See If I Care

by Judi Curtin

  Everyone loved Luke’s presents. Even Helen smiled slightly when she opened the envelope and pulled out the HMV voucher.

  ‘Thanks, Lukey.’ She hadn’t called him Lukey in ages. Hadn’t called him anything in ages.

  His father looked down at his new slippers, and then put a hand briefly on Luke’s arm. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Nice, yeah.’

  Anne gave a scream of delight when she saw her new annual, and then threw her arms around Luke. ‘Thank you sooo much, Lukey, it’s brilliant.’ Granny told him the drawer liners were just what she always wanted, and Mam hugged him tightly when he gave her the body lotion and hand cream, and whispered, ‘Thanks, love’.

  And all through the dinner, and afterwards, when they were sitting in front of the telly (except for Helen, who’d gone upstairs, and Dad, who was having a nap), Luke kept thinking about getting the new washing machine, and imagining Mam’s face when she saw it.

  On Friday morning he’d lain in bed, waiting for the day to start. As soon as he heard Mam getting up for work he dressed quickly, shivering in the icy bedroom air, and followed her downstairs.

  She looked up in surprise as he walked into the kitchen. ‘What are you up so early for?’

  ‘I need to get something in town.’ He waited for her to ask what – he was dying to say ‘a surprise’ – but she just nodded.

  ‘Have a bit of breakfast and you can come in with me.’

  It was nice to have her to himself. Usually Granny was around, or Anne. He took two slices of bread from the loaf and dropped them into the toaster. ‘You know my penfriend?’ he said.

  ‘The girl in England?’ Mam was spreading marmalade on her toast.

  Luke nodded. ‘They have plum pudding for Christmas, and they pour brandy on it and set it on fire.’

  Mam didn’t look surprised, like he thought she would. ‘A lot of people do that,’ she said. ‘I just think it’s a waste of brandy.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Luke thought for a minute, watching the inside of the toaster getting red. ‘I made up a few things when I started to write to her first,’ he said.

  ‘You did?’ Mam looked across the kitchen at him. ‘Like what?’

  Luke shrugged, feeling her eyes on him. ‘Oh just… that I had a tattoo, and blue hair, and stuff.’ He paused. ‘And that Dad was a famous astronaut, and that we had a big house with loads of horses, and a lake in the back garden.’ The bread was turning golden.

  ‘Why did you say all that?’ Mam didn’t sound cross, just curious.

  Luke began to be sorry he’d started. ‘I dunno … maybe because I didn’t want …’ he paused, not sure how to put it. Then he said, ‘I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me.’

  Mam picked up her toast and took a bite. She chewed it slowly, and when she’d swallowed it she said, ‘You mean about Dad.’

  Luke nodded, wishing he could go back a few sentences and keep his mouth closed. The toast popped up suddenly, startling him.

  ‘You miss him, don’t you?’ Mam’s voice was very gentle.

  The tears in his eyes took him by surprise. He blinked them away quickly and lifted the toast out and brought it over to the table.

  ‘It’s OK – I miss him too,’ Mam said, as he sat across from her. She put a hand on Luke’s. ‘But you shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened – it wasn’t your fault.’

  A tear slid down Luke’s cheek and plopped onto the table. He pulled his hand away from hers and wiped roughly at his eyes. ‘If the party wasn’t on–’

  ‘Don’t think like that.’ Mam interrupted him loudly. ‘Stop thinking like that. The party had nothing to do with it, nothing. Dad could have been coming from anywhere, and it could still have happened.’ Then she said in a softer voice, ‘OK?’

  ‘OK.’ Luke began to spread butter on his toast, struggling to keep more tears from falling. How had this conversation happened? He should never have mentioned his penfriend. He wished with all his heart that Mrs Hutchinson had never come up with the idea of getting penfriends for them.

  He took a deep breath and then looked back at Mam with what he hoped was a fairly cheerful face. ‘OK.’ And for the rest of the breakfast neither of them mentioned Dad, or penfriends.

