by Rita Hestand
"You always bait your own hooks, Sarah?" Luke asked after a long silence.
"Yeah…"
"Most of the women I know wouldn't touch a worm." Luke chuckled.
Again, she guessed she looked like the young tomboy he thought of her. But she was tired of his rejection and his light teasing.
"I'm not most women. I like to fish, it's the one thing my daddy taught me. I became the best fisherman in the family."
"You don't talk about your family much. Did you come from a big family?"
"Three sisters and four brothers." She answered not bothering to look at him.
He whistled. "Do you miss them?"
"No…not really."
His head seemed to jerk up at that answer. "You weren't close to your family?"
Sarah shrugged. He'd picked a touchy subject for her and she felt uncomfortable, not knowing how to talk about it. "Close enough."
"I sense you don't want to talk about them."
"You sense right."
After a long silence, she glanced his way, and found him staring at her.
"What about you, you got any brothers or sisters?" She directed his attention away from her.
"My sister died when she was a baby. My brothers left home. One joined the army, another went on to college, and one is the foreman of my ranch."
"Really, I didn't know. Which one is he?"
"He's red headed, you seen him around, his name is Timothy."
"Oh yeah, but I didn't know he was your brother. I seldom see you two together. I guess there's a lot I don't know about you. Funny how people kind of assume things about a person. Isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess you are right." He nodded.
"Are your brothers married?"
"The one that went to college is, he became a lawyer, and he lives in Illinois. The one that joined the army, no, he's a career man. Timothy is engaged to a girl he's known all his life. They plan to marry next spring."
"Do you see your other two brother's much?"
"No, Bill came home once on a leave from the army. It was good seeing him, after so long. He's grown up a lot. But Melvin has a family and he's tied to his work a lot. Haven't seen him in a couple of years."
"What about your folks?"
"My Mom died kind of young, she had what they call a cancer. Dad he moved off when remarried." He said flatly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." Sarah explained seeing the pain in his face. She could tell there was something about that second marriage that bothered Luke, but he obviously didn't want to talk about it.
"It's been a while, It's been a while since I thought of them too. I try not to, too often, makes me a little sad. I miss my Ma."
"But not your Pa, so much?"
"We didn't get along when he remarried."
"Why? Or am I asking too many questions?"
"No, he married her six months after Ma died. I guess I just couldn't accept it. I was a rebellious kid after Ma died."
"I can understand that. Death is hard on a child. So you and Bill is it, are the only two bachelors in the family?" She asked, changing the subject of his parents.
"Yeah, I guess we are. Bill won't marry he likes the army too much. And I'm a preacher…most women shy away from preachers." He smiled.
"You don't think you'll marry then?"
"Hadn't given it much thought, between ranching and preaching, I stay pretty busy."
"I'd think a preacher would want to marry, have children and all. I mean it seems natural. You know the "be fruitful and multiply thing." She said trying to get out of the conversation she sunk herself into.
Haney happened to hear the conversation and looked over at them. "Don't tell my sister that."
Luke shot him a grin, "Why?"
"She's sweet on you." Haney replied. "But don't you tell her I said it."
"I wouldn't dare." Luke chuckled. "Betsy's a nice girl, but she's quite shy."
"Yeah, Ma says if she doesn't start talkin' no man will marry her."
Luke leaned against a tree trunk and took his hat off, as the shade from the tree kept the sun from his eyes. Sarah noticed the nice thick dark hair that stood high on his forehead; she wondered idly what it might be like to run her fingers through it. Fat chance of that!
When something hit his line, he jumped up and grabbed his pole that he'd stuck in the ground. In minutes, he had a nice size catfish dangling from his line. Everyone oohed and awed about it.
"Lucky you." Brady smiled. "Now it's my turn to catch one."
"If we bring in a big catch, Ma would surely cook up a good fry." Sarah insisted.
"Then we better get busy, boys." Luke smirked.
Two hours later, they'd all caught a few and the stringers were full. They were all hungry and Sarah had packed a basket of sandwiches for them. As they all relaxed Luke became more talkative and the boys occupied most of his attention.
