by Stacy Eaton
“Maybe it will allow me to let go,” I whispered, knowing he would understand the meaning. He appeared to mull over my words. Could I fool him? Was it wrong of me to try?
Yes, but being able to see Mitch was worth it.
“Fine, but I’m staying here with you.”
“We will all stay here with her,” David said from my other side, and they let go of my arms.
I stepped around Brock and walked forward on the spongy grass, scanning over the sea of faces that stood on the field around me: hundreds of police officers in full dress uniform all at attention, chins up, shoulders back, hands in fists at their sides. All of them were lining the area around the field. Up on the stands, thousands of people, men, women, and children, stood watching. I was awestruck by the attendance.
I turned to the casket, a basic oak box adorned with long brass rails and handles: simple, elegant, and mine. I swallowed tightly.
As the pastor began speaking, I took the time to tear my focus from the wooden box and notice all the others like me mixing in amongst the living people.
They mingled in and around the officers and civilians standing, stopping every once in a while to lay a gentle hand on someone who was grieving. Tash stood behind my parents, a hand on each of their shoulders, relieving the worst of the pain they must have felt at burying their only child.
A sob stuck in my throat as I witnessed the sadness on their faces, and I walked to them, wanting to reach out and console them, to tell them that I was fine, that I would watch over them and not to worry. Tash was so intent that he either ignored me or didn't realize I was there, until I laid my hands over his.
A wave of emotion roared between us as his deep chocolate eyes opened and met mine. His ability to calm was immense, and it filled me, but I pushed it away from me and back to my parents.
My father’s shoulders straightened slightly, and my mother sniffed.
"I love you both, so very much. Please don't be sad, I'm safe and watching over you. Celebrate my life, and when the day comes, I will see you both again."
My voice was soft, floating on the air between us, yet I knew they heard me. The peace that passed over both their faces told me that.
"They feel your presence, thank you. You have made my job much easier." Tash closed his eyes and went back to concentrating on them.
"I can't believe they can hear her. How is that happening, Montgomery?" David's voice came from behind me, but I ignored it and turned toward the pastor.
To the right of him sat the six officers who had carried my body. Mitch sat silent and still, staring off into space while the rest watched the pastor as he spoke—well, all of them except Joe who stared at me.
Was it strange that he gave me the creeps? How did he get picked to carry me? If he was an Os Malos, then he walked with the evil side. How had I never known he was evil? He had always been nice to me, always friendly to everyone. I turned my back on him and walked to stand behind Mitch.
Even though I knew that my parents had felt my presence, I was afraid to reach out to him, so terrified that if I touched him, I would not be able to stop. Instead, I focused intently and sent him every ounce of love that I felt until the service ended, and he stood to gather my casket one more time.
The group walked forward and then turned. Joe focused on me, the corner of his mouth turned up as he fought to hold back a smile. Anger pulsed through my veins that an Os Malos would have the gall to carry my body.
Brock stepped up beside me and then David on my left. We all watched them carry the wooden box away. The sound of the bagpipes made my heart heavy, and the beat of the drum vibrated through my being.
I stood frozen in place until everyone cleared from the stadium. I knew what would come next, and I knew that part would be the hardest for everyone, including me.
With one step forward, David stopped me with his words. “Coralenna, you don’t have to do this.”
“I have never run from anything before, I’m not going to run away now. I need to be here for them. I need to see it, if only to know that my life really is over.” I turned to Brock as I finished.
I took another step and then phased without thought. My heavenly body landed in the middle of a vast cemetery. Marble stones of all shapes and sizes were scattered in the dense green grass area.
I walked to my final resting site, contemplated the open pit, and shuddered.
~ Mitchell ~
Somehow I made it through the service. Maybe God had answered my prayers and given me the strength to do it. Maybe Corey herself had stood beside me and encouraged me to move forward. Whatever had occurred, I was grateful I made it through the first part.
As we walked the short distance from the hearse to the gravesite, my stomach turned, and my knees practically knocked together. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep my composure much longer.
We set her down carefully and took our places behind the officers of her department. Across from us sat her family and close friends.
The pastor started to speak and the soft breeze carried the sound of his strong voice over the area, lifting his prayers to the heavens. Would she hear them? Would she know we were all here and that we all cared so much for her? I examined the sky as I wondered if she would know just how much I loved her and how sorry I was for what had happened.
I hid my watery eyes behind my lids, listening absently to the words being said, and watched moments of our short time play in my mind.
The sad notes of “Amazing Grace” rose around us, and I was no longer the only one trying to contain the tears. As the guns fired the twenty-one gun salute, my body shook to the core with each of the three rounds of seven shots. I swallowed, fighting the tears as they threatened to spill. A heavy gust of air blew down on us as three choppers flew low overhead. I reached up and held my cover on my head before it could take flight.
The final call started, the officers from the department all had their portable radios on, and the radio was sent over a loud speaker for all to hear with perfect clarity. Very slowly, the dispatcher began the roster check.
