I continued to sob. “But I love him. I love him with all of my heart and soul. I shall never love anyone this much again. If you don’t give me your blessing, I shall die. At least, please meet him. He will be at your award dinner at Grande’s. Just meet him and give him a chance. Please.”
“You have invited him to be a part of a family affair, knowing that he will not fit in.... that we would never find him acceptable. I am utterly disgusted with your behavior. Because of what you have done, you have now ruined that entire evening for your father. I refuse to attend a social event with a Catholic opportunist.”
“Spence is not an opportunist, Mummy. In addition, I have ruined nothing. It’s you who are choosing to ruin the evening with your narrow mindedness.” I shocked myself with those words. Nevertheless, I was so angry and frustrated, that my true feelings fairly spilled out. Mummy became completely irrational. I had never spoken to her with such a lack of respect.
“You will begin to act like a grown woman, and this unfortunate episode will be put behind us. We expect you to start behaving like a blue-blooded aristocrat, and not a common trollop. I shall not brook hysterics over this matter, and do not want this man’s name mentioned again in our home. He has caused grave upset and concern. He is obviously a trashy fortune hunter, and you are too stupid to see him for what he is. You are never to see him again. Is that clearly understood?”
“No, no! How can you say you love me and act this way toward me?”
“It is because we love you, Sophia,” answered Papa.
Mummy’s icy blue eyes were livid. “Now, you listen to me,” she shrieked. “It’s time for you to begin thinking about what you owe to us. We have given you the best of everything. We have offered you every advantage, and more freedom than any generation of young woman before you. If you think you are going to repay us by marrying a Catholic, and embarrassing us, then you are very mistaken. Obviously, this is the first man who has ever paid you a whit of attention. I might have expected this from you. His church takes its orders from the Pope in Rome and the Pope in Rome dictates that if you do not prove that you have pleased him enough to ensure that you live in a state of Grace, when you die, you will go to a ghastly place known as Purgatory, which is a sort of holding cell for those who do not have the credentials to make it into heaven. Wealthy Catholics will have to light candles to free you from Purgatory. Some people never are freed at all. I doubt that Doctor Stanton would know enough wealthy Catholics, so you would spend eternity in Purgatory. We certainly do not know any wealthy Catholics, so our connections could not even help you.” By that time, she was pacing up and down the room, as her emotions escalated. In spite of her terrible upset, I couldn’t help but be amazed at her seemingly endless knowledge about the Catholic faith. I wondered if anything she said was true. “How on earth can this person be Catholic?” she suddenly asked. “What is his background?” I decided that I might just as well tell them everything. If there was going to be a rage, Mummy might as well have all of the facts.”
“His mother is from County Cork, Ireland.”
“Oh my God in Heaven,” Mummy screamed. “An Irishman! My daughter married to an Irishman. “Sophia, the only nationality I despise more is German.”
“But, why, Mummy? What is wrong with Irish people? I have always found them to be warm and sensitive. They are wonderful artists, poets and musicians. Ireland is, after all, a part of the Commonwealth.”
“Irishmen are drunkards, adulterers, liars, braggarts, and scoundrels. Do you want to spend your life in a Dublin pub?”
“Spence is none of those things. Frankly, I doubt that he’s ever been in a Dublin pub.”
Mummy picked up a Lalique crystal ashtray and threw it across the room. It splintered into hundreds of tiny pieces, as it hit the marble on the fireplace. She was in a total rage. She ran about the drawing room, picking up items and hurling them; Ashtrays, Sevres figurines, the Piaget clock. She was screaming and ranting in a ghastly harangue. In the past, I had never fought back, nor even tried to defend myself. However, I had a very deep love for Spence and it motivated me. “Mummy,” I began, “I’m a grown woman, and this is simply not fair. I have done nothing wrong. I have the right to see whomever I wish. I understand that you also have the right to form an opinion about any man whom I might care for, but you do not have the right to form such an opinion when you have never even met him. In my opinion, you are being bigoted and small-minded. Just be honest enough to look at the way you are behaving. Sometimes I really think you’re not normal.”
