Shadow of Doubt

by Melissa Gaye Perez

  “C'mon sug, I'll take you to dinner,” he offered smugly taking advantage of the opportunity.

  Jordan reached down to pick up the wrench and his head returned under the hood. Dolly stood motionless watching him, having no desire whatsoever to go with Martin, but didn't want Jordan getting any angrier for disturbing him while he was busy working on his precious car.

  “Well...” Martin urged as he put his hand on the back of her neck. Dolly's eyes slowly made their way to meet his. A cold chill ran down her back.

  “Okay...but I'm sick of hot dogs.”

  “All right then how about a nice juicy steak?” he asked cheerfully as he took her by the hand again and headed toward the door of the garage. “I know just the perfect place.”

  Jordan ignored them both. Okay,” she mumbled as she sadly lowered her head and followed him outside. “Maybe we should ask Jordan to come along,” she then suggested before they got into Martin's car.

  “Nay...he's been grumpy all afternoon. Let him be for now,” he replied as he climbed into the driver seat and started the engine.

  Dolly didn't like Martin's sudden arrogant attitude and started to feel as if she couldn't trust him, but her stomach was aching with hunger so she tolerated it the best she possibly could for now.

  Martin took her to a nice little steak house not far from the track. Dolly tried to enjoy the time with Martin but just couldn't help feeling down. She wanted to talk with Jordan and explain that she had no special interests in his friend. She wanted to tell him the truth...that she was in love with Jordan and didn't want anyone else but him. Especially not his best friend. The thought of it made her feel like a traitor.

  But now she didn't think that would be such a great idea. Jordan was clearly angry at her...or maybe he was just tired of her being around altogether.

  Martin drove her back to the trailer and walked her to the door.

  “Thanks for dinner Martin, I owe you one.”

  “No problem sug, my pleasure.”

  Dolly couldn't stand the little pet names he was constantly calling her, but ignored it as best she could.

  “Well...see ya round,” she softly added as she turned to go inside. Then she felt Martin's arm slide around her back and tug her body against his. She was so shocked she couldn't speak as his mouth came down quickly against hers and his hold tightened so that she couldn't protest.

  She put her hands against his chest and pushed him away but she was too late. The sound of Jordan's voice rang out from behind them.

  “How was dinner?” he asked with no expression on his face as he leaned in the doorway of the trailer with a beer in his hand.

  “Oh no! He's here, he saw everything!” Dolly panicked to herself as she stared fearfully at him. “Now what's he gonna think?

  “It was great,” Martin boasted smugly as he finally removed his hold on Dolly. “You should've been there.”

  Dolly wanted to slap his face for being so jolly with his answer. He had done this on purpose surely.

  “Think so,” Jordan muttered in reply then disappeared inside leaving the door open behind him.

  Martin smiled all the way to his car then drove away. Dolly stood stunned just outside the door not too sure she wanted to believe this had just happened to her. Now he had reason to be mad, but not at her, at Martin. But how would she ever convince him that his life long friend was the one at fault here and not herself.

  Slowly she turned and entered the trailer carefully closing the door behind her not knowing what kind of mood to expect from Jordan now.

  “Congratulations on the race,” she heard herself saying as she meekly sat next to him on the couch, not knowing exactly how to explain what had just transpired.

  He crushed his empty can and dropped it to the floor, then rose, never looking her direction. “I'm going to bed, it's late and I've had a rough day.”

  Dolly felt her eyes beginning to swell as she watched his masculine gait carry him to the bedroom. She wanted so very much to run after him and tell him the truth but didn't think he would believe her story over his best friend’s word. He had doubted her honesty once before and even though he learned that it wasn't she who had robbed him, he would surely never believe it was Martin who was the aggressor and not her. They had been friends for far too long.

  Dolly reached to pick up the smashed can from the floor and threw it in the trash can under the sink. Then she stretched out on the couch and tried not to think of it and tried not to cry. She shifted from side to side, but kept seeing Jordan's handsome, kind smile and sparkling eyes run through her head.

