It was tough at. First, I could never get it up. After Acid kicked my ass because one of his perved out rich on the down low customers wanted me to fuck his ass, and I didn’t get hard, I found a way. I thought of Paul. That it was him I was finally going to have. Although, at the time it wasn’t sexual. Sure, I would get a hard-on for him sometimes but what I felt for him went way beyond that. I hadn’t had many sexual fantasies about him in the past. I mean, I imagined kissing him or holding his hand or even holding him… But sex, that was far away in my mind. I was sure he was very much into girls. I wouldn’t allow myself to divulge too much into the fantasy. But then I had no choice. He was the only one I wanted in that way, so I let images of him or what I pictured he would look like overtime consume me enough to get it up… I couldn’t, however, tarnish his memory by pretending it was him that was in or under me.
Outside of those times, I tried desperately not to think of my past. It was no more, and I was certain of it. At first, it was hard. Hard as hell but over time I became numb and just stuck in the routine… in the ways of being a slave. I was like a robot and going through the motions as though I was programmed. Now, that Psycho and his club saved Addie – and me – I need to get back into the swing of life. But, how can I? I never quite lived so carefree as these men do. Even before I allowed myself to be taken, I didn’t have much of a life. I took care of my brother and sisters. Went to school, worked, and spent time with Paul. That was about it. There wasn’t much fun for a ‘kid my age’ or indulging in the teenage life for me.
Tank had finally come back after I shooed him off earlier annoyed with him. He looked at me and arched an eyebrow.
I frowned. “What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Still got a stick up your ass?” he asked.
Fine, I guess I overreacted. Jagger had offered up one of the girls to me, and I told him no. He kept pressuring me and Tank jumped down his throat. I mean I get it, and he was right… after what I been through, sex was the last thing on my mind, but I didn’t need him defending me like I couldn’t speak for myself.
I told Tank to shut up and turned to Jagger and told him I don’t like women. He looked at me shocked, and when he went to say something, he shriveled away under Tank’s threatening gaze. I’d told Tank to fuck off and came to his room to have time alone.
“I don’t have a stick up my ass, but I don’t need you to act like my mother,” I informed him.
He scoffed. “I’m not acting like your fucking mother; I’m fucking helping you out. Jagger is a fucking dick.”
I shrugged. “And? I can take whatever it is that he has to say to me.” I argued.
He rolled his eyes and went about changing into some workout clothes. “Whatever man. If you don’t want my help then fuck it,” he said.
I crossed my arms. “Well alright.” I agreed.
He stomped off to the bathroom like a child and slammed the door shut. I threw myself back onto the bed and sighed. Tank is proving to be difficult, although I'm not unappreciative of it. Hell, no one ever stood up for me but my siblings and… I hesitated even to think his name, but I couldn’t help but let it flutter through my mind, Paul.
I closed my eyes and let a memory push through.
“Come on man; you never go out. I heard Tina and her sister was gonna be there tonight. I’m pretty sure she’s itching for me.” Paul said with a grin.
I tamped down my jealousy and sighed. “You know I’ve gotta work. Jenny needs shoes; I can't afford not to work today.” I argued for the third time.
He sighed. “I just want you to have fun. You are always workin’ and shit. I get it; it’s the same for all o’ us around here. Ain’t nothing different except you taking care of your brother and sisters. You need to get out.”
I shook my head. I would love to go out with Paul and have a good time like the rest of the kids in our neighborhood our age. Poverty was an all-around thing in these parts. We all were unfortunate here, and well no one had hope. People start partying, drinking, having sex you name it as early as 13, and no one would bat a lash. Not me though, I didn’t know fun. “You go on… I can catch up with you tomorrow to hear about it.”
He watched me for a beat. “How ‘bout I just drop in, then meet you when you off work. You doing some work for Mr. Janson, right?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yea, old man needs some help with his railing. It ain't much, but it’ll be enough for some food and Jenny.” I said shrugging.
“Alright, I’ll meet you at the lake then? Around 10?” he asked.
I knew I’d be working on that rail for a few hours. So, I nodded, “Yea, sounds good.”
Paul smiled and patted me on the back before running off down the block towards his house. I watched him for a beat and couldn’t help but smile. He understood me, and he respects my wishes. Instead of partying all night, he’s going to hang with me. I turned and sighed if only he knew how much I was itching for his attention too.
The sound of the door slamming shut brought me back to reality. Tank scowled at me as he walked around the room in his boxers tossing clothes on. He threw a pair of my jeans at me, and I frowned. “Get dressed.”
I sat up on my elbows. “Why?” I asked.
He looked at me and glared. “We’re going out to eat.” He informed me.
I grew nervous. “But why? I don’t wanna go.”
He turned to me and gave me that ice cold look he threw at Jagger earlier and I’d be the first to admit I could see why he shrank back. “Because this is something you need to get over. I ain't gonna take you to no five-star restaurant, but we’re going to go to McDonald's or something.”
I stood and began changing my clothes, nerves racking my body. I was afraid of being judged. That people would see my severe lack of social skills and read everything about me from it. I didn’t want people to know the things that I did… I couldn’t bear to carry that on my shoulders for the rest of my life.
