Daring to Dream

by Sam Bailey

  I carried on seeing Jason and I did really like him, but I started to hear rumours that he was cheating on me. I went round to his house just after Valentine’s Day and he had a slushy card from another girl up. He tried to tell me that one of his mates had sent it as a joke but I was nobody’s fool. I put two and two together from all of the things I’d been hearing and it all made perfect sense, so I finished with him there and then. Shortly afterwards I started getting stomach aches and when I went to the doctor it turned out Jason had given me an STD. I was furious and it showed me that I’d definitely made the right decision. What an idiot. I couldn’t believe someone else had cheated on me and I felt so let down, especially as I’d sacrificed opportunities for him. I decided I needed some time on my own and I threw myself back into work. I was still planning to go back to London but to go while I was still feeling hurt didn’t feel right.

  About a month later, on 2nd May 2002, I felt ready to go out and enjoy myself again, so one Friday night some mates and I went out clubbing in Leicester. They always say that you find love when you least expect it and I certainly wasn’t looking for it that night. It was the last thing on my mind. I was still angry about the situation with Jason and I wasn’t looking to get into another relationship. I just wanted to have a good time with my friends.

  My mates and I were all on the dance floor when this weird guy came over and started dancing far too close to us for it to be comfortable. It all felt a bit pervy and wrong, so I left the dance floor to get a drink. The first person I bumped into was Craig and I immediately thought ‘This night is not going well at all’. The last person I wanted to see was Jason, and the second-to-last people were Jason’s mates. This was one of the very rare nights when I’d had a couple of drinks, so my guard was down a bit and Craig and I started chatting. After about an hour my flatmate Melissa shouted over, ‘Are you two going to kiss or what?’ With that, Craig leant over and snogged me! It was so weird because I’d always thought he was a nice guy, but I’d never thought of him in that way because I’d been with Jason. I would never look at another guy romantically if I was already attached; to me he was just ‘Jason’s nice mate’.

  As soon as Craig and I started kissing I knew I liked him. The attraction between us was massive. I remember going to the loo and I got a text from him saying, ‘Where are you babe?’ He’d thought I’d done a runner and left him! At the end of the night we had a bit of a slow dance to Will Young’s ‘Evergreen’ while we were waiting for our cabs to arrive and he was so lovely to me. I can’t explain why but he felt different to other guys somehow. I felt happy just being around him, and I know it’s a cliché but we got on so well it was like we’d known each other for years.

  When we all piled into the taxis Melissa said to Craig, ‘You can come back to our flat if you like?’ I was really hoping he’d say no because I didn’t want him to think he was going to get lucky, but in the end we sat up all night talking on the sofa. He left early the next morning and I felt genuinely sad when he went. I had a gig that night and on the way in the van something inside me clicked and I knew I had to text him. Forget being cool and playing games, I liked this guy and life’s too short. I sent him a text asking if he wanted to go for dinner the following night and he sent me a message straight back saying, ‘Sorry, I always go to my mum’s for Sunday dinner.’ I was wounded – he’d blown me out for his mum’s cooking! I resigned myself to the fact he wasn’t interested because I hadn’t slept with him so I replied with a really causal text saying, ‘No problem. Let’s leave it’. Later that night I got a phone call from him saying that he’d cancelled Sunday dinner because he really wanted to see me. Yeeeeeees!

  For our very first date we went to the Toby Carvery in Leicester. Afterwards he wanted to show me where he lived and he drove me to the house we still live in now. Back then everything was blue and it was a proper lads’ pad. His wardrobe had about five shirts in it and his kitchen cupboards were pretty much empty. He was a full-on bachelor. I started going round every day to hang out and then he’d drop me back at home in the evening. After about two weeks he said nervously, ‘Why don’t you stay the night?’ and from then on we became a proper couple.

