by Judy Angelo
They would forgive her, of course, because she would have a good reason for giving them up. Maybe she had been too young or too poor to care for them and she’d only wanted what was best.
Silken and Suave flew into Madison, Wisconsin, the day before the appointed date and rented a car through the hotel’s concierge. They planned to arrive at their meeting place half an hour early. There was nothing that would make them late for the most important meeting of their lives.
And then the day of the meeting dawned. Finally. That morning Silken was particularly meticulous as she applied her make-up and fixed her hair. She brushed the unruly curls straight then pinned them up in a bun on top of her head.
Suave, who’d been watching her the whole time, shook her head. “You look like you’re going to a job interview. I don’t think we have to look so severe.” She’d left her own hair loose, letting it fall around her shoulders.
“Well, at least she’ll be able to tell us apart.” Silken bit her lip. “I’m just so nervous. I want to look presentable. I want her to like us.”
Suave came over and put an arm around her shoulder. “I’m sure she will.” Then she gave a soft chuckle. “What’s not to like?”
Silken rolled her eyes. “A lot, where I’m concerned. You know I’m famous for putting my foot in my mouth.” She put up a hand to touch Suave’s arm. “If I say anything stupid just kick me, okay? Don’t let me make a fool of myself.”
Suave squeezed her hand. “You know I will but, trust me, you’ll be fine.”
Suave made to step past but Silken stopped her. There was one thing that had been on her mind ever since the meeting had been arranged. Maybe it was nothing but she couldn’t help but wonder…
“Why do you think she told us to meet her at a coffee house? How come she didn’t invite us to her house?”
Suave tilted her head, seeming to think it through. Then she shrugged. “She probably wanted to get to meet us first before introducing us to her family.”
Silken nodded. “I guess you’re right.” Then she sighed. “It’s the nerves, making me worry about nothing. What’s wrong with me? This is so not me.”
“I know but who can blame you? I’m nervous, too.” Suave’s eyes shone. “Can you believe it? We’re finally going to meet our mother.”
Silken and Suave arrived at the coffee house early and sat in the car for almost twenty minutes, watching the entrance just in case Meredith came early, too. She’d said she’d be wearing a pink sweater with black piping and a black skirt. No-one fitting that description went through the door the whole time they sat there so, at ten minutes before the noon hour, they went in and found a table that was partially secluded but by the window. Here, they could see everyone who came in and out.
They’d been sitting there for fifteen minutes when Suave gave Silken a worried look. “She’s late. Do you think something’s wrong?”
Silken shook her head. “It’s only five minutes past twelve. She’s probably caught in traffic.” She got up, taking her purse with her. “I’d better go order some coffee till she gets here.”
“I’ll have tea, please. Chamomile.” Silken nodded and headed off to the counter. She’d given Silken a casual answer but she would be lying if she said a twinge of concern hadn’t crept into her mind as well. But they were worrying about nothing, she was sure. They just needed to exercise patience.
But when twelve-twenty came with no sign of a pink-and-black suited woman, Silken voiced the thought that had now begun to consume her. “What if she changed her mind and doesn’t show up at all?”
Now it was Suave’s turn to reassure her. “She will. I just know she will.” The words came out more like a prayer than a declaration.
And, as if God had been listening, the door to the coffee house swung open and a tiny dark-haired woman wearing a pink top and black skirt entered the room.
Suave gasped. “There she is. And she looks just like us.”
“And so young.” Silken stared at the woman who looked more like their sister than their mother. Like Silken, she’d drawn her hair up in a bun, but a couple of tendrils had escaped and hung around her face, giving her a soft, innocent look. Her dark-brown eyes scanned the room and when they landed on the twins they saw that one thing they’d been yearning for all these years – instant recognition.
She did not wave nor did she smile but she immediately headed in their direction, her purse clutched tightly to her side.
When she got to their table, both Silken and Suave rose up but they said nothing. For that brief moment all they could do was stare.
