by Lotte Daley
About a dozen perfumes were laid out on the side next to a large box of lollipops.
‘Thanks,’ I said as I looked in the mirror. My hair was perfect, my lipstick and all other bits of make-up were intact and I still looked every inch the immaculate starlet.
‘Just nipping to the loo, won’t be a minute,’ I said brightly, as I opened the cubicle door and sat down. Just then, I heard the outer door swing open and smelled the strong, sweet scent of perfume. Which kind, I was unsure … I sniffed the air. Bubblegum?
‘OH MY GOD,’ the unmistakeable voice pierced the air.
‘I was like, sooooooo out of there, those vibes, badness.’
No. It couldn’t be.
‘Jack like, you know, he’s a doll and all that but when I saw Fabio I nearly D.I.E.D. It was beyond badness.’
‘You totally still love him, Jessica,’ an unknown female voice chirruped.
‘Like, duh, Hayley, of course I do.’
‘And Jack?’
‘Jack has totally worked out for me, did you, like, see the look on Fabio’s face when he saw me! It was, like, totally a picture, right?’ I heard her smack her lips.
‘Oh God, yah, a total picture, OMG, like, what are you gonna do, Jess?’
‘See, yah, I was thinking, Jack’s downstairs by the bar with his agent … Fabio he’s, like, right over in the corner … I guess go dance with you in front of Jack so he thinks I’m dancing for him, but, like, throw some looks over at Fabio to remind him of how absolutely amazing I am. That will make him put that giant rock on my finger …’
‘I like your style, girl,’ Hayley said.
‘Ready?’
‘Ready.’
‘No, wait, how does my hair look?’
‘Gorgeous, as always.’
‘Yah, you’re right! I totally am gorgeous!’
The door swung shut as I stood up and flushed the loo. I opened the cubicle door to see Pippa standing there with her mouth wide open.
‘You didn’t hear that,’ she said.
‘Uh, yes, I so totally did!’ I replied, confused. What was she talking about, of course I heard that, I was sitting right there with only a toilet door between me and the bitch that ruined my life, but then, I can’t hate her too much, she inadvertently made my life 100 per cent fashionably better.
‘What are you going to do?’ Pippa breathed. She looked genuinely afraid.
‘Well, I need to talk to Hanna,’ I said, my heart beating rapidly.
Hanna will know what to do. Hang on, I need to tell Richard! Basically from what I’ve just gathered, Jack is about to be publicly humiliated by Jessica, unless … I step in. Could I really help him? Suddenly, memories of how he’s hurt me infiltrate my brain. Could I help a man who broke my heart without a second thought? All the nights of crying, the tears that have fallen to the floor, joined more often than not by me. I don’t know if I can forget about the day of THAT TEXT, when I opened the wardrobe to find rows of empty coat hangers dangling like bats in a cave, my heart pounding as I ransacked the bedroom, hunting for evidence that he was still present in my life, finding nothing, nothing at all but the dregs of his posh soaps, bathroom stuff and an ancient love letter. And let’s not forget about Jack having it off with my best friend and humiliating me even further by professing to be the ‘wronged’ party, a victim of my ‘cheating’ with Fabio Matravers who, if you remember, I didn’t even snog! Of COURSE I could bloody well let Jack Hunter get shafted by Jessica, in fact, I want to watch with a side order of canapés.
‘Jack Hunter has been P.L.A.Y.E.D!’ I shrieked to Hanna over the beat of the club music.
‘He’s what?’ she called back, pushing her long, dark hair behind her ears and leaning in.
‘He’s been had!’ I squealed.
‘Explain,’ Hanna said, as Pippa attempted to butt in. Hanna put her finger to her mouth in a shushing motion and waved at Pippa to sit down. Frenella was deep in conversation with a strapping hunk in a tight white vest top. Made me think of Bailey and his fondness for tight white t-shirts.
‘He’s about to be screwed over by Jessica Hilson!’ I said, with one eye on the guy’s butt and the other on Hanna.
‘She’s here?’ Hanna visibly paled.
‘Yes, she’s here!’ I exclaimed excitedly, before raising an eyebrow (with some difficulty thanks to the Botox) and nodding towards her cheeks. ‘You need some more blush, here, let me sort you out …’ I began pulling my bag open.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, pushing my hand back on to my bag. It snapped shut.
