by Rita Hestand
"No, but I talked to his Ma before the funeral." Sarah explained.
"No fishing, no dance, kind of a dull week isn't it?"
"I guess…"
"Did you really want to go to the dance with Josh?" Ma asked waiting to see what kind of answer she'd come up with.
"No, not really. But he did ask. And I did want to go to the dance. Abigail's been teaching me, and she said I was getting much better. And she loaned me a special dress, but it's just as well."
"And if Luke had asked?"
"He didn't…" Sarah turned to look at Ma. "I'm not going to worry about Luke anymore Ma. He's a lost cause and I see that now. I see a lot of things more clearly. And I mean that. We just aren't suited. I mean, think about it. Look what I came from. If he knew that, he certainly wouldn't be interested. There's just no future in it. Do you know why he likes Emily so much?"
"No, do you?" Ma frowned.
"Yes, he isn't interested in finding a lady Ma. He told me so. And Emily is like a safe person for him to date. He knows he doesn't love her. Does that make sense to you?"
"As a matter of fact it does, perfect sense. I'm glad you told me about it. He's a good man Sarah, well worth waiting for." Ma smiled indulgently.
"He's not interested in me, Ma. And nothing in this whole world is going to make him interested, don't you see that? It's a waste of time." Sarah sighed. "In some ways, Emily is. She's very social."
"Sarah, you have to find a husband."
"I know that. Nevertheless, if worse comes to worse, I'll go back to Al's and stay there. Maybe it's where I belong Ma."
"And leave me?" Ma protested.
"I'd come for a visit every now and then." Sarah promised.
"I can't believe you'd just walk off and leave me like that. I've come to love you girl." Ma admitted begrudgingly.
"At last, someone I can love back…" Sarah giggled.
Ma pulled her toward her and hugged her.
"No more talk of leaving." Ma told her.
"I got some time Ma…"
"Yes you do, and we don't need to be wasting it." Ma told her.
"You got some prospects?" Sarah turned her head in question.
"Maybe!"
"Well line them up. They can take turns courting me." Sarah laughed.
"Harry's got a cousin, real looker he is. Smart as a whip too, works in a bank over in Hillsdale. I bet he'd love to court you." Ma looked at her.
"A cousin huh?"
Then Sarah looked down and was silent for a long while. "Only, how ever am I going to tell the man I marry about before…"
"Well, Jo Ella just kind of burst out with it, but Harry had already guessed and he'd done a background check on her too. So he put two and two together. But Sarah, when someone really loves you…that won't matter."
"Not to most maybe. But it certainly would to a preacher."
"I thought you'd given up on him?" Ma twisted her head in question.
"I have…just saying is all… So, how did you meet Harry's father?" Sarah asked sitting back in the chair.
"He was a boarder. He was a gun salesman when I met him. Later he did some Sheriff work himself. It was bound to have happened all his men folks had been lawmen. "
"What changed his mind?"
Ma looked at the sky. "A friend of ours got killed here in Vada, right out on the street. That changed him."
"Did he take to you right off?"
"Heavens no. He thought I was too bossy and he argued with me a lot. We butted heads faster than two goats set on the same female. But he loved my cooking, and as he got to know me better he realized that our fussing was part of our flirting with each other."
"What happened?"
"We were at a dance, not together, mind you. Every man there had asked me to dance. So he finally got up enough courage to ask me and when he did, I stepped all over his new boots. He scolded me. Well, for some reason, I tuned up and cried, and run outside. It wasn't like me to cry about things, as you well know."
"Oh my, then what happened."
"He followed me out. Apologized and while he was standing there I tiptoed up and kissed him. From then on he never let me out of his sight."
Sarah smiled, "That's romantic."
"I reckon it was." Ma chuckled.
"How long before you were married?" Sarah asked.
"A week."
"A week, that's awful fast isn't it?" Sarah almost giggled.
"Had to, he was supposed to go back to Chicago and turn in his sales. I didn't want him to go. So he wed me and told me he'd be back real soon."
