by Helen Lacey
“You said you’d been to see the doctor. And that everything is fine?”
“Yes, fine.”
“And you plan on working up until your due date?”
She shrugged. “If I can. Sam gave me the Pregnancy Handbook today, so I’m all set.”
Marshall bit back a grin. He knew his friend was the sort of employer who would ensure his staff were well looked after. And he trusted that Sam would make sure Holly didn’t overdo things at the clinic. It wasn’t as though he could keep an eye on her twenty-four-seven. They hardly knew each other. They weren’t a couple. Hell, they hadn’t ever really been on a date. They had a one night stand and made a baby. End of story.
“If you’d prefer not to work, I’ll happily support you financially.”
Her brows came up immediately. “You…happy? Really?”
“You’re making fun?”
“Because you deserve it,” she snapped back. “Let’s face it, you have something of a reputation for being somber and serious.”
Marshall was well aware of his reputation. Most of the time he cared little for what anyone thought of him. But for a reason he couldn’t understand, he didn’t like the idea that Holly believed him to be some kind of humorless kill-joy.
“I wasn’t always this way. I used to be…I don’t know…less disagreeable.”
“Before your wife died?” she asked bluntly.
Marshall ignored the urge to dismiss her query. He rarely spoke about Lynette to strangers. It was still too raw. Too painful. But strangely, he replied. “I guess losing Lynette sort of switched off something inside me.”
She sat back and met his gaze. “I think that’s probably the most emotionally honest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“We’re having a baby,” he reminded her. “I think we need to be honest with one another.”
“I agree,” she said quietly. “So, here’s a question that warrants an honest answer—why did you have sex with me when you’ve pretty much ignored me since I arrived in Mulhany Crossing, and it’s obvious you’re still in love with your wife?”
*****
Holly regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. Because if it was truth she was after, she wasn’t sure she actually wanted to hear it. She wasn’t so naïve she didn’t know there was a fundamental difference between love and sex…particularly for the male of the species. But she also knew enough about Marshall to know he didn’t bounce from bed to bed. She wasn’t even sure there had been anyone else but her since his wife had passed away. It wasn’t exactly the sort of thing she could have asked him during the night they’d spent together.
He watched her over the rim of the mug in his hand. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I’m curious.”
“Why do two people generally have sex, Holly? Because they’re attracted to one another.”
“You ignored me for months.”
“I avoided you,” he said. “There’s a significant difference between the two.”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. “Was I so terrifying?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “You came into my store, remember? I almost fell over my own feet the moment I saw you.”
She remembered. He’d barely looked in her direction. Holly met his gaze. “That’s quite an admission.”
“That I was attracted to you?” He shrugged one shoulder. “I thought it was obvious.”
“Nothing is obvious with you,” she said flatly. “You’re a closed book.”
He shrugged a little. “I’ve always been private. Lyn and I—”
“What was she like?” Holly asked quickly.
His gaze narrowed. “Lynette?”
Holly nodded. “Do you mind talking about her? I’d like to know about her.”
He didn’t respond immediately. But he looked at her. Into her. Through her, she thought. As though he was deciding if he should say anything. Or maybe nothing. Finally, he spoke. “She was amazing.”
High praise. Holly ignored the twinge of jealousy unexpectedly jumping through her blood. There was nothing logical about being jealous of a dead woman. “How, exactly?”
More silence. He rested his elbows on the table and linked his fingers together. Holly noticed the calluses on his hands. The mark of hard work. Of someone who’d lived a life. With someone else. And he still wore his wedding ring. That wasn’t the sign of a man ready to move on.
“She was generous and kind and sweet natured, but at the same time she wasn’t a pushover. She was strong. And honest.”
“She sounds perfect.”
He shrugged again. “No one is perfect, I guess. But Lynette was one of those people that everyone seemed to gravitate to. People trusted her, admired her, and wanted to be around her. She was…easy to love.”
Holly’s chest tightened. The affection in his voice was palpable and she experienced a strange sensation deep in her heart. “Why…why didn’t you have children?”
“We were advised against it,” he replied. “Because of her health.”
Holly knew Lynette Harris had died of a brain hemorrhage. Sam had told her a few details of Lynette’s long term diagnosis and the knowledge that she could succumb to the condition at any time. “I’m sorry.”
Another shrug. “You get used to what you have. And we were happy.”
“Sam said you guys were the poster couple of a successful relationship.”
