by Andre Fenton
“Sure thing,” he replied. The glow on his hand grew wider than it was before, and her eyes changed colour with them.
“You have a healthy head of hair, and we’re gonna keep it that way.” Nan’s voice in the living room was playing out what I remembered. I let her speak it, the whole thing. I smiled through the stress, and crossed my fingers. As the memory went on, she drifted off—she wasn’t talking anymore.
“Wait, what happened?” I demanded, suddenly nervous.
Clay closed his fist. “I don’t know. She shouldn’t have fallen asleep.” I could hear worry in his voice. “I don’t know why she did that.”
I grabbed her wrist and felt a pulse, thank God. My heart didn’t feel like it was in the pit of my stomach anymore.
“She’s…she still has a pulse.”
“Of course I have a pulse,” Nan replied. She gently pulled her wrist out of my grip. “Who are you talking to?”
I looked back and Clay was gone. I let out a sigh of relief.
“No one. No one at all.” My eyes welled up. I was so glad we didn’t lose her. “How are you feeling?”
“Watching reruns of Harry’s House with my granddaughter? I’m feeling pretty great.”
Everything was silent. Did that…did that really work? She knew who I was. She wasn’t showing any symptoms, which must be a good thing.
“Nan, you’re here.” I let out a gasp and gave her a hug. She squeezed back, real tight.
“I didn’t go anywhere, sweetie. You did, remember?”
“I remember.” I laughed.
My brain worked a mile a minute. Could she really be back? Did my plan actually work? How was I going to explain this to Mom?
In that moment I didn’t care. All I cared about was Nan being back.
“Hon, I haven’t seen you in years.” Nan pulled back and studied my face.
“It’s been way too long,” I agreed while she squeezed my cheeks. “Way too long.”
I pulled up a chair and held on to her hand. “Do you remember anything that had just happened?”
“We were just watching TV…why, did I doze off?”
Clay must have blocked Nan from remembering what happened; she just thought I’d been there all along.
“Yeah, you must’ve dozed off,” I lied.
“Guess that nap got the better of me,” she said as she got up. “I think I need a coffee.” She started towards the kitchen.
“I think I could use one too,” I said, standing up as well.
“I guess you’re not too young for caffeine anymore.”
Before Nan reached the coffee maker, I stopped her and said, “Why don’t I do it this time? You just take a seat.”
“You can’t be a guest and make me coffee!” Nan grinned.
“I’m not a guest,” I said. “I’m here to stay.”
Clay has nothing to worry about, I thought. The plan had worked perfectly. Better, even. I couldn’t believe she was back—it was like nothing had happened.
“How’s school been treating you?” Nan asked.
“It’s been fine,” I lied again while starting the machine. The smell of brewing coffee filled the air. Sure, it was almost bedtime, but Nan and I had a lot to catch up on. A coffee would do us just fine.
“You’re going to be heading to your first year of high school in September, won’t you?” Nan raised an eyebrow at me.
“I’m sixteen, Nan,” I said with a laugh. I picked out some mugs while I waited for the coffee to finish up.
“Sixteen?” She laughed. “Sorry, love. Time flies at my age. Wait until your grandfather gets home. He’ll be so happy to see you.”
Oh, my God.
She didn’t know.
She didn’t know he was dead.
She didn’t know about the funeral.
Did her old memories block it out? Were there too many things going on in her mind at once? I didn’t know. Suddenly I felt anxious to the point of throwing up.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, trying to keep my composure. “I…have to use the washroom.”
I grabbed the journal from the living room and went upstairs to my bedroom.
“Clay! Clay, did you hear that?”
He made himself visible to me. “Yes.”
I glanced up at him and had to do a double take. He looked paler than normal—not grey, but white. I could see his fists were clenched tightly, like he was having a difficult time keeping them shut.
“What’s going on?” I asked him.
“Um, a couple things,” he said. “It seems like bringing her back jiggled some things.”
“You think? She doesn’t even know Grampy is dead!”
“I told you this wouldn’t be easy,” Clay said, gripping his hands even harder.
“What’s going on with you? Are you okay?” I reached for him.
“Anna. If I let go, it’s going to hit her like a pile of bricks.”
I took a step back. “What do you mean?”
“It’s the same thing that happened with your headache, but it was easier with you. You still had a healthy grasp of your memories. But with her—” he paused and grimaced. “There’s too much going on. There’s too much to sort out. She isn’t young. Her memories didn’t just come back neat and orderly—they spun, shifted.” He looked at me. “Anna, I’m afraid she’s going to crumble.”
His fists gripped harder and blue energy leaked through his fingers. My heart fell to my stomach. I couldn’t believe I pushed Clay to go through with this. I should have just listened to him, but I had to go and fuck everything up. Again.
“Anna,” Clay said, bringing me back. “You wanted to find out more about Rudy’s past. This might be your only chance. I can’t hold much longer and when I let go, she might be….”
“She might be what?” Anxiety filled me to the brim.
“She might be gone,” Clay whispered.
I didn’t pause to let that sink in, I just ran down the stairs.