All color drained from Papa’s face, and Mummy stood stock-still. No one in the family had ever spoken the truth aloud. It was simply not the done thing. Suddenly, Mummy screamed, an almost inhuman cry. “All right! That is it! You have always hated me. I have always thought that, and now I’m certain.”
I stood, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t run. I looked my mother straight in the eye and spoke in an amazingly calm voice. “Mummy, that’s simply not true. Everything I have done all of my life has been proof to the contrary, and you know that is the truth. I sometimes believe you feel hatred toward all of your children, and I don’t, for the life of me, know why.”
Mummy stood perfectly still. Her eyes bored straight into mine, for what seemed an eternity. Then, she slapped me across the face. My head literally snapped around from the force of the blow. I could not help but cry out, as it hurt dreadfully. Yet, I still refused to retreat and run, as I had done so many times in childhood. With tears streaming down, I said, “You can be so cruel. Why don’t you want me to be happy?”
Mummy lost her mind. Picking up a basket of fresh fruit from an ornamental table, she bashed it over my head. Then she threw herself on the floor, curled like a small child in the midst of a tantrum, and screamed hysterically. I stood in horror. Meanwhile, Papa finally found his voice and managed to stammer his usual line, “Pamela, please...” Of course, it did absolutely no good. It never did. In fact, it had the opposite effect. It seemed to re-energize her. Leaping up, she grabbed the silver teapot and hurled it across the room at Papa. Thank God, her aim was off, and it missed hitting him by a fraction of an inch. Nevertheless, scalding hot tea flew all over the room. Some of it splattered upon my arm. It hurt dreadfully, but I just stood, rigid and immobile. I still have a small scar on my right wrist, where that damnable tea burned me. In addition, the Sterling teapot was severely damaged.
Finally, she was worn-out. She stood, shakily, and held tightly to the back of a chair. In a controlled voice she said, “We shall never speak of this person again, Sophia. This Irish scoundrel. Catholic trash. You are not the grown woman you think you are. You are only eighteen years of age, and without your parents, you do not have a farthing. I shall ring the Countess of Winnsborough and arrange for you and Lord Winnsborough to make wedding plans immediately. You will find him attractive and very suitable, and when he proposes marriage, you will accept. If these plans do not meet with your approval, you are free to leave the Somerville family immediately and permanently. Doctor Spencer Stanton will rue the day he ever met you and turned you against your family. Your father has powerful friends, Sophia. It would be tragic if Doctor Stanton lost his medical license, and was unable to practice his trade. I imagine there are scores of women walking the streets of London, who for a few Pounds’ Sterling, would swear an oath that Doctor Stanton helped them end a pregnancy. Such an illegal act would not only result in the loss of medical privileges, it would result in a prison term.” With that, she turned and ascended the staircase to her bedroom, slamming the door and locking it.
I knew that I had been defeated. My mother was not just mouthing words. Indeed, she would be very happy to find some way to ruin Spence’s reputation as a physician. She had enough money and was malicious enough. She didn’t see herself as heartless and cruel. In her mind, she was saving me from making a terrible mistake. I was angrier than I ever recall being. I couldn’t remember ever having felt such rage. Perhaps a lifetime
of suppressed emotion over so many similar tirades burst forth. Still weeping, I began to shout. “Papa, you wouldn’t do such a thing, would you? Spence is a good person. Please, please don’t make him pay a price for loving me.”
Papa stood silently, not meeting my eyes. He looked helpless. It was clear that Mummy had his full support, and that I would do my mother’s bidding or risk seeing Spence ruined. Mummy had accomplished her goal. I whirled toward my father, and through clenched teeth spoke words I had never believed possible. “You have never stood up for me in your life. Everyone thinks you are such a wonderful person. Well, you are not. You allow Mummy to belittle me, and you do it yourself. Especially if you think it will win her approval. You aren’t half the man that Spence is. I even understand why you take her side. You are just like your children. You want her approval so terribly much, you will do anything or say anything to agree with her. It is sick, Papa. I’m ashamed that you are my father. You have hurt me dreadfully, all of my life. There is something terribly, terribly wrong in this entire family. All either you or Mummy cares about are appearances. If people really knew the truth about this family, we wouldn’t be welcomed into any house in the land. I do not want to be a part of this family anymore. As far as I’m concerned, I hope I never set foot in this house again. Now, please just leave me alone,” I cried. “I’m going to do exactly as Mummy ordered. I’m leaving the Somerville family. You and Mummy seem Hell bent on destroying me, and certainly Spence.”
