Twenty-Seven
KANDY
Despite how low I felt and how much the guilt was eating me alive when I had to go to class and see Brody—only to have him completely disregard me—I couldn’t help being happy when the time came for me to go back home for winter break.
I had my suitcase packed, my phone in hand, ready to go to the airport and fly home. Morgan had already left, and Gina was driving home so she offered to take me to the airport before making the trip. I hugged her around the neck when she dropped me off, and then made my way to the line to check in.
It was a quick flight, and though the bad memories were trying to resurface and remind me that I’d left from a broken home, I was ecstatic to see my parents after so long. I was even happier to see them both standing at the front of the airport, waiting for me.
Dad spotted me first, and instead of getting the scowl or disgusted look I kept imagining he would give, I got a warm, comforting smile.
He opened up his arms and I rushed into them, burying my face in his chest. I missed that the most. The protection he always provided. How I always felt so safe in his arms. When I was little, I loved the way my Dad smelled. His smell reminded me of a safe place. Of home.
“Hey, kid.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Hi, Dad.”
I pulled back, but kept my hands pinned just below his ribs. I scanned him quickly, trying not to make it too noticeable. He looked really good, unlike the last time I saw him, when his eyes were filled with fear and horror and a hint of repulsion. “How are you?” I asked.
“Happy now that you’re home.” He smiled then passed me over to Mom who nearly squeezed the life out of me.
“My sweet girl,” she cooed over my shoulder. She drew back, looking me all over, rubbing my hair, squeezing my cheeks. I laughed, playfully swatting her hand away. “You look like you haven’t slept in ages, Kandy. Are you tired? Hungry? We can get you something to eat and let you rest. I read something somewhere that the first year is always the roughest. I had a hard time getting used to the college life myself.”
“Babe,” Dad chuckled, wrapping an arm around me. “Will you calm down? She’s fine.”
Mom inhaled before exhaling, shrugging. “Well, come on. Let’s get some lunch and catch up. All of us.” She joined Dad, throwing an arm around his waist and walking. We’d made it to the car, where we decided we would eat at one of our favorite restaurants in the city. They served the best steak burgers—not too greasy, not too dry—and I couldn’t forget to mention the seasoned steak fries.
“Gah, I missed these burgers,” I groaned after taking a bite. I was settled in my booth, a chocolate milkshake, a load of fries, and a double steak burger in front of me.
Dad laughed. “Got tired of eating noodles and pizza, huh?”
“Oh my gosh, like you wouldn’t believe!” I exclaimed. “I’m pretty sure I would have turned into a walking slice of pizza if this break hadn’t happened.”
They both laughed.
“Well, eat up,” Mom insisted. “There’s more where it came from.”
* * *
When lunch was wrapped up, I was pleased that it was easy-going and not at all awkward. It was almost like what had happened three months ago had never even occurred.
When we got home, we settled at the table with a pack of Oreos and milk as our dessert. Dad talked about work and how he was looking at signing up for the Sheriff’s position since the current one was thinking about retiring the following year. Mom talked about her job at a new law firm. She still worked the divorce lane, but wanted to switch to criminal justice after what Dad had gone through. She loved her new firm much better though.
Catching up, laughing, and spending time with my parents was amazing, but even so, I could still feel a bit of disconnect.
I caught the small glances Mom would give Dad when he would get a little too quiet. I noticed how she’d changed the subject when Dad asked if I’d met anyone new on campus. By new, I was sure he was asking if I’d met any boys. I had told Mom about a guy that was interested in me, but told her I didn’t feel the same for him. She told me to give it a chance, but that didn’t turn out so well, considering Brody now thought of me as a slut. I wondered if she’d told Dad about Brody.
“So, I did well on an essay I had,” I said, dipping an Oreo in a tall glass of milk. I liked to hold the cookie in the milk until it was mostly soggy, but the end, where my fingertips were, still had a little bit of crunch. It was the best. “A lot of people didn’t do so well and have to retake it when break is over, but I nailed it.”
I popped it into my mouth as Dad asked, “Oh really?”
“Yep.” I pulled my phone out and went to my browser where my grades were already waiting. I slid the phone across the table to him and he picked it up, reading the screen.
“Wow.” His eyes expanded as he focused on the screen.
“Let me see that.” Mom took the phone from him, studying the screen. Her eyes widened and she lifted her head, sliding the phone across the table and smiling at me. “Wow is right! I’m proud of you, honey!”
I smiled, dipping another Oreo into my milk. “Will it be okay if I go to Frankie’s tomorrow? I haven’t seen her since the summer, plus I miss driving Bubby. I know she’s missed me too.” I grinned.
“Kandy, you know you don’t have to ask to see Frankie,” Mom said.
“You don’t have to ask to do anything anymore. You’re in college now,” Dad said. “Your car is still in the garage. After seeing that grade, I think you deserve a little fun. But don’t get too carried away,” he teased with a chuckle. Though he was kidding, I had a feeling his last statement held a deeper meaning.
Mom cleared her throat and reached for the Oreos as a distraction. Dad pulled his gaze away from me, clearing his throat as well.
