Walker in the shower currently, but “done any second now,” plus a dripping wet female wrapped in a towel, was an equation it didn’t take a mathematician to solve. As she was trying to run through scenarios in her head that didn’t add up to them showering together, she took in her surroundings. The couch was in the hall and his living room had been turned into some sort of gym/bondage room? And the holes, there were holes everywhere. There was a pair of handcuffs dangling from a chair, but further down the hall, she noticed plastic hanging. Why was there plastic? Maybe this incredibly fit lady had showered down there, in the other bathroom, beyond the plastic barrier. Yeah right?
***
GUS
Gus was taking in Walker’s guest’s appearance from her periphery so as not to spook her. From the descriptions Walker had given, she was almost positive this was Erika. The only doubt being her size. Not overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but not the svelte figure Walker painted. Maybe she gained some weight since leaving town. That, or could she be pregnant? It was impossible to tell through the trench style coat she wore, and Gus wasn’t a fool enough to ask.
You never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless she crowing for Christ's sake. It was a downright destructive mistake to voice to a woman. However, Gus also had to say the right things, or not say the wrong things, for Walker’s sake. If she acknowledged Erika by name, it would give her the impression that Walker was pining for her, which might be true, but not her place to spill. Obviously, she was here to talk to Walker, and that is how it should come to him, from Erika, not from her.
For the first time in her adult life, Gus felt oddly exposed being naked. Eyeing her clothes on the coffee table and wishing she had dressed right away rather than checked her messages.
Well, nothing to it now, she thought and turned her gaze back to Erika.
***
ERIKA
The dripping wet hottie must have noticed where she was looking.
“Yep, that whole side of the house flooded. These are the only inhabitable rooms at present. Walker has already contracted repairs and they should have his house back to rights within a few months. Would you like something to drink? Please, have a seat.” The towel babe indicated the couch in the hall. “Sorry, his living room isn’t more welcoming for guests, my fault.”
Had Walker moved on so fast? Did she mean nothing to him? Guess so, the proof was staring her in the face with blue eyes and a bow-shaped mouth. One bathroom—two wet people? Shower for two, please? Plus, her fault the living room was now some sort of S & M gymnasium?
Erika wanted to hate her, wanted to rub her perfect face in the front yard, but she couldn’t. For one, she had a calming spirit about her that seemed to harbor no ill, and for two, it appeared this woman would be a part of her child’s life. Looking into her eyes, she realized there could be worse people for Walker to be with. Jo came to mind.
As that reality brought her great pain, because it meant her and Walker would never be, it also brought her peace. Walker would be stable and loved. That’s all he’s ever wanted, and she wanted it for him, even if it wasn’t with her.
It would be a good environment for her child, as soon as they moved their sex gym to a more private place, anyway. Andy and Marco’s home would be good for her, too. Her daughter would be blessed with an abundance of people that loved her.
Shared custody wouldn’t be as bad as she feared. She would forge a relationship with this woman as she hoped they would reciprocate with Andy and Marco. What better people to raise her child were there? Hopefully, her daughter would have five loving people in her life, and who could dare call that a bad thing? As she was extending her hand to introduce herself to the woman who she desperately wished to be, a voice that spoke to her soul filled the air.
Walker.
“Thanks, sweetheart, I’ll be out in a minute. Just tell them to keep their pants on, or not. It’s optional.” A deep chuckle punctuated the disembodied voice.
***
GUS
Gus cringed at the look on Erika’s face as his very platonic term of endearment was heard as anything but, by the woman who genuinely loved her client. It was written all over her face. After Gus had digested the ”sweetheart” part, the rest of his statement and his tone hit her.
He was happy.
Oh God, he was happy. They had made a breakthrough today. Just when she was thinking he wasn’t responding to this course and treatment and was going to change things up, but he was happy. He made light of his visitor, joked about pants even and that laugh was heartfelt and light. Gus was absolutely giddy. She couldn’t wait for Erika to see him happy and for him to see Erika with happiness lighting him instead of despair weighing him down.
She was beaming when she made eye contact with Erika again. That’s when reality smacked her in the face. There, on Erika’s too pale visage, was the tremendous pain of a woman scorned. She’d misunderstand his endearment, but also, had misunderstood Gus’s reaction to Walker’s words. Erika looked as if the floor would rise up to greet her.
***
ERIKA
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
She would accept Walker, this woman, and her place in their life, for the sake of her child, but she couldn’t do that just yet, she wasn't ready. The pain of hearing his happiness was overwhelming. She wanted him happy, she honestly did, but she couldn't face it, or him, not today. She had to leave before she passed out. Her palms were sweating, and she was swallowing hard to not throw up. She had to retreat and regroup. She couldn’t handle the pain right now, and her baby couldn’t handle the stress. Her thoughts were coming ninety miles a minute and it was suffocating.
Erika clutched her stomach as a wave a nausea washed over her, prompting her hand to release its manila prisoner. Some of the contents spilled out and skated across the floor when it landed. Both women bent to retrieve the visible contents. Neither of which noticed the small, square black and white image that floated across the laminate to rest with the dust bunnies under the lone piece of permanent furniture in the room—the coffee table.
