by Grace Hudson
“You are mistaken, 299. Reno does not take Internees. He will not choose me, nor will he choose any of you.”
“Why? Is there something wrong with him?” The other Epsilon Fighters began to snicker behind 299. “Something wrong with his… equipment, perhaps?” 299 laughed, head thrown back, the other Epsilon Fighters joining in with cheers and whistles.
“I would not know. But there is nothing wrong with him for not choosing a Vassal. Perhaps he is more discerning than you would like.” The laughter stopped. “Perhaps he would like to wait and choose one who chooses him as well.”
299 stood, towering over 201 in the cart.
“And who would that be? You?”
“No, not me,” 201 said, edging away from 299.
“It seems you are most concerned with Reno’s choices, 201. And now you have the Officers fighting over you when they would not bother with such matters before a Vassal came along. Is that it, 201? Are we not good enough for your Omega Circuit, with your, what was it, your 8.9 attractiveness rating?”
“No!” 201 shouted, kicking the bars in frustration. “These things, all these things we were birthed to care about, these things that keep us talking and fighting within ourselves… none of this is real! I could not care less about who Reno does or does not choose!” 201 stood to face 299, looking up at the formidable figure she had once seen wielding a scimitar in the Epsilon Games ring. “There is something wrong with this, with all of this! Can’t you see that? All you do is talk of the Epsilon Games, the veneration, the choosing. Can’t you see what I see? You will be expired, I will be expired and this, all of this will go on without us. These things are nothing! We are nothing to them! Nothing!”
The cart fell silent. 277 coughed, tucking her light brown hair behind her ear. 299 studied 201 as if she were a new discovery, something she had never seen before and could never comprehend.
201 pinched the bridge of her nose. When she raised her head, she found the cart of Epsilon Fighters staring at her, faces shocked, blank.
“Now I remember you. I remember that day.” 277’s voice seemed to come from far away. “You are the senseless one, from the ration room. Pay no more attention to this… defective. I do not understand why she has not been demoted before now. I do not wish to know.”
She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Please, 299. Do not speak to her when she is like this. She… frightens me.”
299 turned to 277, nodding her head and placing a hand on her shoulder.
“What was she doing out here?” said one of the Epsilon Fighters.
“Perhaps she was breaking regulation,” said another.
“Yes, perhaps she was,” said 299. “Do not concern yourselves, fellow Fighters. I will deal with the defective.”
299 ushered the rest of the Epsilon Fighters towards the helm of the cart as she closed in on 201.
201 stood at the back of the cart, watching as 299 edged her way towards her.
The Epsilon Fighters began to stamp their feet, the sound reverberating through the wooden base of the cart and tingling through 201’s body. The fighting creature outside the cage raised its head, ears twitching. It let forth a whimper, panting and baring its teeth. The feet of the Epsilon Fighters stamped, left, right, a clap of the hands and time slowed around 201.
She was in the Epsilon Games ring once more. The lights, the heat, the wood shavings gathered at her feet. Weapons glinted as they clashed before her eyes. 299 was no longer dressed in the red jumpsuit of Epsilon. She stood before 201 in her leather tunic, a shield in one hand, in the other a scimitar, her red hair wild, illuminated by the lights.
The feet stamped, left, right, a clap of the hands. The Epsilon Fighters began to shout and whistle.
201’s eyes cleared in time to see 299’s fist swinging towards her face.
She ducked and twisted her body, watching as 299’s fist connected with the wooden bars. Cries and cheers erupted from the front of the cart, filling the silence of the once peaceful night.
Where is Reno? What is taking them so long?
299 turned to her, clutching her fist and flexing her fingers. “You will pay for that, whelp. I meant what I said before. I enjoyed expiring your companion, 232.”
201 took a step back, raising her hands. “I do not wish to fight you, 299.”
299 grabbed at 201’s jumpsuit. 201 ducked to the side, kicking out against 299’s ankle and backing away.