“He’s probably right,” Marshall replied. “But he’s also pretty cynical about marriage since his fiancé left him at the altar five years ago.”
Holly’s eyes widened and she nodded. “I’ve heard the rumors.”
“Jesse wasn’t ready to settle down. Sam was. It’s probably for the best that she bailed on him before the wedding. Still, it was a bad situation and not what he deserved.”
“I guess we can’t help who we fall in love with.”
He drank some coffee and met her gaze. “What about you…have you ever been in love?”
“Once,” she admitted softly.
“And?”
“And it didn’t work out,” she said and was suddenly grateful for the knock on the door. “Our dinner.”
He nodded and got to his feet. “Be back in a minute.”
Once he left the room Holly let out a long breath. Being around Marshall exhausted her. On one hand, she wanted to know everything, on the other, every word, every admission about Lynette, cut through her with painful precision.
Because she had been in love.
She was.
With Marshall.
Only, he would never love her in return. Could never love her in return. Because his heart still belonged to his wife.
And she suspected it always would.
Chapter Four
Despite convincing himself that everything about Holly set him on edge, Marshall discovered he could relax and talk and be himself over pizza and soda and conversation. She was smart and funny and rolled her eyes at his lame jokes.
“Tell me about your family?” he asked once the pizza was mostly eaten and the soda in his hand was half drunk. “You have two brothers, right?”
Her eyes widened. “How come you’re Mr. Chatty all of a sudden?”
Marshall raised a brow. “Would you prefer I wasn’t interested?”
“Not at all,” she replied. “Okay….both my two older brothers work alongside my father in real estate. My dad keeps threatening to retire but hasn’t managed to let go of the business yet. My mother ran off when I was six and my father never got over it. I have a grandma who knits and a few cousins who—”
“You’ve never had a relationship with your mother?” he asked, cutting her off.
Her eyes shadowed. “Nope.”
“Have you ever tried to find her?”
“Nope.”
His mouth twisted. “Is the subject off limits?”
She shrugged. “I’m answering your questions. Like I said, she ran out when I was a kid, end of story. I don’t waste time worryi
ng about it. What about you?”
There was pain in her voice, despite how hard she fought to disguise it. But Marshall allowed her swift diversion of the subject. “My father died when I was twenty-eight,” he explained and a familiar ache pitched in the center of his chest. “In a farming accident. My mother passed away from cancer a few years ago. I have a younger sister, Leisa, who lives in London. She moved there last year and I miss her a lot. She works in media relations. I have a few cousins scattered around the place and a couple who live right here in Mulhany Crossing. And of course I have my in…” His words trailed off and he shrugged. Suddenly the idea of discussing Lynette’s family—his in-laws—didn’t seem appropriate.
“Your?”
“Nothing,” he said and drank some soda. “You know, we really should tell your family about the baby.”
“Not yet,” she said quietly. “When I get to twelve weeks. Haven’t we been through this already?”
“Yes,” he replied. “But I still think we should tell them sooner rather than later.”
“You don’t get to decide,” she reminded him.
“I know that,” he said easily. “But, as the father of the child you carry, I am entitled to an opinion.”
Her eyes flashed. He knew she wanted to tell him to go to hell. But to her credit, she didn’t. She smiled vaguely and sipped her tea and made a bland statement about the weather and the upcoming dance at the local high school where he’d been volunteered to be a chaperone alongside Sam and Nate. As it turned out, Holly had also been roped into attending the event.
“I’m looking forward to it,” she explained and smiled.
“Won’t your ex-boyfriend be there?” Marshall knew she’d dated the local schoolteacher a couple of times when she’d first arrived in town. He wasn’t sure why the idea disagreed with him…but it did. Probably some stupid macho conditioning, backed up by an illogical dose of male ego that was too foolish to contemplate. He ignored the twinge in his gut and waited for her response.
“Boyfriend?” Her brows shot up. “That’s a bit of a stretch. We went on two dates.”
She looked at him over her drink and Marshall’s insides tightened instantly. He hated how she could do that with barely a glance. It was as though she possessed a kind of magnetic pull he was incapable of resisting. He met her gaze, felt the sudden surge of awareness that pulsed between them with a kind of heady will of its own. There was no denying it. No going back from it. No matter how much he wanted to.
“I should go,” he said and got to his feet, scraping the chair across the linoleum flooring. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Sure,” she said and got to her feet. “Thanks for the pizza. And the conversation.”
