by Deanna James
“Yea…” He was right. I hoped people thought I looked 30 when I was 70. That would be great. But I’m certain I wouldn’t age the same as an angel.
“So,” Raphael took my empty plate, I didn’t even remember eating. “What are you planning to do today?”
“Umm,” I looked around the kitchen not sure what I was really going to do. “Probably just the usual.”
He nodded and sat back down in the chair. “So…watch television and read?”
I felt kind of sad about his sudden words. “Yea, I guess.”
“Katie, you need to get out and do things.” Raphael said as he sat back down. “I have noticed you don’t do much out of your daily routine.”
As much as I wanted to say he was wrong, I couldn’t bring myself to be a liar. He was so right, I had spent my college years revolving around whatever Chris had wanted to do, but now without him around I was completely lost. Plus Heather was gone for a few days and that gave me no one.
“Hey,” Raphael jumped up from the chair and exited, going toward my room.
I quickly jumped up and followed him, curious as to what he was up to. “What are you doing?” As I rounded the corner I saw Raphael in my closet going through my clothes. “Hey! What are you doing in there?”
“I’m going to find you something nice to wear and then we’re going out to do something fun.” He said and continued to rummage through my closet.
“But,” I paused as he pulled out the only dress I had, a white sun dress. “Oh, no.” I protested and backed away. “I thought I threw that out when I moved into the dorms.”
Raphael looked at the dress confused. “What is so wrong with this dress? It’s cute.”
“I’m not the dress wearing type.” I shied away from the dress and sat down in my computer chair. “I have only worn a dress at most, three times in my life. I just feel unnatural in them - they are way too drafty.”
Raphael put the dress back in my closet and walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. “Why are you so fearful of the outside world, Katie?”
Why was I? That wasn’t something I had thought about before. I was a very scared person - but most of the fear was truly stupid. Maybe it was because I was a sheltered child. Or maybe it was because I never had friends as a child. The more and more I thought about it, everything wound down to my childhood.
I could feel the heaviness of an arm around my shoulders and a sudden pull toward Raphael. “Just don’t think about the past.” He whispered against my hair. “You can never change the past, but you can always live toward the future.” I felt his warm lips press against my forehead and my heart skipped a beat.
Why couldn’t I find a normal man like him? Caring, protective and handsome. Why did he have to come to me as my guardian angel? Were all guardian angels this kind to their Masters? I suppose so; after all they are supposed to watch after and protect them from harm and keep their hearts from darkening. But was it wrong to want more, to want to be held by this man?
My guardian angel?
Chapter Six
The days passed quickly. Raphael and I spent the free time lounging around the dorm room. Everything was great. I had slipped up several times and called him Blackie, but he simply laughed it off and complained about how I couldn’t come up with good dog names. But overall it was the best few days I had had with anyone in a long time. I didn’t feel like I had to be someone I wasn’t. I just felt safe and that I could be me for once. It was strange to see him in his dog form now. Heather had returned with a bag of fruit from her mother’s, but I was to the point where I wished she would go away again - just so I could see that handsome man that was my angel again.
He was adorable in his dog form, but it just wasn’t the same. Even though I could still feel those silver eyes staring at me from almost turn. He had told me about the demons and how they would haunt me until my heart had erased every last bit of darkness from the depts. But I didn’t know how to do that. I felt depressed still; I felt the world was still trying to ruin my life. But I would admit, having Raphael in it made everything far more bearable. Just his presence had helped more than anyone could ever know.
Who knew an angel was what I needed to see life in a new light. It was strange, this feeling I had for him. I knew I cared for the dog Blackie, but this feeling for Raphael was completely different. I knew it was a feeling that I had to keep hidden. After all, we were from completely different worlds. He was a heavenly being and I; well let’s just say I’m far from heavenly according to the demons chasing me for the blackness in my heart.
“Katie, I’m going out to dinner with someone. Would you like to come with me?” Heather asked as she stopped near the couch to put on an earring.
I glanced up from my book and shook my head. “No thanks, I think I’ll just sit here and finish my book. Hope you have fun.”
Heather laughed and twirled around in her green dress. “I always do!”
I smiled as she skipped out the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shimmer blue light and knew Raphael had shifted. We had been spending so much time together since Heather had found a new shopping partner.
“Hungry?” Raphael asked as he sat down beside me on the couch.
I shook my head. “No. Are you?” I asked. Over the last few days I had noticed that even when he was cooking, Raphael never ate anything. Could he even eat? “Raphael?”
“Yes?” He turned his attention from the television to me.
“There is something I have been wondering about,” I thought a moment before I continued, “Can you eat human food?”
He laughed and leaned back into the couch. “Of course I can. But unlike you or other humans I don’t need it to survive - I guess you could say human food is just something to snack on for me. I thrive on something else, something only my Master can give to me.”
“Something only your Master can give? What’s that?” I asked, trying to think of what it could be.
