Still Into You

by Andrews, Ryleigh

  Still Into You

  PART ONE

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  PART TWO

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  PART THREE

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  PART FOUR

  CHAPTER 29

  CHAPTER 30

  CHAPTER 31

  CHAPTER 32

  CHAPTER 33

  CHAPTER 34

  CHAPTER 35

  CHAPTER 36

  CHAPTER 37

  CHAPTER 38

  CHAPTER 39

  CHAPTER 40

  CHAPTER 41

  CHAPTER 42

  Cast of Characters

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Still Into You

  Copyright © 2015 by Ryleigh Andrews

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Design by

  Najla Qamber Designs

  Cover Photos by

  Lauren Perry, Perrywinkle Photography

  Mandy Hollis, MHPhotography

  Interior Design and Formatting by

  Christine Borgford, Perfectly Publishable

  Editing by Lisa Christman of Adept Edits

  Mia

  Indianapolis, March 2008

  A lot had happened to Mia Devereux over the past month, but the one thing that hadn’t was contact from her fiancé, Ethan Christopher. Not one word from him since he walked out of her St. Paul hotel room that frigid day in February. What did she expect though? She’d called for the damn break.

  Still, it didn’t make it any easier to handle.

  She wasn’t proud of the way she’d dealt with it. In fact, she was hellbent on avoiding it.

  Hell, she was avoiding more than that. Mia was doing her damnedest to hide from her past completely.

  When Ethan didn’t contact her after their fight when she was in Sydney, when he didn’t tell her that he loved her all that time, when he didn’t visit her when she was in New York, all of that triggered feelings from her traumatic childhood. Her mother leaving and abandoning her. The way her father changed after her mom left—turning cold, no longer the man who lit up when she entered the room or the man who told her he loved her any chance he got—and became the man who criticized and controlled her life and showed her no love.

  That night, Mia effectively lost both of her parents. That event shaped her life—no, was still shaping her life. Being abandoned scared the hell out of her and that hairline trigger made her think that’s where Ethan was going. He’d thought about cheating on her, said those words to her, and that scared her into action. She didn’t want to be abandoned again. Once by her parents was seriously enough. She’d had enough abandonment to last her a lifetime—she didn’t want any more. Couldn’t take any more. She loved Ethan so much that she knew if he left her, she simply wouldn’t survive. She’d rather feel nothing—numb—than feel the pain of Ethan leaving her. That’s why she’d called for a break.

  She thought she needed time when she said it, but she really didn’t know what it meant. Hadn’t really thought it through. No contact from Ethan, now that she did expect.

  Still, Mia missed him the last four weeks, felt empty without him. Aimless.

  Now, she sat back in the warm limo on her way to meet her best friend, Luke Stapleton, for an early dinner. Ethan wasn’t the only one she hadn’t spoken to in the past month. It was too hard to talk with Luke; he was too close with Ethan. Plus he knew her too damn well. She had only contacted him that morning to find out when he was having a birthday party for his daughter, Kaitlyn, Mia’s favorite little person, who was turning seven that weekend. It was during that conversation that he pretty much tricked her into a limo and into meeting him at Flash headquarters where he worked.

  It felt weird to be back in Indianapolis and not going to see Ethan, staying with him, sleeping with him in their bed . . . at their house. Instead, she was holed up in a damn hotel.

  The limo stopped at the main entrance where Luke’s assistant, Betty, stood waiting for her. “He’s still in his meeting,” Betty announced as she herded Mia into the building. “But he wanted me to get you and take you to his office.”

  “Thanks, Betty.”

  “Not a problem. My daughters are going to see your concert this Saturday.”

  “Oh, really? That’s so exciting! Let me get them some backstage passes! I’d love to meet them.”

  “Wow! That is so nice of you!”

  “How old are they now?”

  “Twenty and seventeen.”

  “Oh my!” she said with a smile.

  “Yeah, sometimes I can’t believe it.”

  “I’ll give Luke the passes tonight,” Mia said, taking a moment to look up to make sure she didn’t walk into a wall. The smile fell from her face and the small amount of happiness she’d felt drained away. Ethan strode down the hall towards them, looking so damn handsome in his casual clothes—a pair of well-worn jeans that he loved to wear and a white Flash polo shirt.

  Four weeks without any contact from him and she had to run into him. A scheduled time at his place or at her hotel where she could have prepared what to say would have been better. But now, she didn’t know if she had the strength to talk to him.

  “Thank you so much, Mia,” Betty said quite loudly and Mia cringed. Shit, she thought when she caught Ethan glance in their direction. She kept her head down, hopefully hidden from him. Don’t make any sudden moves, don’t look up, she told herself. Just keep walking with Betty to Luke’s office. Focus on her.

