“So, Spence, it’s wonderful to have you here. How long will you be able to stay?” She asked.
“Just until the 29th, I’m afraid. I feel fortunate to have this short time. This damned war just goes on and on. We’re holding our own, but it taking its toll.”
“Can we hope for any respite?” my mother asked.
It’s impossible to know. The Germans are giving us everything they’ve got. If the Americans would only join in, but so far Roosevelt is standing firm. They’re sending guns and ammunition, but what we need are their boys. I’m so grateful that you’ve got out of London. Those poor souls... especially the people in the East End. It’s bloody horrific.”
“Yes,” I said. I’m so glad we had an evacuation destination. Of course, many of the children and elderly have been billeted to country houses, but there are still so many others who’re facing this horror. In the thick of it. Then there are those who were evacuated to the country early on, and thought there would be no bombing, so they’ve returned to London.”
“I have friends whose entire families have been destroyed. It’s beastly, and we must win,” Spence said, in a forceful tone. He turned to Edwina. “What are your long-term plans?” He asked.
“I’m taking things one day at a time, at present. I haven’t any definite plans. I’d hoped to do some design work, in London, but things are so precarious at present, I’m certainly not going to think along those terms, unless things settle down.”
Of course Spence knew the secret of the affair, and I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “What of Dieter? I don’t suppose you’ve had any news of him? Does he know of your whereabouts?”
“No . . . No, I’m fairly certain he has no idea where I’ve gotten off to. I certainly hope he doesn’t. I don’t think he could do anything, with a war between England and Germany, but I’d rather not chance it.” She ran her fingers through her long, sleek hair, and pushed one side behind her ear. “At some point, I suppose I’ll have to make contact, and initiate divorce proceedings, but that’s a very complex scheme to consider at the moment.”
“Yes, I imagine it would be,” Spence replied. “What of your family? Do you intend to rejoin them at some point?”
“I haven’t given it a lot of thought. They know where I am, and are happy that I’ve been given such safe refuge. I’m in contact with them... Have their assurance that they won’t divulge my whereabouts to Dieter, should he make an attempt to contact them. But, I’ve no great desire to return to Bury St. Edmunds.”
“Edwina is welcome here for as long as she wishes to stay,” Mummy chimed in. “We think of Edwina as another daughter, and adore having little Kippy here. You’re no problem at all, dear,” she said, smiling at Edwina, and reaching over to pat her on the knee. Edwina returned her smile, and took a sip of her drink. It was hard for me not to slap her.”
And what of Blake and Andrew,” Spence asked.
“Both were given short furloughs, I answered. “And both went to their in-laws homes. Neither Annie nor Susan has been to their parent’s homes since before the war started. They’ve been waiting in London to see where Blake and Andrew would be permanently posted. They were here for a bit, when things got rough. I would like to have seen my brothers, but it’s perfectly understandable that their wives wanted time with their own families. We have been able to speak with them by telephone.”
“Of course,” Spence said. What do you know of the action they’ve seen?”
Blake has been flying bombers... Hurricanes. He’s been in some frightening scrapes. I suspect he’s been over Germany... You know he can’t talk of his operations, so we don’t know with certainty. Andrew is doing Naval Chaplin duty. We aren’t’ certain exactly what that entails... Whether he’s assigned ship duty, or on-base duty. Of course, I think we’d all prefer on-base.”
“That’s a bigger job than one might think,” Spence added. “A bloody lot of emotional turmoil.”
“Of course,” Papa said. “I can’t tell you how proud I am of all of you. It’s a devil of a mess we’re in, and we’re fortunate to have such brave, young men to defend us. The country owes you a large debt of gratitude. I’ve joined the Home Guard in an attempt to do my bit. It’s hard not to be able to do more to lend a hand.”
