Shrinking Violets
Page 26
9. Geoffrey Gorer, Exploring English Character (New York: Criterion Books, 1955), 18, 77.
10. Duncan Hamilton, Immortal: The Approved Biography of George Best (London: Century, 2013), 115. See also 58, 118, 11.
11. Jonathan Aitken, The Young Meteors (London: Secker and Warburg, 1967), 299.
12. George Best, Blessed: The Autobiography (London: Ebury, 2002), 54.
13. Bennett, “Dinner at Noon,” 46, 42.
14. Alan Bennett, “What I Didn’t Do in 2007,” London Review of Books, January 3, 2008, 4.
15. Jules Evans, “Albert Ellis,” Prospect, August 2007, 56.
16. Dan Hurley, “From Therapy’s Lenny Bruce: Get Over It! Stop Whining!,” New York Times, May 4, 2004.
17. Christina Maslach, “Emperor of the Edge,” Psychology Today, September 2000, 35.
18. Philip G. Zimbardo, Shyness: What It Is, What to Do About It (Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1977), 10–11.
19. Zimbardo, Shyness, 50.
20. Michael Argyle and Janet Dean, “Eye-Contact, Distance and Affiliation,” Sociometry 28, no. 3 (1965): 289–304; Michael Argyle, Florisse Alkema, and Robin Gilmour, “The Communication of Friendly and Hostile Attitudes by Verbal and Non-Verbal Signals,” European Journal of Social Psychology 1, no. 3 (1971): 385–402.
21. Sidney M. Jourard, “An Exploratory Study of Body Accessibility,” British Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 5, no. 3 (1966): 221–222.
22. Sidney Jourard, “Out of Touch: The Body Taboo,” New Society, July 6, 1967, 660.
23. “Touch of Reserve over Tea,” Daily Mirror, September 2, 1966.
24. Michael Argyle, Peter Trower, and Bridget Bryant, “Explorations in the Treatment of Personality Disorders and Neuroses by Social Skills Training,” British Journal of Medical Psychology 47, no. 1 (1974): 71.
25. Peter Trower, Bridget Bryant, and Michael Argyle, Social Skills and Mental Health (London: Methuen, 1978), 218.
26. Julian Champkin, “The Secret of Happiness,” Daily Mail, June 7, 1993; Michael Argyle, “Why I Study . . . Social Skills,” Psychologist 12, no. 3 (1999): 143.
27. Tony Fletcher, A Light That Never Goes Out: The Enduring Saga of the Smiths (London: William Heinemann, 2012), 77, 154.
28. Janet Frame, To the Is-Land (London: Flamingo, 1993), 136.
29. Simon Goddard, Mozipedia: The Encyclopedia of Morrissey and the Smiths (London: Ebury Press, 2012), 512.
30. Pat Long, History of the NME: High Times and Low Lives at the World’s Most Famous Music Magazine (London: Portico Books, 2012), 160; Johnny Rogan, Morrissey and Marr: The Severed Alliance (London: Omnibus Press, 1993), 84.
31. Simon Goddard, The Smiths: Songs That Saved Your Life (London: Reynolds and Hearn, 2002), 201.
32. Fletcher, Light That Never Goes Out, 230.
33. Shirley Robin Letwin, The Anatomy of Thatcherism (London: Fontana, 1992), 33, 39–40.
34. C. G. Jung, Psychological Types (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1971), 550; “Obituary of Oliver Knox,” Daily Telegraph (UK), July 19, 2002.
35. Miranda Sawyer, “An Absurdist Englishman,” Observer, December 18, 1994.
36. Fletcher, Light That Never Goes Out, 350.
37. Mary Harron, “The Smiths,” Guardian, February 14, 1984.
38. Lynn Barber, “The Man with the Thorn in His Side,” Observer, September 15, 2002.
39. Tom Gallagher, Michael Campbell, and Murdo Gillies, eds., The Smiths: All Men Have Secrets (London: Virgin, 1995), 102.
40. Dorothy Tennov, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (New York: Stein and Day, 1979), 16, 24; Diana Athill, Stet: An Editor’s Life (London: Granta, 2011), 85.
41. Christopher Ricks, Keats and Embarrassment (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1974), 38.
42. Ricks, Keats and Embarrassment, 77, 12, 85, 83.
43. The Importance of Being Morrissey, Channel 4 (UK), June 8, 2003.
44. Stuart Maconie, “Morrissey: Hello, Cruel World,” Q, April 1994; Len Brown, “Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before,” NME, February 20, 1988.
