“He was with another girl last night.”
Sawyer’s words hit me like a truck, stopping me in my tracks.
What the hell?
An icy pain spread out from my chest, cooling all of the enthusiasm I had just a moment ago. Her words hurt, and my heart squeezed in protest. I felt utterly deflated and the fact that Sawyer had delivered me the news after that little spat, stung.
My mind cast back over our messages. Last night, Leo said he was at work. He even wanted to see me after he’d finished, but I’d held back from giving him the green light. Was he lying to me?
“How, how do you know?” I asked, not wanting to hear the answer. Sawyer wouldn’t lie to me. If she saw Leo with someone else, she was telling the truth.
“I was at Companion Bar last night. He was with a girl who looked really young. They got into a fight of some sorts. I’m sorry, Astrid. I didn’t want to say anything, but you seem to be completely taken with him. I didn’t want you to get in too deep without knowing what I knew.” She left her drink and came to take a seat next to me.
The anticipation and excitement at our planned date fizzled and pulled me back down to earth. Sawyer had some valid points. My head knew this. The sensible Astrid knew this.
“I know, I know,” I uttered the words as my mind raced. It still didn’t mean I couldn’t be disappointed. I’d guessed he might be keeping secrets, but really, we weren’t even dating, not properly because I’d put the brakes on things. We’d just met. I’d even stopped him from taking me out to dinner. Did that give me a claim on him?
Hell, taking him back to my place and sleeping with him sure made me feel like I had a claim on him. We’d had an instant connection, and although I’d been cautious, it was to prevent me falling too hard, too fast. However, not all of my decisions had conformed to that course of action, and it didn’t stop me feeling like shit now.
“Look, better to get out now, before you get hurt, hmm?” Sawyer placed her hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t feel the comfort her action implied.
“Why don’t you just ask him? Find out a bit more about him before you write him off for good. He seemed like a good guy. You don’t know his side of the story.” Belle offered some much-needed perspective as she inched closer to me.
“His side? Are you saying I’m not telling the truth?” Sawyer accused, crossing her arms.
“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just, as you both said, it’s not like you’re a thing, really, are you? Maybe you need to tell Leo what you want? You know, stand up and lay it out for him?” Belle’s soft smile was encouraging, and I found myself hoping I could be that person—that person that didn’t see this as a reason to sabotage what I thought could be something special.
Funny, I hadn’t realised how much I liked him until I didn’t have him.
11
Leo
I had hoped to hear from Astrid, but she’d left me hanging.
It took all of my will power not to pick up the phone and call her, but again, stalker wasn’t my style. We had a date, and Astrid liked playing hard to get, she’d shown me that over the past few weeks.
As it turned out, I should have risked visiting out of the blue. It would have meant avoiding the lecture from my uncle when he returned home. And as far as I could make out, he’d scored. The blonde was going on a date with him later in the week. So mission accomplished. I didn’t get what his problem was, and I certainly didn’t appreciate him treating me like he owned my arse.
The next day, I still hadn’t heard from Astrid. There could have been a hundred explanations, but I only considered the ones that involved her ghosting me.
Hey. Don’t know if you have time for coffee before Friday?
How about we meet before my shift starts for a drink?
Is everything okay?
By the third message and when Thursday rolled around, I knew something was up—only I couldn’t work out what. I read back through our messages, and they were all good. And the kiss we shared when I left her place couldn’t have been described as timid or indifferent. There were no signs of cold feet or second thoughts. Not being able to work out or solve the problem was killing me, so, I took it out on the punching bags at the gym.
Round after round, my knuckles took the beating, transferring all of my frustrations into the leather bag. As opponents went, it was solid. All I had to do was look out for the recoil.
My punches started off about Astrid, and why she’d shut me out just as we were getting to know each other. But as my rhythm settled, the familiar sound of the heavy thud on the bag unlocked more pent up anger and annoyances—things that I’d buried since arriving in London, or at least, chosen to turn away from.
Maddison was dead. And I’d choked. So, I’d run—except that’s not who I was. I didn’t want to be without a focus anymore. Maddison’s death should’ve reminded me of what was at risk every fucking day, and just drifting was wasting a good life. And right now, that was exactly how I felt. Like I was drifting out to sea at the mercy of the tide, no matter how hard I paddled to shore.
“Hey, easy, Leo or you’re going to go full Captain America on that bag and be dragging the remains out of the gym.”
Matthew jolted me from my goal to numb myself through physical exertion. I stepped off and took a few deep breaths to steady my heart. Feeling this crap, it was easy to get lost in the moment. Fighting had always given me something to aim for, and that had been sorely missing. I’d always thought it would be easy to walk away, but when doubts crept back into my mind, it got really fucking hard.
“Want to tell me what’s the deal?”
“Not really. Although your sister might be able to help?”
“Really? Belle?”
“She’s friends with Astrid.” I walked over to grab my water bottle.
“Should have known.”
I looked at him with a raised brow. What was that comment meant to mean?
“Oh, I meant why you‘ve been in a sour mood the last few days.”
“Sorry. A lot on my mind.” And I didn’t fancy sharing.
