The last time they’d spoken, they had argued. The last time Ethan saw Mia, he’d left her crying on her front porch after her overdose. He’d hated leaving her, fearing that doing so would be pushing her further down the path of destruction, that he’d end up hearing about her death on the news. It was a huge gamble, because even with him, he still saw her depression, the overwhelming sadness enveloping her. Either way, her death could have been the outcome.
But here she was, sitting beside him, looking very much alive. She appeared healthy. Her skin glowed. Her eyes were bright. So different from the last time he’d seen her. Back then, she’d looked frail. Now, she sat by his side and he could feel her confidence. He liked the look of that on her. Ethan couldn’t keep his eyes off of her and barely controlled the urge to touch her.
She fiddled with the coaster, only putting it down when the waitress came back with their order. Only after the girl left and a long sip of her drink did Mia speak.
“Ethan,” she spoke, his name like an exhale of breath. He missed the way it fell from her lips. “What are you doing here?”
“I always stay here when I have a game.”
She seemed to ponder that for a moment before speaking. “I’ve kind of forgotten that football has started. I’ve been so busy lately.”
“What are you doing here?” he threw back at her, a teasing smile on his face. Her eyes fell to his mouth before her own lips curved up.
“A meeting with the studio publicist to go over my itinerary and expectations for the Burn for You press junket,” Mia said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. She kept her eyes focused on the Los Angeles skyline as she took another drink. She placed it carefully on the coaster, centered it, then focused her gaze on his drink. “So, uh, how have you been? It’s been awhile since we last talked . . .”
Ethan could tell her the real truth—that he missed her so goddamn much, that he was dreaming about her, that he hadn’t felt like himself in over two years. But he decided to keep it light. She was already uncomfortable as it was, and what he wanted to say could very well make her bolt.
“I feel old,” he said with an exaggerated exhale, letting his head fall back against the back of the booth.
Her eyes slid down his body and back up again, settling on his face. Her tongue darted out against her lips before she rubbed them together. Then she spoke. “You’re so not old.”
“Playing pro football for thirteen years makes you feel that way sometimes.”
“But you’re only thirty-six.”
“That’s old for football.”
“I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and turning her attention back to her drink.
“So . . .” he started.
Mia turned her head slightly and gifted him with another smile. “So . . .” she mimicked.
It was amazing what one person’s smile could do. Her smile made him happier than he’d been in over two years.
“Tell me more about what you’ve been doing.”
“Things have been very busy with the movie. Plus the guys and I managed to get into the studio to record another album. Our fifth!”
“I know. I already got it.” He’d downloaded the album, Stars on Fire, to his phone the day it came out and went to the store on his day off to purchase the actual CD. Mia was a prolific songwriter, that he knew, but he didn’t know how she’d managed to write and record what should have been a double length album along with filming the movie.
“You did?” she asked, clearly surprised.
“I did,” he confirmed.
Whereas his purchase of her album may have surprised her, he could see it made her happy. A radiant smile covered her face, making her look so young. She now fought to keep the smile from her face when she could barely manage one earlier.
He could tell she wanted to ask him about it, but she shook her head. “Tonight is actually tame in comparison to what life’s been like recently. My schedule the next four months is going to be brutal. I’m so not looking forward to it.”
“You’ve been on warp speed the past few years. Have you thought about slowing down any time soon?”
“Actually, I’m thinking next spring, if all goes according to plan, because seriously, I think I’m due a very long break. I am tired,” she said, a soft chuckle leaving her beautiful, plump lips.
“A plan?” he asked, surprised by those words coming from her. She never planned anything. Ever.
“What can I say? Allie is rubbing off on me.”
“How is she?” he asked, veering off on the new topic.
“You know how she is!” she exclaimed. “I know you two still talk.”
Over the course of the past few years, he and Allie had developed a unique friendship—he trusted her with Mia. She let him know what was going on, telling him how she was. During these conversations, they became friends—the best female friend he had. He was very protective of her. Allie liked to joke that he brothered her. He did. What could he say? Those older brother protective instincts kicked in with her, like now. He needed to know how she was doing. It had been awhile since they’d last talked.
“I haven’t spoken to her in weeks. You’ve kept her way too busy lately.”
“I know!” Mia laughed and it was such a glorious sound. The way the laughter burst out of her, the way the amusement lit up her face. He’d always loved her laugh. She used to do it so often, finding humor in almost any situation. He missed that.
“The last time I spoke with her, you were making the video for a song you did for the movie.”
“Wow, it has been awhile since you last talked to her.”
“How did the movie shoot go?” Ethan asked. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about the movie. There was so much he wanted to know: the drugs, her state of mind, Josh. At the same time, he felt bad bringing up the movie because the last time he did, they’d fought about her doing it because of the drug plot line. It had made him so nervous. No, not nervous so much, but scared out of his freaking mind. He just needed to know. She called it a test. Did she pass?