Sarah again took a backseat to the conversation. Oddly enough, she didn't mind because this was the day she liked to let her hair down and really relax. She closed her eyes. Wrong thing to do, as her light sleep invited another dream. And again, it was about Luke and her.
When Luke happened to notice he barely bumped her shoe and she woke with such a start.
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"No…you didn't. I didn't mean to go to sleep."
"Don't apologize for that. Fishing is a relaxing pastime. One should enjoy all the benefits of nothing to do. You caught the most fish anyway."
Sarah made a sound in her throat. "Did I?" She shrugged. Then her expression became wistful as she recalled. "When I was young, I got good at it and my Pa; he'd expect enough for supper every time I went. It took some of the fun out of it. Because I was under so much pressure to provide for the whole family. It was nice being good at something, but…it wasn't fun any longer. My family was very poor and those fish fed them pretty regular. Now I can fish and not worry. Ma is happy whether I come empty-handed or have a stringer full."
Luke stared at her strangely. "I didn't know you were that poor."
She stood on the banks, her hands on her hips. Tears threatened to fall. "Just admit it; you don't like much of anything about me, do you? I'm from a poor family, I like to fish, and I'm way too young." Tears rolled down her cheek. "Oh…catch your own fish then…."
And she stalked off.
He came to look for her a few minutes later.
"I didn't mean to offend you." Luke apologized.
Sarah hung her head and shook it. "No, I'm sure you didn't. But you've been offending me ever since I set foot in this town. And frankly I'm just a bit tired of it."
"But…"
It was too late; she threw down her pole and walked home, leaving him with his mouth open.
Brady and Haney looked at the reverend. "Man, what did you say, she's madder than a hornet."
"I guess she really is a woman. She sure acts like one."
"Of course she is, what did you think she was, a man?" Haney chuckled.
"No…but…"
"Let's pack it in; she didn't even take her fish. We can run it by Ma's on the way home, Haney." Brady said and shot the reverend a frown.
"You may not like Sarah, but we are sort of a team around here and we get along fine. You really must have hurt her feelings." Brady scolded the Reverend.
"It wasn't my intention. I like Sarah; she's a sweet unassuming girl."
"She's no girl. She's a woman and if I were older, I'd ask her to marry."
The Reverend shot Brady a glance of pure surprise!
Chapter Five
Brady brought the catfish by, and Luke went inside to talk to Ma.
Sarah stood just outside the door talking to Brady and taking the fish from him.
"He didn't mean to hurt you." Brady said softly.
Sarah shrugged. "I'm fine. Thanks for bringing the fish by. You cold have taken them home, I wouldn't have minded."
"I know you like him Sarah, but…you gotta understan
d he's a little slow around girls," Brady was saying.
Sarah looked at him seriously. "Who?"
"The Reverend. My Ma says he's that way because he's a preacher. Haney's sister…she's been after him for the longest and it hasn't done her a bit of good. Her Ma told her to find someone else."
"Smart women." Sarah turned to Brady and frowned, "Well, your sister can have him!"
When she realized how snotty that sounded, she turned to Brady, laid a hand on his arm and shook her head. "I'm sorry Brady. I shouldn't take it out on you. You are my friend. Please forgive me. I never want to be ugly to you."
"It's okay. My sister snaps at me every time I mention the preacher." Haney heard them and burst in on the conversation.
Sarah looked at Brady, and leaned to kiss his cheek, "You know, Brady, if you were just a little older, I'd snatch you up."
Brady blushed then chuckled. "That'd be okay, if we could still go fishing together."
Sarah chuckled. "Night Brady, see ya next Saturday."
But Sarah didn't say a word during supper and everyone was remarking on the catfish. Luke had been invited and he stole glances at Sarah all evening, but she wasn't paying any attention to him.
She knew she'd acted childishly and she was afraid to say anything, afraid it would be the wrong thing.
Everyone noticed the strain between them.
"Sarah made the cobbler tonight." Ma added later when she passed the desert around the table.
