“Uh, yeah. All the villains know about you,” I said.
“That’s right,” said Ileana. “You’re supposed to be strong and brave and, uh … good. Maybe you can help us.”
“Why would I help villains?” he asked skeptically, his voice sounding very young.
“We’re not the villains!” I said. “Well, I mean we are, but we’re not. We’re just—”
“Deven Do-Good is the villain!” said Ileana.
“Deven?” Invis-a-boy whispered, looking around as if his tormentor might appear suddenly from a bathroom stall.
“He kidnapped my dad,” I continued. “We need to rescue him. We don’t want to hurt anybody. Not today, anyway.”
“That’s why you’re here?” asked the timid superhero.
“We despise Deven,” Wolf added. “He’s just a bully and a jerk.”
“He is a jerk!” said Invis-a-boy. “He’s always picking on me! Wait. How do I know this isn’t a trick?” Maybe he wasn’t as dim as he looked.
“Because,” Ileana said, removing her eye mask and batting her eyelashes at Invis-a-boy, who gulped and backed up nervously, “I’m trusting you with my, um, secret identity. My name is Princess Ileana Alexandra Veldina Nicolescu, and I need your help.”
Inside my cape, I heard Jez’s little bat voice say, “Oh brother.”
“B-but we’re not supposed to tell anybody our secret identities!” Invis-a-boy said.
“I know I can trust you,” said Ileana.
Tiny snickering erupted from inside my cape. I discreetly thumped Jezebel.
“Hey!” she squeaked, but the snickering stopped.
“Wow,” said Invis-a-boy, clearly amazed. “Nobody’s ever trusted me with their secret identities before!” Then he stood up tall and puffed out his chest. “H-how can I help you, fair maiden?”
I had to hide a smile. Ileana was wicked good.
“Um, can you keep people away from the bathroom for a while?” she asked.
“Of course, Highness!” he said, taking Ileana’s hand and kissing it. Then he opened the door to stand guard outside.
“And if you see Deven coming, let us know,” I added.
When Invis-a-boy was gone, Jez came coughing and sputtering out of my cape and transformed back into a girl.
“My armpits don’t smell that bad!” I said.
“No, this time it was Ileana making me gag,” Jez said. Then she mimicked Ileana’s voice, “I’m trusting you with my secret identity. My name is Princess Ileana-Airhead-Porridge-for-Brains, and I need your help.”
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?” Ileana asked. “I need to wash my hand.” She held the hand Invis-a-boy had kissed in front of her like it was infectious and walked over to the sink.
“I don’t think ugly washes off,” Jezebel said.
“Have you ever tasted soap?” said Ileana, balling up her sudsy fist.
“Cut it out, you guys. We don’t have time for this right now,” I said, pulling out the crystal ball. “We have to find my dad and get out of here.”
Everyone gathered around; the red glow of the crystal lit up our faces as we gazed into it.
“Show me where my father is,” I commanded.
The crystal glowed brighter. A picture formed. It was the hero school gleaming white in the morning sunlight.
“Duh,” Wolf said. “We know that!”
“Show me how to find my father,” I commanded again. The crystal went blank. It wasn’t always reliable, and it seemed to pick the absolute worst times to be stubborn. I thought maybe my dad had infused some of his own personality into it.
“Great,” said Jezebel. “Now what?”
“Maybe you’re asking it wrong,” Ileana said. “Let me try.” She took the crystal from me. “Show us Master Dreadthorn’s prison.”
Again the crystal remained dark.
“You broke it,” Jezebel said. Ileana glowered at her.
“I did not.”
“Did.”
“Not!”
“Okay!” I said. “This isn’t helping!”
“Sorry,” Ileana said. Then she brightened up. “Hey! Since we’re here anyway, we can try again to find out who your mom is, Rune.”
“What?” I asked. “No.”
“Why not?” said Wolf. “Don’t you want to know?”
“I—I don’t know,” I said.
“Well, I do,” said Jezebel, and she took the crystal. Before anybody could stop her she said, “Show us Rune’s mother.”
