by MJ Masucci
This meant that the clients he had coming in today would have to see either her or Philip. They discussed it, and Philip would take the client though this would give her an extra contract to work. She called Xander’s office to let him know it would be another late night for her. His tone of voice told her that he was none too pleased.
She made it up to him by taking a forty-five minute lunch and spending most of it with her tongue in his mouth. His attitude seemed better when he left her office. She made him a promise that another day or two and she would be ready to break their streak of inactivity. He told her he was looking forward to it.
But his cordial attitude was broken when she walked in the door of their apartment at well past ten that evening. She knew he was fuming since she found him asleep on the couch with a tumbler of half finished scotch on the coffee table. He always drank scotch when he was upset.
“Xander?” She said as she touched his shoulder.
He grumbled as he startled awake, “What time is it?”
“Ten thirty-nine.”
“You’re kidding right?” He was fully awake and slightly slurring his words.
“No. I had to finish the items on my list.”
“This is pissing me off. I barely see you these days. I might as well live alone.”
“Xander, please. It’s late, and we’re both tired.”
“Fine.” He got up and stalked to the bedroom.
She removed her coat and shoes, stopping by the kitchen to take some water and aspirin for her splitting headache. By the time she got to the bedroom, he was already on his side of the bed curled up and snoring. She got ready for bed and tried not to disturb him. Even though he was angry, he stirred and reached across the expanse of bed for her. She pressed against his side and whispered her love for him.
Chapter 35
Two months later and the degradation of their relationship had increased with each passing day. They barely spoke to each other. Her long hours and his resentment grew from week to week. Discussions about anything concerning the wedding ceased. Xander conveyed an attitude of “what’s the point?” He often told her that, and it made her nauseous to realize that their marriage, not even a year old, was heading for divorce.
The addition of a new attorney to her department did nothing to stem the flow of work that came her way. The worst part was that Brian Ashburn had assigned a large development contract for one of the firm’s most prestigious clients to both her and Philip. It was more than Xander could take when he found out.
He yelled about how Philip was spending more time with her than he was. By the start of April, the discord and heavy workload were taking its toll. She was nauseous, exhausted and on the verge of tears most days. She often would wake up and run to the bathroom to vomit. No matter what she did, the nausea was there. Her weight loss was apparent, and a recent weighing indicated that she was one hundred and two pounds.
Not that Xander noticed. He hadn’t touched her in weeks. The last time they had sex, it was unsatisfying and more for his need than hers. She calculated in her head; it had been mid-March. Now almost three weeks later, she had no desire to spend time of any type with him. Some nights he wouldn’t even come to their bed. In the morning, she would find his side of the bed still made and him slumbering away on the couch in his office.
The last straw for her was the third of April, a Friday. Xander had told her he had an after hours client meeting. She and Philip were just finishing up some details for the development contract. They finished ahead of schedule, and since Xander wouldn’t be home until later, they decided to have dinner together.
Ava felt relaxed with Philip, and they chose a steakhouse several blocks from the office. As they chatted, she thought of how it used to be with Xander, just like this. No arguments, no trivial bullshit, and no jealousy. All the weeks of worry, anger, and fighting made her seek out Philip as a confidante. She could hardly tell her family the state of her relationship. They already had their doubts. She needed someone not attached to them, and Philip was the closest person she could find.
She began talking about how she felt, and as tears started to flow down her cheeks, he reached over to wipe them away. To her horror, she looked up to the intense stare of Xander from across the room. She had no idea what she should do, and in the interest of avoiding a scene, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Several minutes went by as she sat on the cushioned bench in the small vestibule to the bathroom.
Violent nausea took hold of her and whatever dinner she managed to choke down ended up in the toilet. When she came out, there was Xander. She could feel the rage seeping from him as he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.
He grabbed her arm and practically pulled her to a corner near the coatroom. His anger was such that he didn’t notice how pale and weak she was.
“What the fuck are you doing? You let him touch you?”
“He was comforting me and keep your voice down.”
“Why does he need to comfort you?”
She narrowed her eyes, “Because my fucking husband couldn’t care less about the way I feel.”
He looked at her shocked, “That’s not true. You don’t care about me. You do what you want and spend time with someone who has the hots for you. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Xander, I can’t do this anymore. I need some time, and I think we should separate for a little while.”
“I don’t want that. You’re running away again.”
“Just give me some time. This is doing neither of us any good. You resent me, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“I think it’s better that I do. I’ll be out of the apartment by the time you come home.”
He watched as she walked away. His love, his life, his world and she was leaving him. His stomach tightened, and he choked back the bile that he felt rising in his throat. The clients he took to dinner were waiting for him, and he would have to put on a brave face when all he wanted to do was go after her.