  Then she covered her head with a pillow from the couch when the light came on again and she could see Jordan standing before her. Her sniffling must have disturbed his sleep. He sat on the edge of the couch and pulled the pillow away from her face. When he saw her swollen red eyes he gently pushed her hair out of her sorrowful looking face.

  “What's wrong Dolly? Did you have another one of your nightmares?” He suddenly seemed to care again.

  Dolly could sense the true concern in his voice now. He no longer seemed angry at her so she sat up and faced him.

  “No...I just...don't feel too good right now,” she whispered trying not to cry anymore. She could clearly see it was upsetting him.

  “Are you sick or something?”

  “Uh-uh. Jordan...I'm sorry about tonight.”

  Jordan quickly rose and kept her gaze steadily with his. “Don't be. Martin's a nice guy.”

  “Yeah but...”

  “Now get some sleep will ya? I've got another long day tomorrow.” He started back toward the bedroom.

  “Aren't we going home tomorrow? I mean...back to your place.”

  Jordan turned around and grinned at her. “In a couple of days. I've got to do some work on my car first.”

  “Oh...okay,” she answered as she lay back down and watched him turn the light back off. She thought she would finally be able to tell him how much she loved him, but was glad she hadn't. He clearly didn't feel the same way or he wouldn't have condoned her actions with Martin. He seemed to feel like it was okay, that if she developed a relationship with Martin he wouldn't mind at all.

  The next morning Dolly watched excitedly as Jordan again revved his car's engine and sped away. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him wondering what it felt like to go so fast around that track. She bit at her bottom lip anxiously as she watched him screech to a stop and again check under the hood with the rest of his crew.

  “That ought to do it,” Martin stated with confidence then slammed the hood and Jordan again approached the driver's side window. Dolly couldn't stand it anymore. She just had to try her luck.

  “Jordan, can I please ride with you this time?” she asked as she grabbed his arm, one of his legs already inside the car.

  “No!” he snapped back immediately as if she were crazy. “It's too dangerous.”

  “Oh please. I just wanna see what it feels like to go that fast. Please,” she begged on.

  “No! He snapped again and finished his descent into the car. “Now get back and stay out of the damn way.” He squealed away and Dolly moped back to where Martin and the rest of the guys were waiting.

  Martin put his arm around her shoulder laughing. “Don't worry sug, he'll get used to you sooner or later. Maybe. Wanna have dinner with me again tonight?”

  “No. I wanna ride in that car,” she pouted dreamily as she pushed his arm off of her shoulder. She could see the other guys glance over at them and giggle as they mumbled amongst themselves.

  “He's not gonna let you ride with him,” Martin answered rather sure of himself.

  “Why not? There's not that many cars out here today. It's not that dangerous.”

  “Because Jordan doesn’t like women cramping his style, that's why. I've told you that before.”

  “We'll just see about that,” she retorted as she watched Jordan again approach them. Martin leered at her unusual expression and grinned as he went over t
o talk to Jordan. Dolly followed and stayed at Jordan's side. She wanted this man badly and wasn't about to let Martin interfere with that any longer. She had made up her mind not to let him intimidate her relationship with Jordan another second.

  Maybe Martin was right. Maybe Jordan didn't want a woman around, but she had every intention of proving him wrong. Somehow she would make Jordan realize they could be happy together even if she never regained her memory.

  “Why won't you take me for a ride Jordan?” she asked again with persistence in her voice now.

  Jordan turned and faced her. “Don't ask me again. You’re fixing to piss me off. Now c'mon, we're going home.” He turned and headed for the trailer. Dolly kept up with his steady fast pace the best she could.

  “Why don't you like me?” she asked wanting to find out his true feelings. If she had any chance at all of building a relationship with this man, she had to know what his true feelings were for her.

  “Who said I don't,” he asked as he began backing up his truck to the trailer.