  I went from coming over during the day to staying the night to never going home. Within two weeks my toothbrush was in the bathroom and within about a month I’d moved in permanently. Obviously I immediately started making the place more girlie and homely so it felt more like our place. I also made him get rid of any traces of ex-girlfriends. Anything that had a link to an ex went into the bin. Even though Craig made me really happy, the old insecurities were still hanging around.

  I know for a fact I wasn’t easy when I first got together with Craig because I was convinced he was going to cheat on me like the other guys. If he was in a pub and I called and heard a girl’s voice in the background I would threaten to leave him because I’d convince myself that he was being unfaithful. I must have been a nightmare. He couldn’t go anywhere or do anything because I was sure that he either had already cheated on me or he was going to. It was a difficult time because I needed reassurance, but I also didn’t want him to feel stifled or push him away. Craig handled it brilliantly and responded by being deeply romantic and making me feel so secure. It was the first time someone had properly taken care of me rather than me taking on the mothering role.

  I got back from a gig once and Craig told me that I had to go straight upstairs and have a bath and I wasn’t allowed to look out of the windows. When I came back downstairs he’d made a picnic in the garden and lit candles. It was the loveliest thing a boyfriend had ever done for me. He used to leave teddies out with notes saying ‘I’m your teddy’ and he’d plan nights out for us. He’ll kill me for telling you all of this because his mates will give him hell!

  Before long we were making a proper commitment to each other. We got a dog. She was a springer spaniel called Molly and we’ve still got her to this day. She’s a bit old and smelly now but she’s still lovely. She’s been with us through everything and I don’t know what I’ll do if anything happens to her. She’s such a big part of our family and our kids love her.

  I continued singing with the band and in January 2003 Danny Davies called me and asked if I would be interested in entering the Eurovision Song Contest because he had a song he wanted to submit. I had my reservations because it’s a bit of a car crash and the UK always ends up with nil points. Some of the events I would have to commit to also clashed with our upcoming holiday in Thailand, which Craig was really loathe to cut short. He was so insistent that we had to go on this holiday and enjoy it in its entirety and I had no idea why. I assumed he was worried about my ego getting bruised if I was a Euro-flop. But I soon out found the real reason.

  I let Danny down gently and put the Eurovision opportunity to the back of my mind. In February Craig and I jetted off to Thailand for this amazing two-week holiday. One night we were in Bangkok and neither of us could sleep. We’d both taken presents for each other for Valentine’s Day, so we got them out of the safe and I sat on the bed waiting for him to come and open his. All of sudden he fell to his knees and I thought he’d fallen over. Then suddenly he burst out, ‘Will you marry me?’ I think we all know what my answer was… I was completely overwhelmed. I honestly wasn’t expecting it but it was the best surprise in the world. We had another ten days in Pattaya to look forward to and we spent the whole time celebrating. When we got home we had a big engagement party at Tony and Gary’s and I don’t think I stopped smiling all night.

  Craig and I sat down and talked about what we wanted do for our big day. I think because my parents were no longer together I didn’t want a big traditional do. We weighed up the options and decided to get married in Las Vegas. We remortgaged the house and took out £25,000 so we had money to do the things we most wanted. We had a conservatory built on to the house, new windows and also booked Vegas. We decided to have the ceremony with just the two of us but to have an Internet wedding so our friends and famil
y could watch a live feed of the ceremony back home in their pyjamas with a bottle of wine. They could even sign the wedding book online. It seemed like a great solution.

  In January 2004 we were all ready to go. My mum had bought me a wedding dress and I chose something very simple. We were planning to go out straight after the wedding and I would have looked ridiculous walking around Vegas in a big meringue. We stayed in a hotel in Manchester the night before our flight and the following morning we boarded the plane. We were all ready to take off and I was feeling so nervous because I’m not a good flyer. Then suddenly one of the other passengers said there was smoke coming out of the plane. The next thing I knew we were all herded off and told the flight had been cancelled. Brilliant. We were so gutted. The airline told us we could either wait for the next direct flight or transfer to one that changed in Washington.