“232 was not worthy of veneration, 201. She was as senseless as you are now. She spoke of nonsense, just as you do. And she was a coward, afraid to fight…”
“You lie!” 201 charged at 299, pushing her back against the wooden bars. “She was not afraid!” She jabbed at 299’s eyes, scratched her ear and landed a blow to her midsection, which seemed to do nothing at all. 299 laughed, swinging out her arm and flinging 201 across to the other side of the cage. The bars bounced against the back of her head, dulling her senses.
299 closed in then, fists swinging at 201’s face, connecting this time, glancing her eye, her cheek, the back of her head. 201 kicked out, connecting with 299’s midsection again, succeeding in knocking the breath out of her, but 299 would not relent.
299 lurched towards her again, punching at the other cheek, the pain searing across the side of her face. 201 covered her face. 299 dug her fingers into 201’s shoulder, ripping and tearing with her nails, pulling apart the newly-healed flesh. 201 screamed, kicking out with her feet and connecting with 299’s shin. 299 closed in again, scratching and tearing. The Epsilon Fighters stamped their feet, left, right, voices rising to a rousing cheer, their whistles echoing into the night.
“Fighters! Enough! What is the matter with you?” Reno reached inside the cart, dragging 201 away from 299’s grasping hands. He locked the cage, giving the bars a smack with his fist. The Epsilon Fighters jeered, 299 leaning against the bars, taunting 201.
Reno set 201 against a log. Her eyes were unfocused, head lolling from side to side. “Officer Tor! Get some water!”
“She was right… 232 was right,” 201 muttered, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. 201’s eyes locked with Reno’s, her eyes blank, staring through him. “You remember what she said, don’t you Reno? Don’t you remember?” Reno froze, a cloth poised at 201’s mouth. She could tell by the look in his eyes that is was quite possible that he did.
One day, there will be no FERTS, no games. One day, I believe we, all of us, will be free.
There was something there, a spark of recognition, an open, unguarded look she had not seen before in Reno, or indeed anyone she could remember in recent memory. Moments later his eyes took on their usual hard glint, making 201 wonder if she had imagined there was anything there at all.
299 glared at her through the bars of the cage, lips bloodied. Her hands curled around the bars, fingernails ringed with 201’s blood.
“Remember what I said, 201. 232 was as senseless as you. I would expire her again if I could.”
“Shut your mouth, 299!” shouted Reno. “There will be no more sounds from this cart tonight!”
The cart was silent, save for a low chortle that could only have come from 299.
“Come on, you have caused enough trouble for one night,” said Reno, hooking his arm underneath 201 and dragging her towards the fire, setting her down on the ground and propping her against a rock. 201’s head fell back, banging against the flat of the stone. The pain throbbed behind her eyes, pulse roaring in her ears.
“What did you think you were doing, 201, trying to fight 299? You must learn to know when you are outmatched.”
“She did not expire me,” 201 said, a laugh escaping. “Even as big as she is, she did not expire me.”
“You are senseless, 201. Had I not pulled you out, she would have torn you to pieces, even without her chosen weapon. What is the matter with you?”
201 sat upright, lifting her head to catch Reno’s eye. Her head throbbed from 299's punches, scattering her thoughts. She felt her defenses slipp
ing away, the futility of her predicament closing in on her.
“I do not care any more,” she whispered. “Do you understand, Officer Reno?” Her head lolled back again as she laughed, a breathy sound. “I am expired already.” She smacked the rock with her palm. “I was expired before, I am expired now. Whatever I do from now on, it matters not. I am expired already.”
“You make no sense, 201.” His voice was stern. “Here, drink this.”
201 lifted her head to drink from the flask.
“Now you need to listen to me, and properly this time. I cannot put you back in the cart tonight. Your presence is too disruptive to the other Fighters.”
201 edged herself up, leaning on one elbow and propping herself on the rock to move to an upright position. She slumped forward, hair hanging down over her face. Her speech was slurred but she repeated her attempts, pushing to get the words out. “I… I am not a Fighter, remember? Merely… I was a merely a trainee. Not up for Fighter selection. I did not wish to be a Vassal and yet I was promoted. And now I have a scar so I must fight once more. I am none of these things, Reno. That is what they do not understand.”
