Blush: A Strangers-to-Lovers Romance

by Rachel De Lune

  “Newbie versus Seamus. He was around when you were. Got to say, Zuri’s bouts need an injection of something.”

  “Don’t, Gwen.” She didn’t know all the details surrounding Maddison’s death. He was just a friend who picked the wrong fight to her. And she didn’t know what had happened to me the last time I stepped into that ring.

  “What?” She shrugged. “It’s the truth. And you could do with the payout.” She didn’t take her eyes from the TV screen.

  “Stop it.”

  “Just being a realist.”

  “Well, be my little sister. You know I don’t do that anymore. So, what’s the deal and the sudden interest?”

  “Just making conversation.” Neither of us looked at each other. We stared at the green pitch on the screen and pretended to follow who was playing.

  The last thing I needed was Gwen planting temptations when all I wanted was to move on. Although, that hadn’t exactly worked out for me so far.

  So better yet, click rewind, erase, and play. One do-over, please.

  “What are the odds?” I asked her. Before Maddison had died, nearly half my income had come from bets on the fights I wasn’t in. There wasn’t a rule that said I couldn’t get my payout some other way.

  “Four to one for Seamus. Not a lot about the newbie. Might change by the weekend.”

  “And how do you know so much about this? I know you came to a fight or two, but you seem pretty well informed.”

  “Joey.” She takes a long pull of her beer, but I don’t miss her shift in position.

  “Joey, as in barman Joey?”

  “Yeah. He keeps me posted.”

  “And why does Joey have your number?” I turned to face her and saw the colour rising on her cheeks. She kept the bottle by her lips, and her eyes on the game. “Gwen?”

  “We’re seeing each other. No big deal.” She stood and grabbed my bowl from the coffee table in front of me.

  “Be careful. Joey has a rep with the ladies,” I called after her. Hell, Joey had worked his way through half of the regulars while Mads and I had been fighting. Nice guy, though.

  “Yeah, yeah, jerk face. Let me know how much, and I’ll place it for you. The sooner you cash in, the sooner you’re out.” She waggled her eyebrows and dropped back down on the sofa.

  The banter quietened down, and after another beer, Gwen took herself off to bed.

  I switched the TV off and got accustomed to the quiet of the house. The sheets and pillow were in a pile behind the sofa, and I set about making my new bed. Living out of a suitcase was fucking horrendous, and it wasn’t even the first night. After finding everything I needed and making sure I kept things as tidy as possible, I lay down and stared at the ceiling.

  My phone vibrated over the coffee table, and I twisted my head to see who it was.

  Hey, hope you’ve got things sorted. Catch up at the gym? You owe me those lessons. Matthew

  He’d be getting to work, I guess. Funny, right now, lying on my sister’s sofa, I missed the job.

  As I read his message, I saw one that had come in earlier from Astrid. God, even thinking her name made me want to run back to London. A sliver of doubt entered my mind about if this was the right thing to do, after all.

  I’m sorry, Leo. I spoke to Sawyer and made her tell me the truth. She did, and while it’s not my story to tell, I know you were just looking out for her. I’m sorry I jumped to the conclusion that you were picking a fight. Can we start today over? x

  But it was too late for that. No, Astrid. We can’t. And that was the truth because life didn’t offer do-overs.

  16

  Leo

  Sleeping on a sofa wasn’t something I wanted to get used too. It sucked. I’d spent most of the night twisting from one side to the other, and with each turn, I reassessed if I’d done the right thing coming home. The words in Astrid’s message plagued me and pushed doubt into my mind. About everything.

  “Rise and shine, jerk face.” Gwen burst into the room at the crack of dawn. I had to guess at the dawn part given it was still pitch-black outside.

  “Hey, what gives?” I groaned and pulled the thin duvet over my head.

  “I don’t get to pause my life because you’re crashing on my sofa. I’m off to work.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Six.”

  I grumbled and closed my eyes. It had been a while since I’d been up and out of the door this early in the morning. My sleep schedule was still whacked.

  “I’ll be back after five. I’m seeing Joey tonight, so let me know about the bet. Catch you later.”

  “Yeah. Have a good day,” I called after her as the door closed. She seemed way too perky for this early in the morning. But I guessed I was not a good measure of positivity right now.

  Now I was awake, what the hell, I showered and tried to sort my shit out.

  First on the list was contacting the mate who was sub-letting. He was more of an acquaintance, but I’d had no trouble with his rent coming in. Strictly speaking, sub-letting wasn’t part of my lease, but hey, needs must—it would beat sleeping on the sofa at Gwen’s.

  I shot him a message that I was back and that he was welcome to stay for another month, on a reduced rent, with me moving back in. He could choose when to go up until then. If living with Eric had taught me anything, it was I needed my own space.

  No problem, mate. Good timing. My misses wants me to move in with her, so we can just call it quits. I’ll start moving my stuff to hers. I’ll be all done by next week.

  Great. I owe you. I’ll be over later. We can grab a beer.