  “You’re welcome, Betty,” she said quietly, finally remembering to answer. With her eyes trained in front of her, she tried her best to ignore him, but with a quick flick of her eyes, she saw Ethan heading their way. “It’s the least I can do.”

  “Oh, hello, Ethan,” Betty said and Mia closed her eyes.

  Damn it!

  Nope . . . not going to be able to handle this at all, she thought as her heart instantly started to pound. She didn’t know if she was having a panic attack or if this was her body’s way of reminding her that she missed him, that she still loved him. That she was his.

  “Hi, Betty,” he replied with his sexy as fuck Southern accent, and her limbs turned to melted butter.

  Betty turned to Mia. “Luke’s office is just down the hall at the corner.”

  Wait. What? She’s leaving? Mia pasted a smile on her face. It appeared she’d just been left here to fend for herself. “Thank you,” she mumbled as Betty walked away. She felt the heat of his gaze as he stood beside her, staring down at her.
<
br />   “Hi,” he said smoothly. God, he had no idea how sensuous his voice sounded right now. Or did he?

  “Hi,” she replied, avoiding eye contact with him. She just couldn’t. The way her heart would race if she set eyes on him now, she’d be a goner.

  “Let me walk you to Luke’s office.”

  “Thanks,” she said as he guided her down the narrow hallway. Mia was so close to him that she could feel the heat radiate off of him.

  As they walked down the corridor, she accidentally hit his hand with her own and muttered a quick apology. With a touch, all the times he’d held her hand flooded her mind, especially the way he’d caress her thumb with his. She hated herself for the stupid choices she’d made, for ever hurting him like she had.

  “You could look at me, you know?” he said with a touch of humor lacing his voice.

  Mia shook her head, feeling his eyes burning into her. “No, I can’t,” she croaked, her heart in her throat.

  When they reached Luke’s corner office, she hurried in, hoping she was safe, thinking he would leave her there, but she wasn’t that lucky. He followed her in and closed the door behind him.

  “So, you’re here to see Luke?” Ethan asked, almost an accusatory tone to his voice.

  You know my schedule better than I do, she thought. Why didn’t you call me? she wanted to ask, but in the end, she didn’t want to appear as crushed as she was.

  “Yeah, and you know, play a few shows,” she said, looking out the window, still not trusting herself to look at him. Just being in his presence was bad enough. To actually look at him, have her eyes meet his . . . that was asking for trouble.

  “So, you’re really not going to look at me?” he asked, a trace of laughter still in his voice.

  “Why couldn’t you have just ignored the fact that I was here? Just walked on by.” In the reflection in the window, she saw Ethan move closer, stopping right behind her, his closeness causing her heart to thunder.

  “I can’t ignore you,” he said, his velvety voice tickling her ear, his hand lightly grasping her wrist. She tilted her head to the side and swallowed hard, biting back her tears. Weeks and weeks while on the road, she’d craved his touch, begged him for it while she was in New York. Yet he’d ignored her.

  But right here, right now, she couldn’t ignore him. Not when he was right there with her. She turned on him, finally meeting those golden eyes she loved so much. That was a mistake. His eyes were dark and filled with pain—pain she didn’t want to see. She tried to remove her arm from his grasp, but he tightened his hold and with his free hand, moved her hair out of her face, his hand lingering on her cheek.

  “Mia, what if you were wrong?” he asked, lowering his head and resting it against hers. Her eyes fluttered closed. A part of her was thrilled by his words. The whole time they’d been apart, she’d asked herself the same question—was this break a good idea? She missed him so much that she didn’t feel like herself. An important piece was missing—Ethan.

  The part that had been running from the demons of her past all these years knew she needed to figure out a way to defeat them. One thing she did learn during this break was how safe Ethan had made her feel. With him gone, they sought purchase on her weakened self and she was having a hell of a time trying to fight them. They were wearing her down.

  And that was something she didn’t want Ethan to see.

  “But what if I wasn’t?” Mia countered, though his hand on her face felt so damn good. It traveled to her chin, lifting it. She opened her eyes and found his beautiful, honey brown eyes smiling at her. He leaned in and tentatively placed his lips on hers. He wasn’t pulling away. He wanted this kiss. Maybe she was wrong . . .

  His lips felt even better than his caress and she responded to that. She sighed internally. She couldn’t stop herself. She’d thought with time apart, it would go away, but damn it, she still wanted him, still loved him.

  With an exhale of breath, Mia returned his kiss, her lips devouring his. Putting a large hand to her waist, he drew her to him, his strong arms supporting her as he increased the intensity, demanding more from her. She whimpered when he broke the kiss, but his lips trailed along her jaw and cheek before coming back down to capture her mouth with a kiss that stole her soul.