Shit. I spoke too soon. There goes the awkwardness.
“Yeah, I won’t,” I muttered. Silence.
“I, um…I’m going to hit the shower. Got an early morning.” Dad stood and walked around the table to drop a kiss on my temple. “Night, my girl.”
“Yeah, good night,” I murmured, forcing a smile.
Through the corner of my eye I watched him go, then looked up at Mom who was chewing her cookie. “He used the wrong words,” she stated. “He didn’t mean anything by it.” It was just like her to defend him.
Dad was never good with words, I knew that, but it didn’t stop things from taking a hard left turn. Even while sitting across from Mom, I felt scrutinized by her, like she was wondering if I’d actually go to Frankie’s or somewhere else…like with Cane.
“It’s fine,” I lied. “I’m going to call it a night, too. Unpack and unwind a little.”
“Yeah, yeah, go,” she insisted, like even she felt out of place. I forced a smile at my mother before pushing out of the chair and leaving the kitchen.
I went upstairs but before I got to my room, I spotted Dad in the loft section, sitting on the recliner. His head lifted and he spotted me. I put on a smile for him, hoping he’d warm up to it.
He didn’t.
Not much.
His smile was faint.
I jerked my gaze away and went to my room, shutting the door behind me. My first instinct was to text someone whom I knew would make me feel better. Someone who would accept me and not make me feel so out of place.
I went to Cane’s name and sent him a text, saying ‘hey’. Cane and I had texted one another back and forth since his surprise visit at Notre Dame. He wasn’t usually quick about it, but he returned my text messages and calls whenever he could and that was all that mattered. He was dealing with a lot, so I could understand the delays.
I took a quick shower, changed into pajamas, and checked my phone. He’d sent a message back and my heart boomed.
Cane: How’s my Kandy?
Me: I’m good.
The bubbles bounced instantly. I was glad he was still around to chat.
Cane: You sure? You alrea
dy in town?
Me: Yeah, I’m sure. And yep, got here around 12.
Cane: In Washington, but coming home tomorrow. Want to see you.
I chewed on my bottom lip, my thumb hovering over the screen. I wanted to see him too, I really did, but it felt too soon.
Me: Can we do the day after?
Cane: Sure. What’s wrong?
Me: My dad is watching a lot. I think he knows I’m going to make an attempt to see you.
Cane: how would he know that?
Me: I don’t know. He’s acting weird, though.
Cane: weird how?
Me: like…he’s still ashamed of me, I guess. Or maybe he knows I’m going to see you while I’m here. Idk.
Cane: Stop Kandy. He’s not ashamed of you.
I stared at my screen until my vision went blurry. I didn’t want to say anything else. I shut the screen off and sat on the bed, staring at the pink lamp on my nightstand. My phone buzzed in my hand again and it was another message from Cane.
Cane: I told you this would be complicated. I feel like shit too, but you told me this was what you wanted. We agreed. We don’t have to do this if it doesn’t feel right to you.
That was the thing: it did feel right. I didn’t like the odd looks and gawking, but I liked the reward, which was Cane. I liked the butterflies that rushed to my belly when he’d text or call. I liked the deepness in his voice when he told me he missed me. Needed me. Couldn’t wait to see me.
I couldn’t stand the heavy feeling on my chest or in my heart. It’d only been three months. I knew it wasn’t enough time for my parents to get past what had happened, but I had hoped that they would at least avoid going near the topic.
The dirty deed I’d done was going to haunt my family for a long, long time. It was going to be worse for me because I didn’t want to move forward.
My life was a complicated mess.
Me: It feels right. Will I be able to come to your house the day after tomorrow?
Cane: Of course. I’ll work from home that day, just for you.
Me: Okay. I’ll see you then.
Cane: Okay.
Cane: When I kiss you, things won’t feel so complicated, I promise. See you Wednesday, Bits.
I bit a smile, shaking my head. He always knew what to say to pull me out of my own head. Just as I plugged my phone into the charger, there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I called.
Dad walked in, and I straightened up with haste, brows drawing together. I wasn’t expecting it to be him. It wasn’t his usual code of knock. “Dad? What’s up?”
He stepped into the room, giving a sympathetic smile. “I need to apologize to you…”
“For what?”
“I just…I don’t want you to feel out of place in your own home. I shouldn’t have said what I did in the kitchen. I—” He opened his mouth, but clamped it shut just as quickly. “I’m trying to move past it. I want us to go back to how it was before. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me or that you’re walking on eggshells around me.”
“I—I don’t,” I lied. I don’t know why I wasn’t telling the truth. The fact of the matter was that I did feel out of place in my own home. I was happy to be back, yes, but not for moments like what had just happened in the kitchen.
His eyes softened. “What I was trying to say down there was that I don’t mind you having fun…just…be careful.”
“I will, Dad.”
He dropped his eyes to the floor. An awkward silence filled the room as he shifted from one foot to the other. “Do you still talk to him?” he asked, slowly dragging his eyes back up. I noticed his grip was tighter around the doorknob, his lips pinching together. The possibility of me still talking to Cane was tipping him over the edge. I couldn’t be dumb enough to tell him yes. Yes, I still talked to Cane. Still wanted my dad’s ex-best friend. Still enjoyed having sex with him…
“No,” I answered, and his eyes widened a bit, his shoulders slumping. His grip on the doorknob went slack.