I held my breath. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I wanted to know this. For a few seconds, the crystal was dark, and I thought it wouldn’t work. Then it filled with glowing red smoke. The smoke parted to reveal a woman’s face. It was …
“Queen Catalina!” said Wolf.
“No, you useless piece of glass!” Jezebel said, shaking the crystal ball with fury. “I said Rune’s mother! Not Ileana’s. This thing is broken.”
“It will be if you keep shaking it like that. Here, let me try,” I said, taking the crystal. “Who is my mother?”
Again the queen’s face appeared. I sighed. Maybe it really was broken.
Princess Ileana took the crystal from me. “Who is my mother?” Queen Catalina’s image remained in the crystal. “Okay. Who is my father?”
I waited for Ileana’s father to appear. I’d only met King Vasile Nicolescu once last semester while I was on my Plot, so I wasn’t sure I’d even remember his face. When the face did appear in the crystal, though, I definitely recognized it. And it wasn’t the king. It was …
“Master Dreadthorn!” said Wolf.
“Can you do anything besides state the obvious, Wolf?” Jezebel asked irritably. Wolf’s ears drooped.
“I think we’ve confused it,” said Ileana.
I took the crystal back from her. “Show me my father,” I said.
My dad’s face remained. I could see he was chained in some kind of cell, but I couldn’t tell where. Next to me, Ileana was muttering to herself.
“It’s definitely broken,” said Jezebel.
“It’s right half the time,” Wolf offered.
“Wait a second,” Ileana said. “It can’t be!” She held out her hand for the crystal. I could see her trembling.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I handed it to her. She looked at me for a minute like she’d never seen me before. Then she cradled the crystal in both her hands.
“Show me my brother,” she said.
“I thought you were an only child,” said Jezebel.
“So did I,” said Ileana. Then the princess turned the crystal toward us, and everybody gasped when they saw who had appeared.
Me.
Chapter Twelve
A Villain Love Story
We’d been sitting in confused silence for what seemed like years.
“That can’t be right,” I said finally.
“So, wait,” said Jezebel. “You two are brother and sister?”
“Not just brother and sister. Twins,” said Ileana.
“Twins?” asked Wolf. “Are you sure?” I didn’t miss the fearful glance he exchanged with Jezebel. We were all thinking about the same thing: the prophecy.
“When’s your birthday?” Jezebel asked.
“October thirteenth,” Ileana and I said at the same time. We looked at each other.
“It’s just a coincidence,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, your dad is the king. Right?”
Ileana handed me the crystal ball. She looked like she was going to cry, and I really hoped she didn’t. Villains are not good with things like emotions and tears. I looked down at the glowing red crystal, where the image of my face was fading away.
“It just can’t be,” I said. “I mean, how did this all happen? How did I end up at villain school when Ileana ended up with Queen Catalina?”
To my amazement, the crystal ball glowed brighter, and a scene unfolded. Everyone leaned over to look at it. Then something really weird happened. Instead of j
ust watching the crystal, it was like we were inside it.
* * *
“Veldin! Congratulations!”
A beautiful teenage girl with honey-colored hair bounded up to a trio of villain kids and wrapped her arms around a young warlock who looked kind of like me. It was my father.
I expected him to stiffen or push her away, but to my utter amazement he picked her up and swung her in a circle.
“Cat!” he said, and smiled. My dad actually smiled. Like he was happy or something. Obviously, the pretty girl was Queen Catalina.
Behind him, I could see another villain girl with bright green eyes and red lips. Her hair was almost black instead of the usual blond, so it took me a moment to recognize her: Morgana. She rolled her eyes and applied even more red lipstick.
Beside Morgana, a pretty girl with short curly hair and a sprinkling of freckles was scowling at my dad and Queen Catalina. She looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t say why. The queen noticed the girl and pulled away from my dad, blushing.
“Oh, hi, Morg! Hi, Muma!”
Then I realized why the girl looked familiar: curly hair, freckles. She looked like Chad, my half brother. This was Muma Padurii, the old gingerbread witch, as a teenager!
