by Sandy Taylor
I felt humbled by Matthew’s story. No child should have to go through what Matthew had. But he had survived, and I was in complete awe of him.
‘So we have just one year to be friends, Dottie. Will you be my friend for one year?’
A friend for one year. A beginning and an end. No ties, no expectations, no forevers.
‘Yes, Matthew, I will be your friend for a year.’
We smiled at each other and suddenly I felt at peace. I reached across the table and touched his hand. Mary and I should have been friends forever. Ralph and I should have been friends forever. I didn’t believe in forevers any more. Matthew would leave me in one year, but that was okay, because he wasn’t offering anything else, and I wasn’t asking.
Winter arrived with a vengeance. Leaves leftover from autumn were ripped from the trees as gales buffeted the country. The seafront was almost a no-go area. The water tore into the shore, bashing against the sea wall and flooding the prom and the main road. My journeys home became a nightmare. I had to take to the backstreets where it was more sheltered. I had bought a second-hand bike that I loved, but Tristan and Stephen forbade me to ride it until the weather improved. It was like having two older brothers who looked out for me. Even worse were the wooden steps leading up to the office. I could actually feel the old structure swaying beneath my feet. My strategy was to take a deep breath and run up them as fast as I could. Millie on the other hand took forever to get up them, with me and Tom shouting encouragement from the top.
I woke up one morning to find that the wind had died down, so I decided it would be okay to ride my bike. It made the journey to work so much easier. I wrapped up warm and dragged the bike up the basement steps. The next thing I remembered was waking up in the Royal Sussex County hospital with Stephen sitting beside my bed staring at me.
He reached across and held my hand. ‘Oh, Dottie, you gave us such a fright,’ he said. I was surprised to see tears welling up in his eyes.
‘What happened?’
‘Don’t you remember?’
I shook my head. ‘The last thing I can remember is getting my bike up from the basement. How did I end up here?’
‘We’re not exactly sure, but we think that your bike hit the kerb, and you were thrown into the path of a van. Luckily the guy swerved and didn’t hit you. You could have been killed, Dottie. We’ve all been worried sick.’
‘Was that this morning?’
‘No, my darling girl, it was two days ago.’
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. ‘Two days?’
Stephen nodded. ‘The doctors wanted you to rest. They gave you something to keep you asleep.’
‘Do my parents know?’
‘We didn’t know where they lived. The hospital wanted the name of your next of kin, but all we could say was that it was Mr and Mrs Perks.’
‘Please let them know, Stephen, but play it down a bit. I don’t want my mum to worry and get ill again.’
‘Don’t worry, we’ll go and see them as soon as we leave here.’
‘Where’s Tristan?’
‘Talking to the doctor.’
‘Am I hurt then?’
‘You banged your head, but they say it isn’t a dangerous injury.’
I put my hand up to my head and felt the bandage. Just then Tristan walked into the room.
‘She’s awake,’ said Stephen, grinning.
Tristan sat down beside me and held my hand. ‘How are you feeling, darling?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I said. I gingerly moved my head and winced. ‘A bit sore.’
‘What did we tell you about riding that bloody bike?’ he said.
‘The wind had died down,’ said Stephen, jumping to my defence.
‘You gave us an awful fright, girl.’
‘I’m sorry. But how did you know about it?’
‘Because it happened practically outside the door. Luckily for us Rose was taking Colin for a walk and saw the van driver sitting on the pavement and a crowd of people. She nearly fainted when she saw that it was you lying in the middle of the road.’
‘Is the driver okay?’
‘He wasn’t hurt, just shocked. Rose took him home and gave him tea. He’s been in, asking how you are.’
‘That was nice of him. I wish I could remember what happened.’
‘Maybe it’s best that you don’t,’ said Stephen.
‘What about my job?’
‘We went there and told them what happened,’ said Tristan.
‘You’ve been very good, thank you.’
‘I thought your Tom was lovely, and Millie is a sweetie,’ said Stephen. ‘And oh my God there was an Adonis there, skin like melted chocolate. He could have posed for Michelangelo.’
