by Karen Kirst
She wondered if he’d even miss her.
The sound of children playing reached her ears and, lifting her head, she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. The swelling was gone, and it hurt only if she touched it. She hoped the bruises disappeared before she returned home. She didn’t want to go into the details of how and where she’d gotten them.
Tugging her snug bodice down, she went to find an empty pail. She wanted to be alone, and the best excuse was to go berry picking. Juliana found Rose tending to Joy. To her relief, the other woman didn’t mention Evan or their earlier conversation, nor did she question Juliana’s intention to go searching for berries. She did, however, insist that Juliana stay close by. With her bonnet and holster in place, she set off.
Juliana spent much of the afternoon meandering through the fields surrounding the lake, venturing as far as the tree line in the distance. She used the time to think and pray. While she didn’t find a single berry bush, she did locate a cherry tree. With her pail swinging from her arm and brimming with plump, crimson fruit, she strolled back into camp.
She spotted Evan right away sitting in the shade, peeling potatoes. Matt was hunkered down next to him, chatting happily. The boy was clearly relieved to see Evan up and about. She’d seen how worried he’d been during Evan’s illness.
As soon as Evan caught a glimpse of her, his hand stilled in midair and his back stiffened. Her steps slowed at his reaction. He didn’t look at all pleased.
But she couldn’t change course now. So she approached the twosome, unable to tear her gaze away from his. When she drew near, he rose to his feet and with a parting word to Matt, met her halfway.
He stopped a foot away and slipped his hands in his pockets. She was still trying to come to grips with the fact that he wasn’t an outlaw. He was a law-abiding citizen and a believer.
Juliana swallowed hard, resisting the urge to throw herself in his arms. He was gorgeous, his pale blue shirt a complement to his tanned skin and dark hair, and so very dear. The only reminder of his illness was the pallor of his skin. She longed to caress his cheek as she’d done while he lay unconscious. Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, the pail dangling from her fingers.
“You were gone a long time. I was worried.”
His gaze roved over her from head to toe as if assuring himself she was unharmed.
“As you can see, I’m fine. I have protection.” Her palm settled over the gun handle at her waist.
One black eyebrow quirked up. “I already know you’re an adept hunter. But how much experience do you really have with a weapon?”
“Enough.”
“Care to elaborate on that?”
His eyes held a hint of challenge, and she seized on it. “It’d be easier to show you than tell you. How about a demonstration after supper? We can even make it into a contest, if you want.”
His expression turned disbelieving. “You against me? Are you sure you’re up for the challenge?”
She flashed him a confident grin. “I’ll do my best.” Was he in for a big surprise!
“I’d expect nothing less.” He grinned then, white teeth flashing. “I’ve got work to do.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the pile of potatoes. “I’d better get back to it.”
“It’s nice of you to help Rose.”
He lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been idle long enough. I needed something to occupy my hands.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Normal, except for the fact I tire easily.”
“That’s to be expected. Are you sure you’ll be ready to travel tomorrow? We could always wait an extra day.”
With a look of determination, he said, “No, we can’t. We need to get a message to your family as soon as possible. Besides, we’ll be in the saddle most of the way. Lucky will be doing the exercising, not me.”
Juliana had her doubts, but she could see that he wouldn’t be swayed. She hoped he wouldn’t overdo it and end up having a relapse.
She lifted the fruit for him to see. “Do you like cherries?”
“I do. Got anything special in mind for those?”
“Not exactly. I’m going to see if Rose has any suggestions.”
“Ask her if she knows how to make a cherry crumble. If so, I’ve got plenty of cornmeal to spare. She’s welcome to it.”
“Is that a favorite of yours?”
“Not mine. My father’s. I can still remember his excitement each time my mother made it. He was like a little kid in a candy store.”
Hearing him laugh lightened her heart. After all the pain and suffering he’d endured, he deserved to be happy.
She realized that she didn’t know much about his likes and dislikes. “If cherry crumble isn’t your favorite, then what is?”
He thought for a moment. “I’m partial to apple pie. With lots of cinnamon.”
For the first time in her life, Juliana wished she’d learned how to cook. She would’ve liked to make something special for him.
“I guess it’s been a while since you’ve had a homemade meal.”
“Too long,” he muttered. “Restaurant food is the closest I’ve had to Mom’s cooking, and it still can’t compare. I’ve enjoyed Rose’s, though. She’s done wonders, considering her limited supplies.”
“Yes,” she agreed, “maybe when I get home I’ll ask Jessica or Jane to teach me a few things.”
“That’s a wise idea.” His expression turned serious. “You’ll have a husband and children to cook for someday.”
“Yes, perhaps.”
He took a step forward. “Juliana, we need to talk.”
She stepped back, sensing he wanted to continue the marriage discussion. “Not now, Evan. Later. I—I have to go.”
She made to move past him, but he caught her wrist. “You can’t avoid the subject forever.”
Juliana gazed at her boots. “We both have things to do.”
He dropped his hand. “You’re right. But we will talk about it. Soon.”
She walked away without a word.