“Twenty-nine Paul One,” the female voice was strained with emotion, and I briefly wondered how she had gotten chosen to complete such a hard task.
I watched Mark swallow before he lifted his hand to his microphone clipped to his shoulder and answered solemnly, “Twenty-nine Paul One.”
The calls continued, skipping over Corey’s number so that it would be the last called. As the dispatcher finished with the last officer present, her voice cracked and she took an audible breath over the air before she called out, “Twenty-nine Paul Six.”
Silence echoed through the cemetery, not even the chirp of a bird could be heard. Tears dripped off of my face as I listened to the silence. I no longer even tried to hold them back.
“Twenty-nine Paul Six,” said the even more emotional dispatcher.
She was answered by nothing but silence.
Ten seconds ticked off before the dispatcher keyed up one last time and called out a final, “Twenty-nine Paul Six.” A ragged sob tore over the speaker as she tried to hold it together.
Soft sounds filled the air around me, officers crying for their fallen sister. Friends cried for their lost friend, and her family released the pain for the loss of such an incredible woman.
Her chief keyed up his microphone and emotionally announced that Twenty-nine Paul Six was no longer in service and her end of watch date and time.
The dispatcher cried openly as she keyed up and acknowledged his transmission.
I swallowed and hung my head. My tears fell to the ground below me. At least the grass would be watered well today, I thought to myself.
Mitch, hold your head up high. Do not grieve my loss, celebrate the love we had and the brief time we shared.
I lifted my face quickly, the words so strong inside of my head, as if she stood right there speaking in my ear. I glanced around but only saw others wiping the moisture from their faces.
I lov
e you, Corey, I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry. I closed my eyes as I felt the sensation of her hand touch my cheek.
I know, Mitch. The accident wasn’t your fault, please believe that. I love you.
Corey, I miss you. I miss you so much.
I miss you too, but don’t worry, I’m always here with you, right here in your heart.
I felt a soft pressure over my chest and reached up to grasp it, only to find the stiff material of my shirt under my fingertips.
I stared straight ahead and embraced the words that traveled through my mind. Maybe she did come back to speak with me. Maybe she was here watching it all, knowing how much we all loved her.
Suddenly the feeling of her being there was gone—blown away by a gust of wind.
I shook my head as I realized I was dreaming. There was no way she should have just come back to me. No one would be that understanding. I had caused her death, and there was no way she would ever forgive me.
Joe patted my back, “Come on, man, let’s go get a drink.”
“I don’t think so. I’m going to find Beth and head home.”
“Come on, man, the sad part is over, now it’s time to celebrate life! Let’s go get smashed and see what we can get into.”
I snorted at his animation, “Sorry, Joe, another time. Right now, I just want to go home and be with my family.”
He watched me for a moment, “You sure about that? You never know what you might run into.”
“Seriously, man, I’m not up to going out for a drink. I’ll catch you later.” I turned and walked away from him, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with him.
After threading my way through the crowd, I finally found Beth and followed her silently out to the car. She tossed me the keys over the hood.
I opened up the back seat and unbuckled my duty belt, taking it off and setting it down. After tossing in my hat, I climbed into the front seat and unclipped my tie.
“That was a nice service,” Beth said softly beside me. My non-committal grunt was the only response as I put the keys in the ignition. The only nice thing about that whole ceremony was that it was over.
“How are you doing?” she asked me quietly as I started to pull out of the parking spot and get into line with the other cars to leave.
“I’m fine.” I reached over and turned on the radio, trying to avoid conversation. When Joe had suggested going out, the only thing I’d wanted was to go home. Now that I was in the car with Beth, the only thing I wanted was to not be with her, especially with my turbulent emotions roiling so close to the surface.
I tried to pull back the small sense of peace I had felt during the final part of the ceremony, tried to remember the words that had filled my head, but I couldn’t bring the sound of her voice back.
After arriving home, I went straight up to the bedroom and changed out of my uniform. With shorts and a T-shirt on, I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walked out to the porch. Sitting down in one of the Adirondack chairs, I guzzled about half my beer before I allowed the scenes of the funeral to fill my mind.
Would Corey really forgive me? Was I really to blame for her death? Maybe I could push the blame over to the driver of the other car.
No, the fault was mine. I knew that a majority of the fault lay with the guy who was fleeing, but I had pursued him. I had forced his hand. If I had called off the pursuit, if I had never seen the car, then she would still be alive.
I took another slug of my beer and picked up my phone from the side table where I had put it. There was a text message from Joe with only the name of a local bar.
Beth walked out on the porch, “What would you like for dinner?”
I tapped my phone on my thigh, thinking. “Nothing, I’m going to go out for a while.” I stood up and went to throw on jeans, the thought of being home with Beth while all these emotions roared through me was not something I wanted to deal with. I’d rather be drunk at a bar than sitting at home with her watching me.
I don’t know if she responded or not. The sound of the porch door slamming closed drowned out anything she might have said.