‘I think that must have been Matthew.’
‘Well all I can say is that he was very concerned about you. Didn’t you think so, Tristan?’
‘Very. He was all for coming straight to the hospital. We had to put him off. I shouldn’t be surprised if he makes an appearance sometime soon.’
‘Should we bring in a bit of slap, Dottie, just in case?’
‘What’s slap?’
‘You know,’ said Stephen, ‘a bit of the old razzmatazz.’
‘Make-up, darling,’ said Tristan.
I giggled, which made my head hurt. ‘You’re a couple of old romantics.’
‘Less of the old,’ said Stephen.
‘But you’re right,’ said Tristan, ‘give us a sloppy love song, Brief Encounter on the silver screen, lovers walking off into the sunset, and we lap it up.’
Stephen smiled lovingly at Tristan. ‘That’s us, suckers for love.’
It wasn’t hard to see how much these two loved each other, and I bet it hadn’t been an easy road for them, yet they had come through it; they were still together. Maybe Ralph and I should have tried harder. It seemed now that we had let each other go too easily.
‘Can I go home?’
‘I’ve just been talking to the doctors,’ said Tristan. ‘They want to keep you in for another couple of days, just to be on the safe side.’
‘Rose is getting a room ready for you downstairs. She wants to keep an eye on you,’ said Stephen.
The kindness of these people never ceased to amaze me.
45
I had to stay in the hospital for another three days. Mum and Aunty Brenda arrived with bags of food, magazines and socks. Aunty Brenda always said that if your feet were warm the heat spread up to the rest of your body. They unloaded it all into the little cupboard beside my bed.
Mum reached across and took my hand in hers. It was as cold as ice. I rubbed it gently and noticed how wrinkly it was, with fat blue veins standing out against the white skin. The gold band that she always wore seemed thinner than I remembered. She had worn that ring for almost the whole of her life. Now it was embedded in the creases of her finger as if it had grown into the folds of flesh. The whole thing made me sad.
‘You are all right, aren’t you? Did the doctor say that you are all right?’
‘I’m fine, Mum, really I am. I just bumped my head.’
‘I got a terrible fright when I saw those two men at the door. I thought at first that they were from the Sally Army. But then they told me that you were in the hospital, and I couldn’t understand it, because I didn’t know them from Adam, and none of it made any sense.’
‘She went the colour of chalk, Dottie! Thank God I was there at the time or goodness knows what would have happened.’
‘Lovely men though, weren’t they, Brenda?’
‘A cut above.’
‘They live in the flat below mine, Mum.’
‘Well all I can say is that it was very nice of them to come all that way to let me know what had happened to you.’
Mum was clutching her old brown handbag tightly to her chest like some beloved teddy bear. She kept worrying at the catch.
‘I’m okay, Mum. You don’t need to worry.’
Mum dabbed at her
eyes with a hankie. ‘Just got a bit of a fright, love.’
‘Your mother will always worry about you, Dottie. You might be all grown up, but you will always be your mum’s baby.’
‘Some baby,’ I said, smiling.
‘One of those men said that you fell off your bike.’
‘I shouldn’t have ridden it that morning, but I thought the wind had dropped. Stephen told me not to ride it, but I thought I knew better.’
‘Which one is Stephen?’ said Aunty Brenda.
‘The shorter one with the fair hair. The other one is Tristan.’
‘Tristan? You don’t hear that name very often, do you?’
‘It’s an upper-class name,’ said Aunty Brenda. ‘It’s only the upper classes that can get away with names like that. He would have had the mick taken out of him something rotten if he’d lived on the estate. I don’t know how your Nelson got away with it, Maureen.’
Mum smiled at her. ‘Yes, you do, Brenda. His best friend was Jack Forrest.’
Aunty Brenda smiled. ‘Jack Forrest, of course.’
The two sisters were looking at each other with such sweetness, remembering a time long past. Aunty Brenda put her hand on Mum’s arm and smiled at her. ‘How could I forget Jack?’
Mum rummaged in her bag and pulled out a bar of chocolate.
