by M. A. Innes
Giving him a quick kiss, I pulled him into my arms. “I smell funny, so I’m going to go get a shower, but when I’m done, we can start making dinner if you’re hungry.”
Sawyer pretended to sniff me and frown, but the laughter in his eyes ruined it. “Yes, I think a shower is in order.”
Considering I’d had puppies climbing all over me today and a very large German shepherd who kept rubbing up against me, he was lucky I didn’t smell worse. “Why don’t you come back and talk to me while I get a shower?”
“Just talk?”
“I plan on taking my time with you later, not rushing in the shower.” Giving him another quick kiss, I stepped back. “Why, did you have different plans?”
Sawyer shook his head, smiling. “Taking your time sounds like a good idea.”
As we walked back into the house, I started stripping off my clothes. I was naked before I reached the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I looked back to Sawyer, who was eyeing me and letting me know he enjoyed the view.
“I think it would be a good idea if I started looking to hire somebody. I can do the classes and the paperwork on my own, but when I start adding in the cleanup and things like that, it makes a long day. When it was just me, I didn’t mind working as much, but with you guys here, I don’t want to work until all hours of the night.”
Sawyer was nodding, but I could see there was something going through his brain. “What?”
He shrugged but answered. “With as much time as we spend over here, any employee would realize we weren’t just friends.”
I nodded as I got in the shower. “I understand that. I would have to make sure that I hired someone open-minded, someone who wouldn’t be offended by any part of my life. But I’m okay with not hiding the fact that I’m seeing you guys and that we’re more than just friends.”
Sawyer was quiet as I grabbed the shampoo. When I was rinsing it out, and he still hadn’t responded, I poked my head of the curtain. “Does that bother you?”
He looked deep in thought, but not upset. Finally, he shook his head. “No, it doesn’t really bother me. It’s just going so fast, I guess.”
He must’ve seen something on my face, because he shook his head. “Not bad fast…it’s just weird.”
“I know what you mean about this feeling fast, but I like where this is going. I like having you guys here. I like doing things with you. I like being able to take you to meet my family, and I don’t mind the idea of introducing you to friends or employees.” Working so many hours, and such odd ones from everybody else, I’d let friendships fade away. So there really weren’t that many people to introduce him to.
“I used to go out and do things with friends, but I let myself get wrapped up in working a ridiculous number of hours a week and didn’t make an effort to respond to people.” Grabbing the soap, I went back to scrubbing.
I could hear a smile in Sawyer’s voice. “I think I’m grateful for that. If you would’ve had a more normal social life and real friends, you might never have responded to our email.”
“That would’ve been tragic.” I stuck my head out of the shower again and gave him a smile. “Responding back to you was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
As I finished getting cleaned up, I turned the water off. Sawyer was there with a towel and a tempting grin on his face. I wasn’t going to be swayed. Drying off, I made us both settle for a kiss and a quick smack on his bottom.
Getting dressed quickly, I had us back in the kitchen within minutes. As we started getting everything out, I went back to our previous discussion. “You never really said how you felt about us telling more people. I know how serious I am with this, and I know how serious you both are. That’s not a question in my mind. But I just need to know how you see things progressing. I don’t want to rush you.”
Sawyer set down the rice that he gotten out of the cabinet and walked over to wrap his arms around me. “I guess I’m a little bit worried about the ramifications of people finding out. This isn’t casual for me, and I know it’s not for Cooper either, but it’s a big step.”
And that answered my question, but I wasn’t sure if he realized that or not. “So you need more time? I can put off hiring somebody for a little while. But that might mean I need to work more hours again because some things are falling behind.”
Sawyer let his head rest on my shoulder, and I felt him relaxing on me. “I realize that ‘I don’t know’ is a terrible answer. I’m just not sure what to say.”
“Then we wait.” I tightened my arms around him and gave him a hug. “And in the meantime, I might drag you into cleanup duty, especially when the puppies have their class. That took forever.”
Sawyer laughed. “It’s a deal.”
The fact that he hadn’t said no meant a lot to me. Everything in our relationship was happening faster than he expected, but I knew he would get there in his own time. Finding the right balance between being patient for Sawyer and not letting Cooper push us too fast was hard. But the more we talked, the easier it became to work through things and to get Sawyer to open up.
I was probably greedy. Him showing me his pup was such a huge step, but seeing that proof of how he felt, and how he was opening up, only made me want more. Yep, I was greedy. But I wasn’t going to apologize for that; I was just going to remind myself what I had in my arms and where we would be, eventually.
Chapter 16
Cooper
“Why are we over here? I mean, I understand that we live here, but why are we here and not at the house?” Watching Sawyer on the couch, flicking channels, I knew my question was going to drive him crazy, but I couldn’t help it.
Sawyer shrugged but wouldn’t look at me. Focusing across the room, I flopped down beside him on the couch. When it was clear I wasn’t going to be ignored, he glanced at me. “We live here.”
“Duh.”
