“I’m positive, Dad. I literally just found out. He couldn’t have known before I did.”
He released a breath, lowering his gaze briefly before looking sideways at me. He then cleared his throat and sighed.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he mumbled, stepping away.
“No, Dad. What is it? You cleared your throat. You clearly have something you want to say.”
His brown eyes flickered over to Mom’s, who was frowning at him, waiting for him to say whatever he had on his mind. “What is it now, Derek?”
“I just…well, when I used to meet up with Cane, I remember telling him all about Kandy and how becoming a father was the best thing to ever happen to me.” I swallowed hard, pushing up on my hands, wincing just a bit when I felt the sting below my stomach. Mom rubbed my hand. “I remember asking him if he wanted kids, and he told me ‘hell no.’”
What?
“I asked him why, and he said because he was afraid to bring a kid into his world,” Dad continued.
“W-what is that even supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t push on the topic—just figured he never wanted kids with all that he’d gone through with his father and even his mother. Taking care of his sister—he was basically a father to her.”
“Lora,” I murmured, and Dad stared hard at me.
“You’ve met his sister?”
“Yes. I’ve hung out with her several times.”
He grimaced. “That girl is no good, from what I remember. He always told me about the stuff she was involved in, and it was never good. Stay away from her.”
“Stuff like what?”
“It’s too much to get into right now, but I’m going to be frank and tell you, you need to stay away from Cane, period. This was why I got so upset—why I refused to accept that you wanted to be with him. Because I know who he is, I know where he came from, I know the people he has dealt with, and I have caught him in several lies and made him explain it all to me. I have kept his secrets and watched his back because he was my friend, but when it comes to jeopardizing my daughter’s life, I will pour all of those secrets on the table if it means saving you.”
Shit. He made it sound like the stuff he knew was gruesome. Even his fists had balled up, like he was remembering something that angered him.
“He’ll most likely come to check on you,” Mom said, and I was glad she’d shifted the topic. “But I don’t think it’s safe for you to go with him again, Kandy.”
I dropped my line of vision, putting it on my lap instead. To be honest, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I knew Cane would visit if he was out, but I wanted to look him in the eye and ask him about all of the things my father knew. I wanted him to tell me, so I could decide if it was best to keep my distance or continue making this thing work and getting through it together.
I was a little shaken after what Kelly did to me. To be frank, I didn’t want to go back to his house ever again, so my parents didn’t have to worry about that. There was that man on the news, the phone Cane had in the closet, and then she popped up. So much had happened in the span of ten minutes. I was too afraid of what would come next, but deep down, I still wanted him. Still loved him.
A knock on the door made me jolt, and Mom rubbed my arm as Dad turned and walked toward it. He opened it halfway then I heard him hiss at the person behind it.
“No!” he snapped.
“Derek, who is it?” Mom called, tilting her head, trying to see past him.
Dad glanced over his shoulder with a deep frown. Mom got up and walked around the bed to get to the door. She peered over Dad’s shoulder and when she saw the person, I noticed her brows dip.
“Who is it?” I called.
They both looked back regretfully, and then Dad pushed the door open a little wider, taking a step aside so I could see. Cane stood on the other side of the door, his gray button-down shirt covered in dark-red stains, his pants low on his hips due to the absence of his belt. When he saw me, his gray-green eyes stretched wide. They were dark, though, full of an anguish that I, for once, understood.
“Hey, Kandy Cane,” he murmured, voice deep, husky.
My eyes instantly watered, the rims burning, trying to fight emotion. I wanted to smile at him—something deep inside me was begging me to reassure him—but something else that was much, much stronger told me that a smile wasn’t warranted.
“Sweetie,” Mom whispered, coming to me and stroking my hair back. “You don’t have to talk to him right now either. It’s almost three in the morning, and you’re exhausted.”
“No. I want to talk to him now.”
Dad huffed, glaring at Cane as he stepped into the room.
“Alone, please?” I requested, and Dad’s head swung over rapidly. He looked at me like I’d lost my mind, opening his mouth to say something until Mom stepped forward and grabbed his hand.
“You get five minutes. That’s it,” Dad snarled at Cane. “And the door stays open.” Cane lowered his gaze as they left, and when they were gone, he slowly carried his eyes over to mine. In that moment, all I could really do was look at him. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I also wanted to feel his warm arms wrapped around me again. I wanted his comfort, the peace only he could provide. Cane peered over this shoulder once more, then came closer.
“Kandy, I—” He struggled for words, looking me all over, eyes damp and red. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly. He was at the bedside, looking right down at me. “I didn’t know she’d come—didn’t realize she was that much of a threat. If I’d known, I never would have taken you home with me. It should have been me it happened to, not you.”
I couldn’t conjure the right words for a response, so I looked away instead.
He grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles, the back of my hand. I closed my eyes, fighting the wave of emotion that’d swept through me when I felt his lips on me, his breath running over my skin. The monitor beside me beeped, filling the silence that was brewing between us.
“Will you say something?” he finally asked, voice low.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Cane.”