45. Tony Parsons, Dispatches from the Front Line of Popular Culture (London: Virgin, 1994), 93; Importance of Being Morrissey; Desert Island Discs, BBC Radio 4, December 4, 2009.
46. Leo McKinstry, Jack and Bobby: A Story of Brothers in Conflict (London: CollinsWillow, 2002), 21.
Chapter 8
The New Ice Age
1. David Pilling, Bending Adversity: Japan and the Art of Survival (London: Penguin, 2014), 191.
2. Saito¯ Tamaki, “Preface to the English edition,” in Saito¯ Tamaki, Hikikomori: Adolescence without End, trans. Jeffrey Angles (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2013), 5–6.
3. Bernardo Carducci, “Shyness: The New Solution,” Psychology Today, January 2000, 40; Alice Park, “When Shyness Turns Deadly,” Time, August 17, 2007.
4. Isaac Marks, Fears and Phobias (London: Heinemann Medical, 1969), 113; Isaac M. Marks, “The Classification of Phobic Disorders,” British Journal of Psychiatry 116 (1970): 383.
5. Christopher Lane, Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2007), 124.
6. Ian Hacking, Mad Travelers: Reflections on the Reality of Transient Mental Illnesses (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2002), 81; Marks, Fears and Phobias, 153.
7. Jane Austen, letter dated February 8, 1807, in Jane Austen’s Letters, ed. Deirdre Le Faye (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2014), 124.
8. Linda Grant, “Silence of the Sheepish,” Guardian, July 22, 1997.
9. Sherry Turkle, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other (New York: Basic Books, 2011), 1. See also 8–9.
10. American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5 (Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 2013), 206, 203, 207.
11. Oliver Sacks, On the Move: A Life (London: Picador, 2015), 73.
12. John Heilpern, “A Fish out of Water,” Independent (London), February 17, 1991.
13. Sacks, On the Move, 155; Oliver Sacks, “The Joy of Old Age,” New York Times, July 6, 2013.
14. Pamela Bright, The Day’s End (London: MacGibbon and Kee, 1959), 163, 182.
15. Virginia Woolf, “On Being Ill,” in Collected Essays, vol. 4 (London: Hogarth Press, 1967), 196.
16. Woolf, “On Being Ill,” 193.
17. Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca (London: Pan, 1975), 288.
18. Richard Mabey, “Life on Earth,” in In a Green Shade: Essays on Landscape (London: Allen and Unwin, 1985), 128.
19. Elaine Morgan, The Scars of Evolution (London: Souvenir Press, 1990), 27.
20. M. R. Jacobs, Growth Habits of the Eucalypts (Canberra: Forestry and Timber Bureau, 1955), 128.
21. Richard Mabey, Fencing Paradise: Reflections on the Myths of Eden (London: Eden Project Books, 2005), 194.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am grateful to all the people who helped me while writing this book by reading material, making suggestions, or talking to me about it: Jo Croft, Alice Ferrebe, Jim Friel, Elspeth Graham, Lynsey Hanley, Michael Moran, Wynn Moran, Jamie O’Brien, Joanna Price, Gerry Smyth, Sami Suodenjoki, Karolina Sutton, Lucinda Thompson, and Kate Walchester. I also thank the audiences at Liverpool Central Library and the Warrington Literary and Philosophical Society with whom I shared my ideas.
Daniel Crewe commissioned the British edition of this book and was a great support in its early stages; Cecily Gayford then took it on, and her meticulous editing and kind words were invaluable. Penny Daniel, Anna-Marie Fitzgerald, and Andrew Franklin were also a great help. At Yale University Press, Jennifer Banks, Heather Gold, and Mary Pasti helped me make substantial revisions to the book, and an anonymous reader made many useful suggestions.
The Mass Observation material in this book is reproduced with the permission of the Trustees of the Mass Observation Archive.
