by MJ Masucci
“I thought you said no sex?”
“I can’t do it. I’ve wanted to all day, and I need you.”
“The bed creaks but we can move to the carpet.”
“I don’t want the carpet; I want our bed.”
She moved to her back, and he skimmed his hand over the smooth satin at her breasts. Sighing deeply, she softly moaned.
“My parents are just above us. I’ll satisfy you if you can be quiet. Take your nightgown off.”
He felt her rise next to him and stand next to the bed. The gown rustled as she removed it, sliding back into bed next to him. He removed his boxers and threw them, where they landed he had no idea nor did either one of them care. Ava stroked him, rubbing her thumb against the velvety smooth skin of his cock head. A bead of pre-cum had formed as her hand moved over him and she ran her fingers over it. He moaned softly.
She chuckled, “I see this is going to be a complicated process.”
“Shhh,” Xander said as he heard the bed above them creak. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
“Oh no, you can’t do that to me. I want you,” she whined quietly.
Petting her to see if she was wet enough, he moved directly between her legs and on his knees. Positioning himself at her opening, he gently thrust into her. She moaned as he stretched his body on top of her, moving slowly. Ava spread her legs wide then thought to wrap her legs around his waist. She was greedy and dug her nails into his ass, silently pleading with him to move faster, but he kept on the same slower pace. Their lovemaking was erotic and sensual.
Ava could no longer keep her mouth closed. She whimpered, mewled and finally moaned. He clamped his mouth tightly on hers, not only to keep her from crying out but to stop himself. They had never made love like this. Usually, their passions got the best of them, and eventually, he was pounding her until she screamed with ecstasy. But this was a necessity, and it was something that would surely be repeated.
“I love you,” he repeated over and over in a soft whisper.
Their orgasms were simultaneous, and she felt tears leak out of her eyes as they finished. He remained inside her and kissed her sweetly on the lips, stroking her face until he felt the tears.
“Why are you crying?”
“I just…I love you. Don’t mind me; I’m overwhelmed by emotion.”
He pulled out of her and rolled off, then sat up and took her in his arms.
“Everything is going to work out; you’ll see.”
“Sam had a miscarriage,” she blurted.
“What? When?”
“Earlier this week. That’s what we were doing this afternoon, talking about it. She is quite upset. She’s afraid she won’t be able to have children. She asked me how I deal with it.”
“Did you tell her?
“I said it’s hard for me, but I deal with it. No use telling her that sometimes the knowledge of it is crippling.”
“You’re a good friend.”
“I don’t think so. I know she wanted me to say something more to make her feel better, but I can’t offer her anything else.”
“You were honest with her, and that’s all you can be. My father took me aside and asked when I got the Corvette.”
“Did you tell him and why?”
“I did, and I almost slipped and called you my wife. This is harder to hide than I thought it would be. It’s always on the tip of my tongue.”
“Try to keep it in mind.”
“I do, but I keep in mind that you are mine and will be for always.”
The rest of the weekend was spent swimming in the waning days of the summer, boating, fishing and enjoying good food with family and friends. Ava and Xander were the last to leave the house after they went from room to room making sure everything was locked up tight. They didn’t want a repeat of what they thought were kids using the place as a hangout.
On the drive home, Xander waited until the traffic was sparse and he pushed the Corvette faster than he should have. Ava clung to the armrest as she was pushed back in her seat. She finally told him to slow down, and he did but not without marveling at the power below the hood.
They entered the city shortly before four in the afternoon. She inwardly groaned because tomorrow would be a work day. They stopped at her apartment to get some clean clothing and to pick up the boys, then moved onward to his apartment. They had figured out a schedule that they would spend Monday and Tuesday at his place, Wednesday and Thursday at hers and alternating Friday, Saturday and Sundays. Of course, that was flexible.
He checked his mailbox and handed her the thick pack of letters. She paged through it on the way up in the elevator until she came across a cream colored envelope from the Monroe County Courthouse. She waved it at him.
“What’s that?”
“It’s our marriage license. I can start to change my IDs over now.”
“No more Keene! You’ll be a Wilder finally.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”
He slid the keycard in his apartment door and as it opened, “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
“What would you think if I hyphenated my name, you know Keene-Wilder?”
“No.”
“That’s it? Just no.”
“Ava, I’ve waited for you to be my wife and I want you to be only Wilder. Mine.”
“But it’s just a name. I’m yours either way.”
“Then if it’s just a name why discuss it? Make it Wilder.”
“Why are you being difficult about this?”
“I told you why. I want you to have my name and only my name.”
She walked into the bedroom to avoid arguing, but he followed her. Ignoring him, she went to the dresser and began unloading her clothes into the two drawers he had reserved for her. Crossing his arms, he stood there staring at her defiantly.
“What do you want from me, Xander?”
“I want you to be mine.”
“I am yours. We have a piece of paper that says I’m yours. Why can’t you just let me have this one thing?”
