“Mrs. Scheimer she wanted us to expand the fields between here and the new property,” Todd told her.
“What new property?” she asked.
“Over west of here, they bought that property from some lady named Melanie or something.”
“Melanie and Ray’s place? What happened to them?” she asked alarmed as she looked up from where she, Todd and some other guy who had been introduced but Cass had already forgotten his name we digging a trench around the poultry pen. What else had changed?
“He died in the war and she sold the farm and left with all them children,” Todd informed her.
Cass wondered what other surprises were in store for her and as soon as she had the trench dug with them she had them bend the wire and place rocks in the trench before reburying both the wire and the rocks, packing the extra dirt on top making a bank of it.
She left them to finish it up as she with the dogs trailing her began to explore the farm that had been in her family for several generations. The fields were larger, there were less trees. The trees that she had been working on between the farm and the upper meadow were completely gone but the land wasn’t plowed but instead was fenced in and now pasture. She saw her horses there and they had obviously gotten scent of her as they were waiting on the edge of their fenced in pasture waiting for her and neighing as they demanded her attention. Their greetings were in line with the dogs, exuberant, unstinting, and real. Stella and Stanley pranced around her like they were still young and full of spirit. The bay was equally glad to see her. She saw that there were two more big horses, not Belgium’s but they stood off watching the exuberant greeting to the strange woman. She petted her animal friends and hugged them just as happy to see them, something or someone familiar on the farm, something that hadn’t changed as she noted the path in the woods towards Melanie and Ray’s place had become a road with many trees missing on either side of it. She wondered what changes were over there as well. She wanted to cry for the loss of her friends, Ray dead and Melanie gone.
She saw there were a few more beehives and they had odd little fences around them and she wondered at that. She looked and saw the home pond had been dug out as well, it was not full of reeds and grass for the ducks and geese to eat and the fence had been removed around it. She wondered if they were even allowed down in the pond. It looked deeper and darker and she wondered about that.
She saw that the apple, pear, and now cherry orchard had been expanded. Not just by a few trees but by hundreds. Those little trees that Stephanie had begun in the house and then the greenhouse had finally been put in the ground, there were chicken wire fencing around them to keep the deer, the rabbits, and other varmints from eating them while they were young and tender. In a couple more years they would be big enough to bear fruit for the farm and a couple were sending out flowers already in their attempt to do what came natural.
She saw lumber stacked in the mill, probably from the many trees that had been cut down around the farm. Their racks had never been this full before but then they had never had someone, a couple of someone’s working in the mill all the time. They looked at her strangely but she didn’t introduce herself and they couldn’t stop the noisy blades to ask her what she needed when she looked in.
The barn was upgraded in many little ways but the lack of poultry saddened her. There were several cows she didn’t recognize and she wondered where the ones were when she left here. Someone was milking them in the middle of the day? She wondered at that but didn’t stop to ask.
Next she stopped in the garage and in here was the biggest change. Instead of the wagon she had kept here she saw a fairly brand new Ford Model T in the stall. It was shiny and sparkled in the sun when it hit the smooth clean black lines. It had the Scheimer Farms ‘logo’ painted on the side. She looked it over and saw the dogs sniffing it fully as she walked around it. She had learned to drive a Jeep and she could see this wouldn’t be much different. Glancing out the back of the garage she saw her wagon, in fact she saw two wagons, both with the logo painted on the side. She wondered what other changes she was in for as she headed for the house. It had been several hours since she saw Stephanie, she had calmed down from her intense hurt, it was time for some answers.
“Cass?” a little boy called as she mounted the steps to the back door.
Cass turned and looked to see two boys walking up the driveway with books in their arms. She smiled as she recognized a much older Timmy. “Timmy!” she called and held out her arms as she went to scoop him up and he dropped his books. He was taller as well as heavier and she swung him around in her exuberance as they hugged.
“But they told us you were dead!” he said as he laughed in glee at seeing her and she put him down.
Cass nodded. “Yes and they forgot to tell you apparently that it was all a mistake and I was alive!” she laughed.
She glanced at Tommy who was looking on in longing. “Do you remember me Tommy?” she asked him.
The old rooster tail bobbed up and down as he nodded and before he could do anything she swooped down on him to give him a big hug and swing him around. “Weeee,” he squealed joyfully.
Stephanie watched Cass greet the boys from the kitchen window. They had missed her these past years. Cal didn’t have the same playfulness. He was much sterner and while they were fascinated by him they were also afraid of him. In the years she had ‘hated’ him they had sensed that and as a result had never really gotten along with him. Her marriage to him had not changed that either. She sighed, ‘if only’ they had known the truth, she would have waited for Cass. Then she rubbed her belly, but then she wouldn’t have this baby and she hoped it would be a boy to carry on the Scheimer name.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The boys and Summer were finally in bed and Cass had retrieved her bag and box and put them in den. She intended to sleep in there indefinitely and if that didn’t work maybe in the barn. The men who worked on the farm lived around the area she had been told and showed up daily to do their work, they didn’t live there. Cal had hired them, first to help out when he was unable, and then to stay on so he could go hunt and trap.