He must've noticed my shaky movements, and he sighed. “Look. We’re going to grab burgers, fries it’s all finger foods. Ain’t nobody gonna bust out a fork and knife in fucking McDonalds, but you need to build up. You ain't ever gonna be ready to do the things you wanna do if you don’t start somewhere. Eating with your hands is a must here just get used to being around people first.” He explained.
“But why? Why do you want me to do this?” I asked hearing the catch in my voice.
He groaned. “It’s a part of getting past shit. You have to face it trust me; I had my own shit I needed to get past, so I get it. It wasn’t the same shit, but it was shit. It takes time and thankfully I had the club and fucking friends like Psycho to help me the fuck out.” He ran a hand through his hair as if he was contemplating whether or not to continue. He took a deep breath. “Look, I needed help, and I found it. I have no fucking clue where the fuck I’d be or what I’d be doing. I didn’t want it, and if you think I’m annoying, you have no idea. I can see that you need it, but you don’t want it. That’s alright cause your gonna fucking get it anyway.” He said.
I let out a long breath. He was right; I have no idea about what any of these men have been through. You can see darkness in the depths of their eyes much like mine. And I’m not naive to think these men haven’t seen death. I know they have, they’ve caused it. I guess if there were anybody I could trust out here it would be him. He’s been there since they got us out. Him, Psycho, Addie, and Sia – but them more so from a distance. I don’t know why he’s so determined to help me, but you don’t shoot the gift horse… or however, that stupid expression goes.
I shrugged. “Ok.” I slipped on a sweater. “But can we leave if I get too uncomfortable.”
He nodded. “Yes. But I will determine if you are or not.”
I frowned. “How can you tell me how uncomfortable I am?” I argued.
He shrugged. “I would know, and I ain't gonna let you use a little bit of anxiety have us running scared. Now let’s go.”
I groaned, but I followe
d him out and to his bike. Him and this bike. Just because I like men, doesn’t mean I’m entirely comfortable getting on the back of his all the time. “Why don’t you ever take the car?” I asked him.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I fucking hate cars; I love my baby here. The cage is only when necessary.” He said as he mounted the bike.
I knew it was a lost cause, so I followed suit. In all honesty, I thought it was weird at first. I’m pretty sure he knew that I wasn’t a virgin with men and he didn’t have any qualms with me getting on his bike. I guess the fact that I never got a hard-on around him kind of eased his nervousness, but he never really seemed worried about it. That was something I secretly admired about him, although I never would admit it.
We made our way to McDonald's, and he bypassed the drive-thru and parked. The place was pretty packed. As we made our way up in line, I scanned the room taking everyone in. There were families with kids, groups of people from teens to elderly sitting together just chatting and eating. I was so engrossed in my surroundings; I didn’t realize we were at the front until Tank nudged me.
“What do you want?” he asked.
I scanned the list twice then shrugged. “I’m not sure,” I admitted.
He sighed. “Anything you want… you think ‘cause I took you to McDonald's I’m a cheap date. Go for it anything on the menu.” He teased.
The cashier laughed at his joke, and I felt some of my tension lift. I rolled my eyes at him and checked out the pictures for real this time. “How ‘bout the big mac meal?” I asked.
The cashier frowned at me I guess sensing I had no idea. I instantly began to calm back up, but Tank stepped in. “He’s so high class. I’m tryna show my friend here how to live the fast life.” He threw her a wink, and she laughed, then he ordered his food which consisted of two burgers, large fries, an order of chicken nuggets and a large drink. My stomach cramped just from imagining how much food that was, he always eats like a monster.
The cashier rang him up and after he paid she slid across two large empty cups. Tank scooped them up and walked over to one of those soda fountains. I hesitated beside him. “Don’t we have to wait for the food?” I asked.
He shook his head. “They need a bit to make it. We can grab our soda and a seat, and I’ll grab it when they call our number.” He informed me.
I took his word for it and took the offered cup. “Whatcha drinking?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Anything?” I’m not used to having options. Even before, it was more of what was on sale and it damn sure was never the name brand stuff.
“Alright, I’ll help you with this one. Put you on to a drink that’s gonna blow your fucking mind.” He said.
He took his cup putting some ice then filled it halfway with sprite. Then he moved on and added Hi-C, both orange and fruit punch to the top. I looked around nervously. “Can you do that?” I asked.
He glanced at me for a beat. “Fuck yea. That’s why they got it out here, serve yourself and free refills. That’s why all size soft drinks cost the same. It only really matters when you carry out, and they never get my shit perfect anyway.” He grumbled.
He snatched my cup and proceeded to do the same thing. After we grabbed lids and straws, we found a seat in a not so crowded area. “I’ll be back.” He said as I took a seat and he walked back to the front to grab the food. He returned putting one bag in front of me and two in from of himself. He took off his coat and didn’t waste any time pulling out a handful of fries and shoving them into his mouth.
“Eat.” He ordered.