“Congratulations for what, Cat?” asked Muma. I could tell she was seething with jealousy, but my dad and Queen Catalina seemed oblivious.
“Well, graduation is just around the corner, and Veldin’s in the lead for Villaindictorian! He’s the smartest villain at Master Stiltskin’s school!” said Queen Catalina, bubbling over with pride.
“Is that what you heard?” asked Morgana, not looking up from her mirror.
“And I heard you’re right behind him, Morg!” the queen said. “Congrats to you, too.”
“It’s not decided yet,” Morgana said. “We still have to turn in our final projects.”
“Right,” said Catalina. “Well, good luck. To you both.”
She pecked my dad on the cheek and bounced away.
“How can you stand her, Veldin?” asked Muma. “She’s so, so … unvillain-ish!”
The scene grew hazy. A red smoke seemed to fill my vision. When it cleared, the scene had changed. I was no longer looking at the corridor, but at the Prophecy Cave.
“How is that going to help, Morgana?” asked Muma. She was pacing back and forth in front of the door carved with the ancient words of the prophecy. Morgana leaned against the stone wall, filing her long red fingernails.
“Trust me, Muma. Once Cat sees he’s not the smartest villain in the school, she’ll dump him,” said Morgana. “Then you can have him all to yourself.”
“Well—”
“All you have to do is sabotage his final project. Then I’ll be named Villaindictorian, and Cat won’t be able to stand the sight of him.”
“All right. I’ll do it,” said Muma.
More smoke filled my vision. Again it cleared, showing a classcave. At the front was Master Stiltskin. His beard wasn’t completely gray; it had some reddish brown streaks in it, but he still looked old and bent and smiled his familiar toothless grin.
“Wonderful, Morgana!” he was saying as Morgana sat down at her desk. “Well, I’d say that puts you and Veldin neck and neck for Villaindictorian! And speaking of which! Veldin? You’re up next.”
My dad walked to the front of the classcave. In his hands he held something covered with a cloth. He set it on a desk and pulled off the cloth with a grand swoosh like a stage magician. Beneath was an odd-looking mishmash of metal tubes and wires.
“Prepare to be amazed!” my dad said. There was a dramatic pause. Then he flipped a little red switch on the side of the device. Nothing happened.
“What?” he asked, flipping the switch again and again. My dad looked up. “I … I don’t understand. It worked perfectly last night!”
From the side of the classcave, Master Stiltskin frowned sympathetically. I scanned the room and noticed all the other villains whispering and looking confused. Except one. Morgana was smiling.
“I’m sorry, Veldin,” said Master Stiltskin. “I’m afraid you will not receive credit for your final project.”
More smoke. This time the scene revealed my dad and Queen Cat in the Prophecy Cave.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Veldin!” said the queen. “I don’t care if you’re Villaindictorian. You’re the evil mastermind of my dreams!”
My dad smiled and hugged her. Then he got down on one knee and pulled out a black rose from beneath his cloak.
“Princess Catalina Alexandra Runa Dragos, will you marry me?” he asked.
She took the rose, running her fingertips lightly over the thorns. “Yes!” she said. They threw their arms around each other.
“I have something else for you,” he said, reaching into his cloak again. He pulled out a tiny sleeping kitten.
Queen Catalina gasped and took the little black cat in her hand. It stretched and yawned, revealing the tiny batwings attached to its sides.
“Her name is Tabs,” my dad said.
“I love her!” the queen said, cradling the kitten and rubbing its soft fur against her cheek. “I can’t believe I’m going to be Mrs. Veldin Drexler! Wait, maybe not. Have you chosen your villain name yet?”
“Not yet,” said my dad.
“Hmm,” Catalina said, turning the black rose in her hands. “I like Dreadthorn. It has a nice ring to it.”
Then I noticed a figure lurking in the dark stairway behind them. It was Muma Padurii. Angry tears spilled from her blue eyes. She ran up the stairway and disappeared.
