When he turned her around, he was ready to kiss her again, but was taken aback by the look on her face. She was crying, tears staining both of her red cheeks. It was confusing, insulting, and infuriating and Carter didn’t know what to say. He leaned away, looking down at her as if she were an injured bird.
“Are you happy?” Avery asked, feeling the guilt and shame eating away at her with every second. The lies and deception made her so far from pious. “You’ve proven your point. I’m still attracted to you. I still catch on fire every time you touch me. But I love my husb—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Carter snapped. “You use him as some kind of shield to—”
“He isn’t a shield, Carter.” This time, Avery grabbed his arms and squeezed tight. She needed him to understand. “He’s my husband and I’m married to him. No matter what I feel for you, I can’t be this person.”
“What person is that?” he asked. “The person that knows where her heart is, who her man really is? Your body gives you away, Avery. This is what you want. I’m what you want.”
Her arms dropped to her sides as she sighed. “You’re right. You are what I want. And if you keep this up, I’ll give in to my desires. Eventually, I couldn’t avoid it, but then what? I’ll be an adulterer, a liar, a cheat. I already hate myself for kissing you, for wanting more. I won’t blame you for my choice this time, but I’m begging you to help me not become something I can’t bear to be.”
Carter groaned as he ran his hand over his face. “You want me to deny what we have? Pretend that we aren’t meant for each other because . . .”
“Because I’m begging you to.” Avery placed her hand on his chest, looking into his eyes. She could only pray she was reaching him. “I can’t be someone I despise. You think you’d be happy because you had me, but you wouldn’t like me like that. You wouldn’t like the person I know I’ll become after I cross that line I can’t return from.”
“I would love you no matter what,” Carter said.
“But I’d hate you.”
Carter swallowed hard, but held firm. Did that even matter? If he had her, what else mattered?
“And I’d hate myself more,” she added. “Can you say you love me and live with that?”
Carter stepped away, hating himself for feeling pity. How could he be considering this? After everything he’d done to get her back. “I can’t let you go, Avery.”
“You have to. No matter what happened, I’m married to Anthony and . . . we’re making a family. If you have any decency in you—”
“God, Avery, don’t do—”
“—and I know you do,” she continued, “you’ll respect that.”
He stared into her watery eyes and could see that she meant this. After all this, she still wanted to reject him. His anger spurred his stubborn spirit. “I don’t have to respect anything that takes you away from me.”
Avery lowered her head, unable and unwilling to fight anymore. “Then you’ll do whatever you have to do. I’ve done all I can. I just want to be a good wife and mother. I just want to be a daughter my father can be proud . . .”
When she broke into sobs, Carter wanted to reach out to her, but he didn’t; he couldn’t. She was right. He could have her if he wanted to and he did. If he persisted, she would give in to him. But even if he succeeded in getting her to leave Anthony, she would hate herself because of the reason why. Cheating wasn’t something she could stand. He had used that truth to his advantage when he’d wanted her before, and this was why he didn’t have her now.
She would never forgive him for putting his own desire ahead of everything that mattered to her. He would eventually lose her all over again. No, this wasn’t the way.
“Don’t cry, Avery.” Carter’s hands felt like two-ton weights at his sides. He didn’t trust himself to touch her again. Reason could only go so far. “You’ve won.”
“Everything is a game to you, Carter.” She was sickened by his attitude. “No one wins here.”
“I guess you’re right. I don’t get what I want and neither do you. Anthony doesn’t get what he wants because you want me. But we can all drown our sorrow in the reward of doing what’s right.”
She resented his sarcasm. “I know you’re angry, but you have to see—”
“Don’t,” he said. “You keep your Bible and your virtues to yourself. I’m not doing this out of respect for the sanctity of marriage, a marriage that never should have happened. I’m doing this because I have some self-respect left and I’d like to keep it.”
“I’m sorry.” She stepped closer to him, but he moved away. His face was dark and somber and he was shutting off as he usually did when things got beyond him.
Without saying good-bye, Carter started to leave, but after a few steps, he stopped without turning around. “You’re going to regret this, Avery. No matter what you do or how hard you try, you’ll never love him like you love me. You’ll never want him for any reason more than the fact that you should. But when you realize that, it’ll be too late. Good-bye.”
Avery stood in the hallway for another fifteen minutes, leaning against the wall for support. She tried to pull herself together, but was having a hard time. She was supposed to be relieved, but she felt broken inside. Carter had given up on her and that was supposed to be all she wanted. She was free now to focus on her baby, her father, and her marriage without the temptation and the frustration. So why did she feel trapped? Why did she feel so afraid? Why did she feel like she’d just lost everything?
He’d been feeling a little horny since watching that full-figured waitress sashay by him about ten times during lunch, so Michael was happy to hear Kimberly had stopped by the office just after he got back. He jumped up from his chair to greet her, planning to lock the door and get to it right away. But from the salty look on her face, Michael knew he wasn’t getting anything.