  That left just one problem to overcome—a job. My savings were drained and would cover another month’s rent, and that was about it.

  That bet at The Club was looking pretty fucking good.

  The next few days, I occupied my time with moving my stuff back into my own place. Jeff had kept it clean and tidy—he hadn’t had a lot of time to fuck it up, but it was still a relief.

  I took my two suits to the dry cleaners and set about taking the rest of my wardrobe and furniture out of storage. Gwen let me drive her to work and borrow her car, and it still took a fair few journeys.

  By Friday my wardrobe was all back in place: my flat screen, my coffee machine, my books. Everything was normal again—as if I’d never left. Except I felt like there was a big fucking hole in my life. And every minute I let my mind ask the question about what the gap was—or rather who—I pushed it away as if I could simply ignore it.

  I’ll pick you up in 10

  Gwen hadn’t let up about The Club, and so I took the risk and placed the bet. It would be one of two things—fucking stupid or just plain stupid. But I did it anyway. All day I’d been waiting for that voice to shake me up and tell me I was making a foolish mistake, but it didn’t make a sound.

  I grabbed my jacket but caught my reflection in the mirror before reaching the door. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the same guy I’d always seen: no shadows haunting my eyes, and no doubt. It was just a visit—I’d be a spectator. Nothing bad was going to happen. A rush of regret tanked the okay mood I’d mustered and reminded me of all the low points over the last year.

  Gwen honked her horn telling me to hurry my arse up, so I clenched my jaw and pushed all of those feelings back down and left, heading back to the place I thought I’d never step foot in again.

  It took far longer than anticipated to even get into The Club. Everyone wanted to say hello, shake hands, or catch up. I’d forgotten that there were a lot of guys that were part of this scene—all happy to see my face again. Fuck, I’d only been gone a few months.

  The door guy, security, and a couple of regulars all stopped me as we made our way through and inside. The familiarity of the place, the vibrations of the music through my feet, the utter blackness as you walked through the corridor into the main hall, and the general energy all eased the nerves that had started to build as soon as I got into the car with Gwen.

  W
hen we finally made it passed the well-wishers, she beelined for the bar—surprise surprise. It gave me a chance to provide Joey with a warning of my own. If he was dating my sister, he sure as hell better treat her right, or all bets were off.

  She pushed her way through to the front of the bar, and Joey immediately clocked her. He stopped in his tracks the moment he saw me standing just off to the side of her. It was comical on some level—his body frozen for a moment, undecided on whether to move and kiss Gwen, which was his original intent, or pull back and acknowledge me.

  Gwen won. A quick kiss before he stood back and away. She turned and shot me a fierce glare as if Joey’s actions were my fault. It was good for him to know I was back. I was sure Gwen could handle herself, but she was my little sister, and Joey didn’t have the best track record.

  We grabbed a couple of beers and found a spot on the top tier to watch. We usually made our way down to one of the lower levels to get a better look at the action, but I wasn’t here for that. I didn’t need to re-live each punch or kick in the ring. If that was what I wanted, I only needed to let go of the dam I’d built inside my chest that kept the memories and pain at bay. Tonight, the crowd would tell me all I needed to know.

  Gwen was distracted and kept half an eye on the bar, which was just to the side.

  “Everything all right?” I leaned in to ask her.

  “Sure. He wasn’t his usual self.”

  “Hey, did you tell him I was back?”

  “Of course, he put your bet on. Maybe he didn’t expect to see you?”

  “Don’t think for a minute I won’t be talking with him.” I stared her down, and anger shot to her eyes. Well, tough shit.

  “Leave off, jerk face. Come on. It’s not serious, and there’s no way I want you scaring him off.”

  “No can do, kid. It’s my obligation as your brother. It will be a friendly warning, that’s all. Joey’s cool.”

  She turned away and headed to the railing to look over at the action below us. Judging by the noise, we still had some time before the fight started. Nothing had changed in this place, and I doubted it would.

  I took a pull of my beer and then saw the one person I would have preferred not to: Zuri.

  We didn’t part under great circumstances, and I’d lost him not only a fighter but a chunk of cash as well. I gave him a nod, but he ignored the gesture and turned to head down to the ring. I pushed Zuri out of my head and went to stand by Gwen. People were moving into position, so we wouldn’t have to wait much longer.

  So far, there’d been no flashbacks, no frozen moments, no visions of Mads. My pulse was steady, and I felt calm. I just hoped it would stay that way.

  The cheers sounded, and I couldn’t help but peer over to take a better look at who was coming out. Some kid, parading around with his arms in the air. Not Seamus. He didn’t look like much, but I’d learned not to judge anyone until they were in the ring—a harsh but honest truth. Seamus came out next and looked like he was ready to get business finished. Good man.

  From this height, we couldn’t make out all the details, but the fight only lasted a few minutes. Seamus was the aggressor from the moment they tapped gloves. Calculated and agile—he’d improved in the months I’d been gone. And my bank balance thanked him.

  His win gave me another month to sort shit out.

