by Night, H. T.
“Why the hell did you do that?” I screamed at him.
“Because you attacked me,” he said.
“You told me to!”
“Do you do everything people tell you to? Even when you know it is not the right thing to do?”
“I do when I travel across the world to see them! You kicked me in the worst spot possible!” I felt my groin and I don’t think I had ever been kicked that hard in that particular area in my entire life. It hurt on a whole different level. My feelings were pretty damn hurt, too. I came halfway around the world to see him and he kicked me in the jewels, almost first thing! What the hell?
Goshi stood over me while I laid in pain, trying to get my breath. “It was the worst for you, but it was the best place for me to strike you. If I know that you have a kryptonite on your body, why wouldn’t I attack that area? Especially if you were the one who attacked me first? You were the one who broke all kinds of ethical ground by attacking me. I don’t owe you any courtesy after that. Everything is fair game. Even the privates.”
“So, what’s the lesson here?” I asked, painfully getting to my feet and trying not to hurl. “I should start going around kicking my enemies in the nuts and just forget about martial arts etiquette?”
“No, Josiah. You missed the point. The lesson is ‘to never attack first.’ You leave yourself not only vulnerable physically, but vulnerable politically! Why should any man fight by any kind of code of ethics after being disrespected by being attacked?”
I shook out my junk from where the parts were shrunk up into my belly in horror and misery. That little fucker took way too much pleasure kicking me in my holiest of holies. “So, never throw the first punch?” I squeaked out.
“No, you can always throw the first punch if both of you are squared up.”
“What are you saying then?” I asked.
“Never provoke an altercation. Remember when you and Tommy fought off the werewolves back at Tommy’s cabin? You went out and attacked the lone werewolf who was only on the lookout. As you recall, you remained the eagle and you took him by surprise. You made yourself completely vulnerable. You are not meant to fight as the eagle. You are only meant to save and defend when you are in that form.”
I remembered that night, and he was right. I did attack first. I actually felt bad when I killed him. It was the only killing that has bothered me. I knew on some level I was wrong for attacking him first, unprovoked.
Well, what a great first lesson. I smiled at Goshi.
“You agree?” Goshi asked.
“I agree,” I said. “How did you know about that night?”
“Goshi has his ways.” Great, if I didn’t have enough to worry about, apparently I have had a blue gnome stalking me spiritually.
Goshi then said, “You also have a problem with your technique.”
“My fighting technique?” Now this was getting personal. One thing I had was great technique! “How so?” I asked.
“You mix it up too much. You like to balance kicking and punching. If you could win a battle with only one army, why would risk a second army to go into battle if you didn’t have to?”
I had an answer for that. I said, “Because sometimes you would need to give the other army a break, so it can rest.”
“So, the armies are my arms and legs?”
“Now you’re getting it. Are you resting them? Or are you showing off? If you can kill a man with a shotgun, why bring a machete with you? It’s better to get the job done fast, than to look pretty doing it. Save the drama for…what’s that place? Hollywood.”
I saw his point. Again, I nodded my head.
“Let us train, Josiah,” Goshi circled me and we began sparring with one another. My blue friend proceeded to show me a variety of ways to punch an opponent when they are off balance by using my ability to float up in the air. Floating added a whole new element to positioning in a fight. I noticed that in my last two altercations, it really threw off my opponents. I just didn’t know how to control it. We continued to work on striking and kicking. We eventually stopped at around four in the morning.
“You need to go back to your hotel,” he said. “You need rest. Also, you need to call whoever is waiting for you back at home and tell them you will not contact them until our training is over.”
“Really? She’s my girlfriend. She’s gonna pout if I put her on the back burner.”
“Really, Josiah. I need your undivided attention.”
That sucked.
Then Goshi added, “Tomorrow, we will work on your awful landings. There is nothing graceful about you, Mani.”
Oh, that hurt almost as much as the groin kick. Almost.
Chapter Seven
I flew back into the open window of my hotel room. I went over to the phone by the bed and read the printed card about how to make an international call in English. I knew this was going to be the last time I could talk to Lena for a while, and I needed to make sure it was a good one. I swiped my credit card through the funky phone interface.
“Hello,” Lena answered.
“Hey, it’s me,” I said.
“It is you,” she said. “Are you the Duke of Earl yet?”
“Not exactly.”
“Date didn’t go well?”
“It wasn’t a date. I told you I didn’t trust her. Also, she wasn’t The Duchess of Windsor.”
“Really? She wasn’t Helen?” Lena laughed out loud. “Don’t tell me you had never seen her picture before?”
“Nope, never.”
“Oh, my gosh, that is so funny!”
“Well, now I have.”
“I hope she didn’t rob you. Should I tell Hector an English gypsy stole his diamond-plated credit card?”
“You don’t have to say anything to Hector. I still have the card. I just used it to get the room, so I can keep my cash in case I need it for a place that doesn’t take plastic. Aren’t you going to ask me where I am?”
“Aren’t you still in London?”