INDEX
accents, 182, 183
accepting shy
ness, 229
acting shyness, 50
adolescence, 200–201, 210. See also school; and specific individuals
After Dark (Murakami), 216–217
agoraphobia, 219
Aitken, Jonathan, 188
albatrosses, 5, 9
alcohol, 61, 188–189
Allenby, Edmund (Gen.), 99
Americans, 77, 79, 82–84. See also specific individuals
Anatomy of Melancholy (Burton), 16
animals, 5–11, 90, 154. See also specific species
Apologia Diffidentis (Leith), 15–19
appearance, physical. See physical appearance and shyness
appearances, keeping up, 187
Apple Inc., 84–85
Argyle, Michael, 193–195, 196–199
Aristotle, 18, 105
art, 154–159, 163–164, 169, 180–181. See also Lowry, L. S.; Morandi, Giorgio
Art of Courtly Love (Capellanus), 209
Asperger, Hans, 156
Asperger’s syndrome, 156, 157–158. See also autism
Astrophil and Stella (Sidney), 209
Athill, Diana, 208
attention: avoiding, 56, 125–126, 139 (see also retreat);
seeking, 51, 129
Augustine, St., 113
Austen, Jane, 221
authenticity of shyness, 51–52
autism, 155–159
aversion therapy, 16–17
avoidance postures, 5
“awkward balloon” meme, 114–115
“Awkward Moments” (Mass Observation), 185–186
babies, shyness in, 11, 216
Bacon, Francis, 105
Balinese people, 73
Banff, Alberta, Canada, 9
Barton, Bernard, 20, 21
belonging, desire for, 42
Bennett, Alan, 186–187, 189–190, 199
Bergman, Ingmar, 76, 92
Berners, Lord, 42
Best, George, 183–184, 188–189
Bimini Sharklab, 9–10
Blackwell, Chris, 138
Blandford, Sylvia, 50
Bletchley Park, 53–57, 100
“Blush, The” (Taylor), 72
blushing, 18, 26–27, 72–73, 75, 80, 123. See also embarrassment
bodily functions, embarrassment about, 64–65, 72, 76, 166, 199, 215, 218–219, 224
body language, 3–4, 197. See also nonverbal communication
Bogarde, Dirk, 117–120, 200
Boyd, Joe, 137, 141, 142, 143
Brassens, Georges, 137
breaching experiments, 3–4
Brideshead Revisited (Waugh), 44
Brief Encounter (1945 film), 69–70
Briffa, Mark, 20
Briggs, Anne, 144–145
Bright, Pamela, 228
British Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 195
Brodsky, Joseph, 161
Brooke, Rupert, 39–40
Browne, Sir Thomas, 12–13
Bulwer-Lytton, Edward, 29
Bunyan, Vashti, 141–144, 145–146, 148
Burgess, Thomas, 26–27
Buried Alive (Bennett), 120
Burns, Robert, 198
Burton, Robert, 16
Busby, Matt, 183–184
Byron, George Gordon, Lord, 210
Cacioppo, John, 222
Capellanus, Andreas, 209
Carducci, Bernardo, 218
Carlyle, Thomas, 140
Casagrande, Carla, 146–147
cave paintings, 154
Cawley, Robert, 165–166, 167–169
cellphone culture, 86–88, 223–224. See also technology
chansons, 136–137. See also Drake, Nick
Charlie Brown (cartoon character), 77–80
Charlton, Bobby, 182–184, 188–189, 213
Chesterton, G. K., 94–95
childbirth, 76
children: childhood and adult personality, 196–197
freedom of expression in, 68–69
instilling embarrassment in, 74
Japanese, 216, 217 (see also hikikomori);
in malls, 193
shyness in, 11, 54, 58, 60, 176–177, 216
shy people compared to, 165
sick children, 192
silence as punishment, 92
stammering in, 105–107
Valentine cards, 78. See also Charlie Brown; and specific individuals
chimpanzees, 38
Chip in the Sugar, A (Bennett play), 190
choking, 63–64
Chopin, Frédéric, 121
Christianity, 18–19, 146–147
Christie, Agatha (Miller), 124–128, 134, 140
Churchill, Winston, 102–103, 104, 111, 158
Cicero, 17
city life, 122
Clarke, Dudley, 100
class: British middle-class restraint, 70
and embarrassment, 53, 189–190
and English reserve, 29, 35, 36, 41, 42, 50–51, 189
and women’s reluctance to perform, 124–125, 146–148
working-class men and shyness, 184–186, 188 (see also Best, George; Charlton, Bobby);
claustrophobia, 182
Cocker, Jarvis, 205
cognitive behavioral therapy, 191
Cohen, Deborah, 184
Columbine school shootings, 218
commonness, vs. shyness, 186