‘Suit yourself, but I have to go now, I have to do something mega important!’
Hanna looked at me blankly.
‘God, Hanna, I have to warn Fabio!’ I said, quickly standing up. Fabio had always treated me with respect, even when I was ice queen central and then did a disappearing act on him the night of the Murked premiere. Besides, I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to saunter past Jack Hunter in a clingy Donna Karan number, was I? I bet he thinks I’m sitting at home with ultra-hairy legs, stuffing my face with biscuits and having threesomes with Ben & Jerry. Hah, well, I’ll show him, since Jack Hunter had been out of my life I had become a better, more positive person. I was no longer constantly on edge about when would be the next time Jack Hunter was going to go cool on me. No longer did I have to wait up for him to get back from his evenings out without me, no more did I have to pander and pay and listen endlessly to him moaning about wanting to break into the acting world. No, I was thinner, happier and altogether more together than I’d been in a long time. He can see me, and weep.
‘Oh no, you don’t,’ Hanna screamed, pulling my arm down violently. I staggered on my heels and flopped back against the seating.
‘What the fuck did you do that for?’ I said suddenly, my confidence still strong enough to swear at Hanna without fear.
I was still reeling from the Danielle and Jack escapade, although that totally didn’t make any sense at all now that I had given it more than five seconds’ thought. The alcohol had allowed me to face up to my worst nightmares ten zillion times easier than mulling them over with just a quiet cup of tea. I could think in great detail about the whys and wherefores of Danielle and Jack’s dalliances. It didn’t really make much sense. Except that Danielle had been trying to tell me something since the spa trip, hadn’t she? This must be it! It had to be her sex confession involving Jack. But then, the pictures were taken outside her office – what would Stewart-small-penis say, or indeed do, if he’d seen them together? I’d never met Stewart, but I did know he was a forceful man with a lot of power and money at his disposal. He may have been pushing his late fifties and he may very well only have been five foot seven, but he was a pocket-rocket power demon. I knew this much. Jack would have been shot in his Tom Cruise heels for so much as touching a follicle on her head.
Sitting back, a little bit winded by Hanna’s forceful pull on my arm, I pushed my hair behind my shoulders, looked her square in the eye and lifted myself back up again. Hanna stood up and we were boob to boob. I noticed in the corner of my eye that Frenella had broken off from the beefcake and was now watching us with trepidation.
‘You’re not going down there to make a scene,’ Hanna snarled.
‘Yes, I am,’ I said, before realizing my mistake. ‘I mean,’ I backtracked, ‘I’m not going to make a scene, Hanna, I’m going to talk to my friend downstairs, Fabio.’ I sniffed.
‘Please, darling, don’t leave me,’ she said mournfully. I scrunched up my nose. She continued.
‘It’s just, well, I’ve been meaning to tell you something all night, there was more than one reason for us being up here …’ she said, sadly. Is she about to cry? Her voice wobbled. ‘It’s just that Fabio behaved, uh, inappropriately towards me, after you left the other night at the premiere.’
‘What?’ I said, stopping in my tracks. I turned back to face her.
‘He, well, he looked at me in a way that suggested predatory sexual intent.’ S
he looked at her shoes.
‘He perved on you?’ I whispered.
‘Yes. I believe he did … and …’
‘What else?’
‘And, well, it wasn’t the first time,’ she said, bowed head still only glancing up to look at me.
‘Oh God, that’s just not good, is it?’ I gasped.
‘I don’t want to come between you or anything, but I just thought you should know. To be honest, he’s one in a long line,’ she simpered.
‘Really? Hanna, you poor thing!’ I said, lending her a hand, I rubbed her shoulder gently. We both sat back down again.
‘I’ve been in this business for an age,’ she said, wafting her hand.
‘I think this requires more cocktails,’ I said, hoping to defuse what was potentially an explosive situation. Hanna’s oracular presence toned down a notch as she solemnly gazed into the middle distance. I swear she even shed a tear.