“I actually enjoyed it. The whole experience was great.”
He had hoped for more, but he could see her closing up, wrapping her arms around herself. Glad that it went well for her, he spared her from delving further into that touchy subject. “When does it come out?”
“The weekend before Thanksgiving.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“I don’t want you to see it,” she said, her confident demeanor of just a few moments ago gone.
“Why?” he asked, watching her repeatedly spin her glass.
“There are a lot of reasons I don’t want you to see it,” she said, sighing heavily, her hand rubbing her forehead.
“Tell me, Mia,” he urged. He’d had enough. He wasn’t hers; she wasn’t his. Maybe this would push her to him instead of away, push her to talk instead of clamming up.
“Damn it, Ethan,” she cursed, raising her voice. “The character I play—Sophia, she does drugs and other stupid shit while on them. I don’t want you to see that. I didn’t have to act. I knew,” she emphasized, tapping her chest. “Plus, this movie has a lot of sex scenes and, speaking of sex, I met Joshua Carstons while filming the movie. I’ve been having sex with him the past year, until just recently.”
Wait. She’s not with Josh? That was a news flash. The thought made him so very happy. They were both unattached. One hurdle down.
His thoughts didn’t stop her from talking. The anger of her emotions bowling her over. “And even being with him still didn’t drown you out. Nothing ever does!” she spoke quietly, her eyes ablaze as she leveled her gaze at him.
“Why did you need to drown me out, Mia?” he asked hesitantly. He didn’t like the sound of her drowning anything out. It made him think of how she’d been at the end of her second tour, when they had first broken up.
“Because you weren’t there,” she hissed. “Because you moved on!”
Her outb
urst surprised him. She tried to leave the booth, but Ethan placed a hand on her bare thigh. He never thought he’d touch her again and the contact shocked him. He felt it straight down to his bones and it only confirmed how much he still loved her. It hadn’t gone away. Hell, it never would.
“I’m right here, Mia,” he said, meaning it with everything he was. He wanted her back in his life.
Moving his hands to her shoulders, Ethan spun her to face him. The unshed tears in her eyes wavered in the club light as he leaned in and placed his lips on hers, hesitantly at first, but when her lips pressed back with a whimper, he unleashed the passion he had held in check. Mia clutched at his shirt, her body arching up towards him, her sweet little moans like music to his ears.
He pulled her close, one hand at the nape of her neck, the other sliding down her back, holding her to him. The way she molded herself to him felt too goddamn perfect. Their tongues met, which only ignited his fire. The hand he had on her back, moved to her side, down to her hip and then higher, until it cupped her breast. Holy fuck, he felt like a teenager touching a boob for the first time. He wanted more now.
Groaning into his mouth, she pushed her chest out towards him. He swiped his thumb over the hard bud, once, twice, and then he felt the shiver shake her body. He did it to the other breast and the reaction was the same, until she abruptly pulled away, her breathing ragged. He kept her close to him, not wanting to release her.
“Ethan, let me go,” she warned, her chocolate eyes filled with tears.
“I can’t, Mia.”
“You did it easily enough before, why not now?” she countered cruelly.
Defeated, he eased his hold on her and let her go once again. Mia may have said those harsh words, but Ethan knew she still cared for him by the way she’d responded to him, the way she basically fell apart in his arms, the way she looked at him with undisguised hunger in her eyes. He didn’t want to push the issue right now because he didn’t want to push her completely away. He would bide his time because he was confident that they would soon be back together.
Mia
Malibu, November 2010
Standing in front of the flat-screen TV above her fireplace in her office, Mia flipped on the television and tuned the station to Ethan’s football game.
Commercial.
She plopped down on the worn leather chesterfield and curled her legs to the side while she waited for the game to return. She hadn’t watched a game this season. There was no time. She’d been so busy with the new album and now the promotional blitz for the movie. Tonight was her last night at home for a few weeks. Heck, it was her last night of being completely alone.
During this time, she was also fitting in stuff for the upcoming tour for their fifth album, Stars on Fire, which started right after Thanksgiving. She was excited for this tour. Todd was back. The four of them together once again—how it should be.
She must have spaced out because when she turned her focus to the TV, Mia realized she had missed the end of the commercial break and the start of the second half.
Tuning out the announcers, Mia concentrated on the screen, watching for Ethan, needing to see him. Running into him at the restaurant was the last place she had ever expected to see him for the first time in over two years. For a moment, when he’d first said her name, she thought it was a dream. The way his made-for-him suit fit him had rendered her speechless.
When she finally kicked herself into gear, the nerves set in. Mia had no idea how to be around him. But like always, he’d pulled her out of that shell she liked to inhabit and allowed her to just be with him. It surprised her how easy it felt to talk with him, to just be in his presence.
She had missed that so much. Just being herself with him. More than she had ever been with one person. She wanted it again. Him. Only him.
So, why the hell had she flipped the fuck out when he’d kissed her?
