by Andre Fenton
“I’m all ears.”
“It’ll be easier to show you,” he said. “Open the journal, pick an entry.”
I opened it up, and thumbed through until I found the entry where I had a drawing of Grampy driving me to Cape Forchu. That was the one I had been thinking about when I walked to Grampy’s urn at the funeral.
Clay walked towards the truck and got in the driver’s side.
“What are you doing? That’s not yours.”
“Get in.”
I hesitated. But then I moved one foot forward, and the other followed. I opened the passenger’s side door and climbed in.
“Okay, so what’s going on?” I asked.
“Open up that page in the journal again.”
I flipped through the pages. There were drawings and journal entries above each one.
“Find the one where you were riding to Cape Forchu,” he said.
“It’s here,” I said, opening up the page.
“All right.” He looked straight at me.
Clay extended an open hand. His eyes began to glow blue. “It’s just like when we were kids, remember?”
It was not exactly how I remembered it. I didn’t know what would happen, but I took his hand and closed my eyes.
Suddenly, we weren’t sitting in the garage anymore. I could hear birds chirping and feel a warm sun pressing against my skin. I opened my eyes and I was standing on damp grass with morning air. I looked around. We were in the park just off the Yarmouth waterfront.
“Holy shit,” I said out loud. What is happening?
“Annaka! Who taught you to speak like that?” I knew that voice.
My eyes widened. That voice—the one I was so afraid I was going to forget. It felt real, but it couldn’t be. This had to be a trick. I closed my eyes and opened them again, trying to wake up from this dream, but then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around.
And there he was: large in appearance, dark skin, grey beard, and a smile that took all my fears away.
“Gramp…Grampy?” I managed to say while taking steps back. I tripped over my feet and fell back into the grass.
“Always tripping on your feet,” he said with a chuckle. He leaned over and pulled me up; his skin touched mine and it felt as real as anything.
“No more language like that. But I’ll keep it a secret if you promise not to repeat it. Deal?” He smiled.
“Deal,” was all I had the courage to say.
I didn’t understand any of it. One second ago I was in the garage with Clay, and now I was…in the park…with my grandfather. But I wasn’t the same. I was younger—a lot younger. I looked at Grampy and gave him a big squeeze.
“Hey! Thanks for the love, hon.” He hugged me back. It was exactly how I remembered it. He was a soft, giant, gentle man.
“Want a push on the swings, Annaka?”
Logically, I knew I was still a sixteen-year-old young adult, but I also knew that if I was going to spend one more day with my grandfather, I was going to take that swing push.
Grampy pushed me on the swings and I got to see the world from a kid’s perspective again. Was I in the past? I didn’t really understand how this was happening. There was no sign of Clay; it was just my grandfather and me. This was what I had wanted for a long time.
We played for what felt like hours. I stopped questioning it, and just enjoyed the moment for what it was. Eventually I lay down on the grass, tired from being in the sun. I could see Grampy standing over me with a grin.
“You look all tired out. Do you want to head back home or go for a ride up to the lighthouse?”
It was exactly how I had written it in the journal: Grampy had taken me to Cape Forchu, and he had given me a piggyback up the path towards the lighthouse.
“To the lighthouse, always.” It almost felt automatic.
“Then let’s go!” He pulled me up and piggybacked me to the truck. I held on tight. I never wanted to let him go again.
Once we were buckled in, Grampy looked over at me before he put the truck in reverse. “Ready, co-pilot?” he asked. “I need you to be my eyes and ears on the right side.”
God, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing: the way he gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the other one resting out the window; his slight grin; and the scent of his truck—it always smelled like peaches.
“I’m ready,” I replied.
He pulled out onto the road and I rolled down my window, putting my hands in the air. It felt like a dream, but the dashboard, the seat belt, and the late-afternoon air felt very real.
“Maybe some day you’ll be the captain of this ship,” Grampy said as we drove down by the waterfront. We took the road down to the 304 and made our way to Cape Forchu. It felt so different from Halifax, being near so much green, more ocean than harbour, and being the co-pilot again. Before I knew it, we were there. Grampy parked his truck and I got out to see the big red lighthouse at the top of a hill.
“Ready for another piggyback on this old man?”
I climbed on and he carried me up the hill. I wanted that moment to last forever.
“Grampy?” I said as he walked up the hill.
“Yeah, hon?”
“Is this real?”
He paused, and I could see a look of confusion from the side of his face. “Yeah, hon. I know you’re in your imagination a lot of the time. But yes, this is real.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean, Annaka?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know. But can you make me a promise?”
“What would that be?”
“Never leave me.” I held on tight.
“You don’t have to ever worry about that.” He chuckled as he made it to the top. The sky was pink and the water stretched as far as our eyes could see. Black rocks piled beneath the cliff’s edge and above us, the lighthouse flashed.
This was the homecoming I wanted.