“Well when we added the second farm we really needed them to help out so we could incorporate them both,” Stephanie told her. There was a forced pleasantness about her, as though she was trying to prove something to Cass.
They were sitting in the living room for their long awaited ‘talk’ but Stephanie had basically continued the chatter that she had started over dinner as she told of the changes they had incorporated. It was annoying and Cass waited patiently for it to die down and when it didn’t seem to be happening she finally interrupted with a quiet question. “Tell me how this happened,” she gestured at Stephanie’s stomach.
“Oh Cass, I am so sorry, you have to understand that...I thought you were dead. I thought my life was over. I was heart-broken. I was devastated. I loved you so…”
Cass noted she had said ‘loved’ and not ‘love.’ Had she made a mistake coming back home? Would it be better for her to return to Chicago and seek out Annette, was that what fate had in mind for her now?
“In my grief I went around in a daze for a while. Cal was very good to me, he had been trying, he used his own money to expand the farm, to buy Melanie out so she could start over elsewhere. She was so devastated when we got word about Ray…” she tapered off into silence for a moment realizing how their lives paralleled there for a minute. They had both lost someone they loved…
“Where’d she go?” she asked about her friend.
“I’m sorry Cass, I don’t remember. When Ray was declared dead we were expanding here and in the excitement of adding their farm I just didn’t remember to ask.”
Cass stared at her; the Stephanie she remembered wasn’t that self-centered. She looked off into the dining room; they had never used it except for Thanksgiving, once. The knickknacks on the shelf had increased. Had Cal bought those for her, or had she? Had she changed that much?
“Cass?�
�� Stephanie waited for her attention to return to her.
Cass looked back to her former lover, she had changed, she was now pregnant with her brother’s seed. It wasn’t Cass’s child. It wasn’t her love anymore. She wasn’t necessary to her own farm anymore.
“It was an accident,” Stephanie told her. “I was so miserable, I missed you so much, I was in agony. Cal had been really sweet trying to comfort me. He too was so miserable and missed you. He loved you in his own way you know.”
Cass had known. He had always been there for her but then she had been there for him too. Until now.
“He was holding me and we started to kiss, one thing led to another and before we knew it, he took me.” Stephanie stopped to let that sink in.
“He ‘took’ you?” she asked. She didn’t know if the meaning of the word was what she was suspecting.
“I didn’t say no but I didn’t stop him either,” she told her shamefaced looking down at her fingers; the gold ring was shining brightly and choking her at the same time. She glanced up at Cass to see her expression.
Cass had to ask, “He raped you?”
Stephanie shook her head. “No, I said I didn’t say no, but he didn’t ask either.”
Cass got up to pace. The overalls felt familiar but they were too big for her now. They ballooned around her slender body. Her slippered feet felt odd after all the time she had spent in boots. Even today her boots had felt so good on her feet. She sat down again with a sigh. “Tell me the rest.”
“I didn’t realize for over two months that I was pregnant. I didn’t see the signs and when I got what I thought was the flu I was shocked to realize I hadn’t had my monthlies.” She looked earnestly at Stephanie, hoping she would understand.
“So you two married?” she asked to confirm the ring on her finger.
Stephanie nodded but didn’t say another word waiting for Cass to ask questions.
“How long have you been married?”
“Three months.”
Something didn’t add up here. She hadn’t been gone that long had she? She remembered distinctly wishing Annette Happy New Years and the temporary insanity she had acted on for that brief moment. “But you are at least six months along,” she gestured at her belly. “And he didn’t leave in the fall for winter’s trapping?”
“Cal doesn’t go as far as he used to but he only went for spring, I encouraged him to go. I’m also, according to anyone who asks, only three months along.”
“There is no one with eyes in their head that is going to believe that,” Cass gestured at her belly again.
“But the baby is only five months along, I swear, I’m just big, I’ve lost weight and the doctor warned me I might lose the baby if I didn’t take care of myself. The baby was taking nourishment from me.”
Cass looked at her and could see she didn’t look quite healthy, she looked aged; Cass too would have seen that had she been here. If she had been here though Stephanie would never have gotten pregnant.
“When the baby comes the Doc has promised to say it was ‘early.’ With my condition and being ill it will be believed. I’ll stop going to town so often and have one of the men make my deliveries.”
“Deliveries?” Cass asked dumbly.
Stephanie nodded; she had watched Cass from the kitchen window as she went into the garage. “You saw the truck; we deliver things to Merrill, Wausau, even Medford on occasion.”
Cass’s head was ready to pop. To her ears Stephanie was too ‘happy,’ too forced. It was grating on her nerves. This was not the homecoming she had in mind. The special toy she had bought in San Francisco was deep in her bag and would probably never to be used. “I need to go get some sleep,” she finally stated. She was tired, it had been a long day and her mind was overwhelmed.
