by Jillian Hart
“I wish it didn’t.” Dimly she realized they were climbing the stairs clomping into the vestibule. She plopped her lunch pail on the shelf along with all the others and her feet felt leaden as she continued on into the schoolroom.
“…Mama sent a telegram straightaway to our dear friends the Kellans…” Narcissa informed her group at the front of the room, talking loudly enough for her voice to carry. “They are very close friends to the senator and his wife, you know—”
“Ignore her,” Kate advised on the way to their desks. “She’s eaten up with jealousy because Shane wouldn’t give her the time of day.”
“He’s gone.” The statement came flat and, emotionally, as hollow-sounding as she felt.
“Who’s gone?” Lila looked up from her history text. Concentration furrowed her brow and she tossed a lock of brown curls out of her eyes.
“Shane.” The starch went out of her knees and she collapsed into her seat. His manly image silhouetted by the dawn tormented her. He’d ridden away and now there was no mending what had happened between them.
Not that she wanted it, not that it could be. Not after what he’d done. But she could not seem to help the tiny thread of wishing within her that would not break.
“You mean he left?” Kate slipped into her desk, her bag thudding against her desktop. “Just like that? After spending lunch with you yesterday?”
“Like a courting man?” Scarlet emphasized, walking up to their group. “Everyone saw it, Meredith. He’s in love with you.”
“It was not love.” Love did not masquerade as something else. She fumbled with her books. Her fingers did not seem to work properly. The texts tumbled and slid over the desk, falling onto Scarlet’s side.
“How can you say that?” Scarlet gently pushed the books back.
“Even I saw it.” Ruby, two desks behind, left her seat to join the discussion. “And I’m an official objective observer. I hardly know you all, but I recognize true affection when I see it. The way that man looked at you.” Ruby paused and placed her hand to her throat. “It was like a dream come true. I would give anything to have a good man look at me like that.”
“So would I,” Earlee chimed in breathlessly, cheeks rosy from her long walk to school. “Perhaps you could write to him. He could court you through letters. It would be so romantic.”
“It’s not going to happen.” She swallowed hard, determined to keep her feelings buried. She was perfectly able to manage a tiny disappointment in love. And if a voice inside her argued it was no small affection she felt, then she simply did not have to listen to it. She slipped out of her cardigan and draped it over the back of her seat. “Earlee, you’re right, it would make a nice story, but Shane is gone. Please, let’s not mention him again.”
“I’m so sorry you were hurt,” Ruby, as sweet as spun sugar, emphasized. “I’ve heard the best way to get over one beau is to find another. I noticed Lorenzo looking this way.”
“He’s wondering where Fiona is,” Lila informed her. “He’s always been sweet on her.”
“And we’ve all been sweet on him,” Kate spoke up, earning a bit of light laughter. “Oh, there’s Fiona now.”
While her friends greeted the latecomer, who looked a bit windblown from her horse ride, Scarlet leaned close and squeezed Meredith’s hand.
“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered. “I prayed for the two of you.”
“Some prayers are not meant to be answered.” It didn’t make her sad. Really. She was determined to control her feelings. She would make it true. Shane was gone and that was the way it should be.
Even if a little voice within her wanted to argue.
“…in spite of the fact he rode that awful horse, the one with all the scars—” Narcissa’s words rose above the growing hubbub in the classroom “—I recognized him.”
I never noticed Hobo’s scars, she realized. She’d been so intent on the man, she’d been blind to the horse, the one beaten with a whip on a wintry road until Shane had come along and saved him.
Don’t be a fool, Meredith. Keep control of your feelings.
She carefully removed her sewing from her book bag, doing her best to listen to Fiona’s tale of her morning, of how close she was getting to Ian’s grandmother and that it was hard to believe come Sunday she would finally be his wife.
“And he can move into the house and you won’t miss him so much,” Earlee said.
