s eyes narrowed. “Is that really any of your business?”
“I see.” I nodded, feigning indifference, but my heart plummeted strangely into the pit of my stomach. I struggled to get up.
“Oh, for the love. No, I didn’t sleep with her. I take things like that very seriously.”
“Hey, as you said, that’s none of my business,” I muttered, even as a wave of relief swept through me. And then I almost groaned as what he said crashed down on me.
Did I take things like that very seriously?
I growled through my frustration.
But it was just a dream!
“Here.” Darius grabbed me under each armpit, lifting me with ease to stand me upon shaky legs. “You’re still pale. Listen, Ava, your mother became sick right before she was murdered. I need you to—”
Personal Guardians Page 18