“Anything. Whatever is on your mind.”
I swallowed hard, focused on my lap. After several minutes passed, I said, “There’s obviously a lot I don’t know about you.”
I took a glance up, and he’d straightened his back. “I told you there were things about me you wouldn’t like, Kandy. Things you’d find out…”
“I know but…I didn’t know they would be as bad as working for a cartel.”
“I don’t work for the cartel. I only work with him.” He gritted his teeth after the statement.
“Is he really coming here?”
“He will…but not any time soon.”
I sighed, pulling my hand out of his. He watched the action before staring me in the eyes. “What can I do to make this right?”
“There isn’t much you can do, Cane! I was stabbed in your house by ex!”
His eyebrows dipped slightly, and he pulled back a bit to see my whole face. “Do you not trust me anymore?” I looked away, and as if that one gesture said it all, he said, “I didn’t know this would happen, Kandy.”
“I know you didn’t…”
“So why lose trust in me? I’d still do anything for you. I’d take a bullet for you if I had to—”
“Cane, I was pregnant!” I finally blurted out, and his eyes grew wider, almost like he didn’t believe me. He looked me all over, as if I were under an X-ray.
“What are you talking about? How?”
“What do you mean how? By being with you! When Kelly stabbed me, it didn’t just hurt me—it killed someone that was growing inside me!” Saying it out loud was like talking with glass in my throat. It hurt like a bitch to admit. I was still in denial about it…still hoping this was all a fucking nightmare and that I’d wake up soon.
“Shit, Kandy, I’m sorry—I
didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me you were—I mean…”
“I didn’t know I was until a few hours ago. The doctors told my mom, and she told me.”
He sighed. I couldn’t help thinking it was a sigh of relief. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, baby.” Standing, he cupped my face, bringing his lips down to my forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered again.
“I guess it’s a good thing for you that it’s gone, huh? My dad told me you don’t want kids.”
He pulled back, glaring down at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“That’s what my dad said you told him. I guess before you started Tempt. You told him you were afraid to bring a kid into your world.”
“Wha—Kandy, that was before I ever even met you,” he scoffed. “You can’t possibly think that I’m happy to know the baby is gone? It’s going to fuck with my head even more now!”
“I honestly don’t know what to think about you anymore.” He pulled his hands away, looking at me as if I’d shot him right in the heart, and I stared right back, my eyes burning. “There’s so much about you that I don’t know, and I’m sure what I’ve found out so far is only the tip of the iceberg. You have all of these secrets, and they’re coming out one after another. And with each secret, there is a threat, and when I’m around, those threats end up hurting me. Not you, but me. When we’re together, I’m the one who ends up losing everything.” I choked on my next breath, and he held my face in his hands, bending down to catch my eyes, but I refused to look at him. I couldn’t look into his eyes. It would kill me even more that I was saying all of this.
“Kandy, you know I will protect you with my life—I promised that not even two nights ago. I’m sorry this happened—I should have taken better precautions or locked the damn door after the caterers left, but I wasn’t thinking.” He paused, eyes shimmering with guilt. “I—I asked you if you trusted me, and you said yes.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I said that.”
He looked taken aback, eyes even wider. “You’re just saying this because you’re hurting…right? Because if this is you talking out of anger and emotion, then I get that, but if this is really how you feel then I don’t know what to say…”
I pushed his hands away and swiped a hand over my face, ridding myself of the tears.
“Do you not want to be with me anymore?” His question came out forced, as if it pained him to even ask. Or more like he was afraid of the answer.
I was quiet for a really long time, so long that I could tell he was holding his breath, waiting for my response. “Cane,” I whispered. “I want to be with you—I do. I love you so, so much…but it shouldn’t hurt this much to love you. When we first started this, it was fun and different and exhilarating, but it’s not that anymore. Now, it’s just toxic and dangerous. Every day, there is a new layer of your life revealed, and each one is scarier than the last.”
“Kandy—”
“No, Cane. I just…I think the best thing for me to do right now is go back with my parents. You have so much going on in your life, and to be honest, I don’t think I’d feel safe going back with you.”
He looked as if I’d slapped him right in the face. Blow after blow, I knew it—could feel it—but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t pretend I was okay with this. The worst thing was his eyes. They were filled with so much regret, guilt, shame, and worst of all, pain. “Kandy, baby…please,” he begged. “I would never let anyone hurt you like that again.”
I shook my head. It was all I could do.
“Kandy…”
A throat cleared behind him, and Cane looked over his shoulder. I peered up, spotting Mom and Dad by the door. “Time’s up,” Dad grumbled, but Cane ignored him, focusing on me again.
“Are you sure about this?” Cane whispered, caressing my hand. I stared down at it, the olive slivers of skin between dark ink. I studied the dark rose on the back of his hand, then the word RISE on his knuckles, and came to the realization that I would probably never find out the meaning of that phrase.
“I think it’s best,” was all I said. I matched his stare, and he slowly pulled his hand away, looking me all over.