Nan was sipping her coffee, smiling to herself and humming a nostalgic rhythm. Everything felt so perfect, calm, and normal. This was exactly how I remembered her. And that is what made everything hurt so much more.
“Nan,” I started. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, sweetie. You can ask me anything.”
Everything inside of me shook. I didn’t have a lot of time. I wanted to ask Nan so many questions. I wanted to sit with her and watch TV one more time. I wanted to stay up all night and catch the sunrise with her.
Then it hit me like a brick wall: I hadn’t thought about the after, I had only focused on the now, and it wasn’t something we could maintain. The way Clay held his fists shut made it look like he was using every fiber of his being, and I couldn’t have him hurt himself in this process. I’d already hurt him so badly.
“I overheard you say something once…,” I began, trying to catch my words before I broke out into tears.
“Nosy girl.” Nan smiled.
“I know.” I cleared my throat. “But I think this is important. Nan, am I named after someone?”
She raised an eyebrow. “What makes you ask that?”
She knew I knew there was a secret, I could see it in her face, but she didn’t answer me.
“Nan,” I pressed, “is there another Annaka?”
She looked at me hard. She had the “you ain’t grown enough for grown-up talk” look on her face. But I was sixteen, and not a little girl any more.
“I think that’s a conversation for you and your granddaddy.”
“He’s not here. And he’s not coming back,” I said, and then caught myself. “He’s…going to be…gone for a few days.”
Nan frowned. Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything. I thought about Clay holding everything together. Time was running out. I ask
ed again.
“Nan, who is Annaka?”
“You are! The one and only,” Nan answered with a falsely bright smile. I knew she was lying. I wanted something, anything. I opened my mouth again, but before the words could come out I heard Clay yell.
Nan’s head whipped around. “Who’s that?” Nan asked, standing up. “Rudy? Rudy, are you there?”
I knew Clay must have been in the hall, and I knew I couldn’t let Nan see him.
“Sit down,” I told her. “I’ll go check it out.” I made my way to the hall. I could see Clay trying his hardest to hold his fists shut. He was leaning against the wall, his teeth clenched.
“Are you hurt?” I whispered.
“You need to hurry,” he replied. “I can’t go invisible, this is taking too much out of me.” He was struggling with every ounce of his will. I turned to see Nan coming towards the hall.
“Everything is fine!” I said, putting my hands up to stop her. But she was determined to see around the corner; she moved me out of the way, and that’s when my heart dropped.
Nan turned the corner, and I couldn’t see Clay’s reaction but I’ll never forget the way Nan screamed when she saw him. And I think that’s when Clay let go. Nan fell back and hit the floor. I ran over and put my hand under her head. She was shaking.
“Nan! Oh my God, Nan!”
I looked over at Clay and his face did all the talking. He was traumatized. He was slumped against the wall, completely frozen.
“Nan, stay with me,” I cried. She was still shaking. I couldn’t believe what we’d done. It was such a stupid idea, and we had caused so much damage. I rolled Nan onto her side. Then the doorbell rang.
“Anyone home?” a familiar voice called. “Anna, I seen your truck outside. How come you haven’t replied to my texts?”
Tia turned the corner, and her jaw dropped when she saw all of us.
I looked back at Clay and he looked at me.
“I’m so sorry, Anna,” he said before he faded away.
“What the fuck?” Tia shouted. “Wh—What…was that?! What…Oh my God, Tanya. Tanya! Anna, we need to take her to the hospital now!”
It felt like everything around me went silent. The only thing I could hear was my heartbeat. I couldn’t catch my breath no matter how hard I tried to chase after it. I kept blacking in and out.
Vaguely, I was aware of Tia sitting with me until Nan stopped shaking. That’s when she lifted Nan off the floor, and she pulled my arm too. Together, we carried her to the truck. Tia made sure Nan was secure in the middle seat. Then she turned to me and yelled, “What the hell was that thing?”
I didn’t reply. I kept thinking I couldn’t lose Nan. Even if a part of her was already lost.
“Anna!” Tia shouted.
“I… I….”
“Save it,” Tia said as she went to the driver’s side. “Get in.”
I got in and passed Tia the keys. She hit the gas. Nan was sitting between us, unconscious.
Clay had been right. We should’ve been more patient. No, I should have been more patient. Tia sped down the path and made a sharp turn onto the main road. She was still hitting the gas pretty hard, and I sat there dazed. I felt dizzy, and had to chase after every breath I took. I couldn’t speak because of the knot in my throat and I closed my eyes, wanting to go anywhere but there. But Clay wasn’t around. He was gone, and I was stuck in the moment. I closed my eyes and pretended I was in the dark place. I wanted to be away from all of this.
“Anna! Is she still breathing?” Tia’s voice cut into my thoughts.
I looked over to Nan sitting beside me, her eyes closed. Tia gripped the steering wheel with both hands.
I grabbed Nan’s wrist and felt for a pulse. I could feel it, thank God.
“Yeah. Yeah she has a pulse.”
Tia turned onto a small bridge and drove through an intersection. “We’re almost to the hospital.”
I didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride. I held on to Nan’s hand, wishing upon every star I could see that she would be okay.