My arms wrapped around Grampy, and a clear view was illuminated from above. I held on tight and never wanted to let go. This was the home I remembered. The home I loved. I felt so tired holding on to him that I closed my eyes, and his humming put me to sleep….
When I opened my eyes again, it was back in the truck in Grampy’s garage. Rain was hitting all sides of the garage and Clay’s hand was still attached to mine.
“Holy shit!” I said as I let go.
I was back in the present.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I couldn’t catch my breath, nor could I believe what had just happened. It had felt so real. It was real. I had been holding on to Grampy.
“I saw him. I saw him! I was riding in his truck. He took me to Cape Forchu.”
I looked at my hands and could tell I was sixteen again.
“He told me I wouldn’t ever have to worry about him leaving,” I whispered.
I looked over at Clay and tried to rationalize what just happened. But I don’t think I could. He knew I was feeling down, and he knew I was looking at that memory from the journal. In that moment I didn’t want to think about the how, I just wanted to accept that it happened.
“Thank you for that,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“You haven’t had a good day today, have you?”
“No. It was Grampy’s funeral today.”
“I’m sorry.”
There was a long silence and we just sat there listening to the rain. Memories came back to me. I couldn’t believe Clay had always been there. I told him I would return years ago, and he grew up just like me. I could see that he carried a lot of hurt, and I tried to avoid eye contact until he finally said, “I missed you, Annaka.”
“I missed you too, Clay.” We looked at each other for a long moment, and I said, “I just go by Anna now.�
�
“Okay, Anna.”
I began to weep. Clay slid over and gave me a hug. I held on to him just as tight as I’d held on to Grampy. I was home, and finally felt close with someone I didn’t have to hide anything from.
Chapter 6
I woke up the next morning in the passenger seat with a stomachache. Clay was gone, but the journal sat on the driver’s side seat. I had no idea where he went, but I had a feeling he would be back. I put the journal in the glove compartment for safekeeping. When I got inside the house I saw Nan and Mom sitting at the kitchen table with bacon, eggs, and sausages. I was still shaken up by everything that happened the night before.
“Hey, where were you last night? Did you spend the night at Tia’s?” Mom greeted as I came in.
“Yeah…I spent the night at Tia’s place,” I lied. It would be weird to say I slept in the truck.
“I thought as much. Are you hungry?”
“No. I think I’m gonna go lay down.” I didn’t know what made my stomach ache, but it wasn’t a good feeling.
Mom walked over to me, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, “Listen, I know everything is hard right now. But I would like you to eat something. Making sure you’re fed is part of self-care, and right now we all need to take care of ourselves and each other.”
I sighed. “Fine.”
Mom put a plate of food in front of me, but I felt sick to my stomach. Nan was a slow eater, and Mom asked me to sit with her while she went to go make Nan’s bed. I kept silent because I didn’t think we had much to talk about. On the table was a photo of Grampy; he was smiling, wearing a nice button-up. It was his school board photo. Eventually Nan picked up and observed it.
“It’s a shame what happened to Rudy,” she said.
I didn’t reply, only listened.
“What a handsome man.” She spoke about him like a stranger, putting the photo down. That made my heart ache as much as my stomach. I remember Grampy had told me where he met Nan. When I was younger, he told me he met her while on summer vacation away from university. He visited Yarmouth on the off chance of taking a ship to Maine. It turned out he missed his boat and ended up at a local bar. Nan was there, Grampy asked her to dance, and the rest was history, I guess. Key word: history. I was sad it was a memory Nan probably didn’t carry anymore.
I couldn’t sit around all day in the house. I thought about getting some sleep, but being there put me in a bummed-out mood, so I shot Tia a text instead. With everything that happened the night before, I needed to vent.
Me: Hey dude. Something happened.
Tia: Everything okay?
Me: There’s no way I can explain over text. Wanna meet up?
Tia: Sure. My parents actually suggested I take the day off school to see if you needed anything. Come over.
Me: Well I definitely need a friend. Be right over.
I went to my room to get changed quickly then darted for the front door. I made it down the front steps of the porch before I heard Mom’s voice coming out the front door.
“Anna. Are you leaving?” She stepped out.
“Yeah, I was gonna go to Tia’s place,” I replied.
“Didn’t you just spend the night there?”
“Uhhh….” Shit. “I think I forgot my phone there.” I managed to save myself, knowing my phone was in my pocket.
“All right.” Mom gave me a suspicious nod. “Anyway, you weren’t here yesterday, but we read your grandfather’s will.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I wanted to let you know that he left a little something in there for you.”
“What was it?” I genuinely didn’t know. I just hoped it wasn’t his crappy old charcoal barbecue.
Mom threw something in the air that tinkled—I caught it. It was a set of keys. Not just any keys, they were…the keys to his truck.
“What?!” was my only response. “You can’t be—”
“He knew how much you adored that truck growing up, hon,” Mom said with a smile. “You were his co-pilot, remember? But I know how you drive, so just don’t perform any crash landings, all right?”
