“Well, that’s just delightful,” Spence, responded, in a sarcastic tone. “I’m so glad that everyone was so civil about the fact that I was being shut of my own child’s life.”
“I accept your anger. I accept any rotten words you want to throw at my head. But, I still don’t see why you don’t want to know and love your daughter now that you have the chance.”
“Sophia, are you unable to think about what is best for Isabella... Instead of yourself? You are only twenty-one years old. You will be married again someday. I have no doubt of that. When that time comes, Isabella will become someone else’s daughter once again. She cannot truly be my daughter. It would be a delusion to think so. All I would do is cause her heartache by muddying the waters. It is far kinder to let her go on thinking that she’s Lord Winnsborough’s only child, until she has to learn to accept a step-father. It’s the kindest thing to do for her now.”
“I don’t agree, Spence, but I’ll do whatever you ask.”
“That’s what I’m asking.”
“Shall I have any contact with you at all?”
“No, unless of course Isabella is ever ill or should need anything. I’ll always want to help her in any way I can, if she needs me.”
I was holding back tears as I answered. “All right, Spence. I understand. I won’t bother you.”
“Alright. Goodbye, Sophia. I wish it could have been different,” he said, as he rang off quite abruptly.
I was devastated. Everything I’d dreamed had ended, and the world crashed about me, with nothing remaining except memories and empty promises. I had managed once before to pick myself up, and move on, accepting that Spence wouldn’t be a part of my life, but I wondered if I could do so a second time. Thank God, I had Isabella. Just as my precious little girl had provided a reason to go on when she was still in my womb, the need to care for and protect her would have to sustain me again. I knew that there was no one to blame but myself, and repeatedly I tried to analyze why I had lied. Doctor Hausfater could have helped me to sort out the entire muddle, and I knew that he would surely have helped me to understand my abhorrent behavior, but I couldn’t imagine telling him the truth either. I was truly heartsick. But responsibilities at home, as well as my work at University, didn’t allow for a fall into the abyss of self-pity. Between what I perceived as the loss of my best friend to the enemy, and the loss of the great love of my life, it was difficult not to sink into a deep depression.
I was somewhat relieved when Edwina rang me, and said that she and Dieter would not be living in Germany. They were to remain in Paris, and Edwina would not be giving up her British citizenship. Dieter was assigned as an Attaché to the German Embassy in Paris, and they planned to move to a larger flat, near the Place de la Concorde. At least I was not going to have to relinquish Edwina completely to the Rhineland. I hoped that perhaps in time, Edwina might return to England. It was foolish to think that Dieter could be persuaded that England was a lovely land, but it was easier than facing reality.
Frightening headlines in the newspapers, on 19 March, 1939 made everyone realize that it was probably only a matter of time before whatever peace we enjoyed would be shattered. Hitler took over most of Czeckslovakia. Hoping to save Poland from a similar fate, Britain joined with France in guaranteeing Poland’s independence. Many believed that war between England and Germany was inevitable. I could not imagine Edwina married to a man who might soon truly be the enemy. I tried to convince Edwina to return to England, at least until the unrest eased, but her resolve was steadfast. I had never known her to be quite so stubborn and closed-minded, and feared that Dieter was already having a negative effect upon her. On the other hand, she did seem to be sincerely in love. I had terribly conflicting feelings, as she had been such a loyal friend. A part of me wanted to defend her choice, and share in her happiness. However, whenever I thought of Dieter, the memory of his cold stare and seemingly fanatic bigotry reappeared in my memories. Whatever my feelings, the marriage became a fait accompli in May. I sent a massive floral arrangement, accompanied by a Western Union Wire, wishing them great happiness, but I silently sat in the flat on Sumner Street weeping. I knew that Edwina and I would never again be such close friends, and another chapter in my life had closed.