Then Silken spoke. “M…Meredith?” She’d almost said ‘mother’ but caught herself just in time. She’d wanted to say mother but instinctively she knew they weren’t at that stage yet.
“Yes,” the woman said as she looked from one to the other. Her eyes wide, she stared at them for a full five seconds before she said another word. “You’re so alike. I can’t…which one of you is Suave and which is Silken?”
Smiling, Silken lifted a hand. “Silken here.”
“And I’m Suave.” Suave stretched out her hand and the woman took it without hesitation.
“And I’m Meredith,” she said as she shook Suave’s hand. “Meredith Albright.”
It sounded so formal but Silken could only guess that Meredith was just as nervous about the meeting as they were. Probably even more so. At least she and Suave had the advantage of knowing they’d been searching for her for months. Years, actually. But Meredith, she’d probably been blindsided when she’d been told her daughters wanted to meet her.
They all sat down then Silken drew in a deep breath. “I hope you don’t mind that we tracked you down like this…”
Suave put a hand on her arm, stopping her. She gave Meredith a soft, almost apologetic smile. “What can I get you? Coffee? Tea?”
Meredith shook her head. “Nothing, thanks. I can’t stay long.” She was clutching her purse tightly again, and drew it closer on her lap.
Silken almost frowned. She had to fight to keep her expression bland. What did she mean she couldn’t stay long? After not seeing them their entire lifetime? And what had happened to the bear hug, the tears in her eyes and the expressions of regret? This was not going like she’d expected.
The smile on Suave’s face disappeared and she drew her hands in and laid them on her lap. Silken knew what that meant. Her sister was prepared to wait patiently for an explanation. She would not be the one to ask.
Silken would not – could not – hold it in. “Why not? We came all this way to see you and you can’t stay? You’re the one who chose this date and time.”
Under the table, Suave bumped her knee against Silken’s leg. Too late, though. Silken had already spoken her mind and now the ball was in Meredith's court.
“I know,” she said, and Silken thought she detected a hint of regret in her voice. “Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
This time Silken didn’t bother to hide her frown. “Shouldn’t have what? Come?”
Meredith didn’t answer. She dropped her eyes then glanced away, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but there. The knuckles clutching her purse were white. “I told Mr. Banner it wasn’t a good idea but he told me how much you both wanted this.” She drew in a trembling breath. “This is very hard for me,” she said then she shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip. “I told him just this once, just to make you understand.”
Silken glanced over at Suave and the sadness in her eyes told her that her sister, too, had picked up on those significant words their mother had spoken. Just this once…which meant that after today they’d probably never see her again.
“I never wanted you to find me,” Meredith blurted out. “I wanted to put that part of my life behind me. Forever.”
Silken felt the ice-cold knife of rejection slice through her heart. There would be no happy reunion today because Meredith did not want them.
“Why?" she asked as she stared in confusion at the woman
who sat across from them, their own flesh and blood, and yet a stranger. “Why would you hate us?”
Meredith looked up, her eyes wide with surprise. “I don’t hate you. But I don’t…I can’t…have you in my life.” She dropped her eyes again and shook her head. “I just can’t.”
“Why not?” It was Suave’s voice that now rose up, strident and filled with pain.
“Try to understand. I can’t afford for this to get out.” Meredith's voice was low now, and she leaned closer across the table as if to prevent anyone from overhearing a word of their conversation. “That’s why I asked you to meet me here and not in Baraboo. I’m a pastor’s wife, First Lady of our church. This must never get out.”
She drew in a deep breath then for the first time since she'd walked in the door she released her grasp on her purse and laid it on the table. She clasped her hands in front of her, looking like she was about to say a word of prayer. “I was seventeen when it happened. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”
Silken held her breath, waiting for Meredith to say it but she didn’t. Finally she blurted it out. “What happened? Were you raped?” It was awful to even think it but she had to know.