“It’s our job, Nigel. It seems every generation is faced with something like this. Just a bit over twenty years ago, everyone thought we were fighting the war to end all wars, yet here we are again. History simply repeats itself. You did your bit at Ypres.” There was silence in the room, as we all realized that it was a gloomy conversation for Christmas Eve. Yet, there was little else on our minds. The children were playing on the floor. Isabella was throwing a ball for Kippy, and we all turned our attention to them, commenting upon how adorable they were and how well they got on together. Our conversation continued until the Hausfater’s arrival, and another round of kissing and hugs ensued. Then, it was time for all of us to go into the dining room to enjoy another of Rose’s traditional Christmas feasts. Though there was a bit less of everything that year, due to rationing, she had still used the coupons wisely, and none of us could complain that we went away from the table hungry.
Spence stayed for only a short while in the drawing room following dinner. He obviously wanted desperately to rest, and to spend time alone with Isabella. It was all I could do to keep my hands from him. I continually found myself touching his sleeve, and wished I could snuggle up close to him as we sat together on the sofa. We both accompanied Isabella upstairs, and enjoyed some time reading to her, as well as readying her for bedtime. Martha had gone to her parents for the holidays, so Spence and I were alone together. At last Isabella became drowsy, after postponing the inevitable as long as possible. We yielded to her requests for an extra drink of water, an extra story, and an extra goodnight kiss. Then we turned down her light. Spence started to go to his own bed chamber, but Nan had turned back the bed covers in in my room, and there were fresh, white, monogrammed sheets. My white eyelet and organdy gown lay on the pillow, and on the nightstand was a bottle of champagne and two crystal flutes. It was obvious that she was trying to bring about some romance between us.
“You would think it was our wedding night,” Spence laughed.
“Oh, that’s just our silly Nan, being a bit of a matchmaker. Pay her no mind,” I smiled. “We could sit in front of the fire and have a glass of champagne though. Would you like that, Spence?”
“Yes, that might be nice,” he responded. It doesn’t seem that I ever have time for such luxuries... Never time to just relax, and live a normal life. I wonder if that day will ever come.”
“It will come, Spence. I know it has to be dreadfully hard for you. I wish there was something I could do to make things easier.”
“You have made things easier, Sophia,” he replied, as he accepted a glass of champagne and stretched his legs out. He’d removed his tunic, loosened his tie, and his hair was the slightest bit ruffled. I wanted to run my hands through it.
“It would be an awfully dreary Christmas if I didn’t have Isabella, and if your family weren’t so nice about accepting me as their guest. And, of course it goes without saying that I’m terribly grateful to you, for being a brick about everything. I’m not a fool, Sophia. I do know that this is an odd arrangement. There are times when I think that I should throw caution to the winds, and let myself feel the magic. But, the war never allows time for anything. I’ve seen several men in my RAF Group fall in love and marry on furlough, and six month later they regret their actions.”
“We aren’t exactly strangers, Spence,” I replied. Those men probably met their brides, for the first time, while on leave. I don’t exactly know what you’re saying. Are you implying that you do still have feelings for me?” I asked, with trepidation.
“Of course I have feelings for you, Sophia. You know that. We share a daughter. But, do you realize how little actual time we’ve ever spent together? Since the summer of 1935, it’s been virtually n
on-existent, but for the scant few months before I learned about Isabella.”
“I realize that Spence, but I’m very confused at this point. You loved me enough to want to marry me that summer of 1935... Before we had a daughter... You still loved me enough to want to marry me before you learned that Isabella was your child. Now, you seem to do everything possible to reign in your emotions... not to show them. Or, perhaps they just aren’t as strong. I certainly did enough harm to cause them to lessen. However, you say you have feelings for me, but what are they, exactly? Am I just someone you used to love? Have you been with other women since we last saw one another? Do you want to be with other women? You told me that I should get on with my life, and I’m doing that, as best I can. But, if I’m to be perfectly honest Spence, it’s hard to do when you’re still in my life. I never know but what there isn’t a chance that our relationship might be rekindled.” The champagne was giving me a modicum of courage, and at long last I was speaking my true feelings.