  “You keep ignoring me.”

  “I'm just busy that's all.”

  “You're not too busy now,” she replied as he hooked up the trailer and then went inside to make sure everything was put away and ready to travel.

  “I'm trying to get us home is all,” he retorted, annoyed as he came to look her in the eye.

  Dolly slid her arms up his chest and stared him back. “Are we really in a big hurry?”

  Jordan seemed stunned but pulled her against his body. Dolly felt weak as he kissed her hard and held her tightly against him at last. She could hardly breathe and her heart raced wildly, then he pulled away just as suddenly and looked at her.

  “Was that as good as Martin's kiss?” he asked sarcastically then he let her go and hurried out the door.

  Dolly stood stunned for a second trying to re-group and catch her breath from his powerful passion. “He does care,” she realized as she slowly emerged from the trailer and closed the door. “He's just jealous, that's all.”

  She slid into the truck where Jordan silently waited for her. He started the engine the minute she got in and they began their journey back to Daytona.

  “Why wouldn't you take me for a ride in your car today?” she asked again not caring if she angered him anymore. She felt there was more to it than his masculinity of not wanting a woman riding with him.

  “It's a long story,” he answered not at all seeming mad this time.

  “It's a long drive home.”

  Dolly felt brave as a grin formed on his face now and he looked at her with a smile.

  “Tell me about it.”

  “It happened five years ago,” he began slowly. “I took my mom with me all the time. She loved it.” Then he paused awhile thinking.

  “So why wouldn't you take me?”

  Jordan glanced in her direction quickly then watched the road while he again spoke. “I crashed the car Dolly and she didn't make it.”

  Dolly looked shocked now. Horrified. Now she knew his real fear. He'd lost his mother and feared hurting anyone else. He must feel that it's his fault his mother died in that crash.

  “Oh Jordan, I'm so sorry. But that doesn't mean it'll happen again,” she replied trying to reassure him. Make him feel a little better. He seemed awfully disturbed by it.

  “I know it won't happen again. Because I don't intend to let it happen.”

  “It was an accident Jordan you can't be blaming yourself for what happened.”

  “She shouldn't have been in that car with me! I should never have allowed it.”

  “But you said she loved it. You were only making your mother happy.”

  Jordan looked at her blankly a moment then sat in silence for a long time. “You're right you know,” he nearly whispered at last, his voice low and calm. “She waited nearly every day at the track just so she could ride in that car.”

  Dolly didn't answer this time. She only felt relaxed now as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door of the truck, seeking comfort and rest. Fatigue was finally setting in.

  “Don't do that,” Jordan interrupted as she began to doze off to sleep.

  “But I'm tired Jordan. I don't think I can stay awake much longer.”

  “No...I mean don't lean on the door like that,” he chuckled then reached over and grabbed her arm, pulling her toward him. “You outta know better than that.”

  Dolly didn’t resist, she cuddled comfortably next to him as he slid his arm around her shoulder then glanced up seeing him smile while he looked straight ahead at the road. She wasn't sure if he was smiling while remembering the good times he had with his mother, or if he was happy to be with her. It didn't matter though, he was happy and Dolly was glad she could help.

  It was nearly dawn when they arrived at Jordan's beach house. They had driven all night. He stopped the truck and Dolly awoke when she felt the warmth leave her shoulder when he moved his arm away to put the truck into park.

  “I can't believe I slept that long,” she stated with a yawn as she scanned her familiar surroundings.

  Jordan smiled and helped her out of the truck. “Now it's my turn. Think you can be quiet while I crash for a while? I'm really tired.”

  Dolly wasn't sure if he was teasing or if he was trying to get rid of her again. “Sure I can. I told you I wouldn't get in your way,” she answered softly. “I'll just get Myron and let him run around the beach.”

  “He'll be glad to get out of that pen, thanks.”

  “Want some breakfast first?” she then offered. She waited patiently for his reply.