“Oh. Well, I guess that’s good. We can all move past this then.”
I nodded, smashing my lips together.
“Okay, well, thank you for telling me and um…if there’s ever anything you want to talk about, you can talk to me. I may not be the best at talking, but I’m good at listening.”
I nodded, smiling a bit. “I know, Dad.”
“Okay.” He took a few steps back until he was in the hallway. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” I whispered.
When he left, shutting the door behind him, I shut off my lamp and rolled over, staring out of the window. I needed the night to be over so tomorrow could deliver me a less awkward day.
This will be complicated, but it will be okay, I told myself. Your heart knows what she wants…even if that makes her a traitor.
Twenty-Eight
CANE
When Kandy showed up at my house the day after I got back from Washington, something seemed off with her. She still smiled when she saw me, and her eyes still sparkled with adoration. She kissed me when she walked into my arms, but even though her eyes had sparkled, they were sad. She had this defeated look on her face, like she wanted to be there with me, but also felt bad for it. I could tell right away the guilt was eating her alive, probably because she’d been around Derek and spent a lot of time around him since being home.
“Everything okay?” I asked, letting her into the house.
She nodded when I shut the door, releasing a sigh. “Yeah. Fine.”
“Doesn’t seem like it. You look like someone hurt your feelings.”
“Well, maybe they did.” She shrugged and turned, walking down the hallway, her keys jangling. I followed her to the kitchen, tucking the tips of my fingers into my front pockets.
“Who did?” I took a step toward her. “Tell me now, and I’ll set them straight for you.” I was teasing, but she frowned and peered up at me. I clearly wasn’t helping with lifting her spirits.
“It’s been more than twenty-four hours and I can’t stop thinking about it…”
“About what?” I asked.
“He asked me if was still talking to you,” she murmured when I wrapped my hands around her upper arms and rubbed them. “The first night I got back.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes. And I told him that I don’t.”
“Oh.” I guess I couldn’t blame her for that one. Yes, we cared about each other, wanted to be together, but now wasn’t the time to make matters worse.
“Are you mad?” she asked, and her voice, the naivety swimming in her eyes and masking her face, hurt me to witness. My girl was hurting and I didn’t like it one bit.
“How could I be mad? I understand why you told him that. What happened is still fresh and he probably wouldn’t take it lightly if he knew the truth.” She nodded, about to lower her gaze, but I tipped her chin back up with my forefinger. “What can I do to help?”
She looked away, sighing. Then her eyes shifted up to lock with mine. “Are you sure we should keep doing this?” she asked. “I mean, you have a lot on the line, Cane. And Kelly is still around. Maybe not here, but she’s around and will probably be back if she catches wind that I’ve been here. I’m worried the fucking house might be bugged now too.” She looked around nervously and I shook my head, smirking.
“Kandy, as soon as I found out she wired my office, I had my whole house checked and I’ve paid for more security. Nothing was found.”
“How did you find out about the video?”
“Mindy mailed me the USB flash drive, along with a note asking me to kindly stay away from you, them, and to never contact you again.”
“Wow.” She huffed. “She didn’t tell me that.”
“Of course not. She was trying to protect you.” I sighed. “Kind of blows my mind that they think I’m some kind of predator now.” I focused on her. “Do you think that?”
“What!” she shrieked. “No! How could I ever think that,
Cane?” she grabbed my wrists, squeezing lightly. “I love you—I’ve loved you for the majority of my life. You never looked at me in ‘that’ way until I came onto you. I remember. Of course you’re not a predator.”
I sighed and she linked her arms around my waist. I brought a hand down to tilt her chin again. Her eyes locked on my mouth, as mine did hers. A soft smile tipped the edges of her lips, like she knew what was coming.
I kissed her, breathing raggedly through my nose, loving the smoothness of her lips. They were pouty before, especially with her gloomy mood.
Grabbing her by the hips, I picked her up and she moaned and smiled, slinking her legs around my waist. I carried her to the island counter, maneuvering between her legs. My palms slid down her waist, curling around to grip her plump ass.
She moaned against my mouth, lips parting and panting wildly. “Cane,” she moaned.
I stole another kiss. “I told you that when I kissed you, things wouldn’t feel so complicated.”
She grinned and pressed her forehead to mine, the apple of both cheeks turning a light shade of red. “I love it,” she murmured, then clasped her hands around the back of my neck, pulling me forward for another embrace.
I could have stayed like this forever—really I could have. Yes, I had business to tend to and papers that needed signing. I had three conference calls lined up, but none of that felt as important as being with her. I held her tight to my body, my cock aching to be inside her again. I wanted to tear her clothes off and work my way inside her, but there was something about this kiss that proved to me that maybe we weren’t so complicated after all.
“Well, fuck her on the counter, why don’t you!” a voice came from my left and I snatched my lips away.
The Cane Series: Complete 4-Book Box Set Page 43