"That's so…sweet! Did he come back right away?"
"Yes, he did. It's kind of funny; our courting was nothing like our getting to know each other."
"What happened to him, Ma?"
"He caught a bullet during a robbery and died."
"How long were you married?" Sarah asked seeing the distress on Ma's face.
"Long enough to miss him the rest of my life."
"Oh my, that' must have been very hard for you."
"It was…but I had Harry, and he was so much like his father."
Sarah saw the tears Ma held at bay and changed the subject.
"Do you like lightning bugs, Ma?" Sarah asked out of the blue.
"Never thought much about them."
"I always used to think they were little ghosts, to light up your life." Sarah nodded toward the pond and there were a few scattered here and there.
Ma looked at her and grabbed her hand. "Sarah, I don't know where you get these ideas, but that's a lovely thought."
They walked inside and suddenly Sarah didn't feel lonely or afraid any more.
Chapter Ten
Josh Reynolds came by to see Sarah the very next day. His visit was quite unexpected and Sarah wasn't dressed for the occasion. She wasn't sure she wanted to be. She had thought about Josh and realized, like Luke, she was sort of using him to replace her loneliness.
He was dressed nicely, in a suit, and matching hat. He looked like he was ready for the dance; Sarah had to admit as she answered the back kitchen door. However, after the funeral, her mood had darkened and she didn't want to face a man.
"Miss Sarah. Thought I'd come see if you were all right. Sorry we didn't get to go to the dance."
Sarah wasn't prepared to see Josh, but she kept her manners. "I'm fine. And I'm sure there will be other dances."
"I saw you were having a time at the funeral, but I also saw the Reverend comforting you. So I didn't butt in." Josh's face screwed up into a frown. He seemed to scrutinize her with his eyes.
Sarah moved to put the kettle on the fire.
"I suppose he's used to comforting folks when they are upset." Sarah brushed it off as nothing.
"Yes ma'am. Well, I thought you might want to go for a ride…you never did see my place…After the funeral I thought it might cheer you up."
Sarah studied him with open curiosity, "N-no, I haven't seen your place. I suppose it would be nice to get some fresh air. Let me just get a shawl then…" Sarah excused herself.
She went upstairs and Maggie was resting. "Who was at the door?" Maggie was in her under things, relaxing. She had a robe on, but it wasn't tied.
"Josh Reynolds." Sarah grabbed her shawl and threw it around her.
"What did he want?" Maggie snarled her nose.
"He wants me to go riding with him, to see his place."
"And you're going?" Maggie stood up now; a unpleasant frown marred her beautiful face.
"Yes, why not?" Sarah shrugged, glancing in the mirror at herself. She wasn't dressed nicely, the dress was old and faded, but she didn't really want to impress Josh.
"Sarah, I know you are disappointed with Luke, but going out with Josh isn't going to make you feel any better. Besides, you might be leading him on. Making him think he has a chance with you…" Maggie suggested, her brow shooting upward. "And you know he doesn't."
"I'm just going for a ride, not accepting a proposal." Sarah insisted. "The fresh air will
do me good. Sometimes I feel I'm cooped up too much. Besides, I'm curious about his place, he's always talking about it."
"Okay little girl. Mark my words, you get too chummy, he's going to get the wrong idea…"
Sarah shook her head as she turned to eye Maggie. "It won't come to that. I won't let it. For goodness sake, I'm just going for a buggy ride, Maggie. You go out all the time."
"He's trying to impress upon you how much land he owns. Oh Sarah, honestly, he's way too old for you. I hate to see you throwing yourself away. Besides, I definitely don't like something about that man. I can't put my finger on it, but something."
"Maggie," Sarah's face flushed as she faced her with a ruffled frown. "Sometimes you stick your nose in too far. This is one of those times…"
Maggie shook her head. "Just be careful."
Maggie's words echoed in Sarah's head.
Sarah stomped down the stairs and tried to compose herself before she took Josh's arm, but the damage was done, she felt she was going for all the wrong reasons.