“Sophia, perhaps I haven’t been fair with you. I’ve been giving this whole situation a lot of thought. I’ve been extremely critical of you in the past for not being honest with me, but I think that I’m guilty of the same crime.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean that I haven’t been honest with you about my feelings. The truth is that I ache to hold you... To make love to you... To be with you... but I’ve held back... Not because I don’t trust you, and not because I don’t still love you, but because I’ve been trying not to be selfish. ”
“How would expressing love for me be selfish? I asked, with a heart that was beating very quickly.
Oh God, Sophia. It’s this bloody war. It could go on forever. Is it fair to become involved when there’s so much uncertainty? I could be killed, and then you’d be a widow. You’d be alone for months at a time... It wouldn’t be a real marriage, if we were to do that. No long, lazy day’s together, like we had in 1935... No cozy dinners, and hours of talking. Just rushed moments, here and there.”
“Spence, for heaven’s sake! This is pure poppycock! Aren’t a few moments here and there better than none? And as far as my being a widow... Well... That’s what I am now. I wouldn’t want to think of such a thing happening, but I’d rather have had you for a short while than never to have had you. I’ve wanted to be your wife for such a long time. Please don’t tell me that it would be a selfish thing if you were to marry me. It would be the most precious gift I’ve ever received. And, one other thing,” I emphasized, “Just who in the world do you think I’d be spending time with? Every man over eighteen and under fifty is serving the country in some capacity, so I’d be alone, no matter. And, I don’t want to be with anyone else. I never have. You know that,”
“You should have been a barrister, Sophia,” he laughed. Turning towards me, he reached out and pulled me into his arms. I held my breath, for fear that he would change his mind, as he’d done before, but he only tightened the hold, and buried his face in my hair. “I love you Sophia. I’ve always loved you... From the moment I saw you at your Presentation Ball. You were the prettiest thing I’d ever seen that night, and you’re even lovelier now. Can you forgive me for being such a bloody fool? There’s nothing I could want more in this world than to know that you’re my wife, and that you and Isabella are waiting for me...waiting until this beastly war is over.”
“Spence, did you just ask me to marry you?” I asked, as I pulled away from him just a bit, and looked up into his eyes.
“Yes, darling girl, that’s what I did. Will you marry me Sophia?” He asked, as he kissed me with enormous longing and passion. I felt as though I must have been dreaming. After all of the nights I had spent alone, praying that someday we might work things out and be together again, it seemed surreal that it was finally happening.
“Of course I’ll marry you, I replied. “Of course, of course.” I was laughing and crying at the same time. “Do you know how happy this will make Isabella? She loves you so, Spence, and she wants us to be a real family. That’s what I want more than anything too.”
“I know, darling,” he murmured, as he nibbled my ear, and covered my face with soft little kisses. “It’s what we all want. Please, rest assured, I’ll adopt Isabella immediately. No more ‘Isabella Winnsborough’. She’ll finally be ‘Isabella Stanton’, as she always should have been.”
“Spence, when and how can we be married? How long will we have to wait? I don’t want to wait any longer. Doesn’t the Catholic Church require that banns be published, and other procedural rituals satisfied, and won’t that take a lot of time?”
“Not necessarily. You don’t have to convert, unless you want to. You just have to agree to be married by a priest, and to raise our children Catholic. I think, in light of the war, banns could be dispensed with. We can be issued what it known as a ‘special license’.”
“I do want to convert, but can’t I do that after we’re married? Aren’t there instructions I’d need to take?”
“Yes, there are, and yes, you can do that any time. How soon do you want to be married?”
“Now…This moment,” I laughed.