  Jordan's eyes caught her anxious glare. “All right. But make it quick would you? Before I pass out,” he then implied not wanting to hurt her feelings. He knew she was trying her best to get along.

  She turned the small pooch loose then ran up the stairs to the kitchen. “So when's you're next race?” she asked solemnly as she cracked the eggs into the pan and began his meal.

  Jordan sat on the counter next to the stove and watched her. Dolly loved his presence and felt so complete when he was around. She knew he cared for her too, but wasn't sure how much. All she thought about was how she could please him.

  “We're going to Georgia in a few days,” he answered grinning as his eyes scanned her finely tanned arms. “If you're still here that is.”

  “We? You don't mind me tagging along again?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “You could leave me here.”

  “For what? So you can run off again? No thanks. Besides, I’d be losing a good cook.” They grabbed their plates and sat together at the table.

  “Cook huh? Is that why you keep me around? So I can cook for you?”

  “That and I can't stand that place Lydia took you too. Gives me the creeps.”

  Dolly felt a little disappointed by his answer, but didn't pursue the subject any further. He was tired and irritable and she didn't want him to yell at her again.

  Jordan finished his breakfast and made his way to his bedroom. Dolly cleaned up the kitchen, changed into her swim suit and took a walk on the beach. It was early August now and the days seemed more beautiful with each passing hour. It had been almost two months now since Jordan had found her lying there unconscious and Dolly couldn't imagine life without him. She swam awhile and picked up a few seashells, then felt frustrated to see Martin approaching her from a distance.

  “Can't this guy just disappear?” she thought as she produced a fake smile, pretending to be happy to see him. She didn't much care for him anymore after the kiss. The kiss he had forced on her. But he is Jordan's best friend so she thought it best to be nice to him. She was an outsider and the last thing she wanted was to cause friction between these two people.

  “Good morning sunshine,” he cheerfully greeted and again threw his arm around her neck. “Jordan around?”

  “No. He's been sleeping a few hours now,” she answered wanting to grab his head and hold it under the water, but simpl
y removed his arm from her body instead. “Why don't you have lunch with me then? I'm sure he'd never know you were gone.”

  “I really can't. I need to fix Jordan's lunch soon and get him up or he won't be able to sleep tonight.”

  “Oh c'mon. We can bring him something from town,” he persisted as he turned her body, forcing her to face him.

  Dolly quickly pulled his arms from her waist. “No. I don't wanna have lunch with you,” she stated strongly. “And I wish you'd quit pestering me...I'm NOT interested.”

  Martin smiled as if he were amused by her reactions. This infuriated her even further as she angrily awaited his smart reply.

  “You really think Jordan's gonna fall for you don't ya? Well, he's not, so you may as well quit wishing and quit trying. He's too independent to let himself get tied down.”

  “It's really none of your business is it?” she angrily blurted as she now stomped her way toward the house. Martin grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him again.

  “I've been his best friend for years. I know him better than you ever will.”

  “So you think I should date you instead? Huh? Forget it! And some fine friend you are at that! Now take your hands off of me!”

  Martin kept his silly grin but removed his grasp. “You'd have more fun with me ya know?”

  Dolly gritted her teeth but couldn't control her rage. She flung her arm through the air and slapped his face. “You're disgusting, you know that?” she yelled, then ran up the stairs. She heard Martin's car door slam from behind her and knew he was finally leaving, but she never looked back. She didn't want him to think she cares, because she doesn't.

  When she entered the living room much to her surprise, she was startled to see Jordan leaning against the inside of the door in his blue jean shorts and white t-shirt…beer in hand.

  “Lover's quarrel?” he asked smugly as he then strolled to the couch and sat down. Yet by the snicker on his face and gleam in his eyes she felt he surely knew better.

  Dolly's face was already red with fury and her blonde hair glowing against it. “Spying on me?” she accused still breathing abnormally from her anger at Martin. She leaned over the back of the couch so she could look down on him as they spoke.