‘Who else?’ I queried. The star-struck attendant glanced over and I tipped my empty cocktail glass in his direction. He nodded and made his way to the bar area. I could get used to all this fuss and splendour, oh yeah, but now, more pressing issues were in front of me in the shape of Hanna Frost and downstairs, God, well, the whole love crew. I had to tie this up and give her the slip. As much as I admired and revelled in my new best-friend love affair, I couldn’t just sit there and be privy to the dramas about to unfold and not even watch Jack Hunter get his comeuppance! Yes, I suppose I ought to be the bigger, better person, Lord knows I was the bigger before, but now, well you name me a girl who doesn’t secretly want to outdo her ex if he’s shat on her from a very great height and then proceeded to watch it splatter? His ego totally needed to come down a peg or two and I’ll be damned if I miss it.
Meanwhile, Hanna dabbed her cheeks with a serviette.
‘I’m sorry, it’s just, he,’ she whispers dramatically, ‘he really scared me!’
‘Well, I would never have expected anything like this from Fabio,’ I sigh. ‘He was always so gentle and unassuming and chivalrous.’
‘Lucky you,’ she says, deadpan.
‘Well, yes, lucky me, if this is what he’s really like! Was he drunk?’
‘What are you saying?’
‘Nothing! Why?’
‘Are you saying a man needs to be drunk to find me attractive?’ She had that glint in her eye, one that suggested malice. I was ricocheting between trusting her with my shoes and wondering whether she was the full shilling.
‘Look, Hanna,’ I sigh, whilst simultaneously rubbing her arm to soothe her. ‘I had no idea and I’m so sorry that you felt so upset and uncomfortable but it doesn’t detract from the issue at large now, does it?’ I say firmly.
‘Which is?’
‘That Jessica has been using my ex-boyfriend to get to Fabio and she’s down there right now about to play both of them against each other and I just can’t let it happen to Fabio, because, despite what he’s done to you, he didn’t do it to me.’ I pull my face taut, fully expecting a verbal assault of some kind, but instead Hanna looks contemplative.
‘OK, Kate, do what you have to do.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, getting up on to my feet to leave. ‘I mean that.’
‘I understand,’ she continues, ‘that you have a skewed perception of what constitutes loyalty in a best friendship, after all, you only have to look at the cards Danielle Kingsley and Jack Hunter brought to the table, so one can’t really blame you,’ she says, sipping her drink. She looks, once again, on the edge of tears.
‘What do you mean?’ I say, annoyed that this conversation is preventing me from going downstairs.
‘It’s just, I am so super used to it,’ she sighs, swirling her cocktail glass.
‘Used to what?’ I was rapidly losing patience with her cryptic whinging.
‘I’m so used to girls pretending to like me for what they can get. Girls pretending to be my best friend when really, all they ever have in mind is themselves and their own agenda.’ She pauses.
I look at her and shrug my shoulders. ‘I’m not like that,’ I say.
‘Hmm,’ she muses. ‘I don’t think you know what loyalty is. Don’t think anyone does, not in this industry.’
‘OK,’ I sigh heavily, sitting back down. ‘You win.’
‘Really?’ Hanna’s entire face lights up.
‘I love you,’ I lie through my teeth. ‘I will be here for you, and no one else.’
‘That’s just fab, darling, see I underestimate all the time so that I can be massively surprised. Katie,’ she says, patting my leg, ‘I knew you had it in you!’
At that moment, Richard pulled back the curtain of our private booth.
‘Katie, thank heavens,’ he said, out of puff.
‘What is it?’ I said, glancing at Hanna, whose face didn’t move. She barely looked at him.
‘We need to talk,’ he said, pulling me up.
‘I think Katie wants to remain here,’ Hanna barked.
‘I think I do, too,’ I said, making eyebrow gestures to Richard.
He stared back blankly.
‘You know, stay here and enjoy the company, girl stuff,’ I said, furiously arching my brows, attempting to gesticulate that I knew what he meant, I’d be there.
‘I’ll follow you on later,’ I said, arching them some more.
‘Katie, why are you staring at me like that? You’re freaking me out.’
‘I’m not!’ I said, ‘Ah, come here, a hug is needed, thanks for being a great friend earlier!’ I said, pulling him in close and whispering, ‘Go wait for me at the top of the stairs and give me five, I was trying to prompt you with my eyebrows!’
‘But they don’t move!’ he hissed back. ‘Botox princess!’
‘See you later, Richard, maybe,’ I said and waved.
‘Yes, probably tomorrow,’ Richard pushed. ‘Annabelle has accompanied me here tonight, mustn’t leave her too long now,’ he nodded and backed out towards the exit. ‘Bye then, Katie,’ he nodded in the direction of Frenella and Hanna, ‘ladies,’ and then he was gone.