When Ava got back to the table, she felt defeated. Philip could see the change in her demeanor and offered to take her home. She declined full well knowing that if Xander found out, it would be just another rock in the sinking boat that was their marriage. He walked her out of the restaurant, not paying attention to the dirty stare he received from her husband.
He helped Ava into a cab, and she waved goodbye. Her tears were free flowing on the drive home, and she dug in her purse for some tissue to dry them. At their apartment, she quickly packed clothing in her large suitcase. She didn’t want to encounter him because she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together.
She rounded up the cats and put them in their carrier. There was no way she was going to leave them because she had no idea how long it would be before she came back, if ever. As she lugged her suitcase and the carrier into the elevator, she wondered if she this was the end for them.
Two hours after Ava had left the restaurant, Xander came back to their apartment. He was miserable and wanted nothing more than a stiff drink. In the kitchen, he poured an almost full glass of scotch and went to sit on the couch. As he held the tumbler in his hand, he had the urge to smash it against the wall. What had gone wrong between them the last two months?
His emotions were a rollercoaster ride. In one way he was happy that there would be no awkward tiptoeing around each other tonight. In another, he was tortured that his bed would be empty without her. Not that it mattered, most nights over the past few weeks he had slept on the couch in his office.
Each morning he would wake up to the sad look on her face. They had been married almost eight months to the day, and it was crumbling before them. She had wanted to go back to Dr. Hornung, but he had told her no. The good doctor could not offer him any words of wisdom as far as he was concerned when the problems in their marriage were her fault. But were they all her fault?
How self-righteous he was to believe that it was all her fau
lt. She had tried to make him happy, but her long hours and constant contact with Philip had placed the blame squarely on her shoulders.
Ah, fuck it. He downed the last of the scotch and feeling very drunk, stumbled into the bedroom. He fell on the bed on her side, burying his face in her pillow. It smelled of her, and then the tears started to come and for which he made no attempt to stop. He texted her and finally exhausted, he passed out.
Back at her apartment, Ava wheeled her suitcase and the cat carrier into the entryway. After letting the boys out, she prepared their food and was happy to see that they had a clean litter box all ready to go. She didn’t have the energy to set one up.
Her place was dusty, and she wiped at the light layer of dust on the kitchen counters. It had been several weeks since she had come back here. Her first order of business tomorrow would be to clean. But right now all she wanted to do was sleep. Unzipping her suitcase, she took the first t-shirt she could find and took it to her bedroom to change. Her phone chirped as she was sliding under the sheets.
I want you for always.
She ignored it and turned onto her side, but sleep would not come. Even though for the last several weeks they rarely shared a bed, she was still comforted by the fact that he was somewhere in the home they shared. Here, that wasn’t the case. He was several blocks away, and loneliness consumed her.
After several hours of tossing and turning, she got out of bed. It was barely five in the morning, but the oh so familiar nausea enveloped her, and she ran to the bathroom. Nothing came up, but she dry heaved for a couple of minutes before she started to feel better.
Ava couldn’t deny that something was wrong with her. It had been almost three weeks that she had been nauseous and exhausted. Her breasts were sore, but that was usually the norm when her period was expected, but that wouldn’t be for another week or so. Then a thought popped into her head.
This wasn’t the first time she had felt this way. She had the same symptoms several years before when she was…pregnant! How could she be pregnant? The doctor said her fallopian tube was blocked and she would have to have In vitro to have a baby.
She ran to her suitcase and started digging through it looking for yoga pants and a sweatshirt. It was early, but there was a twenty-four hour pharmacy a few blocks from her apartment. This couldn’t wait until she placed a grocery order with Stan’s. She pulled on her clothes, grabbed her coat, purse, keys and ran to the elevator. It was chilly outside but walking in the brisk air made her feel better.
Back at her apartment, she sat on the toilet seat bouncing her leg and waiting for the pregnancy stick she had peed on to register the results. Minutes later she had her answer; she was pregnant. She stared at the plus sign on the stick before it truly registered with her. I’m pregnant.
Ava left the bathroom and paced the hallway. What was she going to do? She had wanted this for so long, and now with her marriage in shambles, it had finally happened. Before she did anything, she needed to confirm the result with the doctor. More than likely she was only a few weeks along.
On Saturdays, Dr. Emory was in until noon. However, she was usually booked several weeks in advance unless there was an emergency. Ava highly doubted that her office staff would consider pregnancy an emergency and would book her when there was an opening.
The office wouldn’t be open until eight, and that was an hour away. She decided to take a shower and keep herself busy. It didn’t matter because it wasn’t like they were going to take her today. The shower felt good on her tired body. As the water cascaded down over her, she leaned against the wall.
Her mind kept echoing you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant. But she also she couldn’t get the thought out of her mind that she was separated. If it was confirmed she was pregnant, what was she to do about that? How would Xander react to her pregnancy? Would he be like the last time?