“Well, I don’t think I can arrange that, but give me twenty four hours, and I’ll find a priest, probably in Bristol, but certainly in London. I promise that we’ll be married before I have to leave.” I was absolutely beside myself. Throwing my arms around him, I buried my cheek on the front of his crisp, blue shirt. I could smell the wonderful masculine scent of him, mixed with the spicy aftershave he always wore. I put my hand up, and ran it through his hair. “Do you know how much I’ve wanted this?” I asked. “Every time I’ve seen you it’s taken all of my willpower not to throw my arms about you.”
“I know, darling. I’ve felt the same way, and have been very foolish. But let’s look ahead, not backward. We need to cherish every precious moment we have together.”
“And I think we should begin right now,” I said, with a sly grin. “Perhaps Nan’s idea wasn’t so bad after all.” He crushed me in an embrace and I could feel that he was aroused. It had been such a long, long time, and I was surprised at the amount of passion that I felt, and at how my body responded instantly. He slipped his hand under my jumper, and unhooked my brasserie, allowing my breasts to fall free. Then, he leaned down and began to kiss them, as he continued to fondle me, and to trace the line of my leg and thigh with his other hand. I reached up and unbuttoned his shirt, and then shed my jumper, and when our bare skin touched, we both felt a jolt of passion. Our breath was coming in short gasps, and Spence gently stood up, took me by the hand and led me to the bed. There, he slowly and sensually finished undressing me, and slipped out of his own clothing, all the while murmuring endearments. I only remember that we fell upon the bed at the same time, in one smooth movement, and continued with the kissing and touching. We had both waited such a long time. It was unthinkable that either of us could have delayed the consummation of our love. There was a feeling of completion... a feeling that we’d finally found our way back to where we belonged. I knew that this time we would truly be one person for all time. We made love again repeatedly, languorously, until we were both fully sated and exhausted. Finally, Spence fell into a deep sleep, and I was glad to see him resting so peacefully. He looked happy. I took a quick bath, and then slipped my gown and robe on. It nearing three o’clock in the morning. Spence was sleeping soundly, and I knew that he needed the rest, so I tried to be as hushed as possible. After seeing that Isabella was also sleeping, I decided to make my way to the kitchen, as I suddenly had a mad hunger, and the thought of Rose’s leftover Christmas Eve trifle beckoned me. Quietly opening the door, I entered the hallway and began to make my way toward the staircase, when I heard whispered voices. I flattened my back against a niche in the wall, and waited to see who was up and about at such an hour. Then I saw that the door to Edwina’s suite of rooms was slightly ajar. Next I spied Papa, slipping through into the hallway. He turned and gave Edwina a lingering kiss, be
fore tip-toeing in the direction of the opposite wing, where he and my mother’s rooms were located. Edwina’s door silently closed. I was dumbfounded, although I shouldn’t have been. It had probably been going on since Edwina’s arrival at Willow Grove. I had certainly worried about just such an occurrence. Waiting until I was certain that Papa had disappeared into the opposite wing, I then returned to my own bed chamber, since my appetite had disappeared.
I kept my silent to Spence about what I’d seen. It was Christmas Day, and Isabella was bouncing on the bed at the crack of dawn, anxiously begging Spence and me to hurry so that she might see what Father Christmas had brought to her. She didn’t seem in the least surprised to find that Spence was in my bed, and since Isabella didn’t ask any questions, neither Spence nor I offered any explanations. We intended to announce our impending marriage at breakfast, and knew that Isabella would be beside herself. It wasn’t the time to launch into a discussion about Papa and Edwina. The Somerville family had a tradition, whereby we met in the dining room on Christmas morning, ate a large breakfast, and then removed to the drawing room for gift exchange. When we arrived downstairs, but the only person present was Papa. I immediately asked where Mummy, Edwina and Kippy were, as of course the Isabella couldn’t wait to get the meal behind so that the excitement could begin. I knew that the Hausfater’s were due any moment.
“Pamela felt a bit under the weather this morning,” Nigel said. “Nothing serious... probably taking a winter cold. She’ll be down in time, but she’s told us to go along and begin our breakfast without her. I’m having Nan send a tray up to her,”
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