communication: in animals, 154
art and, 154–155, 164, 180–181
avoiding, 221 (see also reserve; retreat);
importance of, in Frame’s Scented Gardens, 172–173
modern emphasis on, 112–116
technology and, 113, 131, 174, 222–224
teens and, 201. See also conversation; greetings; language; letter-writing; public speaking; speech; texting
Compton-Burnett, Ivy, 68
computers, 55, 84–86, 174. See also Internet; nerds; Turing, Alan
connection: desire for, 1, 12, 113, 133, 173, 180–181, 212–213
of performers to audience, 135
technology and, 113, 131, 174, 222–224
Connolly, Cyril, 116, 190
conversation: among Melanesian peoples, 89–90
among Nordic peoples, 91–92
difficulty with, 1–2 (see also reserve; tongue-tied state);
as face-saving ritual, 69
group size, 2
modern emphasis on, 112–116
nonverbal communication and, 2–3, 194–195
private, in public, 223
with service staff, 140
small talk, 1, 60–61, 69, 91, 105, 116
Zeldin’s promotion of, 14. See also speech
Cooper, Lady Diana, 94, 98
Corrigan, Dame Felicitas, 45
courtly love, 208–209
courtship, 74, 86–87. See also romance
creativity: autism and, 155–159
embarrassment and, 209–210
Freud on, 163–164, 169
introversion and, 158, 177
solitude and, 132, 168, 169, 177, 180
and “thin skin,” 139. See also specific individuals
cricket (game), 46–47
crickets, 8
crofter-laird relationship, 59
crowds, in Lowry’s paintings, 152
crown shyness (trees), 233–234
crying, 27–28, 58, 76
Cullman, Brian, 134
cultural differences: courtship, 74, 86–87
crying, 27–28, 58, 76
northern vs. southern Europe, 58–59, 76–77, 94–95
Southeast Asia, 73–74
touch, 195–196. See also specific countries and peoples
cynical shyness, 218
Dalton, Ormonde Maddock, 15–19, 22
dancing, 184–185, 198
Darwin, Charles, 24–28, 37, 63, 90
Daun, Åke, 75–76
Day’s End, The (Bright), 228
death, 13, 228–229
debutantes, 118–119, 124–125
defecation, 64–65, 72
defining shyness, 1
de Gaulle, Charles, 92–97, 98, 102
de Gaulle, Yvonne, 94–95
Democracy in America (de Tocqueville), 31
Demosthenes, 17
Densha otoko (Train Man) (Japanese novel), 216
depression (melancholia), 16, 163–164, 198, 221
Derrida, Jacques, 172
de Tocqueville, Alexis, 31
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), 219–220, 224
Dialogues with Leucò (Pavese), 161
Dickinson, Emily, 84
Diogenes Laertius, 16–17
Dissent of Man, The (Darwin), 90
dogs, 6–8
Donovan, 142
Double Your Money (game show), 182
D’Oyly Carte, Richard, 121
Drake, Gabrielle, 139
Drake, Molly, 147–148
Drake, Nick, 133–141, 148
dreams, 25, 35–36, 109, 122, 124
drug therapies, 220, 225
DSM, 219–2e20, 224
Dugas, Ludovic, 22–23
du Maurier, Daphne, 51, 231
Dunbar, Robin, 2, 90
Dykman, Roscoe, 7
dystonia, 129
Eco, Umberto, 163
Edmonston, Eliza, 5
Egil’s Saga, 64
Egypt, 100–104
electroshock therapy, 130, 166
Elements of Style, The (Strunk and White), 82
Elias, Norbert, 64–65
Eliot, T. S., 104
elk, 9
Ellis, Albert, 190–191, 207
email, 174. See also Internet
embarrassment: about bodily functions, 64–65, 72, 76, 166, 199, 215, 218–119, 224
Americans and, 83–84
avoiding, 63–64, 83
class and, 53, 189–190 (see also class);
concealing, 62, 111–112
contagious nature of, 62, 63
creativity and, 209–210
Finnish words for, 75
Goffman’s social embarrassment theory, 61–63, 111–112
history and etymology, 64
Keats and, 209–210
New Yorker and, 82
Nordic peoples and, 75–76 (see also Nordic peoples);
over everyday experiences, 185–186
physical symptoms, 61, 208 (see also blushing; shaking; stammering);
self-consciousness and, 55
shame-attacking exercises, 191
small communities and, 58–61, 82–83
in Southeast Asia, 73–74
texting and, 86–88
unfulfilled expectations and, 61. See also dreams; humiliation; reserve; shame; and specific individuals