  When Mam stood up to go, Luke said, ‘Hang on a sec,’ and ran upstairs. He shoved the receipt for the deposit he’d paid on the washing machine into his jeans pocket, and the brown envelope with the money into the pocket of his jacket. It made a rectangular bulge that he hoped Mam wouldn’t notice. As he ran downstairs again he tried to remember the name of the woman in the shop – Jennifer? Jane? Something that began with ‘J’ anyway. He was pretty sure he’d remember her when he saw her.

  Mam dropped him outside the cinema. ‘Are you sure this is OK?’

  Luke nodded. The cinema was about ten minutes’ walk from Brady’s Electrical, past a hospital and an office block, through a little park and around by some flats. ‘See you at home,’ he told his mother, and walked off.

  It was a chilly day. Luke walked quickly, his jacket tightly buttoned and his hands jammed into the pockets. His left hand was wrapped around the bulky envelope. His breath fogged out in front of him. He passed the hospital and the offices, and turned into the park.

  It was quiet there. Luke guessed that anyone who didn’t have to go to work today was still tucked up in bed. The few trees he passed were bare and cold looking. The flowerbeds were empty and brown, no sign of snowdrops yet. The two swings in the little play area hung silently, no wind to move them. Luke kicked at a stone, watched it skip along ahead of him before coming to rest at the feet of another boy, who stood on the path facing Luke.

  He looked a bit older, although it was hard to see him properly, with the grey hood of his sweatshirt covering his head, and a black scarf knotted tightly around his neck and chin. Taller than Luke, too, and thinner. He stood watching as Luke got nearer, not making any attempt to move out of his way.

  Luke began to swerve around him, but the other boy put out a hand and jammed it into Luke’s chest. ‘Give us your phone.’ His other hand pointed towards the bulge in Luke’s left pocket. ‘C’mon.’

  Luke’s heart thumped. He tried to pull away, but the boy’s fist was wrapped tightly around the front of Luke’s jacket. He snapped the fingers of his other hand. ‘Your phone – c’mon,’ he said, a bit louder now. ‘Give us it.’

  ‘I haven’t got a phone,’ Luke said, hating the tremble in his voice. In his pocket, his hand gripped the envelope tightly.

  The boy swore loudly, and reached towards Luke’s pocket. ‘Give us here.’ He grabbed Luke’s left arm and began trying to yank Luke’s hand out of the pocket. He wore a thin leather wristband.

  Luke knew it was useless – he’d have to try and fool the boy. He pulled out the envelope and held it up. ‘It’s not a phone, look. It’s just – a letter.’

  It happened so fast: the boy grabbed the envelope, and pushed Luke backwards before racing away. Luke fell onto the grass and watched him, knowing he hadn’t a hope of catching him, or getting back the envelope even if he did. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, and one of his wrists hurt from trying to break his fall. He put his head in his hands and sat on the grass, shaking. His money, every cent he’d saved, was gone. The washing machine was gone. It was all over.

  After a few minutes he stood up. He had no idea if he’d get his deposit back, but he may as well try. All they could say was no. His legs still trembled a bit as he walked slowly through the park and towards Brady’s Electrical. The main street was busier than he’d expected – most of the shop windows had big ‘Sale’ signs in them. He hoped he wouldn’t meet anyone he knew.

  There were quite a few in Brady’s, but he spotted the woman straight away, talking to a couple in the corner. She noticed him after he’d been standing there for a few minutes, and signalled him to wait. Luke leant against a wall and wondered what she’d say when he told her he couldn’t buy the washing machine after all. Would she be cross, after holding on to it for h
im? After telling him they didn’t usually let people put deposits on things during the sale?

  Jenny wasn’t cross. She put her hands to her cheeks as Luke told her what had happened. Then she took him into a little room behind the shop and sat him down and poured him a glass of warm orange juice from a carton. She asked him if he was hurt, and if he’d reported the mugging to the police. She told him to wait there, and then she went away for what seemed like a long time.

  Luke poured the juice carefully back into the carton – he thought he’d probably throw up if he drank it. His wrist ached, and he couldn’t seem to stop shivering, although it was warm in the little room.

  Did Jenny believe him? Maybe she thought he’d changed his mind about buying the washing machine, and now he was just trying to get his money back. Maybe she was ringing the police to come and take him away for lying. Maybe Mam would have to come and collect him from the police station, like she’d collected him from the hospital the day everything changed.