Standing, Erika handed the folder to the other woman, “I really must go. I can’t wait any longer. If you would be so kind as to give this to Walker, I’d be forever in your debt…I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”
“Augusta, but my friends call me Gus.”
“Augusta, Gus. As I said, I’d appreciate it if you would see that Walker get this, and I sincerely hope we are friends one day. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” With that, Erika all but fled the house as if the hounds of hell chased her. Once in the safe haven of the car, she let the tears flow. Tears for what was and tears for what will never be.
***
GUS
Gus watched as Erika entered the car and could tell by the slump of her shoulder that she wept.
She was startled by the closeness of Walker’s voice, “Where’s this company of mine?”
Gus slammed the door, not wanting Walker to see Erika crying. “Gone, but she left this for you.” Extending the folder to him, she knew he would be crushed when he realized who had left it.
“Fuck,” he whispered, then landed on his ass on the coffee table.
CHAPTER TEN
EARLY OCTOBER
ANDY
Andy was waiting with open arms when Erika arrived back at the hotel—emotionally and physically exhausted. Even knowing that pain would greet her at Walker’s, he didn’t expect this depth.
When she finally stopped hiccup-sobbing, she spilled, sharing everything. The flooding, Gus, the shower, sweetheart, happiness, the sex gym¸ everything that she saw or heard since leaving for Walker’s. Finally, on an exhausted whisper, “I gave her the folder, I even tucked my ultrasound picture in the back. I need him to know everything.”
She wiped her nose and visibly reaching for her calm place, “I guess there’s no pressing need to hold up the divorce, but I would be grateful if you and Marco would consider it. I was hoping my daughter would be bo
rn within the confines of a marriage, but I’ve made peace with the alternative. However, until Walker or his lawyer contacts me with their expectations, that might be for the best.”
Andy gave her a puzzled look. Still not understanding her sudden about face or what compelled her to need a piece of paper that she had always encouraged him to do away with in the first place. The look in Andy’s eyes must have coerced her to come clean. Confessing the only reason she had held out this long was in case Walker came around, she didn’t want animosity between the two of them. She wanted Walker and Andy to have a shot at a genuine friendship.
“Now that obviously isn’t in the cards, you have a right to know. The night Walker and I…had sex…“ Andy didn’t miss the fact that this was the first time she used the term sex instead of making love, “he told me that if I got pregnant, there was no way in hell he’d let me and you raise his child. I was hurt and afraid.”
There it was, the source of her reluctance, but Andy had zero fear in that arena. Grabbing her another tissue, he moved back to the bed where she wept.
“Is that all? Don’t worry about that darlin’, with his past and present he’ll neve…” She turned on him before he could finish that thought with terror in her eyes.
“No. No Andy, I would never destroy him by using his past against him, he knows that. And as for his present, well, he’s more stable than I am.”
Oh right, Andy thought, she had witnessed a rare moment in Walker’s recent history, she had no idea the depths he’d sunken to since that night, but he did. Deciding not to tell her that, lest he destroy her more, he tried a different tact.
“Lucky for the babe, you’re married to the best litigator in three states.”
“Three? I thought you were only licensed in Kansas and North Dakota?”
***
ERIKA
His slightly sinister laugh gave her an odd sense of security. It was the sound he made before he hatched the perfect plan, or busted someone’s testimony; but this time, with Walker on the opposite side, it also gave her pause. “Oh honey, I passed the state bar here as soon as you took up residence. I promised to always take care of you, and I wouldn’t be able to do that if I left you unprotected, legally speaking.”
For a moment, a light banter took over. “Really you idiot? You took the bar, again? You know, other people are licensed attorneys, you could have hired someone if I got in a bind. People do it all time.”
Tapping her nose in a familiar gesture, Andy grinned at her. “Yes they do, but they have to settle for second rate representation. I promised you that you’d never want for anything. Only the best for my family, and when it comes to attorneys, that’s me.”
God, how she missed this and hated to force it to an end, but it must be done. Now she realized, she not only mourned what she could have had with Walker, but also had been mourning what she did have with Andy. Their relationship had changed so much over the years. They’d changed so much, and these carefree and comfortable moments were fewer and farther between. Since the Walker fiasco, they were practically nonexistent.
“No Andy, I love you so much, and I appreciate the rabid determination with which you protect me, but not this time. I will not drag a child through her parents fighting each other so hard they can’t see what they are doing to everyone around them. I want to share custody, and I will be content with that. Gus seems like a decent person, and I know Walker will be an amazing dad, as will you and Marco. Think about it, five fabulous parental figures. Five times the love, and five times the fun.”
Rubbing her belly, she took on a reflective demeanor. “As much as that night hurt me…hurts me, I could never regret it. I will have a beautiful daughter in a few months. I have a marvelous—soon-to-be ex—husband, who has an equally awesome soon-to-be husband. Both who would love her with unparalleled devotion, even when their own comes along, that won’t change. You'll teach her to be true to herself no matter what. I have a currently reluctant, but who-will-come-around-soon baby daddy, who I have no doubt will be an astounding role model for his daughter in all things. Teaching her to never judge a book by its cover or a person by their ink, and that her past will not define her future. No matter who he is with, I am positive she will be a good influence on her too, because he would never bring someone into her life who isn’t suitable for his daughter.”