“I do. He’s away so much, I hardly get to see him. He’s lucky to have a job at the mill, but it’s hard being apart. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much there’s no room to breathe. That’s how full of love you are.” Fiona blushed, a little shy.
“No one deserves it more.” Meredith swallowed hard against overwhelming emotions—a mix of gratitude for her friend’s happiness, a rush of loss of her own, the enduring bond of friendship that she treasured so much. She set down her sewing and twisted around to make eye contact with everyone, hoping they could read the meaning behind the question she asked. “On Saturday?”
“Yes,” Lila agreed, catching her eye.
“Absolutely,” Scarlet chimed in.
“I can have Pa swing by and pick her up,” Kate volunteered.
“It’s agreed?” Earlee asked.
“Agreed,” Fiona finished as they all turned to Ruby, who looked confused by what was going on. “Would you like to join our sewing circle? We meet every week in the afternoon.”
“I’m not a very good sewer.” Ruby looked crushed.
“The friendship is the important part of the gathering.” Meredith spoke from the heart, with love for the friends who had once welcomed her into their midst and with admiration for the young women they had all grown to be. “It’s one of the greatest blessings of my life. Join us. We would love to have you.”
“We could give you sewing tips,” Lila encouraged.
“And you wouldn’t have to sew. I often bring my embroidery,” Kate offered.
“And I tat or crochet,” Scarlet added. “I would teach you to do it. It’s easy.”
“And I am really good at sewing dresses,” Earlee chimed in. “I’m always making something for one of my six little sisters. I could give you tips, too.”
“Please say you will come,” Fiona urged, her dark ringlet curls framing her face.
Ruby nodded, overwhelmed at being included.
Miss Lambert rang her handbell, calling for students to take their desks and quiet down. Because it was time to break apart, they settled back into their seats, opened their books and prepared for the day—one of the last days they would all be schoolgirls together. As Meredith gently placed her quilt blocks and squares back into her bag, she braced herself for the pain of seeing the purple color that reminded her of Shane. There were other colors, ones her friends had helped her choose in the mercantile. She heard again the conversations she’d shared with her friends and with her sisters as she’d sewed each square.
Life was like a patchwork quilt, she realized, seemingly haphazard pieces thrown together, but there was a great grand order to the colorful squares and a beauty that defied all, for it was stitched together with love.
“Meredith!” Scarlet’s sharp whisper penetrated her thoughts. “Miss Lambert is calling us. Time for our arithmetic exam. The last one ever.”
All things came to an end, she thought. It was the sweetness of the time that mattered for it made memories to cherish. She stowed her sewing into her bag, dropped it under her desk and trailed her friends to the front of the room where their teacher waited.
The sun was past its zenith before they stopped along the trail for lunch. The prairie rolled endless behind them, but the Rocky Mountains in the far distance flanked them. Up ahead hovered the promise of hills and, beyond, a mountain pass.
Shane dismounted, leading Hobo straight to the small creek gurgling beneath the shade of cottonwoods. The cool felt good, the breeze off the water better. While his horse drank he swept off his hat and stood a moment
. Every mile behind them had been a torment, knowing it was taking him farther away from his Meredith.
She would have found the box by now. Was she wearing it, thinking of him? Or was she too proud? Too wounded? Judging by the sun, she might be chatting with her friends in the schoolyard, sewing away on her quilt patches. Simply from picturing her dappled with sun filled him with sweet agony, wanting the woman he could not have. She’d said goodbye, turned her back and walked away.
“Looks like pork loin sandwiches.” Braden tossed him a wrapped bundle. “Whatever cons there were working for the Worthingtons, the meals were some of the best I’ve had anywhere.”
“Are you sorry we left?” He unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite.
“I’m sorry I didn’t leave sooner. I’d forgotten how controlling a woman can be.” Braden shook his head, digging into his meal. “There’s nothing like being a bachelor. It’s a better option considering.”