I could tell he had so much more to say, but with my parents waiting there, watching, he kept his next sentence brief. “If space is what you need, then I’ll give it to you, but I want you to know that I love you and nothing in this world will ever be able to change that.” He kissed the top of my head, and as much as I’d been trying to hold it together before, I lost it when his mouth was on me.
The tears I’d tried fighting were unleashed, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Crying hurt the wound beneath my belly and my heart, but I blocked out the pain and brought my hands up, burying my face in it. Cane held me around the shoulders and shushed me, his lips in my hair.
It wasn’t space that I needed. What I didn’t need was him. No matter how much I loved him, or how much I enjoyed being around him, I knew he was no good for me. Dad had warned me. Mom had even said so.
When Cane and I were in a room alone, we were amazing together—our chemistry off the charts—but out in the real world, we weren’t a good match. He was older. I was younger. He had a shaky past, and my life was just getting started. Our paths had crossed many, many times, and sometimes fate made us feel like we were winning, but our lives were passing each other, not fitting together. We happened to find an escape in each other…but that escape was over.
This was our reality, and everyone knew reality was a bitch. Karma was coming for us, but I figured if I let him go now, maybe I could beat her to the punch, spare myself another dose of it. Maybe I could save myself the grief and trauma by making a selfless choice, and that choice was to let Cane—my Quinton Cane—go.
“We’ve got her,” I heard my dad murmur, and before I knew it, Cane’s arms were gone. His scent had faded. I cried with my hands in my face for a while, even as a new set of even stronger arms wrapped around me. I don’t know how much time passed before I looked up and realized that only my parents were in the room.
Cane was gone, and once again, my heart was broken.
Chapter Four
CANE
Heartbreak.
I’d never experienced it until that moment. The feeling couldn’t be described, only felt. I always heard about the monstrosity of a broken heart—that it leaves you helpless and hopeless, completely broken inside and numb on the outside. Anyone who hasn’t experienced it won’t know what it’s like. Anyone who has, knows that it will tear you the fuck up.
A heart is already fragile, vulnerable, but a broken heart comes with a dollop of pain and a heavy sprinkle of misery.
I went home that night and stared at the blood on my bedroom floor. It had gotten darker. The house was so much quieter, and my thoughts were so fucking loud. I couldn’t stand it.
I rushed back downstairs, grabbing the mop bucket from the pantry that I’d never touched before and filling it with hot water. I rushed to the laundry room and dumped some bleach into it, snatched up a towel and a sponge, and then went up to my room again.
The cops had already come by to check for evidence and get their DNA samples. All that was left was a mess—a reminder of what I’d lost. Not only Kandy, but a baby. My fucking baby. She was only nineteen years old, and I’d gotten her pregnant, then she was stabbed because of me. Our relationship had cost her so much. She was right.
I dropped to my knees and scrubbed.
Scrubbed.
Scrubbed even harder.
I scrubbed so hard that my hands reddened from the action, and my muscles locked to keep balance. Before I could stop myself, a roar had ripped through me. It bellowed, echoing throughout the house, down every hallway and bouncing off the walls. The sounds closed me in and, defeated, I dropped the blood-stained sponge into the bucket, watching the crimson stain bloom in the water, tainting it.
I huffed hard, eyes falling. The floor was clean. Hardly a trace of any blood left.
I thought it would satisfy me, but it only reminded me of my reality.
Kandy was done with me for good, and her family had been finished with me long before that.
I didn’t know when I would see her again, but what I did know was that I couldn’t stay in this house anymore. I couldn’t stay in this city. There was nothing left for me here.
After the investigation was over, I had to leave Atlanta behind for good.
Chapter Five
KANDY
The detective returned the following morning, a woman trailing in behind him. The questions were way worse this time around, and they still hadn’t found Kelly.
Where could she have gone that quickly? The detectives had confiscated my phone, so I had no idea if Cane was trying to get in touch with me or not. As badly as my heart was hurting, I did wonder if he was okay.
Two days later, I was clear to check out. Mom pushed me in a wheelchair to get to the exit and Dad was parked in front of the hospital, watching us come toward him when we got closer. He put on a faint smile and said, “I got it,” to Mom, before walking around the wheelchair and gripping the handles. He helped me get into the front seat of the car, but hunching over was beyond excruciating, despite the high dosage of pain meds my doctor had prescribed. According to my doctor, Kelly had used a tremendous amount of force with her blow, to have stabbed me deep enough to puncture my uterus. It almost felt like a phantom version of that knife was still penetrating me. Yes, it hurt that bad.
“You okay?” Dad asked as he buckled in. Mom was sitting in the backseat.
I nodded. “I’m okay.”
With a bob of his head, Dad took off. The ride was mostly quiet. Some old school music played softly, which soothed the awkward void. It was a relief when we’d made it home. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my bed after being cooped up in that hospital room for two whole days with my parents breathing all over me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that they were there for me and that they cared, but it became overwhelming having them make every single decision for me, like I didn’t have a mind of my own.
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