“No, not that.” Eyes wide, as if surprised Silken would even suggest it, she shook her head. “I was in love. Just…with the wrong man.” Then her lips took on a bitter twist. “He was married. He told me how much he loved me, that his marriage was in shambles and he’d be leaving his wife soon.” She laughed and it was a sad, hollow sound. “It never happened. It turns out that was just a lie to get me to sleep with him. And when he found out I was pregnant he laid the blame squarely at my feet. That’s the woman’s responsibility, he said, to make sure things like this never happen.” Meredith looked up at them and the pain in her eyes was still raw. “I was only seventeen. A child!”
She paused and looked away as if she’d gone back to that time, back to that world. Then, slowly, her eyes refocused. “I grew up dirt poor. There was no way I could raise two children on my own. And Emmett," she shook her head, “he wanted nothing to do with me after that. That was when I found out what scum he was.” She shrugged but her lips were tight. “Soon, I was on my own and big as a house. My mother had been dead a year. I did the only thing I could do. I went to live with the nuns, had the babies, then moved on with my life.”
“That must have been so hard.”
At Suave’s words Silken turned to glare at her. She was actually being sympathetic when the woman had given them away and not looked back. Typical Suave.
“Then God blessed me.” For the first time since she’d started speaking, a light shone in Meredith eyes. “A few months after I went back to Baraboo I attended a camp meeting led by a wonderful young pastor. The first time I saw him there on that pulpit, I fell in love.”
Silken almost rolled her eyes but this time she exercised self-control. Meredith was probably talking about her husband.
“Pastor Albright,” she said, her face glowing. “I went to every one of those meetings and I was among the first ones to be baptized. And then,” her voice became hushed, “the pastor asked to see me privately and that was when he told me he had taken a special interest in me and would like to invite me to have dinner with him. We were married five months later.” Her story over, she looked at Suave and Silken with earnest eyes. “So you see, I couldn’t possibly have you in my life. I moved on, made a new life for myself. That part of me doesn’t exist anymore.”
“So your husband, he doesn’t know about us?” Suave’s voice was faint.
Meredith gasped. “How could he? When we married he thought I was a virgin.” Her face reddened as she realized what she’d said. She frowned but then she spoke again. “He was a virgin when we married so he didn't have experience in such things. I decided never to let him know any different.” Then she sat back and grasped her purse and hugged it to her stomach. “Now do you see why I can’t have you in my life? Jeremy would be devastated. He’d know I lied. And my family, my kids, how could I do that to them?”
How indeed? Silken could only stare at the woman in disbelief - their mother, the one who would never claim them as her own because she’d created a whole new life for herself, the perfect life with a husband, two kids and the white picket fence. The perfect pastor’s wife. And how could she and Suave dare come in and disturb that idyllic picture?
“So you don’t want us in your life?”
Silken closed her eyes. Please, Suave, don’t sound so pathetic. She expelled a slow breath and, her hand hidden under the table, she reached over to give her sister’s leg a sympathetic squeeze.
“I’m sorry,” Meredith said and this time her voice was resolute. “I can’t. I only came here to make you understand why.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again but this time she was rising as she spoke. “Please don’t try to contact me again.”
She gave Silken and Suave one last look and Silken could not help wondering if there was a glint of regret there…or maybe it was just a figment of her still desperately hopeful imagination.
She never got a chance for a second look. Meredith turned, purse clutched to her breast, and hurried out the door.
For long moments they just sat there, staring at the door through which their mother – no, Meredith – had departed. Then finally Silken let out her breath on a grunt. “Well, that’s that, I guess.”
Suave didn’t answer. Her shoulders slumped and she dropped her forehead onto her palm. “It’s over,” she whispered, the hurt in her voice almost breaking Silken’s heart. “We’ll never be part of her family.”
