Burn: Book 3 (The Heat Series)

by MJ Masucci

  After lunch, they sat in the living room and talked about the wedding until both Ava and Xander started to yawn.

  “Do you two want to rest? I cleaned up Xander’s old apartment over the garage. I figured you two would be more comfortable there than on the futon in the guest bedroom.”

  They thanked her and walked hand in hand to the apartment. Opening the door, Xander realized that nothing had been changed since he left over a year ago. The pictures he had of Ava were still on the hallway wall, and he made a mental note to take them. The one of her in the purple dress was his favorite. He had placed it in a varnished rustic wood frame.

  Ava pulled off her sneakers and went to the small bedroom. She turned to Xander with a big smile on her face.

  “What is that grin for?”

  “I just remember what we did last time we were in this bed.”

  A huge smile bloomed on his face as he thought back to the passionate, intense and sensual activities they had performed on the bed. He started to harden at the memory. Then his face clouded because he also realized that he had tried to push her away after she first found him. He turned away from her so she wouldn’t see his expression change but he wasn’t quick enough.

  “Xander?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine.”

  “Don’t dredge up the past.”

  “I can’t help it. I was so stupid and careless with your heart.”

  She went to him, “But we are married now, it’s all come full circle.”

  “Janelle questioned me since I slipped. She asked if we were married. I hated lying to her.”

  “You think I like lying to everyone? It’s for the best right now. I like having this secret that no one else knows. We have eight more months, and we can tell everyone after the ceremony.”

  “Not to change the subject but do you want to sleep or do you want to…”

  It turned out that Ava wanted to and they spent the afternoon entwined in bed naked. The weather had turned again, and they listened to the rain as it pounded on the roof and against the windows.

  “Sweetheart, it’s almost four. I think we should get dressed.”

  She mumbled into her pillow, “Can’t we just stay here a little while longer?”

  He leaned over and kissed her back, running his index finger down her spine. Then he began massaging her shoulders with his strong hands.

  “Mmm, that feels so good. How come you don’t give me massages?”

  “I had no idea you liked them.”

  “I do. Especially from my husband.”

  “I love when you call me your husband.”

  “That’s what you are, aren’t you?”

  Xander’s phone buzzed and upon checking it, he saw that Janelle had texted him. She was letting him know that Bill and Billy were on their way home from the lumberyard for dinner.

  “Time to get up. Billy and Bill will be home soon. Janelle said dinner would be ready in a half hour.” He pulled the sheet back and gently bit into Ava’s posterior. “This is one of my favorite parts of you.”

  “One?”

  “Well, all of you is my favorite part,” as he rubbed his hand over her ass.

  “I think we better get dressed before we miss dinner, Mr. Wilder.”

  He groaned but jumped over her and climbed out of bed. He would have loved to miss dinner.

  After an enjoyable meal of pot roast and root vegetables, Xander helped Janelle by bathing the children. He filled the tub with a lot of bubbles; it was Jimmy’s favorite. Ava sat on the toilet seat as he played with them. She was smiling so much that her face hurt.

  Later as they lay in bed, she questioned him. “Do you miss the life you had here?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Because you seem so happy when you’re here.”

  “No happier than when I’m with you in the city. It was a simple existence when I was here, but Janelle was right, it wasn’t where I belonged. I denied the truth for so long because of my guilt. I pushed aside a great career and what’s worse, you. It didn’t change anything. I have what I want, what I’ve always wanted.”

  “So you don’t miss it?”

  “I miss the people, but not the simple life. My home is wherever you are.”

  Ava nuzzled his neck, inhaling his scent deep into her nose. He was home to her, too.

  He woke early and slipped out of bed to change into the running gear he had brought with him. He felt compelled to run the path he had run daily for almost four years. She stirred as the rustling of clothing woke her.

  “Baby, where are you going?”

  “I’m going for a run.”

  “Do you want me to join you?”

  “You sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be back soon.”

  She snuggled back into her pillow while he left for his run. The weather was chilly, colder than it had been in the city. The thermometer on the side of the garage read fifty-two with a stiff breeze blowing. Xander pulled the hood of his sweatshirt onto his head and began to run towards the river. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon as he left the driveway.

  He ran to the park and stopped at the bench where Ava had first found him last year; how far they had come since that time. The pine tree they had used as shelter from the rain that next day was gone. It was a metaphor for how things change in life.

  While he ran, Ava got out of bed. The apartment was chilly, and she needed a hot shower. Maybe if Xander came back in time, they could shower together. It would be tight since the stall was small, a lot smaller than either of the ones in their apartments. She turned the water on and waited for it to heat, looking at herself in the mirror. Her face looked drawn probably because she had dropped another pound rather than gained. If Xander knew he would be upset, but he hadn’t said anything.

  She climbed into the shower and stood under the hot spray, letting it warm her body. While she did, she thought of all she had to do when they got home. There were wedding preparations to continue to make. All her identification needed to have a name change, and they needed to set up a joint bank account. Xander was still resistant to her contribution being bigger, but she insisted.