Josh had a broad grin on his face when she came down the stairs. He wasn't so bad looking when he smiled. However, she wasn't interested in a man's looks so much as what lay inside the man. She didn't know Josh that well, but he'd always treated her with respect and kindness. Still, she was reminded of Trish and Chester. That was no match, and neither were she and Josh.
As he helped her in the carriage, she glanced at the grand carriage and him. He spent some money on the carriage. Was he indeed courting her? Had she given him the wrong idea? Perhaps Maggie was right. Maybe she should lay it out for him, so he didn't get the wrong idea."
"Josh. I have to tell you something, right now. I'm not interested in a courtship with you…you understand? I consider you my friend, but that's as far as it goes."
Josh paused on his way to sit beside her then looked at her. "Well, you'll pardon me for saying so, I ain't proposed or nothing…"
Realizing she'd just insulted the man because Maggie had set her off, she groped to apologize. "I'm sorry, of course you haven't. I just didn't want to make you think…well, I'm not ready to marry yet."
"That's nice…" Josh responded. "And I'm right glad you said that. I'm not either. But there's no reason we can't enjoy each other's company now and then. Is there?"
She smiled now. "At least we understand each other."
"Yes ma'am. We do." He grabbed the reins and they were off.
Despite putting him off a bit, he seemed to take it in his stride.
Sarah leaned back to relax and enjoy the countryside. Summer was slowing fading into fall and the leaves on the trees were turning gold, and red. The air was a bit chilly this morning and she took the liberty of using the quilt between them to snuggle up with.
Oddly enough though, Josh spent a lot of time talking to her and telling her about how he had gotten started with his ranch and some of the troubles he had. Sarah couldn't help but be interested; she knew so little about him personally. And it was obvious that Josh had been one of the pioneering families in the community.
"So you are really one of the true pioneers of this area, aren't you Josh?" Sarah was saying.
"You could say that. We continued to have Indian trouble for a while until the army moved them to the reservation. I was just a kid then, barely knew how to shoot a shotgun. But my Pa had taught me well about defending what was ours. I fought right alongside my Pa. It's been kind of peaceful ever since." Josh explained.
"So you took over your father's ranch?"
"Yes, he died from an injury in the last fight. Since I was the oldest boy, I was naturally the one to take over." Josh explained.
"Tell me Josh, have you ever been married?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah, I married this gal that came to town as a mail order bride. It was a few years back, but she ran off."
"Really, why?" Sarah asked, still admiring the view.
"Well, at the time my ranch wasn't much. She wasn't impressed. So not long afterwards, I extended my land and I became one of the biggest ranchers here. Sometimes I think maybe she was the one that inspired me to do better. By thumbin' her nose up at my place. You see that line of trees way over there?" He motioned to the countryside.
"Yes," Sarah answered.
"My land starts there and goes all the way to the mill on the other side of the railroad." He told her. "My brother owns the mill."
"Your kidding."
"Nope, it's all mine."
"What about your brothers, do they own part of the ranch too?"
"My brother Harold is half owner. The rest run off pretty young, said they didn't want any part of the place, too hard a work."
"I had no idea…you have one of the biggest ranches. I'm sure it took a lot of work to make it this grand. It's quite impressive. But tell me more about your mail order bride."
"Not much to tell. We got along good for a while, but I could tell she was restless. She put on a lot of airs. Talked kind of fancy. I'd never been around anyone like her. She was beautiful too. I guess she taught me a few things."
"So what went wrong?"
"Like I said the ranch wasn't much back then, and she couldn't see herself stuck there. We married, then about three months later, she up and ran off with one of those traveling salesmen. Never saw her again."
"You've done well for yourself, you shouldn't feel bad."
"Well, I don't like to brag…" But he did, Sarah reflected. It was a trait that was hard for Sarah to cope with.
"So what happened to your wife, did she get a divorce?"