“Because honoring me, as in our wedding vows is having my name and my name only.”
“If this is so important to you then I’ll only use your name.”
“Thank you,” he declared and left the room, leaving her to wonder why he had been so adamant about her using only his name. Dr. Hornung said to compromise, but it seemed like she always was, and he wasn’t.
During the night she was awakened more than once by Xander’s tossing and turning. Her alarm had been set for 5:00 AM so she could go workout, she managed to shut it just before it buzzed. Leaving her husband sleeping, she dressed for her run to Sunset. She penned a note and left it on her pillow letting him know she had gone for a workout.
After she had arrived back from exercising and removed her sneakers in the foyer, he came down the hall in his boxer shorts; hair damp from a shower.
“Thanks for waking me up. I would have liked to go for a workout, too.”
“You were exhausted. I felt you tossing and turning last night, and I wanted you to sleep. We haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately.”
His grin told her he understood. They had slow, sensual sex the last two nights before they came home from Lake George and it was more than once. It was all she wanted since they made love like that the past Friday night. Keeping his rhythm slow and steady was maddening. His passion for her gripped him, and he found it hard to control himself.
“I know, but I still wanted to work out. Now it’s too late.”
“What time did you wake up?”
“6:30, the bed was cold without you there. Do you want coffee?”
“Please. I’m going to take a shower. Jacob needs me to research a case for him this morning, so I want to get into the office a bit early.”
“I need you this morning.”
“I thought I was finished with the research you needed?”
“No.”
“What are you going to do when I
am not your assistant anymore? Eventually, I’ll be in the bar association and work my own cases.”
“Don’t remind me,” he mumbled.
“What does that mean?” She asked defensively.
“It means that I am dreading when I don’t see you during the day.”
She laughed, “We will still work for the same firm.”
He went to her, “Don’t you understand my need for you?”
“I do, but it will fade. Eventually, we will be an old married couple, and your need for me will have transformed.”
“It’s not going to change, ever.”
He tugged at her ponytail, pulling her head up so he could kiss her lips. “Go shower before I do something to make us late for work.”
Ava smiled at him and went to the bedroom to change. She wanted to have sex but knew she would also want him to fuck her slowly, and that would take time. Surprisingly, Xander did not come in while she was dressing. She found him sitting at the breakfast bar, still in his boxer shorts, scrolling through his phone.
“Baby, are you getting dressed?”
“Huh?”
He looked pale, and she wondered what was wrong.
“Are you getting dressed, it’s after seven.”
“Oh, yeah.”
He got up and walked past her without saying a word. She frowned at his back and pondered what had happened to him in the last fifteen minutes. The New York Times was sitting on the counter from the past weekend, and she read through it while she drank her coffee. It was nearing 7:30 and Xander still had not come out of the bedroom. She went in to find him sitting, still in his boxer shorts looking at his phone.
“Are you going to tell me what is wrong?”
“Katerina is dead.”
“What!”
“She committed suicide three days ago. Bobby sent me a copy of her obituary. She sent me several emails and left voicemails after she went home, but I ignored them. I think she was depressed.”
“It’s not your fault. She should have gotten help.”
“Yes, but maybe if I had spoken to her. She was upset I wasn’t Lex’s father and said she wanted me to be. Now the boy is alone, no father, no mother.”
“You can’t blame yourself. He isn’t your child.”
“How can you be so heartless?”
“I'm practical, not heartless, and I resent you calling me that. You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s child no matter how sorry you feel for them.”
“Whatever,” he said as he went to the closet to dress.
Ava was flabbergasted by his attitude and decided to leave for work on her own. While he was dressing, she grabbed her purse and left his apartment. She rarely took the subway anymore, but on this day she felt compelled even though she was miserable. Maybe it was because she would be around strangers who wouldn’t question her motives.
The platform was not yet packed with riders, and when the train came, she actually got a seat. Her phone went off several times on the trip to midtown, but she was in no mood to talk to the obvious caller. A cup of coffee was what she needed, and upon entering the office, she went to the kitchen to fill a cup with her usual black with four sugars. She hoped Jacob would get in before Xander so she could retrieve her work from him and head to the research room.
The feelings that Xander had dredged up hung like a shroud. Her expectations of what marriage was supposed to be like were wrong. Did she make a mistake? The worst part was that she had no one to talk to about her decision, no one but him.
As she stepped from the break room, Jacob was exiting the elevator and greeted her warmly. She walked to his office and noticed that her husband had not entered his yet. She hoped she could avoid his steely stare by heading to the research room before he arrived. However, she was out of luck when she heard his door open and shut.
She quickly discussed with Jacob his needs then hurried down the hallway before Xander exited his office. She knew he would look for her. The research room was chilly, and she wished she had brought her sweater; it was the wrong day to wear a sleeveless shirt.