With that, I turned and raced up the stairway to my bedchamber, and began to throw clothing back into my case. Unbeknownst to me, there was much worse to come. Mummy had been listening to every word I’d shouted at my father. She rushed out of her room from across the hallway, and into my bedchamber. She held a pair of scissors. Grabbing a handful of the clothing that I was re-packing, she began cutting it into shreds. “If you are leaving the Somerville family, you can begin by not taking any of the expensive apparel we have provided for you, in an attempt to improve your exceedingly average appearance,” she screamed hysterically. Her voice was growing hoarse from shrieking. I was transfixed by the spectacle of my mother shredding, cutting, and ripping. After she had finished her demolition, she threw down the scissors, and ran back to her own room.
There was utter silence in the house. I knew that my father would soon be desperately trying to bring Mummy to her senses. Eventually, he would coax her out of their suite with the purchase of some sort of luxurious gift. I suddenly realized that the entire foolish dance was becoming very tiresome. I turned and ran down the stairs to the entry door. I rang for Joseph, and asked him to take me to the station at Bedminster-with-Hartcliffe. This time there were no bags to carry. I bid a tearful farewell to Willow Grove.
On the train en route to London, I finally stopped sobbing, and tried to think what my course of action should be. The logical thing would be to return to Drew and Annie’s, but I didn’t want to have to relive the whole nightmare again. In addition, by the time I arrived it would be late. They had no idea that I was coming. I wanted desperately to speak with Spence. But I knew that if I told him what had happened, he would insist upon talking to my parents. I did not want to subject him to the verbal abuse that was certain to accompany such a conversation. I also knew that he would tell me not to worry about Mummy threatening to sully his reputation. On the one hand, I wanted to run to him, let him hold me, and tell me that everything would be all right. I didn’t care about ever going back to Willow Grove Abbey. I did not care if my parents disowned me. I only wanted to be Spence’s wife. However, I also knew that it was unlikely that Spence would marry me under such circumstances. He was so honorable and decent. The idea of marrying someone whose parents thought him beneath their station would be anathema to him. Finally, I decided that I would take a room at the Royal Hotel, and contact Spence in Twigbury. I would ring him, tell him where I was, and ask him to come to me. Thankfully, and unbeknownst to Mummy and Papa, I did have a farthing. Much more than a farthing. My dear Grandpapa had set up a banking account for me before his death, and had warned me never to tell my parents. He ‘d said at the time that he wanted me to have something that was all mine, in case I ever needed it. I wondered if he didn’t suspect some of the turmoil that I lived with. It was not a fortune, but enough to see me through an emergency, and that moment certainly qualified as an emergency.
CHAPTER FIVE
November Ninth, 1935
A Last Visit to the Royal
There was a small Queen Anne desk in the foyer of my room at the Royal with a telephone upon it. I sat there, and placed a call to Spence. His receptionist answered, and it was only a matter of moments before his voice was on the line.
“Sophia?” Is that you? Is everything all right?”
“I needed to ring to tell you that I’ve left ‘Willow Grove Abbey’, and am at the Royal....have taken a room at the Royal,” I stammered. “I need you to come here when you’re able.”
“Whatever are you doing at the Royal?”
I searched for the proper combination of words. “It’s much too long a story to go into on the telephone, Spence. I’ll explain everything when I see you.”
“Is there anything wrong, Sophia? Your voice sounds strange?”
“No, I’m fine. A little tired, perhaps. When do you expect you could come to London?”