“What did I do now?” he asked as she slammed the door behind him. “That’s great, Kimberly. Very classy.”
“You think I give a shit what those people out there think of me?” Kimberly was at her wits’ end and wasn’t about to concern herself with gossipy office help.
“You should.” He returned to his chair.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. “Do they all gossip about what I did to the precious, darling Janet Chase?”
Michael eyed her intently, not wanting to get into that. “I’m busy, baby.”
“By baby, do you mean equal spouse?” She sat down with a sarcastic smirk to match her tone. “Or baby as in child?”
Michael frowned, trying to think of what he’d done, what he’d forgotten. “Can we skip the drama?”
“Because I think maybe I’ve called you Daddy so often, you’ve begun to think you’re actually my father.”
Michael leaned back in his chair and tugged at his chin. “I would never think I could replace that gem of a daddy you had.”
“Don’t get smug with me, Michael.” She slammed her purse on the desk. “I will smack that smile off your face.”
“These word games only exhaust me, Kimberly. Out with it.”
“How dare you put limits on what I can withdraw from our accounts?” She watched as he opened his mouth to respond, but stopped. “And if you say they are yours, not ours, I’ll jump across this desk and strangle you to death.”
“To death?” he asked. “Then everything that was . . . ours would be . . . yours. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“I’d like some fucking respect, Michael.”
“Then you’d better start showing some.” His voice held no hint of humor. “Starting with not slamming my office door. Now, what is your problem with . . . our accounts?”
Kimberly took a deep breath to calm herself. “Why am I being restricted?”
“From which account?” Michael asked suspiciously.
“Take your pick,” Kimberly said. “What is this supposed to be? More punishment?”
“Why do you want so much money?” Michael as
ked.
“Why do I?” Kimberly acted amazed. “How do you think shit gets done around that house?”
“What shit are we talking about?”
“The pool for one thing.” Kimberly had already rehearsed the lies she would come up with for needing money, and as she listed them one by one, she only hoped Michael wouldn’t ask too many questions.
Michael was getting more and more suspicious as every suddenly life-and-death need was presented to him. “Nothing you’re saying costs more than what you’re allowed to take out. If you don’t want to do it, then give it to me and I’ll do it.”
“Because you don’t have any limits, do you?” she asked sarcastically.
“As a matter of fact, I do. I put these limits on both of us while we recoup our resources after buying the house. Even wealthy people have to take it easy when they buy a new home, Kimberly.”
“We aren’t wealthy,” Kimberly argued. “We’re filthy, stinkin’ rich and I won’t be put on an allowance like some upper-middle-class housewife.”
“What about your own money?” he asked. “I know you haven’t spent every penny you’ve withdrawn from the accounts. I know you stash some of that away. All you women do it.”
“Now we’re going to get into a sexism debate?” Kimberly asked. “If I stashed the money away, it means I don’t want to use it. Michael, I want to get a summer wardrobe for the boys and I need some new outfits for our trip to Martinique in August. That alone will top one hundred. Also, I want to make additional changes to the pool and get started on the media room in—”
“Enough,” Michael interrupted. “Use your card and I’ll sort it out later.”
Kimberly was afraid he’d say that. They had an American Express Centurion Card, which actually required them to charge two hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year to maintain. Michael had the bill sent directly to Chase Beauty, so a cash advance on that wasn’t going to work. “So you can monitor me? No, thanks.”
“I’m not asking you, Kimberly.” He saw her frown deepening. “Don’t piss me off. There’s nothing that you want, that you should have, that you can’t put on that card.”
“That I should have?” Kimberly asked. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You know damn well what it means,” he countered. She was determined to start a fight.
“Why do I get the feeling it has something to do with that vindictive bitch of a mother you . . .”
“You better watch your mouth, woman,” he ordered. She was really pissing him off. “The limits are there and they aren’t going anywhere.”
“Is this where I say ‘Yes, master,’ turn my tail, and go home?” Kimberly asked. “Am I supposed to let you punish me forever?”
“Here we go.” Michael pushed away from the desk and got up from his chair. He went to the dresser against the wall and reached in for his scotch. “Cue the violin music all you want. You put yourself in this position, Kimberly.”
“No, I think I’m right this time.”
“I’m not going to let you use my money to hurt my mother again.” There, he said it. His back was to her of course, making it much easier. “No more P.I. trips to Paris to dig up secrets. No more quarter-of-a-million-dollar payments to piece-of-shit designers who want to fuck my mother!”
“Do you think I would be so stupid as to try something like that again?” Kimberly almost laughed at how tame that would all seem if David didn’t get what he wanted.
Michael turned back to her. “No, I don’t. But that doesn’t make a difference. That happened because I took my eyes off the ball and I’m not going to do that again.”
“And you think reining me in financially will control me?”
“I don’t need to rein you in financially to control you.” Michael took a sip of the scotch and let it burn his throat. “Because no matter how much you bitch and complain, like you said before, I’m the daddy here and I said the limits stay.”