“I can give you Belle’s number if you want. But listen, man. Don’t go blaming her for whatever Astrid’s done.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s my problem.” I was done. My piss-poor mood wasn’t helping, and I didn’t want to take it out on Matthew any more than I had. “I’m going to get going. I’ll see you at work.” I grabbed my things and left the gym. However, I didn’t go home.
Against perhaps all of my better judgement, I headed to Astrid’s apartment.
No matter what was going on, I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. That was what I told myself on the journey over to hers. It was a risk, but all of this could simply be a miscommunication, lost her phone, sick… several reasons why she might have ignored my texts kept coming to mind. But if she was ignoring me, well, she could explain that to my face.
It took me a while to remember exactly where her place was. We’d travelled back after our visit to the gardens, and I didn’t know the area that well. But I retraced my steps from the morning I left hers and found the apartment block.
But of course, it wouldn’t be that easy.
I looked at the three buzzers on the side of the door and found one that said Cooper. My finger hovered over the button, but the door opened before I got a chance to ring.
“Ah, Leo.” She pulled the door shut behind her, barring my entry.
“Sawyer. Astrid’s in, then?” I took a step back and crossed my arms.
“She is. Although I’m not sure why you bothered to come here.” She shook her head and managed to look down on me, despite me having a clear half-foot on her in height.
“I think that’s between Astrid and me, don’t you?”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I told Astrid you wouldn’t take the hint. Maybe if I spell it out for you.”
“Go ahead.” I bit down to prevent the words I wanted to say from spilling out of my mouth.
&
nbsp; “You’re nothing but a cheap plaything. And now, you’re done. So stop hanging around, acting like the desperate love-sick puppy you are and move on.” She stabbed her pointy manicured finger at me, but I didn’t budge. I refused to be intimidated by a girl who acted so spiteful.
“I think I’ll wait for Astrid to tell me that herself.” I knew, despite how briefly we’d been together, that Astrid would never think of anyone in that way. We had a connection. She’d admitted that herself, otherwise she’d have never let me get as close as I had done. I wasn’t buying this.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She pushed past me on her high-and-mighty power trip and walked off down the street.
I pressed the buzzer as soon as she was out of sight and waited. But there was no answer. I rang three more times before giving up. At least for today. We still had a date, and I didn’t care if she stood me up. I wasn’t giving up on Astrid.
I headed to Astrid’s despite zero contact since she finally agreed to the proper date. The words that Sawyer had spat in my face still played over in my mind, but they didn’t sound like Astrid. In fact, the more I dwelled, the more I thought they were all coming from Sawyer. Of course, that didn’t explain the radio-silence I’d had for the last few days.
I stared up at her entry door, the icy wind freezing the air around me. It was a fucking terrible night, but I didn’t care. I was showing up, and I wanted to hear what Astrid had to say first hand.
I pressed the buzzer for her apartment, and my stomach took a nosedive. Shit. This girl really had got under my skin. Words jumbled in my head as I waited for an answer, but the click on the automatic door released without a word over the speaker. I grabbed it and forced it open, hurrying to get to the bottom of what was happening here.
My fist paused before striking the door, a last minute second-thought before my palm slammed against the wood.
“Hey.” Her tepid response to me showing up told me everything. Her hair was more pink than blonde today, all slicked back and looking far too sexy. She’d lined her eyes with thick, black, stuff, which I didn’t usually like, but on Astrid, it looked hot.
“Hey,” I answered. “So, we are talking, then?”
She closed those eyes I’d love to get lost in, blocking the connection I knew we had. She turned to head back into her apartment, but she kept the door open, and I took that as my invite.
“I came to take you out.”
“I know.”
“So, what gives?” I opened my arms to her and waited for an answer. If she were calling quits on this, I’d force it out of her.
“Look, I know we’ve not agreed to anything—we’re not dating, but I’d appreciate knowing where I stand.”
“Okay?” I took a step closer to her. She had a cute t-shirt on with a wide slash at the neck, and it allowed me a great view of part of her tattoo. “What do you need to know, because from where I’m standing, I’ve been pushing to take you out, and it’s you that’s been cryptic and stand-offish. Hell, you’ve not even answered any of my messages.”
Her eyes darted around and locked onto anything but me.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Just, what?” I closed the gap and grabbed her hands, bringing them up to my chest. She finally raised her eyes, and I made sure she could see all the sincerity that lit me up when I was around this woman.
“Sawyer said you were with another girl the other night.” She searched my eyes as if hoping to find all the answers to her yet to be spoken questions.
“That’s a lie.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to see anyone else except you. And why would Sawyer say that?” I thought back to when I saw Sawyer at Companion when I was babysitting my uncle.
“I don’t know. But she rattled me. She has no reason to lie to me.”
“And you didn’t think just to come out and ask me?” I levelled my gaze at her, and I swore her pupils dilated. It was taking everything in me not to give in and kiss the doubt from her mind.
“I’m not into drama. And I thought I didn’t care. But then I saw you outside, and I wanted to know for myself.”