“No, I’m not. I’m calling you from Transylvania, Romania.”
“Oh, wow!” Lena said. “You’re already there?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Did you find the little blue guy you were looking for?”
“Yeah, I did, and our training has already started.”
“Holy shit!”
“Still want to make jokes?” I said, laughing.
“You know I was kidding.”
“Were you jealous?” I asked.
“Who wouldn’t be, the guy you’re crazy about calls you up from Europe, and tells you that he has a date with one of the most notorious bachelorettes in the world!”
“More like one of the most notorious con artists in the world.”
“What did she want from you?”
“I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to wrap my mind around. All I know is it was an apparent set-up where she paid three Mani to fight me.”
“She paid three vampires to fight you?” Lena asked.
“I know the whole thing sounds crazy, but that’s what happened.”
“But you’re the Chosen One.”
“Yeah, some welcome wagon that was.”
“Did you beat up the vampires?”
“Seriously? You need to ask that? When don’t I?”
“That’s true. You are my little blonde warrior,” Lena got distracted. “Hold on, Josiah. Tommy wants to talk to you.”
“Hey, Josiah!” Tommy yelled into the phone.
“What’s up, Broham?” I said to Tommy.
“You were already in a fight?”
“You know me, Tommy. Confrontation tends to find me, no matter where I am.”
“You and I both, brother, you and I both!”
“It’s all we know,” I laughed.
“But still, Josiah, I know you. You need to pace yourself. You can’t waste ass-kickings on every Tom, Dick and Harry vampire and werewolf you meet. One of these days, you’re going to get caught off guard.”
/>
“I’m always caught off guard. That’s when I’m the most dangerous!”
Tommy paused, “That’s true.” Now Tommy seemed distracted.
“What’s wrong, Tommy?”
“Be safe. It’s driving me crazy that I’m not there with you.”
“You know I had to do this by myself, but that means a lot to me.”
“It better. Well, I don’t want to take all your time. This poor little lady has been waiting around for your call for the last twenty-four hours like a puppy dog.”
I heard a smack!
“Ouch!” Tommy said, in response to the smack I heard. “What Lena, you’re trying to tell me you weren’t gazing lovingly at your cell waiting all day for your knight in shining armor’s call?”
I heard a bigger smack!
“Hey, Josiah, you better put your woman on lockdown. She is out of control right now! Later, buddy!”
“Bye, Tommy.”
“Hello, Josiah,” Lena had apparently grabbed the phone from Tommy. It sounded like they were having a lot of fun. I missed that. I was in Europe flying around castles and into open windows. For what? To save the world? Who was I kidding? I wanted to go home real bad. I had never felt more homesick than I did at this moment.
“Josiah, don’t listen to him,” Lena said.
“So, you weren’t hoping I’d call?” I said, pretending to be hurt.
“No, Sweetie. Of course I was. I just wasn’t so Air Supply about it.”
I laughed. “I miss American pop culture and McDonald’s burgers. And I miss you, Lena.”
“I miss you, too.”
I was quiet. “Lena,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“I won’t be able to talk to you for a while. The little blue guy wants me to be focused.”
“Really? How long will that be?”
“However long it takes to be trained, I guess.”
“That sucks. What is this guy? Some kind of communist?”
“I don’t think he’s too political,” I said, laughing. “Lena, I love you.”
She was quiet, and then after a few seconds I heard a loving exhale, “Forever and always, Josiah.”
I smiled. My lungs filled up with her love, with her promise. God, she was something. No fear to tell me. Just like that. Forever and always.
“Josiah, do you have any idea when you’ll be done?”
“I don’t know. Hopefully, it will only be a week or two. He’s doing this Yoda meets Mr. Myagi thing with me. Everything he says is some grand life lesson.”
“That’s cute.”
“Oh, if you could only see this creature, Lena, he’s anything but cute. It’s like Yoda and a Smurf got thrown in a blender together.”
She chuckled. “Be safe, baby.”
“I will.”
“And no more fighting! Tommy is about to take a plane down there to be with you.”
“Tell him I’ll be okay. How’s everyone else?”
“They’re good. We aren’t exactly the Brady Bunch here. You’re kind of the nucleus, and when you’re not around, everyone seems like they are just trying to play nice.”
“Are you talking about Yari?”
“Her, me, everyone.”
“How is Yari?” I asked.
“I told you already, she’s good.” Lena didn’t sound too happy about answering that question. Yari was still a touchy subject. She didn’t have anything to worry about when it came to her. Don’t get me wrong, Yari was hot as hell, but Lena was my world. I decided not to press the issue and say goodbye. “I’m going to go,” I said. “I’m going to rest.”
“Goodbye, Josiah.”
I put the phone down in the cradle and laid on my back on the lumpy, uncomfortable bed. Whenever I stay at a hotel, I never get under the covers. It grosses me out. I knew it was the nicest and cleanest place in the city but it was just…well, travelers had been in and out of that bed for years. It gave me the heebie jeebies. I can kick a seven-foot-tall werewolf’s ass. but dirty sheets are my Kryptonite.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… another superhero reference.