"It's quite tasty," Luke didn't hesitate to add.
Jo Ella and Maggie agreed.
"It was Ma's recipe," Sarah said simply.
"Yes, but I didn't make it." Ma glanced at Luke.
"If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling well…" Sarah said and went upstairs.
Later when Ma was cleaning up, Sarah came down to help her.
When Luke left rather abruptly, Ma glanced at her. "So how did it go?"
"It went…." Sarah snapped, her annoyance glaring from her eyes.
"That well, huh?" Ma chuckled.
"Look," she stopped drying the dish and looked straight into Ma's understanding face. "I've decided that the reverend is off limits. He's not the man for me…"
"No?"
"No."
"Giving up already, are you?"
"There's nothing whatsoever to give up. He doesn't see me as a woman and never will. I’m a child to him. I'm a tomboy, but I'm not a desirable young woman, at least not to him. That's okay. I'll just start looking for someone who is." Sarah insisted as she slammed the plate on the stack in the cupboard. "Someone more suited for me."
"Are you so sure he's a lost cause?" Ma asked not looking at her now and continuing to wash the dishes.
"Yes I am. At least for me, he is." Sarah nodded.
"Alright dear, you know best." Ma concluded, seeing the look of disappointment in the slump of Sarah's shoulders.
Weeks past and Sarah did everything to ignore Luke. She even missed one Sunday at church.
"I noticed Sarah didn't attend church today." Luke was asking Ma.
"She was feeling poorly." Ma explained.
"Oh…I hope she feels better soon. You know, I never noticed before, but she's very helpful around the church, always volunteering to pick up the hymnals. Do little chores no one else wants to do. I suppose I took advantage of her kindness."
Ma nodded. "Sarah is about as sweet as they come. I have found that if someone needs help…they call on her."
"Well, tell her we missed her, won't you." Luke said about to walk off.
Ma looked at Luke and his awkward attempt to find out why Sarah hadn't attended church.
"Sarah's kind of unusual, isn't she?" Ma asked.
Luke turned to look at her, adjusting the collar of his shirt he nodded. "She is. I must confess I thought she was just a kid, and I think I offended her a couple of times, although it wasn't intentional. She's short and little and has such a sweet young face. Surely I'm not the only one that thought that."
Ma wanted to say just the right thing. "You know sometimes people who are sweet and do so many little things for us, get overlooked in the crowd. They are demure, if you will."
Luke glanced at Ma; saw the twinkle in her eye. "Demure? Sarah?"
Ma chuckled and began walking off, "I didn't say she didn't have spirit."
"Yeah…" Luke murmured. "She has that."
That evening Ma was cooking and talking with Sarah in the kitchen. "You know Luke asked about you today…wondering why you weren't in church."
Sarah shrugged, "Does a body have to go to church every Sunday? I didn't feel well, that's all."
"No, of course not, dear. But I got the impression he might have missed you or something." Ma answered not daring to look at her all the while. "He pulled me aside to ask about you."
"No…that's not the word for it. But it doesn't matter at all, Ma. I'm done trying to attract Luke. He is definitely not interested in me and I won't throw myself at him any longer."
Ma nodded. "I don't blame you. He's very slow to get the idea, isn't he?"
"What idea?"
"That you like him, of course."
"Well I don't any more, Ma. Not like that. Now let's talk about something else." Sarah encouraged.
"Alright, are you going to the dance next Saturday?" Ma asked her.
"Next Saturday, I don't know, maybe." Sarah shrugged.
"Abigail's been teaching you how to dance, hasn't she?"
Sarah sighed heavily, "Yes, it seems I need tutoring in many things these days. I should be the grandest lady when everyone finishes with me."
"Sarah, you are one of the sweetest young ladies I know." Ma touched her hand.
"Let's leave this discussion too Ma. I can't sing like a bird, nor am I beautiful like Jo Ella and Trish. I lack something Ma. I just can't seem to figure out what that is."
"You don't lack a thing Sarah. But you're expecting Luke to just leap out at you and sometimes a man has to test the waters, and open his eyes first. He's just now adjusting to the fact that you are not a little girl."