Arms folded across her chest, Juliana watched as Evan took aim at the target and fired off a shot. The ping of the bullet against tin reached her ears, and she knew he’d hit it dead on. As she’d suspected, he was a good aim. Now it was her turn.
They’d chosen this cool, quiet meadow because it was a good distance from camp and the noise wouldn’t bother the children or the horses. A tranquil place, Juliana would’ve liked to stretch out in the grass and relax amid the lilacs and daisies. Instead, she stepped to the spot he’d vacated and waited as he strung up a new target.
Juliana had managed to keep her distance from him during supper and cleanup, but she knew better than to expect him to drop the subject. He wasn’t a man to let an issue fester. Once a matter came to his attention, he wanted it settled.
She checked her weapon. Everything was in order.
Evan came striding back, his long legs quickly eating up the distance. He stopped in front of her. “Are you ready?”
“I am.”
He moved to the side, putting enough space between them so as not to crowd her. She felt his gaze on her, and with difficulty she tamped down her sudden nervousness. She was used to people watching, just not this particular person. She realized his opinion mattered a great deal.
Raising the gun to eye level, she focused on the target with one eye open and one closed. Then she squeezed the trigger. Again the loud ping reached her ears, and she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
Evan whistled as he approached, admiration in his gaze. “I’m impressed, Irish.”
The tension left her body and, confidence in its place, she tossed out another challenge. “How about we do it again from farther away?”
His eyebrows darted up. “Are you sure you wanna do that? I’ve had lots of practice the last couple of months.”
“Very funny,” she retorted with a toss of her head. “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t think I
could pull it off.”
His hands braced on his hips, he leaned in close. His familiar clean scent wafted toward her. “Tell me something. If this is a competition, then what’s the prize? What are you willing to give me if I win?”
Evan’s nearness stirred her senses. She stood her ground, however. “Assuming you win, what is it that you want?”
His brilliant blue eyes dropped to her mouth, lingering there before ever so slowly lifting to meet her gaze once more. “One kiss.”
Juliana felt as if she would melt into a puddle at his feet. Swallowing hard, she unconsciously licked her lips. “And if I win?” she croaked.
“Name your prize.”
She couldn’t think with him so close. “I don’t know.”
He flicked a gaze at her hair, still in a haphazard ponytail. “I could always braid your hair for you as I did the night of the rainstorm.”
Juliana thought back to that night, recalling all too well the intimacy created by such an act. No matter who won, the outcome would be the same. Too much closeness for her peace of mind. It would be foolish to agree and, yet, she was tempted. She wanted nothing more than to be in his arms.
“If I win, you teach me to cook.”
“You’re on.” A lazy grin curled his lips. “I’ll be right back.”
Her heart rate sped up as anticipation set in. He changed the target again and returned. “Are you sure you don’t want to go first?”
“No, thanks. You go ahead.”
Evan walked about fifteen paces past the first spot, turned on his heel and sought her approval. “Far enough?”
“Looks good to me.”
He took his time, judging the distance with his eyes before lifting his arm to aim his weapon. Again, his aim was true. Juliana moved into position, wiping her damp palms down her skirt. When all was ready, she lifted her gun. At the same instant that her finger put pressure on the trigger, a bumblebee buzzed past her ear and she jerked. The bullet strayed a few inches to the left, missing the tin can altogether.
Disbelieving, she stood there, the gun still in her hand at her side. Evan rushed over. “What happened?”
“It was a bee.” Feeling the heat rushing to her face, she couldn’t meet his eyes. He probably thought she had lost on purpose. She sheathed the gun in its holster.
He chuckled. “A bee, huh?”
A thought struck her. She lifted her face to his. “How about giving me another chance? If it hadn’t been for that bee, I could’ve made the shot.”
He stroked his chin, as if considering her request. “Uh-uh. I don’t think so.”
“Why not?” she demanded.
Evan stared at her, all amusement fading. His voice dipped. “Because. Bee or no bee, I won, and I want the kiss you owe me.”
Juliana’s pulse accelerated and she struggled to breathe. She felt light-headed, and her knees threatened to buckle. “You’re not playing fair,” she accused in a whisper.
“I didn’t send that bee.”
He closed the distance between them and tugged her against his muscular body. His hands gripping her waist, he swooped down to cover her mouth with his own. He gave her no time to resist. Her hands splayed against his chest. Beneath her palm, his heart pounded fast and hard.
His soft lips moved over hers with insistence, coaxing and tasting until she couldn’t think, only feel. Emotion left her weak, and she leaned against him for support. She slid her hands up and locked them around his neck.
He emitted a low, guttural moan. His hands moved up her back, and he pressed her even closer. He deepened the kiss, and trembling, she clung to him.
Evan became her anchor. In the haven of his embrace, she felt safe, cherished and more alive than she’d ever felt before. Pushing aside her reservations, Juliana kissed him with abandon, willing him to feel the depth of her love.
When he abruptly broke off the kiss and set her away from him, she nearly cried out in protest. His chest heaved as if he’d run a mile, and she could clearly see that he was fighting an inner battle. With a searing glance, he strode to where he’d left his hat. Retrieving it from the ground, he settled it smoothly on his head and walked back, stopping several feet away.