  But when Jenny came back, she was alone. She pulled a chair over and sat beside Luke.

  ‘Now, I’ve had a word with the boss,’ she told Luke. ‘He thinks it’s awful, what happened to you, and he says you can still get the washing machine, on interest-free credit, if you want.’

  Luke looked at her. ‘What’s that?’ he asked. It sounded complicated.

  ‘It means that instead of paying for it all today, like you were going to, you can pay a bit every month until you’ve paid the full amount,’ Jenny explained. ‘That’s called credit. Interest free means that you won’t pay anything extra, just what it costs.’

  It sounded promising. Luke did some fast calculating. Jack gave him sixty euro a month, and he’d make at least another twenty from washing cars. ‘How much would I have to pay?’ he asked.

  Jenny looked down at the pad she held. ‘Fifty euro a month,’ she said, ‘for six months.’ She looked back at Luke. ‘How does that sound?’

  ‘Fine.’ So Mam would have to wait six months for her new machine – but it was a lot better than not getting it at all. Just as well Luke hadn’t said anything about it at home.

  ‘One more thing.’ Jenny paused. ‘You can’t sign the credit agreement – it has to be a person over eighteen. Now I know you want it to be a surprise for your mam, so how about your dad? Could he come in and sign for you?’

  Luke shook his head, his heart sinking. He might have known it was too good to be true. ‘He had an accident,’ he told Jenny. ‘He’s – he never goes out any more.’ He didn’t tell her that Dad hadn’t written a word since the accident, couldn’t write his name now. ‘Maybe I could get my granny …’ he began uncertainly. How would Granny feel about signing?

  Jenny was watching him carefully. ‘I’ll tell you what,’ she said. ‘I’ll sign, if you like.’

  Luke looked at her. ‘You?’ He wasn’t sure how big a deal it was, signing a credit agreement for someone, but he guessed it was pretty big. Especially when you didn’t know the person you were signing for. Especially when the person was just a kid.

  ‘I’ll sign,’ Jenny told him. ‘I have a feeling about you. I don’t think you’ll let me down.’ Then she smiled. ‘And even if you do, I could use a new washing machine myself.’

  For the first time since the bad thing in the park, Luke felt his heart lifting. ‘Thank you,’ he said. It didn’t sound like enough, but he couldn’t think what else to say.

  They went back out to the shop and Jenny went through the form with him. When they’d finished, she said, ‘Right then – how does this afternoon suit?’

  Luke looked at her. ‘For what?’ Was there something else he had to do?

  Jenny smiled. ‘To deliver the washing machine, of course. You do want it, don’t you?’

  ‘Today?’ Luke couldn’t believe it. ‘I thought we wouldn’t get it until I paid the full amount.’

  Jenny shook her head. ‘Sorry, Luke – I thought you knew that. As soon as you sign up and pay the deposit – which you’ve already done – you get the goods. Will there be someone at home this afternoon to take it in?’

  And so, just after half past four, a white van pulled up outside the house. When Luke answered the door, a man in blue overalls stood there with the new washing machine on a trolley. And by the time everything was explained to Granny, and after the man had installed the new machine and was wheeling out the old one, Mam arrived home from work.

  She got out of the car and walked over to the van, frowning. ‘Oh no, don’t tell me it’s packed up.’

  The man looked from Mam to Luke. ‘Will you tell her, or will I?’

  Luke suddenly felt shy. He wished the man wasn’t there. He said, ‘I got you a new one. It’s inside.’ This wasn’t how he’d planned it.

  Mam’s hand flew to her mouth. For a minute she just stood there, saying nothing. The man finished loading up the old machine and grinned at Mam’s face as he opened the driver’s door. ‘Maybe you should go in and have a look, Missus. All the best now, Happy New Year.’ He climbed in, slammed the door and drove off.

  Luke and Mam were left standing in the driveway. At last, Mam took down her hand. ‘A new washing machine?’ she asked. Her voice sounded odd.

  Luke couldn’t figure out if she was happy or annoyed. ‘Come in and see it.’

  In the kitchen, Mam crouched down in front of the new machine and examined all the knobs and buttons very carefully. Luke stood beside Granny and watched, afraid to say anything.