  We were desperate to get out there so we decided to go for the first available flight. We told the staff we were heading out to get married and, amazingly, we got upgraded to business class. It was so lavish and they kept bringing us over champagne and nibbles. Every time they gave me a glass of bubbly I’d wait for them to turn their backs and then give it to Craig. By the time we got to Washington to change flights I was stuffed full of food and Craig was absolutely steaming!

  We finally arrived in Vegas tired but happy (and, in Craig’s case, still pretty drunk) at about one in the morning, and waited at the carousel for our luggage. And we waited. No luggage. I just knew instinctively that it had gone on another flight. My wedding dress and my shoes were in my suitcase and all I had were the clothes I was standing up in and my handbag. It was the same for Craig (minus the handbag!). We spoke to an airport official who told us in an annoyingly calm voice that they’d send our luggage on to our hotel as soon as it arrived, but I was livid.

  We jumped into a taxi to our hotel, the MGM Grand, and went to check in straight away. We were beyond tired by then. Craig gave our names and after a couple of minutes the receptionist gave us a confused look and said, ‘Sorry, we’ve got no record of your booking.’ I had a printout of the booking confirmation with me but for some reason we weren’t registered. The receptionist headed off to try and sort something out I turned to Craig and said only half-joking, ‘Something’s telling us we shouldn’t be getting married!’

  Eventually the receptionist came back and told us he’d been able to upgrade us to a suite. Result! We had two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a living area – it was huge. So while everything may have been going wrong up until that point, at least we were being upgraded every step of the way. But there was still no sign of our luggage. I was pacing up and down the room because we couldn’t get to sleep. We didn’t even have a toothbrush or deodorant, let alone anything to change into. We weren’t due to get married until three days later, so at least we had a bit of time to try and get our suitcases back, but needless to say I was panicking. At about 4am we went downstairs because we were still wide awake, and noticed there was a big McDonald’s in the lobby – and it was just opening. That was the best thing that could have happened to me in that moment. I needed a big McDonald’s hug. We must have looked like a pair of tramps sat in there just as the sun was coming up eating McMuffins.

  About an hour later our luggage arrived and I’ve never felt so relieved. Craig hired a tux in Vegas and the morning of the wedding I went to the New York New York hotel to get my hair done. So many people get married in Vegas that no one batted an eyelid when we walked through the lobby in our wedding attire.

  At 3.30pm on 29th January, Craig and I tied the knot in front of our (virtual!) loved ones. We both giggled all the way through our vows. Craig couldn’t get his words out and that made me laugh even more. We were waving to people at home via the webcam and it was all very light-hearted and fun, which is exactly how we both wanted it to be.

  After the wedding we got taken by limousine to a helipad and then went on an incredible helicopter ride over the Hoover Dam. We had booked a nice restaurant for dinner, so afterwards we got a boat across Lake Mead – past all of these amazing houses that are owned by the likes of Celine Dion and Nicolas Cage – to this amazing five-star restaurant. It was a beautiful place but I think I may have mentioned before how fussy I am with food. I ordered the beef wellington but when it arrived it was so rare it was practically still mooing and there was no way I could have eaten it. We were in this amazing place and yet all I was doing was dreaming of McDonald’s back in the hotel. Our waiter was so lovely I called him over and said as quietly as possible, ‘I could kill for some egg and chips. Is there any chance I can get some?’ He said he’d speak to the head chef, and several minutes later this big, angry-looking Scottish guy came walking out of the kitchen towards us. He started taking the mickey out of me about my meal request and I replied, ‘I’m not being funny but I’ve just got married and I’m not very good with fancy food.’ He smiled and nodded and then went back into the kitchen and sent out the fanciest egg and chips I’ve ever seen. He’d even made a turret out of the chips! It was one of the best meals I’ve ever had.

  Craig filmed the entire boat journey back, proudly doing his tourist bit and explaining what was what and who lived where. Unfortunately he’d forgotten to take the lens cap off the video camera so all we’ve got on that section of our wedding video is Craig’s voice and a whole lot of black.