Taking a deep breath, Erika continued, “And finally, she’ll have me. I will work hard every single minute to prove to her that family has no pre-determined shape or size. One can be so blessed as to have three daddies—or one daddy and two uncles, your call—and two mommies, or it can be an equal blessing to have one amazing mom or dad. Family is not defined by blood but by bond. She will always have a family, no matter what may come.”
Patting Andy on the leg, she got up and stretched her back. She needed a long soak in the tub and some serious face-time with the Sandman. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to head to the bath and catch some Z’s. I’ll be ready to leave any time after that, whenever you are.”
***
ANDY
“Enjoy your bath love, do you want me to order up room service? It’s already lunch time and you haven’t had a thing since before you left this morning.”
“You know, that would be lovely. I seem to have my appetite back.” There was a bit of color in her cheeks and a spring in her step.
“I’ll order some healthy fare for my two girls.” Andy grabbed the receiver and dialed. “After the tray arrives, I need to step out for a bit. I’ll leave it on your dresser.”
“Where you headed?”
“Oh, one of our old college friends has a firm downtown and we’ve been tossing around the idea of me becoming a non-litigating partner for years. I thought to go check it out, have a chat with him, and catch up.” That was only a partial truth, but hopefully, Erika would never know that. She wasn’t up on the practice and maneuvers of law.
He had a visit to make all right, but it wasn’t in a legal capacity, it was a personal one. He had some things to work out with the soon to be baby daddy. As much as destroying Walker would satisfy him—and boy would it ever—he couldn’t deny that even through the pain, Erika was in a better place. After leaving the folder for Walker, she made a peace with him—even if he didn't know it yet—and with her situation. It was time Andy did the same. They were going to be family, after all. Andy just prayed Walker was the man Erika gave him credit for being, because family or not, destruction was still an option if he was a threat to his “wife” in any way.
“You mean Trevor The Red, Ginger Trevor?” She didn’t wait for confirmation. “I ran into him a while back and he asked about you, but I gave the standard answers and moved on. He said he’d call us to set up a dinner when you came to town, but I never heard from him. I figured he was just blowing smoke and being polite. I guess he must’ve called you then, sorry I forgot to mention it.”
“No big deal, we’ve been in regular communication for a few years now, mostly business, but if you called him Ginger Trevor to his face, it’s no wonder he never called you.”
***
GUS
Gus exited the bedroom after snagging her clothes back off the coffee table and hastily dressing. Walker was ass-planted on the coffee table exactly where she’d left him. Tears threatened and white knuckled shaky hands choked the folder from Erika.
That lost look had returned to his eyes. A look they had just banished, and damn it, it was back. Walker was adrift again, and Gus was unsure about the best course of action to anchor him. She didn’t know that she could. This was one of those pivotal moments that would be all him.
Approaching him with all the serenity and love she could summon, she knelt between his knees, placing her hands on his. “Walker honey, do you want me to take this?”
He shook his head emphatically, like a seven-year-old denying a truth.
“Do you want to read it now, or do you want to wait? It’s up to you the next step we take. If you need space, I’
ll give it to you, but you need to ask. Anything you want from me, it’s yours.” Moving her hands to his damp cheeks, Gus brought his troubled eyes to hers. “Our actions may be flawed, but that does not mean we are broken. Walker Reid, you are so much more than your anger and much stronger, you know that.”
Apparently, that opened floodgates, and Walker sat there and cried. It was obvious to Gus this wasn’t a therapeutic girl-time cry, it was a punishing event. He was letting the razor sharp pain of raw emotion tear into himself.
Several minutes later, he asked, “Do you mind if I take over the bedroom for a while? I need to get some things straight in my head so I can be in a place to read this? If I need you, I’ll let you in, I promise.”
“Sure, no problem, I believe in you Walker. You can handle whatever is in there. I’ll be right outside the door.” Walker rose, forcing Gus to her feet as he turned away, heading for the bedroom. He grabbed the easel and canvas on his way, came back for the rest of the painting supplies, then locked himself away. Gus stationed herself on the floor right outside the door. Listening, hoping and praying. If he could handle this without beating the hell out of his room, or himself, he would be in a healthy place in his recovery.
***
WALKER
Before Walker trusted himself the read whatever the hell was in the folder, he needed a release, and right now, he was feeling painting would be his best outlet. In his mind's eye, he knew exactly what he would paint. The colors were predetermined, the memory that would become the image burned into his retina.
Hours later, he stepped back to look at the once-blank canvas: An abstract image of a woman—a stunning woman in the throes of passion her hair escaping the band around her head, her arm and the arm of a man extended above those rebellious golden strands, lips parted in pleasure and captivating eyes full of love, looking up into the eyes of her lover.
Indelible You (Imagine Ink) Page 8