“Did you want to…?” Stephanie gestured upstairs. She had seen Cass bring down her bag and her box and store them in the den. She didn’t want her to sleep in the den. She wanted her upstairs in their bed, together. She hungered for her. She looked so good. She wanted to touch her. It had been so long. Her body cried out for her touch.
“Are you kidding me? After you and my brother…” she scrunched up her face in disgust at the thought of the two of them wrapped around each other.
“No, no, you misunderstand, it was only the one time and it happened in the barn,” she hid her head in her hands in embarrassment. She had to make it clear to Cass but she was ashamed that in a moment of weakness she had allowed Cal to…but she had thought Cass was dead too! She started to cry, the situation, hormones; everything was coming down on her.
Cass wanted to comfort her but she felt torn. She thought perhaps Stephanie was manipulating her with those tears. “Stop it,” she said exasperated at the tears.
Stephanie and Cass were both startled at her tone but she did stop crying to stare up at this…stranger.
“I need to think about all this, I need to sleep on it, alone…” she said meaningfully.
Stephanie nodded, of course she did.
“I’ll talk to you in the morning,” she said as she headed for the powder room to use it before making up a bed on the couch in the front room, the den.
Stephanie made sure the doors were all locked. With so many men working for them now she felt safer having someone in the house. Cal hadn’t been home in a while and when he had been, he had slept on the couch that would now be slept on by his angry sister. She had decided to let him sleep in her bed, to make an attempt at a real marriage when he returned but now…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Cass lay there a long time thinking over things. It had all irrevocably changed. She had expected nothing to change back home as she went out into the world. Her own horror over the things she had seen and lived through were far removed from the farm. Far removed from the simplicity the farm had once been. It was a commercial enterprise now thanks to Stephanie and long gone were the quiet little things she had enjoyed.
Cass could see how worn the couch had become. Had Cal slept here for the years she had been gone? His leg had healed or he wouldn’t have been able to go hunting and trapping. Why hadn’t he demanded his husbandly rights? He had married her, had it only been for the sake of the baby? Did he love her? The couch even smelled a little like him or was she just imagining it? Had Stephanie actually thought she would sleep with her after all she had revealed today? Was it better that she bow out and let them move on as they apparently had without her? Did they even need her? She tried not to think what Annette was doing at this very moment but with all the doubts in her own life she couldn’t help adding that to the mix.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She’s so hurt; I never expected to see her again. After these few months I’d managed to put some of the feelings of my own hurt behind me and concentrate on the happy stuff, the baby, the farms. Oh but God I’d missed her, I need to make her understand… I still love her, she is sleeping right now in the room under this one…but she is no longer my lover, she is my sister-in-law. How is Cal going to feel about her being home again? This is such a mess. She owns half this farm with Cal and I, how is she going to feel about the other changes we have made over the years? I hope she didn’t think I was being too forward inviting her back up here, I just wanted to feel her arms around me once again, not her anger. Stephanie was left with as many questions about what this all meant to them all.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Over the next couple of days Cass tried to fit in and see all the changes. She helped in the fields, the feel of a plow in her hands felt familiar and she was grateful they still used the horses but they did have a tractor now, a loud smelly, noisy thing that dug up the ground with no personality, no feel for the Earth, and no dignity for the horses. She was glad it was being used on the fields at the other end of the farm and far away from her. She also didn’t want to know how to run it.
She had taken the bay for a ride into town to find trouser that fit her better. The overalls would have to go. She wore her army dress pants to make
the ride and ran into many people who remembered her. They were surprised at the shorter hair, the more confident attitude, and the fact that she was alive after having heard she had perished in the war. Many speculative looks were exchanged after all the changes on her farm while she was gone and while no one suspected the relationship she had had with her housekeeper the fact that Cal had married her and she was now pregnant was food for the gossip mills. Cass coming home added a new element to it all.
Stephanie she basically ignored, her feelings she kept in check. The love she had felt for this woman felt odd now as she looked at her ripening with her brother’s child. She dug into the never-ending work on the farm with satisfaction, feeling a good days work would at least allow her to sleep at night. Exhaustion was her friend to keep her from thinking too much at night.
Stephanie felt like she was going out of her mind. She didn’t want to do anything as Cass avoided her except for meals. The boys were over joyed to have Cass back, she encouraged them to work on the farm and the various men taking their cue from Cal had not allowed them to. Cass however felt that they would learn by example and taught them to do the things she and the others did. She saw that Tommy might actually have an aptitude for fixing mechanical things when the tractor, which frequently broke down needed fixing and he helped as much as they would allow. His head was frequently in the way as he watched avidly what they did to fix it. With Cal gone they had gone to Stephanie for their orders on the farm but with Cass back Stephanie let her make the decisions again, hoping she would notice her. Stephanie found herself wasting too much time looking for and after Cass and apparently it wasn’t noticed or appreciated.
But Cass did notice and while she normally would have appreciated the attention that Stephanie tried to lavish on her she found herself annoyed, resentful, and petty.
The Journey Home Page 37