Frowning, Sawyer went back to looking at the TV. “He needs some time away from us once in a while. He had to work late, so we’d be over there for hours without him. There’s probably something wrong with that. It’s not our house.”
“We are fabulous, and nobody needs time away from us.” Then I started to think about what he said. “Do you need time away from me?”
Was that he was trying to hint at?
Sawyer immediately turned back to me and pulled me into his arms. “No, absolutely not. I love you. We’re family. I don’t need time apart from you.”
“But Jackson loves us. Why would he want time away from us?” That statement usually made Sawyer crazy, but he just curled into me and shrugged.
That was weird.
“Why do you think he wants time away from us?” Sawyer had been acting weird all night.
He’d been acting weird for a couple of days, really. Monday night, he’d been a little quiet but nothing too bad. But Tuesday morning when we got ready for the day, he’d said that we should probably go back to the apartment.
Now I was starting to think he didn’t know what he wanted.
“He should.” I could feel the stress Sawyer’s body and hear in his voice.
“Are you ready to tell me what’s bothering you?” I thought he realized it was obvious, but the way he stiffened made it seem as though he was surprised. “What happened on Monday?”
I knew he and Jackson hadn’t argued—neither one was a volatile type, and neither was the kind of person who would hide it. It had to have been something with work or maybe something random. I couldn’t think of anything a stranger would say or do that would make him this…odd.
Sawyer was quiet for a moment, then spoke quietly. “My boss wants to have a company barbecue. He’s doing it over at one of the big parks on the other side of town, so there will be play equipment for kids and plenty of space to run around.”
At first glance, that shouldn’t be stressful. But I had a feeling I knew what the problem was. Waiting for Sawyer to tell me, I stayed quiet and just held him. When he finally realized I wasn’t going to
say anything, he sighed and continued. “He wants it to be a family event. Everyone will be bringing their spouses and kids. I don’t know what to do. They know I’m gay, and I’ve never hidden you. But it makes me uncomfortable, and then there’s Jackson. I don’t want to leave him out of it, because he feels like family. But I don’t know if they’re going to lose their marbles if I show up with both of you.”
“We knew this was going to happen, eventually.” Sure, in the past when we talked about finding a third, it’d seemed far away. But we knew this day would come.
“I know, but what happens if we bring him and I lose my job? What happens if we don’t bring him and he’s hurt? What happens if we don’t bring him and we accidentally bring him up in conversation? It’s basically lying not to bring him. He’s family too.” Sawyer didn’t seem to realize that, but I thought he’d already answered his own questions.
Giving him a quick kiss, I tried to think of how to respond. “If he’s family, why are we having this conversation without him?”
I thought that was the most important question, but I kept going anyway. “If it’s lying, and we know we’ll want to talk about him, then I think you already know what we should do.…But I’m not sure what will happen.”
I wasn’t going to claim to know everything, or that it wouldn’t be difficult. “I don’t know if they’ll understand or they’ll be horrified. But I do know that no matter what job you have next week, we will still have Jackson in our life. A week from now, a month from now, years from now, I’m confident he’s going to be there. Are you?”
Sawyer had grown more still as I continued to speak, and by the time I was done, I wasn’t sure he was breathing. Giving him a chance to think it over, I resisted the urge to poke him for an answer or to tease him into smiling. This was one of those times that I knew it would be fine, but he had to work through it on his own.
When he finally started to speak, his words were hesitant. “Yes, but it’s scary.” He took a deep breath and continued, his voice getting stronger. “I should’ve talked about this with him yesterday. It was all just mixed up in my head.…And I really don’t know why we’re here.”
Sawyer sat up and looked around the room. “I like it when we’re over at Jackson’s.”
“He calls it home when he’s talking about it, even when he’s talking to us.” I had to smile. I liked it when he did that. “He cleared drawers in the dresser for us and even took some of his clothes over to the guest room closet so we would have more space.”
Sawyer smiled, and his hold on me relaxed into something gentler. “And he rearranged everything in the bathroom to make sure we would have a place to put our stuff.”
“And he buys things at the grocery store for all of us. He even gets food he doesn’t really like.” That still made me laugh; Jackson did not understand the draw of sweet breakfast cereal.
Sawyer nodded. I understood that Jackson was trying to show us he was ready for something more, but I wasn’t sure if Sawyer had let himself see that yet. Jackson had done it in a lot of little ways lately.
He rearranged his schedule to make sure I could use the car on nights that I worked late. He made sure to spend quality time with each of us without making the other feel left out. I caught him the other day trying to figure out where to put an office for me, so I’d be able to study at his house. Jackson was tired of us going back to the apartment.
“He seemed kind of sad when I said we were coming back to the apartment tonight.” Sawyer looked like he was starting to feel guilty.
“He would’ve understood if you said you wanted time where it was just the two of us. He’s been really good about that. But you talked about laundry and paying bills and chores. That’s not the same.” I wasn’t going to give Sawyer any more of a guilt trip than he was already giving himself, but Jackson’s feelings had been hurt.
I had texted him on and off most of the day, and I knew he was feeling better. He was still very confused, though. I think in his mind, he’d done something wrong. “Do you really think he wants us there that much? Like, all the time?”