Tia pulled up to the entrance and together we carried Nan inside. We didn’t even have to say anything. A few nurses immediately put Nan onto a bed and rolled her into an examination room, calling for a doctor. I put my head down, still chasing the breaths, tears running down my face. What had I done to her? How had I let this happen?
I looked up to see Tia looking deep into my eyes.
“Anna,” she said seriously. “What was that?”
Chapter 14
My hands couldn’t stop shaking in the waiting room. I kept thinking, how could I have hurt one of the people I loved most? Was it too selfish to want my grandmother back? I don’t know, but sitting in that waiting room, I felt helpless, and frozen. It felt like a few hours had gone by and nobody had come out to speak to us yet. Tia sat with me, rubbing my back. I was freezing, and my stomach was in a knot. The lighting was way too bright. The constant ticking of the giant clock was mind numbing. I wanted to keep my eyes closed so badly. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but I knew I was stuck in the moment.
“Do you think she’s going to be okay?” I finally asked. I hadn’t said anything since Tia and I had gotten to the hospital.
“She’s the strongest person I know,” Tia replied.
I nodded, and was silent for a few more moments. Then: “Tia?”
“Yeah?”
“You can’t tell anyone what you seen.”
I heard a sigh from Tia. She sounded frustrated. “I don’t even know what it was that I seen.”
“Please.”
She sat there, crossed her legs, and gave me a look. She always said I was a mystery. Now she had solved a part of it.
“Okay.” She let out a breath. “But you’re going to tell me everything. Got it?”
“All right,” I agreed. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. But it didn’t make sense to hide the truth from Tia any longer.
“Are you going to text your mom?” she asked.
That was a loaded question. Mom had trusted me, and I let her down. What was I going to tell her? Yeah, Mom? By the way, I know you trusted me to take care of Nan while you were gone, but she’s in the hospital. I didn’t want to think about it.
“You have to tell her,” Tia said.
“I know. I just…don’t know how.”
Tia wrapped her hand around mine. She knew this was hard on me, even if she didn’t completely understand it.
“It’s better to do it now, than later,” she whispered.
She was right. I pulled out my phone and began typing.
Me: Mom. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Nan is in the hospital. She just started shaking uncontrollably and I froze. Tia came though, and she drove us to the hospital. We’ve been here for a couple of hours. Text me back when you see this, please.
After I pressed send, I started bawling. Everything started coming out of me. I hated crying and I especially hated being vulnerable in public, but I couldn’t stop. I was so full of guilt. I let Mom down. I let Nan down. I let Clay down. Tia put her hand on my shoulder, and I hugged her tight.
I didn’t hear back from Mom, which made me even more anxious every moment. I thought about Clay, how he must be feeling. He had told me not to do it. I hoped he was okay, and wondered if he was angry with me. I remembered seeing his face and that terrified look he had.
“Oh, Clay,” I whispered to myself.
“Anna,” Tia whispered. “What are you talking about?”
I didn’t reply right away, I just looked at her and took a few deep breaths while she sat with that thought for a few moments.
“His name is Clay,” I finally replied. “And you have a drawing of him in your room.”
I watched her try to piece together what I was saying. Finally, Tia t
ensed up, and recognition dawned on her face. “Oh my God. How? You can’t be serious?”
“I’ll explain later. I promise I’ll explain everything.” I would; I owed her that. I hadn’t been a good friend to Tia, but she had always been there for me. Every time. The least I could do in return was be honest.
It felt like another hour before a doctor walked into the waiting room. He was an older man, balding with glasses. He wore a nametag that said Dr. MacDonald. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say or what to ask.
Tia took the lead and said, “Hey, sir.”
“Hello,” Dr. MacDonald said. “I’m assuming you’re the granddaughters?”
“Just her.” Tia pointed at me. “I’m a family friend.”
“I see. Your grandmother is in stable condition,” he said to me. “It was a seizure, though she stayed unconscious for a couple hours.” That’s not normal. Was that our doing? “We did a CT scan, which showed an unusual amount of electrical activity in her brain. Even though she doesn’t have a history of seizures, the Alzheimer’s can put her at risk.”
The electrical activity must have been Clay.
“Is she awake?” I asked.
“Yes, she woke up about twenty minutes ago. However, with her having been unconscious for quite some time, we ask that only one visitor goes in at a time. We don’t want to overwhelm her.”
“Anna, you go. I’ll be here, okay?” Tia said. “I’ll call my parents and tell them what happened.”
“Okay.” I was glad Tia had my back.
“Follow me,” the doctor said. The once-white walls were stained yellow, and the fluorescent lights were buzzing, bringing on a headache. Dr. MacDonald led me through a series of doors and down a hall to the very last room on the left. He opened it up and I noticed the lights were off, moonlight splashing the walls. Nan was sitting up in her bed, looking out the window. She didn’t acknowledge us.
“…Nan?”
She didn’t reply. I looked back at Dr. MacDonald and he only shrugged and said, “I guess I’ll leave you two alone.” And he left.
I was so scared. What did she remember? How much damage had we done in the hopes of fixing her mind? What if she hated me? Could she even speak? Questions filled me to the brim, turning my anxiety into a whirlpool. At least she was alive.