  A half hour later she sat on the bed bundled in her bathrobe, reading some of her emails. Her brother had sent her pictures of Jackson’s first birthday party. She was sad that she couldn’t be there, but it was a long way to travel for a weekend. The holidays were coming up, and she would need to discuss with Xander where they were to spend them. Five minutes later, he entered the apartment.

  “What took you so long?”

  Then she smelled it, the delicious aroma of fresh baked bread and coffee. In his hands was a white bakery bag and two cups of coffee in a holder.

  “How did you get back with that?”

  “One of the guys I used to work with at the lumberyard was coming out of the diner. If he hadn’t driven me, I would have figured something out. I knew my bride was going to be hungry.”

  “Do you have any vegetable cream cheese in that bag?”

  “But of course. I thought you would still be asleep.”

  “I decided to get up. Look.” She handed him her phone with the pictures.

  He paged through and noticed she was chewing on her lower lip. He used his thumb to dislodge it from between her teeth.

  “What is it?”

  She hung her head, “I wasn’t there. It was his first birthday, and I missed it.”

  “Sweetheart, you can’t always be there. They live so far from us that it will be hard to visit for every milestone. Maybe we can go there for the holidays even though your father hates me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you. He’s just unsure of you.”

  “I doubt he will let us share a room. I’m not sure I want to be apart from you for the entire trip.”

  “If David wasn’t still living in the pool house we could say we are staying in separate bedrooms.”

  “I thought he was going to move out months ago.”

  “My father offered to let
him stay rent free for as long as he wants. He’s trying to save to buy a house.”

  “I still don’t trust him. He wants you.”

  “He can’t have me. My heart belongs to you.”

  Xander smiled and kissed her before he headed to the bathroom to take a shower. As soon as she heard the water, she dug into the bag. He had gotten fresh bagels and a blueberry muffin which was her favorite. By the time he got out of the shower, she had polished off the muffin and was cutting into a bagel.

  “Someone is hungry,” he said as he dried his hair with a towel. The towel he had wrapped around his waist was hanging dangerously low. She could see a hint of his pubic hair. She began to feel heated and turned away. They had made love several times the night before, but she could never get enough of him.

  He came back to the kitchen dressed in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved Yankees shirt.

  “Is it chilly outside?”

  “Yes, and the wind is blowing pretty hard. I think you better wear a sweatshirt.”

  Ava cut into a bagel and slathered it with cream cheese, then handed it to him. As he ate, he went about the apartment looking in drawers and removing anything he wanted to take back to the city with him. He wrapped the two framed pictures of her in an old towel and placed it in his duffel bag. From one of the drawers in the nightstand, he removed a small notepad that he slipped into his back pocket.

  Next, he went through the leftover clothing in his drawers. Most of it was in bad shape. They had grease stains, and some were torn from his work at the lumberyard. He took an old baseball cap with a logo of a bear and put it on his head.

  “What’s that?”

  “I coached a T-ball team for a couple of years.”

  It was another piece of him that she hadn’t known. They were married and still had much to learn about each other. She gathered up the courage to ask about the notepad he had put into his back pocket. Pulling the small pad out of his pocket, he handed it to her. She paged through it and read the words upon page after page. Tears sprang to her eyes as she read further. Xander had written her poems while they were apart. These were very different from the sad journal entries she remembered reading. The poems sounded hopeful as if he were waiting for her to come for him.

  “You wrote these for me?”

  “Each night before I went to bed, I wrote a poem or a sentence to you.”

  “But why, Xander? You knew where I was. Why didn’t you come to me?”

  “The guilt I had was so overwhelming. I was afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “That you would reject me. I couldn’t handle it if you did. At least this way I knew you were out there, and maybe you wanted me.”

  “I always wanted you.” She went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He held her against his chest, and she felt the pounding of his heart.

  “I never want to be apart from you again.”

  “We never will be. There is nothing we can’t handle together.”

  After a few minutes, he kissed her, and they went back to eating their breakfast. The plan was to leave Saratoga by noon and head back to the city. While Xander went downstairs to check out his long-forgotten pickup truck (as he was giving it to Billy), Ava packed her things. She was checking under the bed to make sure she had not forgotten a pair of panties or a sock, and she noticed a white envelope wedged next to the leg of the bed and the nightstand. Wrestling it out, she saw her address on it and opened it.

  Inside was a graduation card with a letter Xander had written to her. It was dated her graduation day from law school the year before. She opened the letter and read it.

  Ava,

  I wanted you to know I was there. I saw you graduate and you looked so beautiful that it took every fiber of my being not to go to you and beg your forgiveness. But it was for the best. How can I ask your forgiveness when I can’t forgive myself for what I have done to you, to us? I only hope that one day you can look at me with the same love in your eyes that you once had. That is my wish; that is my dream. Be well, my love.