Summer was horribly sad and dismal. Usually my very favorite season, it only seemed to resurrect memories of that other unforgettable summer with Spence. That and fear of a war with Germany created a lot of stress. Only Isabella and work saved me. The textbook project progressed beautifully, and I was proud of the work I was doing. Doctor Hausfater praised me repeatedly, which helped to heal the wounds of the past few months. Isabella continued to blossom, and as her third birthday approached, I enrolled her in a nursery school at a nearby Parish. She was to begin in September, and was terribly excited about meeting other children. She was such a bright child. I knew that an early start on schooling would undoubtedly be superb for her hungry, little mind.
That first day of school in 1939 never became a reality, for on the first of September Hitler’s army marched into Poland. Two days later, Britain and France declared War. From that moment on, nobody’s life was the same. On Sunday, 3 September, 1939 I had just returned from church services, looking forward to an afternoon relaxing in front of the fire, reading the Times, and sharing some special moments with Isabella. I turned on the wireless, and began to enjoy a BBC Broadcast of classical music, while reading. Suddenly, there was an interruption in the programing, and an announcer’s voice came over the airwaves. With a strong note of gravity, he proclaimed that since eleven o’clock, Britain had been at war with Germany. Martha joined me in the parlor, and we sat in shocked silence. I had known in my heart that such a moment was on the imminent, as there had been rumors all summer long. They had definitely increased during the days following the invasion of Poland. Nevertheless, like so many others, I had desperately wanted to believe that something would happen to avert such a catastrophe. Now, there would be no turning back. The future appeared ominous and terrifying. Isabella sensed that something was amiss and came to stand by me, grasping my hand. We listened, as the announcer went on to state all of the changes our country now faced. It was surreal and beastly. I wondered how, while sitting in a safe, secure London parlor, sipping tea, there could be such horror-taking place on the European continent. The telephone rang and it was Mummy. Naturally, she too had heard the broadcast, which was what had prompted the call.
“Sophia, you must come home at once,” she asserted. “London will become a very dangerous place. Everyone will want to evacuate to the country. You are fortunate that you have Willow Grove Abbey to come to.”
“Mummy, wait,” I, implored. “I haven’t had time to think about what I’m going to do. I am rather inclined not to make any hasty decisions. I appreciate your offer, but London is my home. I’m not certain I should want to leave, unless it becomes absolutely necessary.”
“For Heaven’s sake, Sophia. Do not be obtuse. You cannot remain in a city that in all likelihood will be bombed. Your father agrees with me. I cannot and shall not allow it.”
“Mummy, I’m an adult. I shall make this decision. Please trust me to do what I think is right.” I glanced at Martha, and made a wry face. Martha smiled ruefully in return. “Mummy, I’ll ring you back in a bit. Thank you for calling and I promise to give your suggestion serious thought.” That seemed to pacify her for the moment, but as I rang off I suddenly felt very young and alone. I spent the remainder of the day trying to glean more details from the radio, and making several telephone calls, to my brothers, Dr. Hausfater and other friends. Blake and Susan, who happened to be in London from Scotland, stopped by about five o’clock, followed by Drew and Annie afterwards. We were together when we learned that France, too, had declared war against Germany. That evening, we all sat in a circle round the radio as King George broadcast an emotional and heartfelt message to the nation. None of our eyes was dry, as the broadcast came to its conclusion. I remembered how a simil
ar scene had played out when Edward the Eighth abdicated. This time, even Blake, who seldom showed emotion, was profoundly moved. Annie, Susan and I excused ourselves and went to the kitchen, on the pretense of making tea. I asked Martha to prepare Isabella for bed, as I wanted to be able to speak freely to my sister’s-in-law, and did not want to alarm my child. I could tell that Annie was having a difficult time accepting that Drew would undoubtedly be a member of the military before months’ end. I had spoken with Blake and Susan earlier in the day, and he was already certain that he would be enlisting immediately.
“What will you do?” I asked.