Mia sighed. He’d kissed her.
Ignoring the game, she replayed the kiss over and over in her head. The way his hands possessed her, held her to his hard body. God, how she had missed his strength. His passion. The whole moment had overwhelmed her and she’d lashed out. Even though her body had hummed with excitement.
Fuck.
She needed to apologize for her mini-fit and not let him think that she didn’t want him. The opposite was true. She wanted him forever and didn’t want to let go ever again.
Grabbing her phone, Mia unlocked it with a quick swipe and pulled up her messaging app and started to compose a text to Ethan.
Ethan
November 14, 2010, 856 PM
Hi. I wanted to apologize for so many things but first and foremost for how I acted at the restaurant. My actions that evening do not speak to how I truly feel. Please just give me some time.
She re-read it a few times before she tapped the send button.
Mia hoped he would understand. She needed to make it through these next few months and then she was focusing everything she had on her future with him.
He didn’t make her wait long for his reply. Her heart skipped a beat when the notification popped up on the screen.
Hi :)
She smiled at his use of the smiley face and quickly replied back.
Hi :)
How much time?
Spring?
The plan?
lol, yeah, the plan.
This better be a good plan.
I really hope it is too.
FYI—my actions that night do reflect how I really feel.
Staring at his text, she read it over and over, making sure it said what she thought it said.
He still had feelings for her.
The buzz of another incoming text broke through her haze.
Are you still there?
Yes. I was at a loss for words.
That’s hard to believe.
I know—very unlike me, but in this case, it’s true.
Glad I still have the ability to render you speechless.
Don’t ever lose that ability.
Damn it! I’d like to keep rendering you speechless but I’ve got to do my post-game press conference.
:(
Don’t be a stranger, suga.
I won’t be.
<3
She smiled at that conversation and hoped the next few months flew by. She needed to get back to Ethan, be in his arms again.
Time to pack before Allie arrived tomorrow and scolded her for not being ready.
Let the whirlwind begin!
Mia
Malibu, February 2011
Mia’s eyes kept veering off to the ocean on her left. She’d been back home for three days and this was the first opportunity for a run along the beach. She looked ahead and smiled, seeing her favorite rock ahead. Cranking up her music on her iPhone, she jogged the quarter mile to her rock.
She stretched a little before taking a seat on the smooth boulder, facing out towards the ocean. As Mia watched the waves hit the shore, she let her body relax and soon found herself thinking about the past few months. She was still on a high from the Academy Awards a few days ago.
In November, packing for the media storm for Burn for You, she truly was unprepared for how utterly crazy her life would be—promotion for her movie, her album, her tour. If she wasn’t performing, she was doing interviews all the time—on the phone, at radio stations, on entertainment shows, hotel restaurants, even on the plane traveling from show to show.
Downtime was basically non-existent. Her sleep often came while traveling or waiting for their shows to begin. She may have bit off too much, but as the award season rolled around and her band got nominated for multiple Grammy’s and she personally was nominated for a Golden Globe and then an Oscar, she deemed all that work worth it.
The band’s fifth album won Album of the Year. She couldn’t believe she was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Actress as well as an Oscar. Burn for You won the Oscar for Best Picture. She may not have won the awards for Best Actress
, but whenever she was mentioned in the media, she was now known as “Oscar-nominated Mia Devereux.”
And that fucking rocked.
So while her professional life was beyond anything she had ever dreamed, her personal life needed some work. Her family was still broken. Ethan was still not with her.
Time to change that.
Now.
Mia jumped off the rock and trudged back to her house. She quickly showered and went to her office. Sitting in the plush chair behind her desk, she picked up the phone to call Allie, who answered on the fourth ring, sounding flustered. “Hello?”
“Allie! You coming over?”
“I was actually on my way. Fifteen minutes tops, depending on traffic. On PCH now. Just stopped at Whole Foods for a couple of salads.”
Mia’s stomach growled at the thought of food, even if what she really wanted right now was a buttery croissant with jam.
“Thanks! See you in a few.”
Mia felt an excitement she hadn’t experienced in a long time, the excitement of getting the life she wanted—the life she needed.
Rising from her desk, Mia crossed the office to the built-in bookcase that housed her favorite pictures and moved a couple aside to get what she wanted—a picture of her and Ethan taken at a gala right after they got engaged. She was so happy then. She wanted to get back to that.
Mia rearranged the pictures and went back to her desk and placed the frame on it by the light so she could easily see it and remember her goal.
He would be in her life again.
She would be completely honest with him and trust him—something she hadn’t done as well as she should have back then. Mia would tell him everything about her family and what had happened. That incident was done ruling her life. She wanted more.
Mia heard the front door open and shut and then the voice of her manager rang out. “Mia?”
“I’m in my office,” Mia replied. She looked up and smiled when Allie entered the room. “Come in. Have a seat,” she said, gesturing at the chair across from her desk.
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