  She cried inside because she hated—HATED—what she had to do next. Stopping the kiss, she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him, touching him for the first time, feeling his strong muscles beneath his fitted polo. She had wanted this moment for months and now that it was here, she ached because she knew it wouldn’t last. Not when she had her past to fight.

  “Ethan, what if I wasn’t wrong?” she repeated against his ear, her voice barely audible.

  “What if you were?” he countered, his soft voice urging her to believe him. She let the tears roll down her face. She wasn’t wrong. They needed to be apart. Deep within, she knew she couldn’t survive without facing everything that came about when her mother left. She had to face the demons that that event created because they were dead set to destroy her.

  “But I’m not,” she said sadly.

  “Mia,” he said, cupping her face. “I love you.”

  “And I love you,” she said, covering his hands with hers. “God, I love you so much. But I have a lot to work through. A lot of things I need to figure out.”

  The night Ethan surprised her in St. Paul, her drug use had escalated to a higher level than ever before. But it wasn’t just the drugs; it was the alcohol. It was all the ways she tried to drown out the sorrows of her past . . . and her present.

  So far, it hadn’t worked. Ethan saw her higher than she’d ever been, saw her with Todd. Thankfully, he only saw the playful side of her and Todd that night. He did not see the two of them making out in a club, in a snow pile on the walk back to the hotel. But she remembered.

  If Ethan hadn’t been there, she and Todd would have slept together that night. No doubt about that.

  All the drugs and alcohol numbed her all right, but she wasn’t herself, because if she had been sober, she would never have put herself in that kind of position. She would never have been in that club, high and all over Todd.

  Mia loved Ethan and wanted only him, but in order to have him, she needed to figure out how to, once and for all, defeat the past that shaped her. She had to stop letting what her parents did to her dictate her life. Maybe once she did that, she could really be with Ethan. One hundred percent his.

  His kiss brought her back to the present.

  “Let me help you,” he implored.

  “I can’t let you do this for me, Ethan,” she answered, moving his hands from her face. I can’t let you see these demons.

  “I don’t want to do it for you. I want to help. I want to be there for you, support you,” he said desperately, clinging to her hands.

  “I’m sorry. I hate this. I can only hope that at some point we can find each other again. Because you own my heart and I will love you forever.”

  Her heart broke when she saw his tears, knowing he finally realized what this meant. This was the end. She kissed him like a mother would kiss away a child’s wound. She hated to see his pain, the pain that she caused. And she would continue to cause him pain if she stayed, especially with the place she was in right now.

  “I really, really hate when you’re right,” he resigned. She gently wiped the tears from his face and kissed his lips once again.

  “I love you, Mia. I want you to do whatever it is you need to do. And I understand that you need to do this on your own, but would it be too much to ask that you check in with me from time to time?”

  “I can do that.”

  “Good. I don’t want you to forget about me.”

  “That’s impossible,” she said sadly, feeling the fresh tears stinging her cheeks. She would never forget him, would never stop loving him. She needed to fix what was wrong so she could be with him again! Her failure meant no Ethan.

  She did not want to fail.

  Putting her
head in her hands, she cried harder. “God, I’m so scared!”

  “Of what, suga?”

  “Of failing. You have no idea how much what happened in my childhood scares me.”

  “Have faith in yourself. You can do this,” he said, cupping her chin.

  “You say that to me a lot,” she said with a small smile.

  “Because I know you can.”

  The faith he had in her and she let him down.

  “I am not at my best right now. I thought I was, but really, I haven’t been for a long time. This has been slowly pulling me down for years. You deserve me at my best. You don’t deserve what I have already put you through. The drugs, the alcohol, and the stupid shit I’ve done while under their influence. I am truly sorry for that . . . that you had to see me high.”

  He stared at her for a few long moments, not saying a word. And then, he suddenly kissed her with such passion and such love, she thought she would burst from the onslaught of his emotions. His love traveled from his lips to hers and to the rest of her body.

  “If you keep kissing me like that . . .” she said after he paused, his lips hovering just above hers.

  “You’ll what?” he said knowingly. He had a purpose and she loved when he was like that.

  She couldn’t voice her wants, but damn, she wanted him. Gazing into his passion-filled eyes, she tried to speak, but his eyes, they held her in a trance.

  He kissed her again, pulling her tight against him. Mia didn’t want to fight this right now, had no desire to back out of his embrace. She wanted more.

  Wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers grasped his hair. His hand traveled from her waist and over her thigh until he reached the hem of her dress. He toyed with the light yellow fabric before his fingers ventured up, touching her bare thigh, setting her skin on fire.

  Oh, yes! He definitely had a purpose.

  He pulled her closer to him with his free hand, his leg hard between hers. Her grip tightened as his hand went over the top of her thigh to the valley between her legs. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed aside her panties and caressed her with his warm fingers, sending currents of desire through her.