Again the scene shifted. This time, it opened on an image of Catalina crying. She was sitting in a chair, and Tabs was curled up in her lap, asleep. Catalina’s hands covered her eyes as she sobbed, and I noticed a ring on her finger.
“He can’t do this!” my dad said. He was pacing back and forth angrily. “How did he even find out?”
“I don’t know, Veldin. And it doesn’t matter. He’s my father, and he’s the king. He says without his blessing, the marriage wasn’t legal. We can’t be together anymore. I’m to return home in a few hours.”
“I won’t let you,” my dad said, stopping suddenly. “I won’t!” He crossed the room and stood in front of the queen.
“It’s over, Veldin,” Queen Catalina said, rubbing at her red, teary eyes.
“Run away with me, Cat!” he said, taking both her hands in his. He had kind of a wild, crazy look in his eyes. I’d never seen my dad looking so emotional.
“No,” said Catalina. “I’ve already agreed to marry another. Don’t you understand? My father would kill you to protect me.”
“You can’t marry another. You’re my wife,” my dad said, holding up his finger to reveal a gold wedding band.
Queen Catalina wiped her eyes on her sleeve and stood up, holding her chin proudly. Tabs flew up into the air, landing on the queen’s shoulder as Catalina gently hugged my father. Then the queen slipped the ring from her finger, handed it to my dad, and said, “Not anymore.”
Again the scene changed. Muma Padurii stood next to my dad watching a carriage disappear into the distance. In his arms, my dad was holding the tiny cat-a-bat.
“You don’t need her, Veldin. There are plenty of villainesses who would dominate the world with you!”
“No!” Veldin said, glaring at Muma Padurii. “She’s the only one! I’ll never love another. Do you understand, Padurii? Never!”
With a swish of his cloak, my dad returned to the school, leaving Muma Padurii behind. She watched him go. Then she spoke to herself.
“Well, if she’s the only one you’ll notice, then so be it!”
I heard her muttering words to herself. A spell. There was a flash of light, and when it faded, Muma was still standing there, wearing the same clothes, but her features had changed. She no longer looked like herself with the short curly hair and freckles. She looked like Queen Catalina.
I watched as she entered the school and walked down to the boys’ corrido
r. She knocked on a door, and my dad opened it.
“Cat!” he said, rushing out to hug Padurii. “But how?”
“I decided to stay!” she said. “I want to Plot with you forever!”
More red smoke blotted out the picture. I could tell some time had passed in the next scene, a few weeks maybe. Tabs was flying around my dad. She looked a little older, but still a kitten. My dad was holding Queen Catalina’s hand and walking down a torch-lit corridor, but I knew it wasn’t Cat. It was Padurii in disguise.
“You seem so different lately, Cat,” my dad said.
“Oh?” asked Padurii. “Well, I … uh … I’ve been worried about my father.”
“Don’t worry. If anyone comes for you, I’ll take care of them,” he said darkly.
Then a tinny voice announced, “Veldin Drexler to the office.” I recognized it as Miss Salem, the current school secretary. Man, she was old.
“I’ll go with you,” said Padurii.
When they arrived at the office, Miss Salem handed my dad a note. It was sealed with wax. He broke the seal and read the letter as he and Padurii walked back down the hall together. Even though he read to himself, I knew what the letter said. It was like I could hear the words in his mind:
My Dearest Veldin,
I’ve missed you so much these past few weeks. You have no idea how hard it was to leave, but I knew I had to. My father would not have stopped hunting you if we’d run away together. As it is, I’ve been able to settle into my role as future queen of my kingdom. The man my father arranged for me to marry is no substitute for you. He is kind and good and honorable, but I am trying to love him anyway.
I have two pieces of news that I knew I must tell you. First, the royal doctor has discovered that I am to have a child. And although you are no longer my husband, I want you to know I shall name our baby after you. I am only sorry that he (or she) will not know you as his (or her) father.
The second piece of news I have for you is that I found out how my father discovered that I was at villain school and that you and I had secretly married. It was padurii. She wrote to my father and betrayed us. I only tell you this because I fear she might be using treachery on you some way now that I am gone.
Villain School Page 9