  Then Mam stood up slowly and turned around, and her face still had that strange expression on it. ‘How much did it cost?’ She spoke softly.

  ‘I got it in the sale,’ Luke said. ‘It wasn’t too dear.’ Was she angry with him?

  ‘How did you get the money?’

  ‘I saved it up.’ No way was he telling her what happened in the park.

  Then Mam went over and put her arms around Luke, and he could feel her crying, and she whispered, ‘Oh my God, what are you like? What did I do to deserve you?’ And he knew she wasn’t angry with him.

  For the next few days, the new washing machine was the centre of attention in the house – Dad even came into the kitchen especially to see it. And then, gradually, everyone forgot about it, and stopped talking about Luke’s big surprise, and Mam yelled at Helen for giving her cheek, and Granny tried to keep the peace, and Dad put his head in his hands and rocked himself, and moaned quietly.

  Luke didn’t tell anyone about the bad thing in the park. Jenny in the shop was the only person who knew. What could anyone do about it, if he told them? It would only worry them, and there was enough to worry about in the house.

  He didn’t think there was any hope of the police finding the boy and getting the money back, since Luke hadn’t even seen his face properly. All he could remember was the boy’s grey hoodie and black scarf, and the thin leather band he wore around his wrist. There must be hundreds of boys wearing exactly the same stuff.

  But the longer he kept the bad thing inside him, the harder it got not to tell someone. It was like a kind of balloon, getting bigger and bigger, waiting to burst apart some day unless he let the air out.

  And then, two weeks after the washing machine arrived, just a few days after he went back to school, he got a letter from his penfriend. And as he was reading about her too-good-to-be-true family, and the perfect Christmas she’d had, he suddenly thought: I could tell her. I could tell her what happened in the park. She wouldn’t be able to tell anyone in his family. And this time, it was all perfectly true.

  But maybe he’d dress it up a bit, just to make him sound less pathetic.

  He thought it was a bit rude of her not to mention the New Year card he’d sent. But maybe she was ashamed, because her card was homemade, and not half as nice as his.

  He wrote the address on the envelope and stuck his stamp on upside down again. He didn’t really care any more, but she seemed to like it. He sucked the end of his biro for a few minutes, and then he picked up his notebook.
/>   Dear Penfriend,

  Isn’t it great being back at school? (Ha ha.) I had an exciting holiday. A few days after Christmas I was mugged in a park by a gang of much older boys and all my money was stolen, almost three hundred euro. (I don’t know what that is in English money, but it’s a lot.)

  I was going to buy a new washing machine for my mam as a surprise. Anyway, the gang took it all, and hurt my hand too. I’m OK now. And my mam still got the washing machine, because the shop said I could pay a bit every month instead. In six months it’ll be all paid for.

  The police are looking for the gang now. I was able to give really good descriptions, so hopefully they’ll catch them and get back my money.

  My mam thinks pouring brandy on a pudding is a waste of money. I think it’s cool, eating something that’s on fire. Maybe we’ll set Granny’s mince pies on fire next year, ha ha.

  It’s my birthday next week. I’ll be twelve years and no months old. Or else I’ll be one hundred and forty-four months old. My granny is baking my favourite chocolate biscuit cake. She puts in marshmallows and cherries and nuts and really cool stuff. Maybe she should write a book about baking cakes – she makes excellent ones.

  Bye for now,

  Luke

  PS Let’s stop talking about stamps. It’s too boring.

  ELMA

  The first time Mrs Clifford called, Zac opened the front door. Probably not a good idea, as at the time he was wearing only his underpants and a t-shirt with a trail of baked beans dripping down the front. Elma ran into the hall, to see who was at the door. Mrs Clifford was talking to Zac, but it was difficult to hear what she was saying, as Dad had turned the TV up to its full volume.

  Elma felt at once that the arrival of the smartly dressed stranger could only mean trouble. She ran to her dad and hissed in his ear. ‘Turn down the TV, quick. There’s a woman at the door.’

  Dad grunted. ‘Get rid of her.’

  Elma crossed the room and switched off the TV. ‘I don’t think I can. Just tidy yourself up a bit. Quick.’