Reno handed her a cloth, placing it in her palm. “The way you speak now, this is why you were not promoted to Fighter, 201.”
201 struggled to raise her head, her fist clenching around the fabric.
“No, Reno.” She wiped at her mouth, tucking the cloth in her pocket. “No, that is not why. Tell me why.”
“I cannot answer that.” Reno handed her some more water.
201 coughed, spitting out the water and a little blood. “Perhaps I already know, Reno. Tell me.”
Reno seated himself next to 201 on the rock, watching the flames of the fire burn brighter as Officer Tor struggled to load up more logs and kindling.
His voice was low when he spoke, too low for Officer Tor to hear. “Because it would have been a waste.”
201 tilted her head, attempting to focus her eyes on the ground. Her vision was blurred, more on the right side than the left. Her head throbbed, an ache running through her neck and shoulders.
201’s voice was rough as she cleared her throat to speak. “What do you mean, a waste?”
“The Epsilon Fighters, they are trained to fight,” said Reno. “It is all they know. But you are not made for this. I do not know what you are made for.”
201 lifted her head, attempting to keep it steady. “I can fight, you know.”
“Yes, I know you can fight. You expired a mercenary, after all. But it is not all you can do. I have not seen this before. Not for some time, anyway.”
“And you wish to… observe? To study me? If I am returned to FERTS, they will study me, scan me, tear me apart and they will send me to Zeta. There is no difference, it makes no difference to me now. You talk of waste, but this is what will happen.”
Reno stood, looming over her. “How dare you say this… what do you mean if you are returned to FERTS?”
201 looked up at Reno through matted hair. Her voice was low and steady, despite her raspy throat. “I mean that I have come to the end. Whatever happens now, I will not return. You may wish to expire me now, just to be sure, but I will not return to FERTS. This is a choice I have made for myself.”
Reno straightened, posture rigid. “It is admirable to believe that you will be venerated in your service to FERTS, expired in battle against the mercenaries. A fitting end, yes?”
201 shook her head. “That is not what I meant. It is not the method, it is the choice that I have made. My choice.”
“Vassals do not choose. You know that.”
“I am not a Vassal. I am not a Fighter. I am none of these things. Perhaps there is no longer a name for what I am.”
Reno picked up a small branch, tossing it on to the flames. “You trouble me, 201. You make me think. You make me wonder about things.”
“Perhaps it is because I am like you, Reno. I am just like you. There is nothing for you to study.”
Reno smirked at her. “I am an Officer, 201. You are an Internee. You forget yourself.”
“No, Reno. I forget nothing. You see this?” She held out her hand, muddied and red around the knuckles. “This is my blood. It is the same as your blood.”
“We are not the same, 201.”
“We are exactly the same! We eat, we sleep, we bleed and we feel, just as you do. And some of us, we dream. Those Fighters, they will play, and fight, and speak as you wish them to speak, the Vassals will simper and pander and behave as Vassals are expected to behave, but inside, in here…” She tapped her forehead. “We are all the same. This, this is what has been lost.”
Reno stared at her, mouth open but saying nothing.
“I was birthed in FERTS, and perhaps now you will be required to make sure I am expired, but I will not expire within those walls. So what I say now means nothing. I will be sent to Zeta now, I know it. You have no choice and 299, 263 and the others… they will report this if you do not.”
“Keep your voice down!” Reno hissed. He knelt before 201, lowering his voice. “Help me to understand, 201. Why must you do everything the way you do? The way you behave… it makes no sense. You do not follow orders, you do not observe regulation.”
“I cannot lie about this to you, Reno. I do not know why this is, but what I have seen, it changes things. I cannot go back, not after being fr… not after being out here, not after what I have seen. But you have your orders, nothing can change that now.”