“Well,” Raphael paused as a minute, “Each human gives off their own unique essence. Essence is part of your spirit, as your guardian angel, I tap into that essence and use it to survive.” He tapped his stomach. “Yours is just right.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his gesture. If I didn’t know any better I would think I was getting used to having the lug head angel around. He was like a refreshing breeze blowing through my life. Everything was dull and mundane before me showed up at my door. Maybe Chris dumping me was the best thing to ever happen, because if that tiny bit of darkness had never entered my heart, I would have never got to meet Raphael.
“So you live off my essence, huh?” I watched him nod leisurely. “So if something happens to be you starve? Is that how it works?”
“Well, no.” He stood and walked over to the only window that was in the dorm. “If we lose our Masters then we are assigned a new one. God doesn’t like us to get emotionally evolved with our Masters.” Raphael seemed to be thinking over my question intently.
“Oh,” So each angel was continuously resigned when their Master died. That must be hard on them. To get use to one Master only to know that any day they could be switched to someone else. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Raphael laughed, “It’s alright. Some angels stay with their Masters throughout most of their mortal life - plus some Masters end up as guardian angels. So we meet them in our realm.” He let out a sigh. “That is as long as their heart isn’t lost to the darkness.”
I remembered instantly that he said his first two Masters had been led into the darkness by demons. He hadn’t succeeded in protecting them. But she wasn’t going to hold that against him; after all, he had explained to her that they were both rebellious and most likely uncontrollable. If they didn’t want his protection, how was he supposed to enforce it upon them? You could never force anyone to do something they didn’t truly want to do. After all both seemed to be destined for darkness from what he had told me.
“If you don’t mind,” He came back ov
er to the couch and sat down. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Oh, sure.” I felt a little embarrassed; I must have hit a sensitive spot with him. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
He held his hand up and smiled. “No, don’t worry. It isn’t that I’m overly sensitive about it, it is just one of those things I don’t really enjoy talking about.”
Our conversation for the day seemed to end at that. Nothing was much said after that. I finished the book I was reading while he sat beside me and watched television. I thought about more things that just the book I was reading. Maybe he was happy to have someone like me to guard over. Someone so laidback and mellow, maybe it was a relief to him not to have to chase me everywhere trying to watch over me. But then again, he had tried to get me out of this room and enjoy life. However I had refused. Maybe he himself was starting to get bored with my mundane life.
Maybe I could put a little effort into seeing what he liked and making his happy. But how could one just up and ask their guardian angel what they liked? Did he even like the same things that mortals liked?
I guess I would just have to suck it up and ask him. That would be the only and best way to get to the end of these thoughts.
“Raphael?” I asked quietly.
He hummed a reply as he flipped through channels.
“Can I do something for you?”
Raphael paused and looked over at me confused. “What?”
I held my hands up quickly and laughed. “I mean is there something I can do for you? You protect me all day and I haven’t even thought of something I could do for you. Is there anything you would like to do; besides sit here all day?”
“You don’t have to do anything for me, Katie. Protecting you is my duty as an angel.” His smile was meek, but still there.
I watched him as I pretended to read a book. His features were soft, but rugged. He wouldn’t be considered ‘cute’ by anyone. He was more the rough guy, handsome type. I noticed the scars that crisscrossed his neck and arms. They resembled some kind of torture scars. I wasn’t comfortable enough around him to ask bluntly what they were.
I was jarred from my thoughts as the room suddenly went dark. But how was this possible, it was early evening. “Raphael?” I questioned as I tried to sit up on the couch, but I quickly felt a hand pushing me back.
“Stay quiet.”
It was Raphael. Something wasn’t right.
I tried my best to obey him, but I was so frightened of the darkness that I didn’t like it when his hand strayed from me. “Raph-“
“I’m here,” His voice was to my right. I could feel his presence also.
“What’s going on?” I asked. This was really starting to get to me. I hated the dark more than ants…Well it was a close tie for first place. But you get my idea. Imagine being in an area that you are used to but not knowing what might be directly in front of you. It’s terrifying!
I could hear rustling near the door. Or so I thought it was the door, in this pitch black I couldn’t be certain. I could also feel Raphael moving around me slowly, he was almost predatory in his movements. Although I couldn’t see him, I could still feel his movements. It was like we were one. Almost as if I could see everything through his eyes. Like I was living inside him.
“Relax…Katie…”
The words drifted into my mind along with the wind. I knew Raphael hadn’t spoken, but the words were his. What was he doing, speaking telepathically?
“Yes, it’s me, Katie.” There was a pause and I could hear noise toward the door. It sounded like claws against the wood of the door. “Stay calm and manage your heart rate, don’t let them scare you. I’m here.”
His voice echoing through my mind was oddly comforting and I could feel my pulse lowering with every second. I knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to me, if he could stop it. I trusted this angel, this man.
With a sudden burst of flashing light I could see the door fly off its hinges and land in front of the television. Something was coming and it wasn’t friendly…
Chapter Seven
Raphael stood in front of me protective, his arms pushing me behind him, his strong arms encasing me in warmth. I could see the faint glow of his wings getting ready to appear. He must sense something that was a great threat to bring his wings about. In just the short time I have known him I could tell that this wasn’t a joke…something was within the smoke at the door that wasn’t here for a friendly visit.