A half hour later, wrapped in her robe and sitting on the couch, she dialed the doctor’s office. It wasn’t a surprise when they said that Dr. Emory was booked until well into the first week of May. However, she had taken on a partner, Dr. Walker, who had an appointment open that following Wednesday afternoon. She booked it and thanked the receptionist before she hung up.
Now what to do for the next few days until then? She was a ball of nerves already. Her apartment needed cleaning, and she set to work doing that. There were no groceries in her apartment, and if she was to stay her for any length of time, she needed to order some.
A few hours later, her kitchen stocked and apartment cleaned, she went to take a nap. Her phone had been on silent, and when she checked it, there were several texts from Philip as well as Xander. She didn’t know what to say to her husband, so she left those unanswered. Philip was just checking on her to make sure she was doing okay. She let him know that she was fine.
The rest of the weekend, Ava tried to relax, and on Sunday she got a visitor: Xander. When she opened the door, she had mixed emotions. She wasn’t sure if she should kiss him or hit him. Instead, she opened the door and walked away, but not before noting he looked like shit. He had circles under his eyes, and his usual orderly wardrobe was not.
“We need to talk this out,” he said as he came into the apartment.
“There is nothing to say.”
“I think there is plenty to say.”
“Aside from your nasty remarks? You smell like alcohol. Have you been drinking?”
“Due to the circumstances, I have. I want my wife back where she belongs.”
“You can’t order me around.”
“I know that.”
“You have trust issues.”
“Do you blame me?”
“I’ve never done anything to make you mistrust me.”
“What about David?”
“That was a year ago when we weren’t together, and I think it’s beneath you to bring it up. I never cheated on you.”
“You lied to me.”
“About sharing a house with him and you still haven’t gotten past it. I’ve forgiven you, and I would say that what you did to me, hiding the truth was far worse than my small lie.”
His head shot up, and he frowned, “And you’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”
Realizing that an argument was brewing, Ava asked him to leave.
“You can’t hide from this by running away,” he said as he rose to leave.
“I’m not running away because this is my place. Just leave.”
When the door closed, a wave of nausea hit her, and she rushed to the bathroom. She was glad that he hadn’t been here when she vomited. He would have become suspicious and worried. The less he knew about her pregnancy right now, the better.
The next day, Philip was like a mother hen. He knew she was not feeling well and she still looked pale. She told him that she was just tired. He took pity on her and helped her with a couple of case files since he had caught up that morning. She didn’t see or hear from Xander all day.
By the time Wednesday rolled around, she was happy to be leaving the office early. Unfortunately, Xander chose fifteen minutes before she was to leave to come and talk. She hadn’t seen him since Sunday, and he looked even worse than she felt.
He softly closed the door to her office. Up until then, she had no idea he was in the hallway. She looked up at him, and he gave her a weak smile.
“I don’t want to argue. I just want to let you know that I’m available if you want to discuss anything.”
“I have to leave. I have a doctor’s appointment at 2:30.”
A look of alarm crossed his face, “Are you sick? Do you need me to go with you?”
“No, just a follow up with Dr. Emory for the HSG test. Maybe we can have dinner sometime this week.”
His face brightened, “Ava, I love you. I don’t want to break up. I’ve made some mistakes, but we both have. I’ve been miserable since you left.”
“You look like shit.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“I have to go
, but I’ll call you tonight.”
“Call? Why can’t you come back to our apartment?”
“Because I want to talk. I’m not coming back until we hash all the little bits and pieces.”
“That’s ridiculous. You can come back, and we can talk,” he said angrily.
“Your attitude right there is why I don’t want to come back yet.”
“I’m so done with this. Have fun at your appointment.”
She watched his back as he walked out the door. Then she got up to get her coat and leave for her appointment.
The waiting room was crowded, and she had to stand to wait for a seat to open. She saw a couple of very pregnant women and was looking forward to being in that position. However, she wasn’t sure if she would have a husband to share it with or not.
The nurse called her name, and she was taken to one of the exam rooms. Dr. Walker was a tall, thin woman with light brown eyes and a soft smile. She offered her hand when she introduced herself.
“So, I see from your file that you recently had an HSG test and the findings were that you had a blockage.”
“Yes, that’s what Dr. Emory told me.”
“But now you think you’re pregnant?”
“I took a test on Saturday. It was positive.”
“Let’s have you take a urine analysis. Leave the cup in the bathroom. The nurse will collect it.”
The doctor handed her a specimen cup, and she went to the bathroom to fill it. Several minutes went by after she came back to the exam room. The doctor entered with the news.
“You are indeed pregnant. Let’s give you a sonogram.”
Ava couldn’t help smiling. The doctor had her open the button and zipper of her pants and squirted some warm gel on her belly to use with the imaging wand.