‘This is from your dad, Dottie. He went to the shops specially and bought it for you. You know he doesn’t like hospitals, but he sends all his love.’
‘Please thank him for me, Mum, and tell him that I’m all right.’
‘I will, love.’
Just then the door opened and Rose came into the room.
‘Oh, Dottie, you have visitors, dear. I won’t come in.’
‘Of course you can. Quick, close the door before someone sees you.’ They were pretty strict about the two-visitors-to-a-bed rule. ‘This is my mum and my Aunty Brenda.’
Mum and Aunty Brenda were staring at Rose with their mouths open, which wasn’t surprising given what she was wearing. She had really surpassed herself with a green velvet coat that came down to her ankles and was lavishly embroidered with pink roses. Over the top of that was a cream lace shawl smothered in multicoloured sequins. Various pieces of jewellery hung from her neck, making a kind of tinkly sound as she moved. She looked like a colourful peacock against the stark whiteness of the room.
‘You’re looking much better, dear,’ she said, leaning across the bed and kissing my cheek. She smelt of Oriental Place and the sea.
‘I’m feeling much better, thank you. Mum, this is my landlady, Rose Toshimo.’
Mum let go of her handbag, stood up and shook Rose’s hand. ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs Toshimo. Thank you for what you’ve done for my girl.’
‘I did very little, dear.’
‘I think you did a lot. You helped Dottie at a difficult time in her life.’
‘I smoothed her path a little, dear, that is all. If we can’t bestow a little kindness as we travel along life’s highway then it’s a poor show, isn’t it?’
‘It is indeed,’ said Mum, smiling.
Aunty Brenda stood up, smoothed down her skirt and smiled at Rose. I thought for one awful minute that she was going to curtsy. ‘Pleased to meet you I’m sure,’ she said, smiling.
‘And I can see that you are sisters, dear,’ said Rose, looking from one to the other. ‘You look very alike.’
‘We’ve grown to look alike over the years. We were very different when we were children.’
‘People say that my oriental gentleman and I grew to look alike, dear.’
Mum and Aunty Brenda looked totally bemused and just smiled weakly at her. I don’t think they had ever seen anyone quite like Rose in the whole of their lives. I would explain about the oriental gentleman later.
Rose was staring at Aunty Brenda very intently. Aunty Brenda was staring back at her as if mesmerised. Eventually Rose said, ‘You have the gift, dear.’
‘Do I?’ asked Aunty Brenda.’
‘What gift?’ asked Mum.
‘She has the seeing eye, dear.’
Mum stared at her sister as if she’d never seen her before. ‘Really?’ she said.
‘I always thought I had,’ said Aunty Brenda, looking pleased as punch.
‘You never told me,’ said Mum.
‘Don’t you remember when our cat Fluffy died and three days afterwards I saw him in our front room?’
‘Vaguely,’ said Mum.
‘Everyone laughed at me.’
‘Well you were always a bit on the fanciful side, Brenda. Are you sure she’s got what you said she’s got?’
‘The seeing eye, dear, and yes I could sense her aura as soon as I walked into the room.’
‘Imagine that,’ said Mum. ‘Imagine you having an aura all these years, and I never even knew.’
‘Wait till I tell our Carol,’ said Aunty Brenda. ‘I bet she wouldn’t know an aura if it bit her on the nose.’
‘You must visit me at Oriental Place, and I will help you to develop your abilities.’
‘Oh I will, Mrs Toshimo, I will.’
‘Now, dear,’ said Rose, ‘I have told Dottie that she can move into my flat when she comes out of hospital. I am there all day, and I can take care of her, but I don’t want to tread on any toes, dear. I’m sure you want her with you.’
I didn’t know what to say. The truth was that I wanted to go back to Oriental Place, but I didn’t want to hurt my mum’s feelings. I hadn’t reckoned on how well my mum knew me.
‘I think my Dottie would like to go home, and I think Oriental Place is her home now, Mrs Toshimo. Is that right, my love?’ she said, smiling at me.
‘If you don’t mind, Mum.’
‘Not a bit. All that sea air will help you get better quicker.’