“Come out and show yourself!” He yelled and I could see his eyes were glowing silver, something I had never seen them do before now.
I saw someone or something move in the door way. The smoke was not clearing; instead it was spreading throughout the room. As I looked around, I noticed it was even climbing the walls. It was engulfing the entire room.
A man, tall and dark skinned, stepped out of the smoke. His eyes were a strange blue color, he was almost exotic in appearance. I had never seen anyone like him...
As I continued to stare, I quickly note a pair of leathery wings behind him. Black with lighter gray inlay. They resembled the wings of a bat. What was he?
“Rai, what are you doing here? Is he getting this impatient?” Raphael snapped toward the man.
Although I was in shock I had enough sense not to speak. This man wasn’t someone to be taken lightly, I could tell because of the tense feeling of Raphael’s muscles. He was ready to protect or run, whichever came first I think.
I could hear a growl coming from the man’s direction. He was menacing and just the image of him in front of me sent chills down my spine. Every inch of my skin was frozen.
“So, you are her guardian, Raphael?” Rai’s voice was rough and predatory. He was the complete opposite of Raphael. This man was demanding to be feared, and I was more than willing to comply with his demands. Sometimes it was better to run and fight another day - but Raphael kept me firmly in place behind him.
“Rai,” Raphael stepped forward one step, as if challenging Rai. “What are you doing here?”
Rai laughed off Raphael’s threat and folded his leathery wings behind him. “Well, my king has demanded that we speed up some of the darkening souls that you little angels are protecting. He wants her soul…now.” He pointed at me and I could feel the cold breeze coming from him.
Raphael put his arm out to block my view of Rai. “She is not going with anyone.” With those words he began to shimmer with the light that I knew meant his wings were coming. Stepping back I watched as a pair of black feathered wings unfolded from his shoulder blades and into a large, impressive span before my eyes. Every time I saw his wings it amazed me how anyone could have such beautiful dark wings.
“Oh,” Rai crossed his arms and stared at Raphael. “So you are going to fight to stop me then?”
I could feel a growl emitting from Raphael. He was really angry. His aura had changed and I could for once, feel the raw power of his heavenly being pouring off of him. He must be calling upon a higher force to protect me. But…I didn’t want him to end up hurt. After all, if I was gone he could simply go and find another Master.
“Raphael,” I put my hand on his wing to get his attention.
He turned slightly to look down at me. His eyes were almost cat like and shimmering in the light from the hallway. “Don’t worry Katie; I won’t let him near you.”
I could feel the sincerity in his words. He meant what he said; he would fight to the end to protect me. I could see it in those beautiful silver eyes.
“But Raphael, I don’t want you to get hurt over me. If I have darkness in my heart it is my own doing - I don’t want you to pay for my sins.” If this was something that I had brought upon myself, then I didn’t want anyone else taking my place to fight. If I had darkness creeping into my soul, then I should be able to make it disappear.
“Katie! No, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” Raphael protested as he turned and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me roughly he stare
d into my eyes. “You can’t fight this creature that is why God sends mortals guardian angels. It is our job to protect you, even if it means we get hurt or captured.” He paused and pulled me into his arms and I felt him squeeze me tightly. “I want you to go on and live a happy life. You have so much love to give to the right person, I want you to live on and forget about all of this one day.”
“Raphael,” I didn’t really know what to say. He wanted me to go on with a happy life and forget about him. I was certain I couldn’t do that. Just the past while he had been with me I had felt more peace and happiness than I had ever felt. Truthfully, I didn’t want him to leave me - ever. But how was I supposed to tell my guardian angel that I…That I loved him?
“Well, not that this isn’t touching and all, but I am on a time limit.” Rai said and I saw him start toward us. He held his hand out a black rope appeared out of the smoke.
“Rai, I warn you.” I could feel the words rumbled from Raphael as he held onto me. He was shaking with anger and his wings were now spread at full span.
He turned and I could feel his right arm pulling me close, also his wing enveloped me with warmth. My body began to tingle; from head to two I could feel warmth enveloping me. What was happening to me?
“Raphael, what is happening to me?” I asked as my body began to glow a faint golden.
Rai stopped suddenly in his steps and the rope disappeared. “Oh no!” He growled and jumped back toward the doorway.
“Katie? What were you thinking about just now?” Raphael asked as he stepped away from me.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him I was thinking I loved him. That wouldn’t sound right coming from a mortal to an angel, right? Surely that had to be some kind of sin in its own way. Maybe that was what was happening. Maybe I had committed the ultimate sin…
My feet left the floor as I levitated slowly into the air. I could my body heating up; it felt like I was basking in the light of the sun. I closed my eyes and tried to control my emotions. I wanted to cry, scream and run all the same time. I had never felt so emotionally confused before. I didn’t feel fear, no instead I felt confusion. What was going through my mind, more importantly what was going through my heart?