I wanted to cry thinking about that. When Mom and I left, she would call me her co-pilot too. I think she did it so I would feel more comfortable about leaving. We all had a duty, and Grampy left me his truck to take care of. It was a huge responsibility but he must have had faith in me.
I didn’t know what else to say besides, “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously, babes. And besides, driving can soothe the soul. It might be good to ride around town for a bit. Maybe you can pick up Tia and head on a small road trip or something? Just don’t go too far.”
I knew right away where I wanted to go: Cape Forchu. After what happened the night before, I couldn’t stop thinking about going up the hill holding on to Grampy. It would be nice to grab Tia and Taz and spend the day out there. I couldn’t bear to sit in that house and listen to Nan rambling.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m not the one to thank,” she replied. “Be safe, all right?”
“All right.”
When I got to the garage, I stared at Grampy’s truck for a moment. My truck. I opened the door on the driver’s side and slid in. I held the steering wheel. It was way wider than Mom’s minivan. I knew Grampy kept CDs under his front seat so I reached under. I chose one that said “Jazz 2006” and stuck it in the CD player. As it played, though, I realized I wasn’t a fan, so I turned it off and blasted music from my phone that I “forgot at Tia’s house” instead. I put the keys in the ignition and revved the engine, giving me goose bumps that fuelled my smile. It felt like I was sitting in a rocket ship getting ready to blast off. It was almost the same thing, right? I took a deep breath, put the truck in drive, and hit the gas. I never thought I’d actually be driving this thing.
“I promise you I’ll take care of it,” I whispered out loud as I drove towards the path and onto the main road. I couldn’t wait for Tia to see. My big old truck would be better than her stupid car.
Tia was already sitting out front with Taz.
“Look at you, Anna!” she said as I pulled up. “This yours?”
“It is now.” I got out to pet Taz. “We always used to joke, y’know? He called me the co-pilot, and said one day I’d be the captain of this ship.” I put a hand on the hood of the truck. “God, we had some great memories riding around in this thing.”
“Keep them close.” Tia smiled. “So, what did you wanna talk about?”
Right. There was no way to tell Tia about what had happened the night before without her thinking I was out of my mind. After all, the real reason I drove to Tia’s was to get everything off of my mind.
“It was nothing.”
Tia narrowed her eyes. “Nothing, huh?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to be alone. Maybe I needed some puppy time.” I hugged Taz and he licked my face.
“Well, we could all go for a ride. You could drive this time instead of me being your chauffeur.”
“You know I think more of you than that.”
“Says the daughter of the one and only Jayla Brooks,” Tia said with a laugh.
“Oh, stop that,” I said as I climbed in the driver’s seat. “You guys coming or what?”
Tia, Taz, and I all fit in the front of the truck and we took off. There was some traffic, but nothing like back in Halifax. Here everyone seemed comfortable and relaxed; back in Halifax everyone was always in such a rush and traffic downtown gave me anxiety attacks. It felt nice being on an open road under a clear sky. It was soothing, and that’s exactly what I needed to smooth down my rocky thoughts. I never felt present back in Halifax, but coming back to Yarmouth was forcing me to live in the moment instead of waiting for one.
“Hey, remember back when we used to play here?” Tia asked as we dro
ve by the waterfront. “Dad would always freak out when we got too close to the edge.”
“Yes.” I laughed. “I remember how he always looked prepared to jump in. Did you wanna head to the lighthouse?”
“Heck yeah. I haven’t been there in a while.”
“You? I haven’t been there in years.”
Tia grinned. “More reason to go.”
I switched onto the main road and we made our way out of town. We drove for a while and admired some of the homes along the way—a bit more upper class and pretentious than the ones in town.
“I go to school with someone who lives out here,” Tia brought up. “She had a party out here once. A bunch of the folks who went got too drunk and had to walk back to town that night. It was a disaster.”
“I can imagine,” I replied. “Beautiful scenery, but it looks like this road stretches forever.”
Taz was curled up on Tia’s lap and I focused on the road. I didn’t even need directions; it was all muscle memory for me.
I couldn’t contain my smile when we rolled up to the lighthouse. Just like the night before, it felt good to be back. Taz stood up in the front seat and began barking.
“Woah, calm down, big guy.” Tia petted him and opened the door. Taz darted out and made his way straight to the water.
“Figures,” she said. “Lets go to the top!”
Tia grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the path. I didn’t know what had happened the night before. Was it time travel? I didn’t understand how it worked, but I knew I had to be there.
“You look ridiculous right now.” Tia pointed out the smile plastered on my face.
I didn’t care. The lighthouse was beautiful. The sky was grey, unlike the pink from my memory, but it still felt great. No buildings, no loud cars, no shitty neighbours—just me, a friend, and a lot of open space. We could see Taz at the bottom of the hill sniffing other dogs’ butts and chasing birds, barking happily.
“My dog is the biggest dork,” Tia said with a laugh.
“He has personality, and that’s all that matters.”
“What did you really wanna talk about?” Tia cut into my thoughts.