An hour into her research she rose to search for a certain law book. She didn’t hear him come in, nor when he approached her from behind. Paging through the book, she found the passage she needed and headed to the table only to be stopped by his strong arms encircling her.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“I know. I gave you some time to cool off. When I came out of the bedroom, you were gone, and you didn’t answer any of my calls.”
“I didn’t answer them for a reason. You hurt me, Xander. I’m not stone. I have compassion, and I feel for the boy. But he isn’t yours.”
“You’re right, but I still feel sorry for him. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but Katerina was a difficult woman. I can only imagine what type of mother she was. He is at the point in his life where he needs a father to show him things. I once thought that would be me.”
“What will become of him now?”
“Her parents are still alive. I assume they will take him.”
“Xander, putting that aside, our relationship is not healthy. The way we deal with issues is not healthy. The way we deal with each other is not healthy. We use sex to bind us together. Dr. Hornung was correct in saying we use sex as a tool. We should have abstained longer, or maybe we need to do that now.”
He started laughing hard, “Do you honestly believe you can abstain from sex? We’re like gasoline and flame.”
She frowned at him, “Without sex, we have to communicate verbally. I don’t want to keep avoiding issues and pushing them under the carpet. They still exist, and they keep adding on because we never clear the air.”
“So should we start tonight? No sex?”
A large ball began to form in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t sure she could abstain from sex unless they slept apart.
“If we don’t have sex then we need to discuss things starting with why you got so upset when I said I wanted to hyphenate my name. We didn’t compromise; I gave in to avoid an argument.”
“Oh, we’re back to that again? I want you to be Mrs. Wilder, not Mrs. Keene-Wilder. It’s like you aren’t fully mine and you can’t let go of the past. The name change has nothing to do with wanting to destroy your individuality.”
He reached out and gently stroked her arm causing goose bumps to form on her skin.
“You’re cold. Come here.”
He pulled her towards him, and she warmed against his body. His shirt smelled of detergent, body wash, cologne, and Xander. These were smells that were familiar and comforting.
“Are we good with your name change or is it up for further discussion?”
“It’s closed. I don’t want to debate my name when we have other things to discuss. I need to take off for a couple of hours this week, so I can go to the social security office and make the change. Once I do that, I can get my driver’s license and other things changed.”
“Fine, thank you. I have to get back to work. Do you want to share lunch with me this afternoon?”
She nodded, and he kissed the top of her head before he let her go. His cologne lingered on her skin and in the air as he walked away.
A couple of hours later they sat on the steps in front of the building eating lunch. Ava humored him by forgoing her usual smoothie and getting a turkey wrap, of which she only finished half. He scowled at her when she slid the box over to him offering the other half.
“You’ve lost weight again.”
“Only a couple of pounds. I’m full.”
“Can you please promise me that you will try to gain the weight back?”
“I’m sure without sex I’ll be gaining it back in no time,” she whispered.
“Hey, it was your decision this time.”
“But it’s for our own good. Without it, we have to discuss the things that we push aside every time we get physical.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt.” He re
ached out to stroke her arm, but she pulled away. “Oh, so now I can’t touch you either?”
“You can, just not right now.” She began fanning herself as her mind wandered to how sexy he was in his boxers.
He started to snicker, “Am I getting to you?”
“Be quiet.” She checked her watch. “It’s time to go back.”
“I’m your boss. We can stay out here a little longer.”
Ava contemplated what excuse she could make to get away from him. As minor as it was, his scent was turning her on further. She had a gnawing feeling in her belly, and she had no doubt that her panties were getting wet.
“I have to finish the work that Jacob gave me.”
“Very well. Come.”
He had no idea how she would have loved to…with him inside her. On the way to the elevator, he placed his hand on her back, stroking her shoulder blade with his thumb. She wanted to shrug him off, but he might misconstrue the action as hostile. She chewed on her cheek until the doors opened and he removed his hand. On eighteen, she told him goodbye and headed to the research room.
The rest of the day ticked by slower than most. She was busy, but each time she checked her watch, it seemed like only a few minutes passed. Her arousal earlier had made her fidgety, and when another assistant came in, she almost jumped out of her skin. Fortunately, her husband did not make any more unannounced visits to the room. It gave her time to calm without his presence. How the hell am I going to last a few days if I can’t even survive a few of hours?
Just before five she got her work materials together and brought the case file to Jacob. Xander’s office door was closed, and she softly knocked, when he didn’t answer she went back to her desk. While waiting, she straightened her top drawer and came upon a slim box that she opened. It was the purple cloisonné pen that he had given her several years ago.
“Where did you find that,” Xander said, startling her as she hadn’t heard him approach.
“I found it in my drawer. I forgot I had it.”
“I would have thought by now that you had either thrown it out or were using it.”
“Why would I throw it out?”
“As I remember you weren’t very happy with me for a few years.”
“But you don’t discard your memories. I still have the note you left with it.”