"If he only knew…" Sarah huffed, blowing a tendril of hair away from her face.
"Is that what is bothering you deep down…" Ma asked her eyes going over her thoroughly. "Is it being a dance hall girl that makes you back off from men like Luke?"
"Well a preacher and a saloon girl don't exactly match up, do they Ma." Sarah said with a sardonic smile, and then the tears gushed from her as she turned away.
"Sarah honey," Ma came up to her and took her into her arms. "I've gotten to know you pretty well. You aren't that girl any more. You are a sweet, pretty little lady." Ma encouraged.
Sarah pulled out of her arms to stare at her. "It's no use Ma. I was a saloon girl. I'm not fit to even dance with a man like Luke Miller. I have absolutely nothing to offer a man like that. He needs a lady, a proper lady."
"You know you keep forgetting that he is not only a preacher, but a rancher too. A man. An ordinary man. People put too much stock in a preacher; they expect him to be something he isn't. They expect him to be sinless and to stand above all the rest. I have found in my many years that a man is just that, a man. He's not a saint, he's just a man. He has feelings like a man, and he lives like a man."
Sarah stopped and stared into Ma's eyes. She nodded slowly. "I understand what you are saying…it's just hard to swallow. You see…when my Pa caught me sparking…he took me before the preacher and shamed me. Lord knows that isn't the worst I've done, but at the time, it was a huge sin in my house. I was shamed for it, for the longest. Well, until I left. The preacher scorned me, as a child that wouldn't listen and wouldn't turn away from the sin. After that, I never felt right going to church. I felt kind of dirty. I guess in a way, I still do. That's why I do the little chores around the church, like what do they call it, penitence."
Ma shook her head slowly, "Sarah, I don't think you realize that you are not the only one that sins!"
Sarah shrugged, "Sure, I know that. A lot
of men do!"
Ma shook her head and let out a little chuckle. "No child, we all do!"
"Maybe," Sarah reflected, "but not like me, Jo Ella and the girls."
"Child one sin is as bad as another. Lying, stealing, coveting…they are all sins that we all do. Even preachers sin."
"I don't think you've sinned in your life…." Sarah chuckled.
"Alright young lady, sit down and let me tell you…It's time you heard some hard facts of life."
Sarah looked somewhat shocked as Ma shoved her down into a chair and leaned over her.
"A long time ago, before I met my husband, I loved a man, out of wedlock. We grew up together and we naturally fell in love. I loved him so much, but our families were not on good terms. So he was not suppose to even know me that well. But he did. We were lovers. And then he went off to war…and left me. I was pregnant."
"Ma, you don't have to tell me this…." Sarah began, shocked and moved to almost tears.
"I do. I need to tell it to someone…" Ma let one tear escape. "I haven't spoken of it in years. Harry doesn't even know."
"Ma…" Sarah reached to comfort her. "What happened to the baby?"
"She died of a fever. She was barely six months old. A year later, I met my husband and after a long engagement, we married. I kept thinking Martin would come home, he never did. I don't know what happened to him. I figured he died in the war. Harry's dad and I moved here, and bought this place. Joel was a good man, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him about Joel."
"Oh Ma…" Sarah held her for the longest and let her cry.
"I ain't never told no one about that…" Ma cried.
"I'm glad you told me. Somehow I just don't think real love is a sin, Ma. I think God must watch over you extra careful and take care of you."
"He did…that's a fact. Without my faith, I'd have gone completely out of my head. And if he hadn't sent me a husband, I might never have recovered. Therefore, you see in the long run, things usually work out for the best. That's why I'm not concerned about you finding a husband. It will happen, Sarah, in due time."
Ma cried then swiped her eyes and moved away from Sarah. "It did me good to talk of it. I've kept it inside so long. Even Harry doesn't know about it. I just never could bring myself to tell him. But the reason I told you is so you can see that we all fail in life, Sarah. We all sin. Your sin is no bigger than mine is. And I managed to live a very happy life, despite it."