“I think what you’re trying to ask is, ‘Do you think he wants us to live with him?’ ”
Duh.
Sawyer nodded hesitantly. “Yes.”
“Yes, I think he does.” And I think he’s wanted it for a while. He’d probably thought it was too soon to bring it up.
Sawyer seemed to be able to read my mind. “But isn’t it too soon?”
“Why?” I gave Sawyer a long look. “We’re two submissives who like being puppies. I don’t see why we should go by somebody else’s schedule. Two boring people in a very boring relationship might need a while to figure out what they want, but we are anything but boring.”
Sawyer finally smiled. “I cannot argue with that.”
“Because you know I’m right.” Giving him a long, lingering kiss, I tried to show him how much I loved him and how much confidence I had. I knew everything would work out. When he finally pulled away, I gave him a soft smile. “How about we go find Master and tell him what’s going on at work?”
Sawyer nodded slowly. “We can discuss the possible outcomes with him and see what he thinks. At the very least, he’s part of the family, and he needs a chance to voice his opinion.”
“And then we can talk to him about the living arrangements?” Jackson’s house felt like a home.
“You’re sure about that?” He seemed hesitant but not afraid.
I wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”
“Well, are you sure you want to live with him? And I guess, are you sure that that’s what he wants?” Sawyer looked away. “I don’t want to get that part wrong. I don’t want to push him into something he’s not ready for and overwhelm him.”
Without me, these two would never end up living together. “I’m positive. He keeps trying to give you a key, and the other day he was talking about changing one of the guestrooms around, so it could be an office for me. He wanted me to have the space to do homework, so I wouldn’t have to come back here to do it.”
If Jackson had been any more obvious, he’d have gotten it tattooed on his forehead.
But Sawyer wasn’t going to relax until he heard it for himself. In his mind, people eventually sent you away or left. For some reason, I was never included in that list, but it was going to take a while until Jackson was included too. Jackson didn’t seem to mind, though; he understood that Sawyer didn’t have the easiest time growing up.
Finally, Sawyer nodded. “Let’s grab some clothes and head over to Jackson’s house.”
I lifted one eyebrow. “Head over to whose house?”
Sawyer laughed. “Jackson’s house for now. Maybe our house at some point.”
I just rolled my eyes. “Like next week.”
Climbing off the couch, Sawyer shook his head. “I will never be as confident as you are about some things.”
I hopped up and followed him into the bedroom. “That’s what you have me for.”
What would he do without me?
****
Worry was clear on Jackson’s face when he opened the door. “Is everything okay?”
Nodding, I jumped into his arms. “We missed you.”
Sawyer chuckled. “And we had something we wanted to talk to you about.”
I gave Jackson a grin and stuck my tongue out at Sawyer. “Two somethings we wanted to talk to you about.”
Jackson started to relax, but he still looked curious and slightly concerned. “Well, tell me your ‘somethings.’ ”
Setting me down, Jackson let us inside. “Come on, you guys. Have you eaten?”
Sawyer and I both nodded. I batted my eyelashes at Jackson and gave him a little grin. “But is there any ice cream left?”
Jackson laughed. “So that’s the real reason you came over, huh? You just wanted dessert.”
“You found me out.” Grabbing Sawyer’s hand, I marched us to the kitchen. “Did you eat all the
chocolate while we were gone?”
Jackson shrugged and grinned. “Quite possibly. You left me alone for far too long with chocolate in the house.”
“Hey! The chocolate was mine.” He picked out strawberry at the store, so my ice cream had better be waiting for me.
See, this was why we all needed to live in one place.
This was much better. Jackson was here; my puppy bed was here; my ice cream was here, and this was where we needed to be. Releasing Sawyer once he was in the kitchen and couldn’t escape very easily, I started digging around in the freezer. “Here it is!”
Since I was having some, everyone else felt justified in joining me. When we were finally all settled at the table, ice cream in hand, Jackson started asking more questions. “I’m glad you’re back. I like it when you’re at home. But I thought you were going to spend the night at the apartment?”
“Well, we were.” I shrugged and shoved another bite of ice cream in my mouth. When I swallowed, I started again. “Sawyer had something he wanted to talk to you about, and so did I. So we decided to come home.”
Sawyer stiffened, but Jackson nodded like it made perfect sense. Because to him, it did. This was home. Jackson glanced over to Sawyer. “What’s on your mind?”
Sawyer sighed and started poking at his ice cream. A waste of chocolate if you asked me. “I should’ve talked to you about this last night, but I chickened out. My boss is having a company picnic next week, and he wants everyone to bring their families. Well, you’re family, but I don’t know what will happen if I show up with both of you.”
Jackson was quiet for just a moment. “Is it something we have to figure out tonight, or do we have time to think things over?”
Sawyer shrugged. “He’s assuming that everybody will show up with one partner unless they have kids, so he’s looking for a rough headcount, but me adding one more person isn’t going to matter. It’s hamburgers and things like that.”