‘That’s settled then,’ said Rose. ‘She will come home with me, and you will all visit, yes?’
‘We’d love to,’ said Aunty Brenda.
A nurse came into the room. ‘You are a popular girl, Dottie Perks,’ she said, grinning. ‘You have two more visitors.’
‘I’ll go then, dear,’ said Rose. ‘I was only popping in.’
Mum stood up. ‘Your Aunty Brenda and I will get going as well, Dottie. I have to get your dad’s tea, but we will be back tomorrow.’
‘Don’t forget to wear those socks,’ said Aunty Brenda, kissing my cheek.
‘I will get everything ready for when you come home,’ said Rose.
Mum was leaning across the bed kissing me goodbye when Millie and Matthew came into the room. Aunty Brenda’s face was a picture. Rose Toshimo was one thing but the beautiful Matthew was quite another.
46
I was back home in Oriental Place, being fussed over by Rose and the boys. I was feeling much better but still surprisingly weak. I also had a black eye and a puffy cheek. Every day the bruising changed colour. It was now a rather autumnal shade of orangey yellow. Stephen said it was very fetching.
I had a lot of time to think as I recovered in Rose’s flat. I thought about Ralph a lot. I wondered what he was doing and if they had all settled in Australia. I hoped that Peggy was happy now. She had to be, because that was why Ralph and I had parted. It had to have been worth it.
Lately when I thought about Ralph, I thought about us as children, before all the bad stuff happened. It was easier to think about those times. Remembering those carefree days made me feel happy because Mary was part of them too. I remembered how Ralph and I used to sit on the school field under the lilac tree. We didn’t say much – both of us were kind of shy – but it was an easy silence. We liked being together. Sometimes Mary and Elton would run across the field and plonk themselves down beside us, and we would listen to them giggling and laughing about something or someone. Mary and Elton drew people to them in a way that we never would but we didn’t mind – we didn’t mind one little bit – and so as I recovered I would find myself going back to those times and remembering the way we were. What was it about Ralp
h that I loved so much? What had kept me going back to him time and time again? The truth is that I didn’t know. I spoke to Rose about it.
I was lying on the pink chaise longue with one of Rose’s colourful throws over my legs. It was late afternoon, and darkness was beginning to fall outside the window. Rose had lit the lamps, and they cast soft shadows against the walls. I felt relaxed and at peace.
‘How did you know that Mr Toshimo was the right man for you, Rose? That you would love him forever?’
Rose sat down at the end of the chaise longue and smiled.
‘I don’t think that anyone can be sure that love will last forever, dear, but you see something in a person that draws you to them. It has to be more than looks; looks aren’t enough. It’s what’s inside that is beautiful. I’ve bought books, dear, that have lovely covers only to find that the story has no substance, so I’ve given up on them. I never gave up on my oriental gentleman. He was my soul mate. He still is; death hasn’t changed my love for him, and no one will ever replace him. Are you thinking about your Ralph, dear?’
I nodded. ‘I don’t seem to be able to give my heart to anyone else. I really hurt a boy called Joe, and he was lovely, and I think that maybe Matthew feels more for me than friendship, but I can’t get Ralph out of my head, and I don’t know why.’
‘And you probably never will, dear, but you are young, and you deserve to be loved. I don’t like to think of you being alone for the rest of your life. You have a big heart. Open it up, dear, and you might find that love will sneak in when you least expect it to.’
Could that happen? Maybe one day. Maybe one day I would be able to tuck Ralph away and allow myself to love again. I wondered what Mrs Dickens would say.
As I began to recover I started joining Rose on her daily walks along the sea front. It was chilly but the winds had died down. One day there was a weak sun filtering through the clouds so we decided to take a picnic down onto the beach. We leaned back against the old stone wall and let the sun warm our faces, Colin curled up on Rose’s lap. After we’d eaten our sandwiches Rose closed her eyes and I walked down to the edge of the sea. The water was so calm, it looked like glass gently lapping the shore. I looked towards the horizon and thought of Ralph, so many miles away, so many oceans away. I had a lump in my throat as I walked back up the pebbles towards Rose.