I hesitated and looked around. I watched the small children dumping their food on trays then popping them into their mouths. As he promised, there were no utensils, and everyone was just chomping down in their own worlds enjoying themselves. As I took a sip of the concoction that Tank made up, I spotted an elderly man take a greedy bite of his burger leaving a nice helping of mayonnaise on the side of his mouth. He didn’t hesitate sweeping it up with his finger and into his mouth. I looked back to Tank who had his whole platter spread out and took a monster bite of his burger.
Slowly, I unwrapped all of my food and took a hesitant bite of my burger. It was good, and I smiled.
“Good?” Tank asked as I went for another bite.
I smiled and nodded. “Yes, although I’m still trying to figure out this drink you made.”
He chuckled. “You love it.” He said with a mouthful.
He began pulling a crap ton of packets from the bag. There was some with a green top that said sweet and sour and some with a red that said BBQ. I noticed the ketchup packets. He popped a bunch of them open and motioned for me to try. I frowned, “what're these for?” I asked.
He smiled. “Everything. Try dipping your fries in the sweet and sour than in the BBQ. Fucking amazing.” He said as he did it himself and popped a handful in his mouth on a groan.
I tried it out myself and was surprised at how much I liked it. “Ok fine, it’s good.”
We continued to eat, and Tank continued to make jokes and keep things light. It kept me comfortable, and it wasn’t long before I was oblivious to the room around us and it just felt like I was enjoying a meal with a friend for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t until I took the last bite of my burger before he looked at me and smiled.
“You got something there…” he said gesturing to my mouth.
I tensed and began wiping my face furiously. Tank frowned and clamped a hand down on my shoulder. “Relax, I was kidding.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Don’t mess with me like that,” I mumbled.
“Half the people in here probably got something on their mouths…” he informed me. He pushed his box of like 100 chicken nuggets towards me. “Try those and with the dips.” He said.
I did as told and soon was helping myself to those as well. When the food was just about done, I sat back and groaned holding my stomach. Tank looked like he could go for seconds God, bless that stomach. I would vomit for him if he did.
“You uh… got something right there.” He said gesturing to his face.
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously… again?” I said.
He shrugged. “For real, thought you’d want to know.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t know you redid pranks.” I threw at him.
His eyes danced with mischief, and he grabbed a napkin and leaned over and wiped at my mouth. He pulled it back to show me the lightly ketchup tinted spot on the napkin. I blushed and balled up a napkin that I threw at him. “Shut up,” I muttered.
He just chuckled. “You done? You damn near look green… did I overfeed you?” he asked.
I pouted unwillingly. “Yes, I’m going to die,” I said dramatically.
He laughed and shook his head as he stood and stretched. I did notice the attention that he’s garnered from the women around when his shirt rose a fraction. “Let’s get you out of here then.” He said.
I got my stuff together, and we headed back to the club. I stopped him before we headed inside. “Thank you. I know I said I didn’t want to do it… but I’m happy you made me.” I said and started on.
He put an arm out stopping me and shook his head. “I didn’t make you. I won’t make you do anything. I encouraged you, and you decided to go.”
He walked off leaving me there to ponder that for a moment, and I realized… yea, he was right.
Chapter 3
Tank
“What’s up?” Danny asked.
“What the heck you gonna do around here? I know you like spending time with the kid when she here… but you said you liked cars right?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yea sure. You said I could do some work for the club with cars…” he trailed off.
I nodded. “Yep. Spoke to them today, you’re on in two weeks. What else you like?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I liked working out. I didn’t have a place to do it before, but I did what I could. There wasn’t anything else to do. I’ve been doing what I can her
e and there… but you guys have a gym right?” he asked knowing damn well we did, and I disappeared there every day for a couple of hours.
“Yea, take your ass there then.” I scolded him.
He shrugged. “Everyone has been alright and all… I just don’t you know… invite myself to places.”
I rolled my eyes; this was an ongoing struggle with this man. He was afraid of limitations and boundaries in which he had no fucking reason to be anymore. It makes me fucking crazy. “How many times…” I growled trying to reign it in but unable to, “do I gotta tell you that you can do or go wherever the fuck you want?” I asked.
He blushed and shrugged. “I know, but that’s what you say. There are other people here too, and they might feel differently.” He tried to explain.
I’m fuckin’ drained. “Prez already made it known as well. Ain’t nobody else above that shit. By now, you know ain't none of these mother fuckers gonna try Psycho. So… What. The. Fuck?” I asked. This was bullshit, and he knows it.
He tried to curl into himself, but I grabbed onto him putting that to a halt. “Cut that shit. Talk to me.” I demanded.
He groaned and flopped back against the wall in defeat. “I’m just not all that comfortable.” He finally admitted.
I frowned. “Would it be better if you went with me?” I asked.
I know he needed a friend and I was fucking trying to give him that. Fuck. He was worthy if you ask me. In a fucked-up position like he was, he still went the manly route, and that fucking type of shit in my book earns you real fuckin respect. He shrugged, “it would be better, but I can’t say that I would be comfortable. I guess we can try it out.” He suggested.
I nodded. “Alright, an hour… be ready.”
I went to leave, but his voice stopped me. “Uhm… I didn’t exactly pick out anything to work out in. You made me buy a bunch of jeans and stuff.” He stammered over himself.
Built For A Tank (The Rulers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 3