‘Phew, that got rid of Richard!’ I said with gusto, to convince Hanna that I was on her side. ‘I’m on your side, you know. That Fabio, what a creep!’
‘Thanks, Kate, I knew you would be.’
Frenella stood at the balcony with the hunk, she looked round and we locked eyes for a second, she was checking I was OK and I was truly touched. I gave a subtle nod. She smiled and returned to the guy.
‘Hey, Katie, I need to go to the bathroom. Will you wait here for me? I won’t be long,’ Hanna said, standing up. She held her mobile in her hand.
‘Sure,’ I said lightly, as she moved off in the direction of the Ladies. She didn’t take her handbag. What was she up to? I wondered. Any girl knows that if you go to the bathroom you sure as hell take your bag with you, to apply touch ups of make-up. Especially a woman like Hanna. I looked at her little clutch bag nestling between the drinks on the table, wondering whether I should follow her and give her the bag, save her the trip of coming back to get it. All of a sudden, something began to glow through the fabric.
My phone! That glow of colour was my phone either ringing or with a text. I remembered she took my phone to prevent me from drunk dialling anyone I shouldn’t. But then I realized, the people I’d drunk dial if I was in one of those moods, which I wasn’t, well, my point was, if I edged over to the balcony, I’d see them for myself, so there was no reason now for Hanna to take care of my phone. I gingerly opened the bag and pulled the phone out. Missed calls. Twelve of them. Richard, Danielle and Bailey. Bailey! He called me! Woop! I thought. I wonder, is he here? The distinct no-nonsense chimes of Hanna’s voice could be heard coming towards me.
‘And yes, I have put you on the list for this season’s handbag, yes, you are ahead of …’ she continued to placate a client before heading straight over to the edge of the balcony.
I snapped my phone shut and looked around quickly for a place to put it. Can�
�t put it in my bag because only have teeny-tiny bejewelled clutch thing in the shape of a sea creature. I had on no bra, with simply tit tape holding my boobs in place. Only one thing for it, I thought, gazing down the length of the split in the front of my dress which went down to my navel. I shoved it in my very tight French knickers and sat very, very still. I prayed that no one would call or text me, causing my nether regions to light up and letting Hanna discover I had stolen my phone. She’d only take it off me again. She’d become like one of those suspicious chavs I watched on Jeremy Kyle, wanting to know my movements, not wanting me anywhere near Fabio et al downstairs. Not even around Richard. She had grown possessive and dramatic and I wondered whether everything was as it seemed with her. Stop it, I chastised myself. Hanna Frost was being so good, had been so good to me, I mustn’t assume she’s a conniving, backstabbing cow, just because it turned out my last best friend was. Still, I had to find out what Bailey wanted, must meet Richard, must give Hanna the slip.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said, as she returned to the table and sat down opposite me. I strategically placed my bejewelled sea-creature clutch over my own jewels.
‘I had something else to tell you,’ Hanna said gravely.
Oh God, what could it be now?
‘It’s about Bailey.’
Someone texted me, I’m buzzing, oh God, oh God!
‘Katie, is something up?’ Hanna queried. ‘You just shuddered rather violently.’
‘I’m fine!’ I said, a little too shrilly.
‘Right, well, you know, I have a confession,’ she said, scratching her nose.
‘What is it?’ I said, my voice ridiculously high-pitched.
My phone vibrated against my skin.
‘Aieeeeekk!’ I involuntarily screamed.
‘Good Lord, Katie, whatever is the matter?’ Hanna exclaimed.
‘I love this song!’ I screamed, held one arm out as though I was ready to go on a march.
‘It’s not that good,’ she said, before her body heaved with another dramatic sigh. ‘It’s Bailey,’ she said, looking down and then up at me. She fiddled with her fingers.
‘What about him?’ I said, a little bit too interested. I was useless at pretending I didn’t like Bailey, heck, I was supposed to have gone over there today and laid all my cards on the table, after Richard so expertly managed to get me to face up to my love for him. I’d hoped he would then lay me on the table, ravish me, undress me, pull me closer until … ! And then I thought, what does it matter? I don’t have to lie about my feelings for Bailey, it’s not as though she’s had a relationship with him or, you know, fallen in love with him now, is it?