“This makes no sense. You see things. You knew about… you know things that cannot possibly be known. Things that some of the Officers do not know. Things that I myself do not know. How?”
201 was quiet, eyes half-closed, watching the fire.
“How do you see what you see? Were you always this way?” Reno gripped her arm.
“Let go of me.”
Reno released his grip, watching as 201 winced, clenching her fist.
“Tell me, 201,” Reno said, his voice firm. “I must know. I will not ask again.”
“All I will say is that something happened. Something I do not wish to speak of. I will never speak of it, not to you, not to anyone.”
“You must tell me. I demand it,” said Reno. “I will wait, if necessary, until you tell me what I need to know. Perhaps the fighting creature can help you find your voice.”
The creature’s ears twitched at Reno’s words. It snarled, locking eyes with 201.
“You want to know? This is what you want?” 201 said, wiping a trickle of blood from her mouth with a sneer. “Fine. I will give you what you want.” 201 took a shaky breath. “I was 12Y when Officer Jorg…”
“Shh. Don’t you dare make a sound. Someone will hear and then you will be punished.”
The maddening tickle of his thinning blonde hair against her throat.
“And you know what the punishment will be, don’t you, little one?”
201 squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the feeling of choking, looking anywhere but up at the Officer above her, wanting to run, to escape…
“No.” She clenched her fist. “That is all I will say of this. I cannot speak of it. When it happened… that was the first time I was aware of it, of what I could do. That was the moment when my mind first split from my body.”
Reno leaned forward to watch the flames, avoiding 201’s eyes.
“I wanted to get away, Reno.” 201 blew out a breath, listening to the sounds of water running in the distance. “I wanted to get away so much but I couldn’t…”
201 watched Reno’s hands shake as they rested on his knees. He clenched his fists, his spine rigid.
“I found a way out,” she whispered. “I could escape, in my mind, at least.” She attempted a grin. “My mind escaped, even when my body could not. I was 12Y, Reno.”
She looked over to see Reno’s eyes wide, shining, staring at the fire. He tried to speak, then closed his mouth, shaking his head.
“Ah. You did not know. Of course, how could you know? Most of
the Officers know little of what is happening, they know less about the true nature of the facility. One hand feeds the other, but one does not know where the other goes. Zeta Officers are separated from Omega, from Beta, Epsilon and Kappa. The Pinnacle Officer speaks of things that are believed to be true, but you will find, just as I did, that it is not the case. Now the Pinnacle Officer is expired, and so soon another one rises in his place.”
“Do not speak of the Pinnacle Officer in this way. You speak too much, you have already said too much.”
“So I have been told. And so I will be told again. But it does not end there. Nor does it end for the other Internees. It will never end.”
“I warn you, 201. You cannot speak like this.”
“It’s over, Reno. I do not care anymore.”
“If you speak of this, you know what will happen.”
“What will happen? What could be worse than what I have already…” 201 laughed. “I suppose they will send me to Zeta? Do you know, Reno, are you aware of the processes, the procedures? Are you aware of what really happens in Zeta Circuit?”
“Do not speak of this, 201. I am warning you for the last time. Shut your mouth.”
“No,” 201 swayed in towards Reno, studying his face. “No, you do not know. They have not told you either.”
“Enough! I will hear no more of this!” He pushed 201 to her feet, leading her down towards the cart. 201's head swam, her blood rushing through her body and making her nauseous.
She shrugged him off, turning to face him, swaying on her feet.
“They burn them, Reno.” 201’s eyes met his. “Even the little ones.”
“Officer Tor! Rope!” shouted Reno, avoiding 201’s eyes.
“Think of that when you sleep tonight, Reno. I see it in my dreams, night after night. Each time the faces are different but the result is always the same.”
“Not another word, 201.”
Officer Tor rummaged in the front of the cart, alighting to land next to Reno.
“Officer Tor, secure 201 to the base of the cart. If she tries to move during the night, you have my permission to release the fighting creature.” Reno left without another word.