  When we got back to the hotel Craig tried to be all romantic and carry me over the threshold, but he ended up banging my head on the doorframe. Oh dear. I changed into my Leicester City tracksuit and Craig put on shorts and a top and we finished the night off at McDonald’s. While everything may not have been perfect, our wedding was definitely memorable.

  We had a couple more days in Vegas as a married couple and had a wicked time. We went to see Celine Dion at Caesars Palace and Craig bought me a signed photo as a present that we hung in our conservatory as soon as we got home. Next we flew on to Florida. Craig had never been before and he was like a little kid. He was running everywhere and he was so excited. We went to the theme parks, the perfect ending to our wedding.

  When we got back to Leicester we hired out Braunstone Social Club and had a big party for all of our friends and family. We had a disco with karaoke and hired a bucking bronco. I got a special trophy for the winner and we piled tables high with food. Craig and I had our first dance to ‘So Amazing’ by Luther Vandross, and instead of a big wedding cake we had six tiers of French Fancies, because they’re my absolute favourites. My mum and dad both came and even though they spent the entire night at different ends of the room it was great to have them there. My dad, bless him, kept trying to get my mum to dance with him because he still loved her to pieces but she wasn’t even the tiniest bit interested.

  CHAPTER 7

  HELLO, GOODBYE

  Shortly before we’d got married I started learning to drive. Craig and I were planning our future and we knew that if we had kids I needed to be able to get out and about on my own when he was at work. So after lots and lots of lessons, in August 2004, I took my test and passed it first time. Craig had bought me a little Fiesta that I called Ronnie after my dad, and I went straight to Asda to do a shop because I was so excited that I could zoom around on my own. I loved driving and I used to make excuses to go out just so I could take the car. Craig took me out on the motorway a couple of times so I could get used to it and then a couple of weeks later I drove all the way to my mum’s in Kent. I was bursting with pride when I arrived.

  It was just as well I had learned to drive because in 2005 we found out that we were about to have another addition to our family. Yes, I was pregnant. Because I had really irregular periods due to cysts on my ovaries I never really knew when I was due to have one. Craig and I had decided we were going to try for a baby and within two weeks I was pregnant. I remember my boobs were tingling so I did suspect, and when a test confirmed it we went totally crazy. It was the best news ever.

  I couldn’t have been happier but I was still in the
band, so I had to break the news to Tony that I would be leaving. He was really happy for me but obviously it meant that he had to find a replacement, which was a bit of a headache. I carried on doing the shows for as long as I could, and I was wearing bigger and bigger clothes as the weeks went by. The Tony Carnagie show got booked to do a gig in Dubai and Craig came along with me; it was when we were lying in our hotel room that Craig felt the baby kick for the first time.

  Those kinds of gigs were rare but amazing. Toyota was launching a new car and we were the entertainment, so we got so do the show at the Jumeirah Beach Hotel. I was in maternity clothes but the rest of the band couldn’t wear half of their outfits because they were a bit racy for Dubai, so poor Tony had to spend a fortune buying things that were a bit more conservative.

  I had a relatively good pregnancy. I didn’t have any morning sickness or anything and the only thing I experienced were a few strange mood swings. I burst into tears when we were playing a game of cards with some friends in our living room once because I thought Craig was trying to cheat. I knew I was being irrational but I ran upstairs and cried so much I thought I was going to throw up. It was so weird. Thankfully I wasn’t like that all of the time, but there was the odd occasion when I felt completely out of control. That’s hormones for you, I guess.

  We decided to find out the sex of the baby and I was petrified when I first found out I was having a girl. Having grown up with two brothers and been a tomboy all my life I wasn’t sure how I would cope. I wouldn’t know how to do her hair or what to dress her in. I didn’t play with dollies when I was growing up; I was too busy playing with mud or a football, so how would I know what she would and wouldn’t like? It was definitely going to be a steep learning curve.