“I’m not certain, Sophia. I’ll probably wait to see if Drew remains in London or is posted elsewhere. Then, I shall make my decision. It’s an awful thing to say, but I’m actually grateful that we don’t have children to consider. I’m sorry if that isn’t a thoughtful thing to say to you. I don’t mean it in a hateful way, Sophia. You know that I adore Isabella. It’s just that in our case since we don’t have children I won’t have to worry about their welfare.” Drew and Annie had been trying for years to have a child, but had met with beastly luck. Blake and Susan were not yet parents either. Of course, he had the two children by Elizabeth... Blake, Jr. and Pippin, but I was certain they would remain with their mother, Elizabeth, in the country. She lived just outside of Bedminster- with -Hartcliffe. So I was the lone one among my siblings who had a small child to consider in the entire muddle. I needed their advice, as it was difficult not having a husband to speak with about such important matters.
“I understand what you mean,” I replied. “It’s perfectly understandable. I am so confused now, Annie. I can’t believe this has happened,”
“What do you think will happen to Edwina?” Annie asked, placing into words other fears that I had been holding inside.
“Oh dear, Annie, I don’t know. Will she have special protection because she’s a British citizen? Do you suppose she’ll be allowed to return to England, without Dieter, of course? After all, she is still a citizen, and we‘re not at war with France. However, I should think he would have to leave Paris and return to Berlin. Surely, he wouldn’t expect her to accompany him. Would he?”
“Oh good Lord, Sophia. Edwina doesn’t belong in Germany. She belongs here, with her friends and family. What a horrible mess,” Annie exclaimed.
“Yes, isn’t it just?” Susan joined in, nodding her head in agreement. “Do you think we would have any luck if we tried to ring her?” She wondered aloud.
“What a smashing idea,” Annie answered. “Let’s put a call through and let her at least know that we’re thinking of her.”
We returned to the parlor where Drew, who was seated in front of the fire, was discussing various branches of the armed services with Martha, whose father had served in the Royal Navy. Drew was leaning in that direction. I knew that Blake would undoubtedly enter flight training, and for a moment, I thought of Spence. I was certain that he would re-join the Royal Air Force. He had already mentioned that those were his plans, if war broke out. I had a fleeting memory of Blake as a child, running across the green lawns at Willow Grove Abbey, excitedly pointing to an aero plane as it passed overhead. That was in the very early days of aviation, and the whole notion of flying was filled with adventure and risk, both of which held tremendous appeal for Blake. Not for him the muddy trenches, nor the decks of a battleship.
After repeated tries on the telephone that evening, we were finally able to make a connection to Paris. I was terribly happy to hear Edwina’s voice. As ever, she seemed in good spirits, and there was not the slightest hint of fear in her voice. If anything, she sounded exhilarated. “Edwina, is that you?” I shouted through the crackling on the telephone line. The connection was terrible, and Edwina’s voice kept fading in and out. “Edwina, Edwina, are you there?” I shouted through the static.
“Sophia, do stop wailing,” Edwina laughed, “I’m here in Paris, and I’m fine. Everything is a bit strange. They say we’re at war, but no one is particularly acting like it.”
“What do you mean, Edwina?”
“Just that. Oh, there are soldiers and uniforms already, and talk of rationing on certain items... butter, sugar and the like, but basically, Paris is as lively as ever.”
“Nevertheless, Edwina, what of you? Moreover, what of Dieter? Isn’t there a problem, since you’re married to a German?” I asked.
“Dieter is going to have to leave, as the Embassy is being closed. I’ll probably remain in Paris for the present. I haven’t any great desire to accompany him to Berlin. We were on holiday in Italy in August, and I have scarcely recuperated from that yet. Really splendid, but I certainly haven’t any desire for more travel at the moment.”
“Edwina,” I continued, “I’m not talking about a holiday. You are British. How can you and Dieter be all right, when your country is at war with his country?” I couldn’t believe we were having such a mindless conversation. I couldn’t imagine that Edwina was even speaking to her husband, let alone, “getting along” with him.
“Sophia, Dieter and I have an agreement that we simply don’t discuss political issues. I don’t care to know about the German point of view, and I keep my opinions to myself.”
“Edwina, that’s patently absurd,” I responded. “Do you honestly believe that you’re going to live through a war with your husband on one side and you on the other?”