  I love you, still and always,

  Xander

  Ava sat on the floor, unmoving, staring at the letter. The card was blank but had a small picture of her in graduation gown drawn in black ink by his skilled hand, below the picture, his signature and a heart with an arrow through it. She heard him come into the apartment and made no move to hide what she had discovered.

  Xander found her sitting on the floor by the bed holding the card. His face displayed the pain he more than likely had felt when he had penned the letter and drawn the picture. He rubbed the back of his neck then scrubbed his face with his hands trying to find the right words to say.

  “That wasn’t for you to find.”

  “But I did. You were always so close.”

  “I was, but I didn’t take that last step.”

  She slipped the letter into the card and put it back in the envelope.

  “Do you want this?” She held the envelope out to him.

  He stared at her, “Do you think we should keep it?”

  “I do like the picture on the card, but the letter…”

  “I’m going to leave the decision up to you.”

  He left the room and went to the small living area. She could hear him zipping up his duffel bag. Ava decided that she would keep the card and letter. She slipped it into her bag and pulled the zipper. It was something she might want to bring up during one of their sessions with Dr. Hornung, or maybe not.

  They spent the next two hours hanging out with Xander’s cousins until noontime rolled around. He had signed the title on the pickup truck and turned it over to Billy.

  “It’s was a good truck, and now it’s yours. Do what you like with it.”

  Billy tried to offer him some money, but he waved it away. He had kept it sheltered in the garage for over a year, and Xander was grateful to him. He and Ava hugged his cousins goodbye and got into the car. The weather was much better than it had been a day earlier. The rain had ceased, and the temperature had hit in the high seventies by noon.

  Ava pulled off her sweatshirt before she got in the car. Xander watched from the corner of his eye to make sure she buckled her belt then he waved to Janelle and pulled out the long driveway. They didn’t speak until he pulled onto the highway.

  “So it was nice to see everyone wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, it was. Sophia likes you.”

  “She wanted me to stay. She reminds me so much of William.”

  She stopped speaking and looked out the window as the trees raced by.

  “Sweetheart? What are you thinking about?”

  “I miss everyone. I haven’t seen them since I went down when my father got sick. Can we go for one of the holidays?”

  “How about we go for Thanksgiving? Maybe I can get my parents to join us. Lidia isn’t going to come to the city, and Suzanne mentioned that they were going to see Steven’s parents for it.”

  “I would love that. I’ll call my father when we get home and find out what they’re doing. Please don’t be upset if he doesn’t let us sleep in the same room.”

  “I don’t expect him to allow that. After all, he has no idea we’re married.”

  Ava smiled weakly because the tone of Xander’s voice made her realize that he was upset that they would be separated. She decided not to pursue the conversation further since she had no idea what her father would say.

  The drive was pleasant, and the traffic was light. Whereas the trip up took them five hours, the trip back took less than four, and they entered the city just before 4:00 PM. She started to fidget when they hit the street near her apartment.

  “I can go with you to the garage. You don’t have to drop me off.”

  “We have a few bags to carry this time.”

  He pulled up to her building and unloaded the three bags into the lobby. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

  The bags were heavy, and Ava asked the man at the front desk (who was new) if
he could watch the two bags while she went upstairs with one of them. By the time she came down for the last bag, Xander was walking in the building and chastised her for lugging the heavy bags by herself.

  He took the last bag from her and slung it over his shoulder. Then firmly took her hand in his. On the way up, he put her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it.

  “I’m glad to be home.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Are we staying here tonight? This was supposed to be my weekend.”

  “Would you prefer we go to your place? I can pack the boys in their carrier.”

  “I’m tired. Let’s stay here tonight.”

  After they had unpacked, they lounged on the couch together. Ava laid her head on his lap, and he stroked her hair.

  “Why don’t you write anymore?”

  “Who says I don’t?

  She sat up, “You do? Can I read some of it?”

  “I have a notebook in the office at the apartment. Sometimes I write when I can’t sleep.”

  This was news to her because she almost always woke up and he was curled around her, or their bodies were entwined. How could he leave without her stirring?

  “Does it happen a lot?”

  “That I write?”

  “No, that you can’t sleep?”

  “Sometimes, but I don’t always get up especially if you have a bad dream.”

  Unbeknownst to her, that had been happening with consistent frequency. He didn’t tell her how much because he didn’t want to frighten her.

  “I don’t have them that often, right?”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “Xander?”

  “No, sometimes you whimper and stop, so I know it’s over. Don’t you remember?”

  “Not particularly.”

  Inwardly, he breathed a sigh of relief. He imagined that the dreams she had were disturbing and sometimes he could hear words that she mumbled, his name and more alarmingly, Liam’s.

  For dinner, they ordered Soul Burger. Xander never got to take her to his favorite greasy burger place in Saratoga, so Soul Burger was the next best thing. They lazed around for the rest of Sunday until after dinner. He pulled her on his lap and gently kissed her, removing the diamond stud from her ear to suck her earlobe. She softly moaned as he continued moving his mouth over her neck.