Kimberly didn’t have a comeback for that one. The look on Michael’s face was just about as serious as she’d ever seen, including the months following the incident when he’d threatened to leave her. She wanted to pummel him into the ground, but she didn’t have the energy. It was all over. She was totally screwed.
In that second, she thought of taking for herself all the money she had put together for David. She would need it when Michael dumped her after the truth came out. But then she thought about it. The child custody case would cost her millions. She’d get nothing.
No, she wasn’t willing to give up on her life yet. As much as she hated Michael right now, she would die without him. It was settled. Murder was her only choice.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Michael was curious as to why she hadn’t attacked him yet.
Kimberly wasn’t sure what took over, but she began laughing uncontrollably. Her head fell back and her hand went to her stomach as she laughed until she started crying. Michael was looking at her as if she were crazy, and she was glad he was. Someday she would make him pay for this little conversation. He would also pay for not getting rid of David as he promised. He would pay for making her beg for money. He would pay for laying the cards on the table the way he had. But now she had other things to deal with.
When she heard all the activity down the hallway from the clinic office, Leigh assumed it was one of two things. Something was going wrong as usual or Lyndon had shown up again. Leigh thought she must be crazy for wishing for the former. The last time Lyndon showed up to apologize, they’d gotten into a huge fight when she accused him of being on something and he stormed out. Yesterday he’d sent six dozen bouquets of various-colored roses to the clinic and left several messages on her cell.
Leigh hated arguing with him because she had no facts to back up what she felt. It was all accusation based on brief interactions, and even though she had every right to be angry about the car, she knew it was wrong for her to accuse him of being on drugs without any proof. But she was a doctor and had come to recognize drug-induced behavior from just a brief moment.
But it wasn’t as if she had never been wrong. Could she be wrong now?
When she heard the knock on the door, she knew it was Lyndon. As always, he didn’t wait for permission before opening the door. When he stepped inside, Leigh was hooked all over again at the sight of him. What was it? She’d lived in L.A. her entire life and seen hundreds of male stars. Being a Chase, she had met some of the most incredible people all over the world. This made her reluctant to believe she was being blinded from the fire by the smoke.
So maybe she really felt something for Lyndon. She thought she’d caught herself before falling for him, but the way her senses came to life proved otherwise.
“I’m busy, Lyndon.” Stay cool, stay calm, she told herself. Pretend he’s just any other guy and not a hot movie star any woman would give her left breast to have.
Lyndon didn’t seem to bother with the million-dollar box-office smile, giving Leigh the impression he might actually be serious this time and not try to movie-star flirt his way out of this. It was the only way he had a chance.
“I’m busy too,” he said, “but I can’t get anything done with this thing between us. Can you?”
“What is this thing?” Leigh asked. “Because I know what I think this thing is, but you don’t seem to think it’s anything.”
Lyndon sighed exhaustively. “You are hell-bent on making me a drug addict, aren’t you?”
“I’m only hell-bent on the truth,” Leigh explained.
Lyndon angrily grabbed a chair and sat down hard. His eyes were searing into Leigh’s. “I wasn’t on drugs. I don’t do drugs, Leigh. That’s the last time I’m going to tell you that.”
Leigh tried to remain rational in the face of a man who was not used to being questioned and forced to explain himself. “I’m not doing this out of some sense of superiority or to judge you.”
“I know that. You’re a doctor. You don’t judge people. And I may be rushing
this, but I think of you as my girlfriend. That’s why I know if there is anyone I can trust to tell this to, it’s you.”
Leigh was taken aback by that declaration. “I know that you want me to believe you.”
“No, I don’t want you to believe me,” Lyndon said. “I need you to believe me. You’re too important. I haven’t been famous that long, but I’d still forgotten what a real relationship could be like. A relationship where there isn’t an angle or some professional advantage. Where it’s just a guy and a girl who enjoy being with each other and want to be closer. We were making that happen.”
Leigh cursed herself for falling for this. He seemed so sincere, but she knew this was what he did for a living: acting a part. “Make your friends get help.”
Lyndon didn’t look as if he was expecting any more demands, and that was why she made this one. He had to know that she wasn’t a groupie. She was a doctor and all his bankable looks wouldn’t cloud her head.
“Nick and Jack are either alcoholics, drug addicts, or both,” she said. “Make them get help and I’ll believe you.”
Leigh waited as Lyndon appeared reluctant to agree and it bothered her that she was scared he would say no. After all, who was she? She was one woman out of any he could have whenever he wanted. Why would he risk his career, go against the advice of his highly compensated agent, and possibly lose his friends just to please her? Had she placed too high a price on her affection? If he said no, that would be it and she really didn’t want this to be it.
“I’ll do it,” Lyndon finally answered.
Leigh didn’t realize how tight she was wound waiting for his response until she felt her shoulders relax. “What if they say no?”
“They will.” Lyndon frowned as if he thought that was a silly question. “But they won’t have a choice. Right now I’m holding the cards and they’ll do whatever I tell them to.”
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