And although her own heart was bleeding tears right then, Silken shifted closer to her sister and put her arm around her shoulder. “It’s all right, Suave. You and me, we’re family and always will be.”
Her head against Silken’s shoulder, Suave nodded but she said nothing. She probably couldn’t say a word.
And Silken could relate to that because in her own throat was a lump that was growing bigger with each passing moment and if she didn’t get out of there, and soon, she was afraid that lump would choke her…or she would burst into tears.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Max caught himself pacing back and forth in his living room. Again. He had to stop this.
With a sigh he walked to the den and flopped down then flipped the TV to the sports channel. He was wound tight and he would not relax till Silken walked in the door.
She’d got back from Wisconsin late the night before, calling to say the flight had been delayed, but that she and Suave were home safe and they were heading to bed. He’d immediately asked how things had gone but her answer was noncommittal, just a mumble that she’d come over and see him next evening and she’d tell him all about it then.
And now it was evening and she still wasn’t here.
Heaving a sigh, he put his feet up on the rest, trying to relax. Truth be told, he couldn’t figure out why he was so anxious. This was all about their mother, not his. But the fact that Silken was involved put him on edge. He just wanted to know that she was all right.
It was the strangest thing but this girl had dug so far under his skin that it was like she was a part of him, a part he could not live without. She’d carved out a place inside his heart and its every beat reminded him of her.
Max laughed, just thinking about it. He’d heard the phrase, ‘the taming of the shrew’ but in this case the shrew had done the taming and he was the one at the receiving end of the lesson…a lesson in love.
Because as much as he loved to play the tough guy, Silken McCullen was the only woman who could ever bring him to his knees.
It wasn’t until almost seven o’clock that Max finally heard Silken’s car pull up in the driveway. He met her at the door and when he saw her face he knew that her meeting with Meredith Albright had gone all wrong.
He led her into the den. “Speak to me,” he said, watching the emotions flash across her face – anger, frustration, sorrow and pain. A
nd then her mouth tightened in a determined line.
Silken didn’t sit. Like a caged tiger she began to pace the room just like he'd done just hours before. “She doesn’t want us,” she said, her nostrils flaring. “She’s got a new life as First Lady of her church. She doesn’t want us messing up her fairy-tale life.”
Max frowned. “Did she say that?”
“Not in those exact words but that was pretty much her position. She only agreed to meet with us so she could make us understand.” The last words came out like a snarl.
But as Max watched Silken he could see that she wasn’t quite as tough as she was pretending to be. Even as she bristled, her brows furrowed, her lips tight and her back tense, she would not look him in the eyes. And it was the eyes that said it all.
Max walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, stilling her agitated movements. Then, gently, he placed a finger under her chin and raised her face toward his.
Silken’s eyelids fluttered then she looked up at him and the pain, the soul-searing pain she was suffering, brimmed up in her eyes and spilled over onto her flushed cheeks.
“Silken,” Max said as he looked into her eyes, “I’m sorry.”
At his words her face crumpled and a sob burst from her lips. “I’m sorry, too, Max. So sorry. I wish she could have loved us.” Then she dropped her face to his chest and cried like her heart was breaking in two.
And there were no words to comfort her. All Max could do was hold her, press her to his heart and let her wash away the pain with her tears.
“Let it all out, my darling,” he soothed. “Let it all out. I’m here for you.”
Minutes passed before the racking sobs quieted and Silken’s body stilled in his arms. Then she heaved a sigh that seemed to come from the depths of her soul. “I’m okay now,” she whispered. “I’ll be fine.”
She made to pull away but he tightened his arms around her then bent to lift her up. He carried her up the stairs and straight to his bedroom. There, Max made love to Silken – slow, gentle, sweet love. It was his way of drying her tears, making her forget. When she clung to his shoulders and exploded with him deep inside her, he’d never heard a sweeter sound than Silken calling out his name. And he wanted to keep hearing that sound over and over and over again, for as long as he was on this earth.