“Astrid, I think we’re pretty cool together, in fact, that’s a fucking understatement. And I know you feel the same way. I would like to take you to dinner, and I’m damn sure I’ll want to take you out again, and again. But where this goes, is really up to you. You know how I feel. I thought I made myself clear, but just tell me, and I’ll spell it out whatever way you want.” I smiled down at her and resisted the huge fucking temptation to take this date to the bedroom.
“Nobody else?” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, and I saw her vulnerability peaking through the sexy-as-sin look on her face.
I shook my head again and stepped back. “Nobody else. I was at work when you messaged, and I did see Sawyer, but I wasn’t with anyone else. I promise. Shall we go?”
“Give me two minutes.” Her eyes narrowed as if she wanted to believe me but was still on the fence. But then her face broke into the cutest smile before she vanished from sight and in a matter of minutes, was back wearing a leopard print top and tight black skirt and heels.
“Wow. Look at you.” The fabric clung to her curves in a way I wanted to test with my fingers. She made a little curtsy movement before grabbing her bag.
It seemed the misunderstanding had been diverted, and all I wanted was to slip my hand in hers and confess just how deep my feelings had grown, but I didn’t. Not yet, anyway.
I’d booked a table after we’d first made plans and hadn’t cancelled it. Part of me expected a swish place, but the restaurant we arrived at was homely and reminded me of being amongst friends. There was an open fire crackling away on one wall, and small wooden tables littered about the small entrance space.
A bar sat at the far end of the thin restaurant layout, and to one side, an authentic-looking pizza oven with two guys sliding freshly-made creations into the flames. I knew what I’d be ordering.
A woman, as tall as me, showed us to a table for two towards the back of the restaurant. It was about half full and had a relaxed vibe. A perfect choice—nothing pretentious or fussy. Not that I’d describe Astrid as either.
“You like this place?” I asked as we took our seats.
“They do the best pizza. We don’t have a great track record with conversation. I had intended somewhere we could relax and get to know each other when I chose this place.” There was a shadow in her eyes, and I hated it. Sawyer had planted doubt between us, and it fucking riled me.
“Ask me anything you want. I know you think I might be keeping secrets, but I’m not.” At least, not about seeing other people. I leant my forearms on the table. “And I will answer anything you ask if it means ridding any doubts you now have about us. Screw the twenty questions rule.”
“Why did Sawyer think you were with another girl? Why would she see you with a girl at a bar if you’re at work?” She fired straight to the point.
“We haven’t reached the reason why I don’t like mornings yet, huh? Well, I’m a bouncer at Companion Bar. It’s my uncle’s place. He got me the job when I needed it. I’ve seen Sawyer a couple of times, but each time I went looking to say hi, she disappeared on me.”
“A bouncer?” Astrid’s nose wrinkled in confusion.
“Yeah.” It wasn’t my dream job, but I wouldn’t be ashamed of what I did. I kept people safe, on some level, at least.
“Okay. But then, why were you with a girl?” Her brows pulled tight together.
“Astrid, I told you I’m a bouncer. I have to break up fights, throw people out, check IDs, and the vast majority of the customers are women. If Sawyer saw me talking to a girl, she wouldn’t be lying. It’s just my job. Hell, I’ve been trying to get you to dinner, and it’s you that’s held back.” I sat back in my chair.
“I’m sorry, I am. We don’t know each other that well, and I guess, I’m not that trusting when it comes to guys.” She takes my hands and holds them across the middle of the t
able.
“What changed from the other day at the gardens? You seemed pretty comfortable trusting me then?” I started to rub my thumbs over her hands. I craved any contact with Astrid and wanted to re-establish that between us.
She didn’t answer, and pulled back, picking up the menu and ducking the question. It wasn’t necessary. I knew. And her name was Sawyer.
“Anything else you’d like to ask me? I mean it—I’m an open book if it sets you at ease.”
The waiter interrupted and poured our water into the two thimble-sized glasses before taking our order. I scanned the fancy pizza options and picked a chicken chorizo combo that had my stomach groaning, while Astrid went for a vegan veggie option.
Astrid wasn’t shy about her body or telling me what she wanted when it came to sex, so I couldn’t imagine her holding back after I’d given her a free pass with questions. All I could do was hope she wouldn’t ask too many questions about my past.
“Are you really a nice guy? You stepped in and saved me, and everything tells me that you are. But then I don’t know if that’s just our attraction talking.” She scrutinized me with those beautiful eyes. I’d never be able to lie to this woman even if I wanted to.
“I’m a pretty straight-up guy. I’m not going to give you any shit, and I’m certainly not a cheater. I don’t know what else I can do to convince you without us spending more time together. A few years ago, I might have been different, but now, I want to do the right thing by people—treat them the way I want to be treated.” Just skirting around the reason why I was so adamant on this subject now made my heart constrict as though Maddison had just sucker-punched me in the chest.
He was my conscience now, and I trusted my memory of him would keep me in check.
“Please understand that Sawyer was just looking out for me. I’m not going to question her over someone I just met.”
“That relies on her telling the truth, though. She’s warned me off you, and it’s clear she wants to make waves.”
Blush: A Strangers-to-Lovers Romance Page 9