Shane unhooked his canteen from his saddle and twisted the cap. It wasn’t that long ago he had agreed with his boss. Getting out of an engagement that was more duty than choice had left him with a bad taste for marriage. That was before he knew what real love felt like and how it could transform a man. He swigged the lukewarm water, swallowing every last drop. His love for her didn’t stop like a match quickly blown out but remained burning as if there were no force strong enough to stop it.
If I’d had more time with her, he thought, taking another bite of his sandwich. Maybe he could have made her understand. Picturing how angry she had been with him, how resolute, cast him in doubt. She thought he’d deceived her with his tales, but it was not true. There had been no lies, just the values he had learned along the way.
“We’ll fill up the canteens here and ride as far as we can,” Braden said around a mouthful. “Don’t want to waste any time. We’ll stop and set up camp around nightfall.”
“Good plan.” Going forward was the only sensible solution. He’d come too far to quit on Braden and his own ambition for the future. But nothing about his future felt right without Meredith in it.
He wedged the last bite of the sandwich into his mouth, knelt to fill his canteen in the fresh running water, and offered Hobo a molasses cookie from his pack. How could he go on? It was impossible, considering an unbreakable bond to Meredith held him back.
Chapter Eighteen
“See you tomorrow!” Fiona called from the saddled bay Clydesdale, who had been tied all day long with other horses on the shady side of the schoolhouse. Flannigan, eager to stretch his legs, tugged politely at his bit and Fiona laughed. “I’d like to stay and chat longer, but this guy has a mind of his own.”
“Goodbye!” Meredith called out alongside her remaining friends. Kate had already taken off with her father, heading for their homestead far west of town. Ruby was expected home to help with the farm work, so she’d already taken off at a fast walk heading east.
“Meredith!” Minnie hung out of the buggy, waving wildly. “We’re waiting for you!”
“Take Maisie home first and then come back for me.” The last thing she wanted to do was to rush straight home. Too many reminders were there, aside from the fact that she wasn’t sure she could face her mother’s depression. Shane’s leaving would be sure to hit her hard.
“Are you regretting sending him away?” Lila asked, as they fell in step together. Scarlet joined them, followed by Earlee, catching up with them breathlessly.
Meredith didn’t want to answer, but she felt the abiding affection of her friends and there was no safer place to admit the truth. “Regret? Yes. But I don’t see any other solution. He’s not right for me. He’s not the man of my dreams.”
“He seemed dreamy to me,” Lila commented. “Really decent and solid. Not caught up in himself.”
“I got the feeling he really cared about others,” Scarlet agreed.
“And the way he looked upon you, Meredith,” Earlee started.
“No! No more.” She rolled her eyes. She loved her friends, but her heart could only take so much. “How about a change of subject?”
“I have one.” Lila grinned. “There’s someone waving at you. Isn’t that the superintendent?”
Meredith stopped in her tracks. Sure enough, Mr. Olaff was crossing the street, an envelope in hand. She could think of only one reason why he would look her up.
“Ooh. Do you think he has a job for you?” Lila gripped her arm.
“Maybe it’s the school you wanted.” Scarlet grabbed her other arm.
“I’ve prayed so hard for you, Meredith.” Earlee hopped up and down with excitement. “I have a feeling my prayers are about to be answered.”
“Miss Worthington, good afternoon.” Mr. Olaff tipped his hat cordially. He was a grandfatherly gentleman with a friendly smile and a likable manner. “Your letter of application has been at the top of our list for some time, and with your perfect score on the teaching exam, I am happy to offer you this.”
“A school?” she croaked, not daring to hope but knowing it was true all along. She stared at the envelope he held out to her, importantly thick.
“It’s a contract for three months’ teaching at the Upriver School,” Mr. Olaff said kindly. “June, July and August. I’m assuming you are interested?”
“Interested? I’m completely overcome.” There was her dream, just like that, finally arrived. She took the thick packet gingerly, half expecting it to evaporate and disappear. “Thank you, Mr. Olaff. I would love that school.”