It was plain to see that he was upset and trying to conceal it. “When we get back to Gatlinburg, there are going to be a lot of questions. Your family will expect me to marry you and rightly so.”
Juliana opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand to forestall her. “I don’t want your reputation to suffer, Juliana. I don’t want you to be treated like a social outcast just because you unwillingly spent a couple of days and nights in my company. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. You’ve done nothing wrong.
“I can shield you from all that by marrying you. I know it’s not the best situation. I’m certain you pictured your life turning out a different way, but I’m willing if you are. The truth is I wouldn’t mind being married to you.”
Juliana couldn’t speak. The man who had captured her heart was offering to marry her. That meant living together as husband and wife, day in and day out, sharing life’s ups and downs, trials and blessings. Perhaps they’d even have children some day.
Oh, she was tempted. In time, she reasoned, he could grow to love her.
Or he could end up resenting her.
Did she dare take that risk?
Tears threatened, and she blinked them back. Squaring her shoulders, she dug down deep for the courage to say what was in her heart. “Thank you, Evan, for your kind offer. But you see, I don’t want a man who simply doesn’t mind marrying me. I want a man who yearns to be with me, whose utmost desire is to make me his bride. A man who believes life isn’t worth living if he can’t share it with me. Call me romantic or even foolish, but I’d rather face the disapproving stares and whispers of the townspeople than a loveless marriage.”
Evan closed his eyes, as if her words caused him pain. “Love opens you up to a whole world of pain, my dear. I should know. I’ve lost every single person I’ve ever loved. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t wish that kind of grief on anyone.”
“It was good while it lasted, though, wasn’t it?” she countered, desperate to make her point. “Isn’t it better to experience love and joy for a little while than not at all? Yes, it hurt when I lost my father, but do I wish I’d never known him? Of course not.” Juliana approached him and slipped her hand into his. “Evan. Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life all alone? With no one to care for you?”
His eyes roamed her face, questions lurking in the dark depths. “I don’t think I could endure another loss, Juliana.” Lifting his hand, he gently cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking her skin. “A lot of marriages are built on friendship alone and are very successful. I may not be able to offer you my heart, but I can give you my friendship. Isn’t that enough?”
His words stabbed at her. Pulling his hand away, she stepped back. “I’m afraid not.”
His shoulders slumped in defeat, and she almost changed her mind. Instead, with a look at the setting sun, she muttered, “I think we’d best be getting back. There’s a lot to do before we leave tomorrow.”
Evan turned away, oddly defeated. He cared more for her than he knew was wise. Why else would he be pushing her to marry him? Of course he understood what she was up against if she didn’t, and he didn’t want to see her hurt. Especially because of something he’d done.
He fell into step beside her, his gaze on everything but her. He was afraid that if he chanced a glance at her now, he would kiss her again. And that would be a huge mistake.
Kissing Juliana was dangerous. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to stop. He’d wanted to go on holding her forever. If they were husband and wife, he reminded himself, he wouldn’t have to stop. He could kiss her whenever he liked.
The thought kicked his heart into a wild gallop, and his stomach did a flip-flop.
Juliana was a beautiful, desirable young woman. He couldn’t deny that he was attracted
to her. When she was near, he was lucky if he could put two words together. With those innocent green eyes and sweet mouth, she had the power to drive all rational thought from his mind.
He didn’t necessarily enjoy not having control over his emotions like that.
Camp came into view then, and they parted ways without a word. It was just as well. He hadn’t a clue what to say.
Chapter Seventeen
Breakfast was a solemn affair. After prolonged goodbyes, they finally hit the trail. Juliana didn’t seem inclined to talk, which suited him just fine.
He glanced upward, pleased to see not a single cloud in the vast blue sky. Anticipation bloomed in his chest. Soon he would be home. Home. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since he’d seen the place. He was eager to see for himself how the animals and crops were faring under his cousin’s supervision.
In hindsight, Evan realized that he hadn’t really handled the whole situation as well as he could have. His letters home had been few and far between. And he hadn’t told Luke how much he appreciated everything he’d done since James’s passing.
Well, he would have a chance to correct his wrongs that night. By suppertime, he fully intended to be sitting at his cousin’s table.
“You weren’t exaggerating, Evan. It’s absolutely breathtaking.”
Standing on the ridge overlooking his beloved valley, Juliana surveyed the scene.
Far below, encircled by majestic blue-green mountains, lay his home. Fields and fences, cabins and barns crisscrossed the verdant valley basin. Even the white clapboard church, with its white cross reaching toward the sky, was visible from the mountaintop. Shimmering ribbons of blue cut large swaths across the valley.
Evan appeared pleased by her declaration. He grinned at her, and she could see the excitement in his eyes. “Shall we go?”
Their descent took just under two hours. Evan halted Lucky near the first homestead.
At the mix of emotions crossing his face, Juliana asked, “Is that your cabin?”
“No, this is Luke’s place. My land starts on the other side of that tree grove.” He pointed to a spot about a mile distant. “We’ll have supper with him first.”