A few minutes later, I climbed into my truck and pulled out of the driveway, determined to drink away the pain.
~ Corey ~
Staring into the dark moist earth was like touching dry ice: cold and painful. I had never been so thankful for the feel of an arm around me than when Montgomery joined me.
The final part of the ceremony was heart wrenching. I jumped as each shot was fired, as if they were striking me directly. With my head tilted back, I pretended the wind rushed over me from the blades of the helicopters as they flew low overhead.
When they began the last call, I walked from one officer to the next, watching tearfully as he or she answered his radio. When they called my number, I stood in front of Mitch. The moisture that ran down my cheeks matched the ones on his handsome face drop for drop. There was so much emotion displayed on his face.
He hung his head as if the pain was so heavy he could no longer hold it up. I wanted to make it easier for him, wanted him to know that I was here and that I loved him. I reached out for him with my words, not knowing if they would reach him.
Mitch, hold your head up high. Do not grieve my loss. Celebrate the love we had and the brief time we shared. My words were so soft they were barely audible to my own ears, but his face came up. His beautiful blue eyes opened and stared straight into mine for a moment as if he could actually see me standing right before him. He gasped a breath.
I love you, Corey, I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry. The pain in his words tore at my heart, and I delicately reached out my hand to him. I needed him to know that I loved him and that I would never blame him. My hand caressed the planes of his cheek; I couldn’t feel his skin, only a slight pressure under my skin. I choked on a sob, wanting so badly to feel him.
I know, Mitch. The accident wasn’t your fault, please believe that. I love you. I sent all the love I had in me towards him, watching him as he tilted his head towards the pressure of my hand. He knew I was there, he could feel me. My vision blurred behind more unshed tears to know that I was able to reach him in this small way.
Corey, I miss you. I miss you so much. Pain echoed around the sound of his strong internal voice.
I miss you, too, but don’t worry, I’m always here with you, right here in your heart. I placed my hand gently over his chest, and he reached for it.
How much I wished we could really touch, just one more time, that I could hold him, kiss him, and whisper in his ear that he would be alright and that someday we would be together again.
“Coralenna,” a strong hand gripped my arm and pulled me away from Mitch, breaking the thin line that held us together, “It’s time to go.”
“No! No! I want to stay! I’m not done!” I spun around towards David, but he wasn’t the one who answered.
“Oh, yes, you are. You are done. We need to leave, you’re being summoned. If you weren’t so lost in him,” Brock nodded towards Mitch, anger—or was that pain—in his expression, “you would have felt it.”
I stopped and thought about what he said. Instantly, a vibration deep within me tore through my entire body. How could I have missed that?
~ Brock ~
“Dammit, she’s phasing again!”
“Go! I’ll get David and follow you.” We both left the room as the same moment, not knowing where we would end up.
She stood watching the hundreds of people, no not hundreds, thousands! My jaw hung slack while I tried to comprehend what was in front of me. David and Montgomery landed beside me. I saw her first and phased to her as she walked towards Mitch.
When she focused on me and said maybe this was how she could let go of him, how could I have said no? I didn’t know whether she was telling the truth or not, but I had to trust her.
We watched her every step, concerned that she would become emotional, concerned that she would overstep the bounds and somehow cross over to the next level.
&n
bsp; What a scene it would cause to have her materialize out of the blue into the middle of her own funeral. An eerie shiver raced down my spine at the thought.
I focused on her feelings, knowing that she felt the pain, but amazed that she instantly knew how to push her love out to others.
We all saw the effect she had on her parents. Montgomery and I shared a quick concerned glance while David vocalized our thoughts. None of us had an answer.
As she stood behind Mitch, I feared she would reach out to him, so afraid that she would connect to him from this side. I ground my teeth tightly.
“Keep it up and you’ll be visiting a dentist in the living arena,” Montgomery mumbled from my side.
“She was able to connect with her parents, so I have no doubt she will be able to connect with any Earth body that she comes in contact with. I just don’t want it to be him. It won’t make matters any better.”
“Brock, you have to allow her to do this. If this is her assignment, then she is going to need to connect with him to complete it,” he whispered softly to me.
“But what if she goes about it wrong? She has had no training. What if she steps over? We can’t protect her there.”
Montgomery shook his head and watched the officers stand to move back to the casket. Coralenna stood stiffly staring over the shiny wooden box at Joe. Tension filled her frame, and the expression on his face was mocking. We all phased to her side.
Once they walked past us, her shoulders dropped, and she started to follow them. Her pain was so obvious to all of us, and David gave her another chance to leave.
“I have never run from anything before, I’m not going to run away now. I need to be here for them, I need to see it,” she turned her dark blue stormy glare to me, “if only to know that my life really is over.”
So much grief rolled through her. She instantly phased, and David gasped beside me.
“How does she do that?” his face was filled with awe, and I shrugged, following her to her new location with David and Montgomery right behind me.