“Then you take your contract home, read it carefully and bring it back to me by Friday. I’ll let the folks know they have a fine teacher for the summer.” With a tip of his hat and a wink, Mr. Olaff headed back to his office next to the bakery.
“Meredith!” Lila’s grip tightened with bruising strength.
“You did it!” Scarlet squealed.
“Congratulations!” Earlee clapped with delight.
“You’re officially a teacher!” Lila jumped with excitement, and suddenly they were all doing it, hopping as giddily as eight-year-olds. “But what about Earlee? Didn’t you get a school?”
“I haven’t put in my application yet,” Earlee explained. “There’s too much work at home with the animals and garden and the crops. I can’t leave my sister Beatrice to handle it all. When the harvest is in, then I can think about teaching.”
“And I’m not going to do anything,” Scarlet be moaned as they hesitated on the corner, about to go their separate ways. “I have no plans. Maybe I should get some.”
“I’ll be cutting fabric at the counter at my parents’ store. Probably for eternity.” Lila winked. “Unless Lorenzo changes his mind about me and sweeps me off my feet.”
“I’m sure there are great romances ahead for all of us,” Earlee declared, her sunshine hope infectious. “Lila, you need a handsome man of mystery to come new to town to sweep you off your feet.”
“At least it would counter the endless boredom in the mercantile,” Lila teased. “Speaking of which, my stepmother will be watching the clock and wondering why I’m not there to help out. See you all tomorrow!”
“Bye.” Scarlet took a step in the opposite direction. “My ma is waiting, too. See you in the morning.”
“See you.” Meredith, alone with Earlee, wasn’t surprised that her friend was gazing down the street where the flag was waving. “Are you hoping there’s a letter at the post office?”
“You know I am.” She squinted against the glare and adjusted her slouching sunbonnet’s brim. “Did you want to talk about what really happened with Shane? You’re obviously holding a lot inside.”
“Talking about it won’t help, but thanks.” For a moment, she looked so sad it nearly brought tears to Earlee’s eyes. She swallowed hard, wishing to high heaven her friend was not in too much pain. Meredith turned over the envelope in her hand. “This means I have to tell Mama and Papa.”
“Do you think they will forbid you to teach?”
“It would crush me if t
hey did.” Meredith might have the prettiest dresses of any girl at school and she had the finest things, but she had sorrows, too.
“You know where I am if you need to talk.” Earlee wrapped her arms around her friend, giving her a caring hug. “Come by any time. It’s chaos at my house, but you will always be welcome. I’m here to listen.”
“You are a treasure, Earlee.”
“No, I’m no one special at all.” She loved Meredith for thinking so. “Did you want to come with me to the post office?”
“Sure. I’ve got a few more minutes until Minnie swings back by for me.”
“Great.” It was nice to have company.
“So, are you going to tell me about him?” Meredith asked. “You haven’t mentioned your interest in front of the others, so I haven’t said anything. The curiosity is killing me.”
“It’s nothing like what you and Shane have.” She blushed. “It’s just a one-sided thing. I’m the one who cares.”
“That can be rough. We’ve both agreed matters of the heart are confusing and complicated.”
“And painful.” The pain of not knowing, the pain of hoping against hope, the pain of being what she feared was too plain and too average for love. Then there were the constant demands of having a big family whose needs had to be met. What man wanted to put up with that? “Oh, look, there’s Minnie. She’s caught up to you.”
“She can wait for me for a few minutes, if you need to talk.”
“No, go on. You have to face your mother sometime. May as well get it over with.” She gave Meredith another hug, this time for encouragement. She was grateful for the interruption because she was afraid Meredith would guess about her feelings for Finn. He’d been all she could think about all day, wondering if there would be a letter from him today and if he had been thinking of her.
Her stomach was a jumble of nerves when she stepped into the post office and asked for their mail.
“Nothing for your family,” the postmaster commented across the counter.