“Well Sophia, we shall have to.”
“Please. Please return to England as soon as you can, before things get any worse. Do you want to end up in Germany, for God’s sake?”
“Sophia, I’m married to a German. I shall have to do whatever he thinks best. I imagine that if this thing really becomes beastly, he will allow me to return to England for the duration. Honestly, we have not discussed anything of the sort yet. I think that too much is being made of this. Please don’t worry. I shall be fine. Now, what of you?” she asked. I began to tell her about Drew and Blake, but then thought better of it, as a ghastly thought crossed my mind. Much as I tried, I couldn’t dismiss it. Edwina was married to a German. She was therefore married to an enemy of Great Britain. From that point on, I could not openly discuss anything of a military nature with her, much less the facts of my brothers’ branches of service or deployments. Our correspondence would be censored, and we would not be able to speak freely. Edwina did not seem to grasp the gravity of the situation, but I certainly did. It weighed heavily. Before we terminated our conversation, Edwina lowered her voice. I could scarcely hear her.
“Sophia, there’s one other detail. I’m going to have a baby,” she whispered.
‘You’re going to have a baby? Why are you whispering? Oh God. Doesn’t Dieter know?”
“No, I haven’t told him. I don’t intend to. If I do, he’ll make me go to Berlin.”
“But, Edwina, he has to know. You can’t stay in Paris and have the baby alone.”
‘Please don’t worry. I’ve not thought it all out yet. I’ll figure a way to come home to England.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
3 September 1939 to 4 September 1939
A Papa
I crawled into bed the night of 3 September, weary and anxious. I brought Isabella in with me, as she too seemed frightened and confused. I wondered how in the world it would be possible to explain the concept of war to a three year old. I knew that Isabella had to be told the rudimentary facts as, indeed, her life would be changing dramatically. Yet I also felt that I needed to try to make her understand why those changes would be coming, and to do so age appropriately. She was filled with questions, and sensed that there was a somber mood in the household.
“Mummy, what doth war mean?” She asked.
“Well, Isabella, it’s a nasty state of affairs. In another part of the world, a country named Germany wants to have power and control over others, and will do anything to get their way. England needs to keep that from happening.”
“How will they do that?”
“We do
n’t know for certain, darling. It depends upon what the Germans do to try and get their way. If necessary, our brave men will have to fight them in battle. Many people could be harmed.”
“Could they be hurt really bad?”
“Yes, darling, I’m afraid so. That’s what is so beastly about war. But, we must hope and pray that this will all be over quickly, and that no one we love will be harmed”.
“Will you be harmed?”
“Oh, I shouldn’t think so, dear heart. I’ll take great care to protect myself, and of course to protect you.”
“What about Martha?”
“Yes, of course, Martha too. If necessary, we’ll leave London and go to stay with Grand’Mere and Grand’ Pere Somerville in the country. You mustn’t worry about such things. I promise that I’ll always be honest with you about everything that’s happening, and I want you to promise that you’ll try to be a brave girl.”
“I’ll be brave, Mummy, and I’ll take good care of you too.”
“I know you will, Isabella. We’ll take care of each other, like we always have”. It was difficult not to weep, yet I didn’t want to upset her. I read her a story, tucked her down, listened to her prayers, and asked her to promise that she would come to me with any fears she had. After a bit, she settled down, and drifted off to sleep. I gazed at her sweet face, and prayed that all would be well. I tried to read for a while, but found I couldn’t concentrate. I kept reading the same lines over and over again. Finally turning out the light near one o’clock, I tried to sleep, but awful thoughts and visions kept running through my mind. I tossed and turned, thinking about Edwina, my brothers, and what the turn of events would mean for everyone. Needless to say, I thought about Spence, and felt very much alone. At nearly two a.m., the telephone rang. It was the short ring, signaling that the doorman of the building was phoning from the lobby.
“Lady Winnsborough, sorry to disturb you Mam, but you have a visitor”, he announced.
Willow Grove Abbey: A Historical World War II Romance Novel (The Somerville Trilogy) Page 25