  By the time Gwen dropped me off, it was a lot later than I’d planned. We’d had another drink—zero alcohol beer for her—and I’d given my few words of advice to Joey. He told me he was pretty serious about Gwen and had no intention of fucking up. Of course, it didn’t hurt to ensure he knew the threat was real, but I didn’t think I’d have to worry.

  I crashed into bed and drifted off immediately.

  I’d not had the nightmare since the clusterfuck of a night I got fired.

  The spotlight shone down on me, pushing everything else into the dark, except for the body lying in front of me. As I moved closer, the deep-red stain spread out around his body, inching closer and closer to me. My feet wanted to step back, to avoid the stain, like moving back from the tide sweeping in at the beach.

  But I couldn’t. I had to move forward—I had to see his face. I clenched the sheet and began to pull, letting the material slide over him…

  I bolted up, my lungs gasping for breath, and my chest dripping in sweat.

  I swung my legs around and planted them on the floor and knelt over my knees, focussed on calming my racing heart.

  Shit.

  I’d been waiting for a sign, my conscious kicking in, but it had been too quiet, allowing me to do what I liked even when I knew it could fuck up.

  I headed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. It was four in the morning. If I were still in London, I’d be getting in after my shift. I hadn’t texted Matthew back yet.

  Hope you had a good night. I’m back home, so you could say I’ve sorted things out. We’ll have to take a rain check on that lesson. There was a class at the gym though, so you could check that out. Take it easy.

  As soon as I pressed send, I realised that I owed Astrid an explanation, too. I’d ignored her message as well. And now Matthew knew, likely he’d tell Belle and Belle would tell Astrid.

  Considering I’d been radio silent for the past few days, she might not even care. But as I thought that, I knew she would. Hell, I’d tried to keep her from my thoughts, but she was there, under the surface, in the back of my mind.

  I’d care. I’d want to know, and I couldn’t just ignore her and pretend that she didn’t still mean something to me.

  Texting her at four in the morning, at least it would be done, and then I could attempt to find sleep again.

  Hey, sorry about the radio silence. I’ve had to get a few things sorted. I’m glad Sawyer told you the truth. X

  I type and re-type the words I should have included, but couldn’t. Not yet.

  Hey, stranger. Still working nights, I see.

  Not really, but you were on my mind. It’s been a long week. X

  It has. You didn’t show up for our date. After everything, I was sure you’d still show.

  Fuck. Didn’t that make me feel like a fucking loser?

  I didn’t think I’d make very good company, especially after how things were between us. Sorry. X

  I said I’m sorry, Leo.

  And so am I. I wish things could be different. X

  And I fucking meant that.

  Why can’t they be?

  A lot of reasons. But the biggest one, I had nowhere else to go, so I went back home. X

  I watched as the bubbles of the next message come up, disappear and come back.

  Home? You’re not in London?

  No.

  Although right then, I wished I was.

  17

  Leo

  I felt like shit. And a hypocrite. Astrid deserved more than a quick middle of the night text message. I knew she was awake, so I called. And she made me wait before she picked up.

  “Hey.” Her voice was soft and full of sleep, and I wondered if I’d woken her when I messaged.

  “Hey. Look, I’m sorry. I should have told you that I’d left, but honestly, I was pissed off and needed options that didn’t involve sleeping on the streets.”

  “What about Matthew or any of your other friends?”

  “Matthew said no. And I didn’t have that many other people I’d be able to crash with. I’d only been in London a few months.”

  “You didn’t ask me.”

  I didn’t know if that was a question, a statement or what. But she’d known I’d been thrown out.

  “You didn’t offer. And while I had hoped, things went a little sideways between us. Besides, I have a place of my own here. It made sense.”

  The silence stretched out, and I wondered if that was it—whatever connection that we had, had reached its breaking point and snapped for good.

  “I wished you’d have told me, Leo. God, that day was a complete mess.”

  “I agree. And
I appreciate that you spoke to Sawyer and got the truth. I’d never lie to you, Astrid.”

  “Try and see it from my point of view, Leo. It sounded crazy.”

  “And she’s your best friend, yes, I heard all of this. Look, I thought I owed you an explanation. I don’t want to argue again.” We seemed to be too good at that.

  “It’s late, and I’m tired. I was really hoping for that date.”

  “Another time?” I asked, hating that this is where we’d got to.

  “Sure. Take care, Leo.”

  “Same.”

  She hung up. The silence around me built until I felt like I was drowning, struggling to find the right path. I chucked my phone on the table and left it, retreating back upstairs. Sleep was fucking impossible what with nightmares of my dead best friend and now disappointing Astrid, but what else could I try?

  I counted every minute that passed between four-thirty and six. The face looking at me in the mirror as I came out of the shower in the morning looked gaunt and fucking pale.

  I loaded my cup of tea with sugar and texted Gwen.

  Breakfast. My treat. Pick me up when you’re ready.

  I couldn’t stand to be on my own right now, as much as I hated to admit that.

  Good call.