"Yeah, I got papers a couple of years later. By then I was glad to be rid of her."
"I'm sorry." Sarah said with genuine sadness.
"It's alright, I knew by then I didn't love her." Josh told her. "I don't think I ever did. I was in lust, not love. She sure was a beauty."
"At least you've obviously come to terms with it. So, why did you invite me to the dance?" Sarah asked glancing at his slightly handsome face. He was a thin man, with extremely long legs, and nose, taken as a whole, not bad to look at, with his thick brown hair and dark brown probing eyes.
He relaxed and put his arm around her now.
Tension spewed through Sarah. She tried her best not to show it, but it irritated her that she had set him straight and he obviously wasn't listening.
"'Cause you are the prettiest girl I know. And it does a man good to be seen with a pretty, young girl."
"Then you don't want to marry me? You just want to parade me around, is that it?" She asked a little shocked. She hadn't meant to be so blunt, but the words just tumbled from her mouth.
"Hadn't thought that far ahead. I don't know you that well. But…I ain't apposed to getting to know you. If you are the least interested."
"I think you could call us friends."
"Friends?" Sarah didn't know what to say, so he bent his head to hers and kissed her. He'd obviously taken her silence as a yes.
The kiss was sloppy and wet and Sarah was reminded of the many cowboys from Al's she'd kissed.
She pulled away, "I think we should take it a lot slower, Josh. I'd rather be your friend for now."
"You sure are a pretty little thing…" He said pulling her closer. "When I'm around you I want to protect you."
He started to kiss her again and she jumped out of the carriage, landing on her rump. "What are you doin'?" He hollered pulling on the reins so the horse would stop.
Gaining her footage, she uprighted herself and glared at him.
"Walking back to town…" She barked at him.
"But it's a good ten miles…" He fretted.
"That's alright; I got all the time in the world." Sarah huffed, blowing a tendril of hair away from her face. She dusted her skirt off and continued walking.
"No need to get huffy, Sarah."
"There is every need. You aren't interested in marriage, but you don't mind taking liberties you aren't invited to."
He stopped the carriage and glared at her. "Look, I know
where you came from. I know you were a saloon girl before you decided to go decent." Josh told her as he followed her. "That's okay with me, I don't mind. Means I don't have to pretend with you. I like that. Ain't no reason we can't have a little fun now and then."
Sarah turned around and stared at him, a strange anger festering. At one time, she had the utmost respect for Josh, but he just killed it. "Then why are you even interested if you know? Because it certainly won't do your reputation any good either."
"I know you been moonin' over that preacher fella, but he ain't gonna have you, once he finds out about who you are. He's too uppity. Wants to be someone in the community." Josh told her. "Besides, you are right pretty, and I like pretty girls. You bein' with me, makes people take notice. I got nothin' agin your past. I'm kind of a lusty man myself. We could have a lot of fun together. I'm sure you miss those days."
"Leave me alone, Josh Reynolds. Stay away from me. I'm not interested in you. And if you tell anyone, your reputation will be smeared as well as mine."
"A man is lustful, that's a known fact, but a woman…that's not to her advantage. We'll get to know each other real well, and I'll forget all about where you came from."
"I have no intention of getting to know you any better, Josh Reynolds."
Sarah's shoes were bothering her, so she took them off. Carrying them in her hand, she glared at Josh.
"You will be when no one else will have you!" He bellowed, then whipped the carriage and left her walking down the path to town.
Sarah watched him go and knew her life was over in Vada. She needed to pack up and go to Al's. Although it felt like running, she knew she couldn't face the scorn people would have for her.
Tears fell down her cheeks and she fumed silently that someone she thought nice, had turned on her so quickly. Despite all the warnings she had, she never thought this would happen.
She stepped on a sharp rock and yelped.
She looked down the road and shook her head.
Now he was going to spread it all over town that she was nothing more than a saloon girl. He was right, no one would have her.
Chapter Eleven
"Got any coffee, Ma?" Luke peeped his head through the kitchen door and grinned.