Chapter Eight
I used the bedspread in my hotel room as an extra covering over the drapes of the room. No sun was getting in and that was the way I liked it. I laid down and tried to get some sleep. My mind was racing as I tried to drift off. A lot had happened to me and I think most people would have cracked by now. But, I’m not most people. As a matter of fact, there is no one in this world like me. That thought alone is what gave me peace even when my mind was going a hundred miles an hour. I know that under any circumstance, I can come out ahead. I meditated on that concept for a while. All these different things that have been thrown at me, I’m still here. I haven’t faltered; as a matter of fact, it’s only made me stronger. I took some solace in that fact, and I finally I fell asleep. And it was the best damn sleep I ever had. I slept like a dead man for at least fourteen hours.
When I got up, it was nighttime. In a way that sounds depressing, but these days, it is all I know. I flipped on the TV and watched some CNN. I was having a hard time figuring out how the remote control and TV worked together. I was really itching to watch a good reality show. Survivor and Hell’s Kitchen weren’t exactly in the Romanian TV guide. I would just have to wait till I get back to the States to watch my favorite programs.
I watched the news till about midnight. Then I decided it was a good time to head over to the courtyard. I transitioned into the eagle and made my way over to the castle. It took only a couple of minutes to get to the castle from my hotel room. When I approached the compound, I circled around the castle and looked down into the courtyard. I saw Goshi, and it appeared that he was doing Pilates. This creature definitely perplexed me.
I flew down to the courtyard beside where Goshi was warming up and this time I did a better job on my landing.
“Josiah, I almost didn’t recognize you without the crash landing.”
“Funny, blue man. Funny.”
“Have you stretched?”
I looked at Goshi and he was going all out in his stretch. I sure as hell never stretched like that, even when I was in MMA.
“No,” I said.
“Well you might want to transition to your Mani form and stretch.”
Huh? I forgot to switch?
I quickly transitioned into my vampire form. “How was I able to speak to you as the eagle?” I asked.
“Josiah, powerful Mani will be able to understand you even when you are the eagle. It isn’t the audible sound that we hear come out of your mouth. It is the voice inside you that gets translated.”
“Was I speaking eagle?”
“If that is what you would like to call it. It will benefit you to speak eagle at certain times so that you can only be understood by the most powerful Mani.”
I shook my head and looked at Goshi. “I have no idea what I am actually capable of doing.”
“That’s why I’m here. I’m your guide to yourself, Josiah.” Goshi’s eyes shifted in a way I didn’t quite trust. It was the first time he had rubbed me the wrong way. He noticed me studying him. “You’re curious about me, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah. I sort of had to wonder, when you had me put my girlfriend on the back burner if you…if there are others like you, of your, um, species.”
He didn’t answer and then I was quiet. I tried to imagine how it would be if there were none of my kind. No Lena. No Yari. What a terrible thing it would be. To be alone. To become a teacher and a philosopher in that aloneness took great inner strength.
“Ask me a question from your inner self,” he asked, as if he could read my mind. “Not from the surface. From deep inside of you.”
I was quiet. I didn’t know how to answer. For the first time, this situation gave me an adrenaline rush of fear. I hated fear. But there was something not right about the way Goshi shifted his eyes. There really wasn’t much I could do about it if something was off. I knew one thing for sure, I was gonna g
uard my balls from that guy. He had no mercy.
“Well?” he said.
I should have died at least five separate times by now, and somehow I was still going strong. I needed to trust my surroundings.
“No,” I said. “I’m not curious. What’s there to be curious about? You’re a little blue man that appeared to me in a dream. You had me travel halfway across the world to learn from you. That’s what I’m here to do, learn.”
Goshi seemed disappointed that I didn’t seem to care who he was or where he might have come from, only that I wanted to know if there were others like him. One of the reasons I asked is because I sort of feared a whole ball-kicking drill team of little blue men descending on me, as well as feeling sorry for him about him possibly being the only one of his kind, or maybe the last of his kind, like Highlander. What he didn’t realize was that I did care; that was not a hand I was prepared to show at this moment in time.
“Let’s review some of the punches from yesterday,” Goshi said, and then proceeded to run through all the hand and arm drills we had done the previous night. We reviewed for about an hour then switched over to kicks. Goshi showed me how to kick from all angles. He gave me an insane workout. I think I pissed him off. My hands, arms, legs, and feet were extremely tired. It was about three in the morning when we finally stopped.
“Let’s take a break, Josiah.”
“What’s the matter, Papa Smurf? You tired?” I said, gasping for air. “I’m the one doing all the work.”
“Papa who?” Goshi asked.
“You never heard of The Smurfs? It used to be a Saturday morning cartoon back in the day.”
Goshi sat on a rock near the courtyard. His legs were small and pointy; his body and demeanor appeared to be beaten down from life. I wondered how old a creature like him could possibly be.