“Darling, I have a full load of patients tomorrow, but I’ll leave as soon as I’ve finished with the last. I shall come straight to the Royal. I should think it would be about seven. Why don’t you make reservations for dinner in the Thames Room, and as soon as I arrive we can dine?”
“That sounds splendid,” I agreed. The thought of a lovely dinner with Spence in the place where our romance had begun revived my spirits. He was all that mattered to me. We would talk, and make plans to be married very quickly. I was certain that I could convince him that there was no need to speak with my parents. That it would be fruitless. I knew that he loved me, and would agree to marry me in whatever manner I thought best.
“All right then, Sophia, I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”
“Yes, Spence. And darling . . .”
“Yes, Sophia”.
“I love you.”
“Dearest, I love you too. Goodbye until tomorrow.”
I placed the receiver back into its cradle, dropping my head into my hands. I had a ghastly headache. My entire life depended upon him. I’d made the decision to give everything in the world up for Spence. I didn’t care. He mattered more than anything else, but nothing had turned out the way I’d hoped. I readied myself for bed, and was so happy to be able to have a lie-down. The room was magnificent, decorated in the Edwardian style, with yellow draperies which began at the ceiling, and fell to the floor in folds, and a bed fit for royalty, covered with a pale lavender spread. However lovely my surroundings, I am afraid they were a complete waste, as I tossed and turned all night, and by morning, saw things from an entirely different perspective. My previous hopes of spending a future with Spence had evaporated. I don’t know what I had been thinking. The more I pondered the situation through the endless, sleepless hours, I knew that the only thing for me to do was put an end to my relationship with him. Certainly, he would not marry me without speaking to my parents. I must have been delusional to ever have thought differently. He was far too proper and moral to do that. Moreover, once he spoke to them, I had no doubt that my mother would carry through on her threat to ruin him. Papa would not have any control over her. I had to make certain Spence wasn’t harmed in any manner, simply because he had made the mistake of loving me. Somehow, I would have to make Spence believe that I had changed my mind.... Had decided that marriage to him would be a mistake.
I spent a dreadful day, waiting for the evening and Spence’s arrival. My chest felt as if it had a large stone sitting upon it. I went shopping, and purchased frocks, and other needed apparel, as I had only what I was wearing when leaving Willow Grove. It seemed a meaningless errand, and not at all what i
t should have been. I purchased another day dress, and an evening gown, as I needed something appropriate to wear for dining at the Royal. I selected a lilac-colored, silk evening gown, with scalloped cap sleeves and a V neckline. Dressing carefully for that last evening, I wanted him to remember that I had looked beautiful, which was ridiculous and vain. And perhaps even a bit cruel. But, that isn’t the way I saw it then. I was thankful that Mummy had forgotten to take away my jewelry. At my neck and ears, I wore my pearls, which had been there when I left Willow Grove, and I styled my hair in an up-sweep, proof that I had no need of a lady’s maid. At nearly half after six, Spence arrived. I met him at the door. He was so handsome, dressed in an impeccable dark, blue suit, and I wanted desperately to forget the horror of the scene at Willow Grove, and concentrate solely upon my love for him . . . Upon our future together. However, I knew that I must not let go of my firm resolve. He pulled me close when I met him at the door, kissing me with passion. I loved him so very much. I did begin to wonder if there might be some way to sort through the ghastly nightmare without having to relinquish Spence. It was so tempting.
“Well Sophia, this is quite a mystery. Your being here, at the Royal. Why aren’t you at Drew and Annie’s? I’ve been worried since your call. Is something amiss? You sounded somewhat peculiar on the phone.”
“I‘d just arrived from Willow Grove. Was a bit fagged out. I decided we needed to speak in private, and that it would be easier if I took a hotel room.” I tried to keep my voice normal, when all the while, my heart was breaking. My mind was also whirling frantically, as I searched for some other path than the one I had chosen to take. Surely there was another way?
Willow Grove Abbey: A Historical World War II Romance Novel (The Somerville Trilogy) Page 8