Worried that he was fighting temptation to move around the table and do something really stupid, Marshall left as swiftly as he could. By the time he got back home he was as wound up as a spinning top. He took a shower, as cold as he could stand and then sat on his back porch for an hour cradling a mug of coffee he didn’t drink.
And thought about Holly.
She was having his baby.
And he was torn. Between guilt and happiness. He’d wanted children, but Lynette’s condition made the choice they had made not to have them, the only choice possible. And he’d stopped dreaming about being a father a long time ago. And now, because of that crazy night after the rodeo dance, that choice was moot.
He was going to be a father.
And he realized that he was happy about the idea.
Which only amplified his guilt.
*****
“Are you going to see him again?”
Holly glanced at the women sitting opposite her and shrugged. She’d developed a friendship with Julie Ward almost from her first day in town, when she’d accompanied Sam to the other woman’s farm to attend to several alpacas that had come down with a cough. Julie, a former nun, ran the farm as a retreat for troubled kids and was one of the nicest people Holly had ever met. They’d met up at Ruby’s, a popular restaurant in town, for a chat and a catch up on Monday morning. Holly didn’t work Mondays and was always glad for the company after what was usually a weekend alone, unless she was working on Saturday.
She placed a hand on her flat belly. “I don’t think I’ll have much choice. He seems to want to be involved…so we’ll see what happens.”
“Do you still like him?”
“Not at all. He’s a jerk.”
“I knew his wife,” Julie said and stirred her coffee. “We met a few times.”
Holly tried not to be intrigued and failed. “What was she like?”
“Nice,” Julie replied. “Very…down to earth, kind of a no-nonsense woman. I liked her.”
“Too nice for him then,” Holly suggested and scowled.
“Still hating him, huh?”
“Yes,” she replied. “Keeps me sane.”
Julie grinned. “Marshall’s not so bad. I think he’ll make a good dad.”
Holly’s insides clenched. “I hope so. But I’m not making too many plans in that regard. So, how are things at the farm?” she asked, flipping the subject.
Julie smiled and pushed back her blond hair. “Good. Two new kids arrived last week, a brother sister duo whose parents are in and out of rehab. They’re quiet and sticking together, but I’m sure they’ll open up eventually.”
Holly sighed and sat back. “I don’t know how you do it. I’m terrified about the idea of being responsible for one child, and here you are looking after nearly a dozen at a time.”
“I have help,” Julie said and nodded. “And Serenity Farm is a place for kids to come who are broken and need some kindness in their lives, just for a few weeks or months. It’s not for forever.”
“Still,” Holly mused. “You make it look so easy.”
Julie chuckled. “It’s not easy…but it is rewarding.”
“Do you miss your…” her words trailed.
“My faith?” Julie supplied. “I still have it. I just prefer to serve that faith in a different way.”
“I envy you,” she said and smiled warmly. “You know exactly who you are and what you want.”
Julie laughed again. “Believe me, I’m as screwed up as the next person. Maybe I just have a better disguise than most. So, do you want to go clothes shopping?”
Holly smiled, thinking of the cute maternity outfit she’d spotted in Millie’s Boutique a few days ago. “Love to. Let’s go.”
They paid the check and left Ruby’s, making their way down the street. Mulhany Crossing was a tidy town, with a wide main street, two sets of traffic lights and concrete sidewalks. The population was fairly stagnant, several thousand at the most, but a lot of tourists passed through every week and that helped the economy, which in turn created employment and offered residents a chance to settle in a small town and raise a family. Holly loved Mulhany Crossing and had from the moment she’d arrived. And she liked the idea of raising her child in such a safe place. The plans she had, about working with Sam for another six months and then heading back to take her place alongside her family, seemed oddly distant now. The longer she stayed in Mulhany Crossing, the more it felt like home. She’d made a few friends, joined a book club, settled into her little house, she was even considering getting a dog.
Still, at some point she would probably have to go home. She loved her family and missed them, despite how overbearing they could be at times. And she wanted her child to know his or her grandfather and uncles.
The street was busy and they shuffled through a few throngs of people and made their way toward Millie’s. The owner, Millicent Jeffries, greeted them with smiles and began showing them the latest range of cotton hats that had just landed. Holly perused the women’s fashion for a while, then made her way toward the kids clothing area. She lingered for a while, feeling a little silly for giving any consideration to purchasing baby clothes when she was only six weeks along. And even sillier when she realized she’d walked into Millie’s three times in t
he last week.
She bought a hat and shushed Julie when her friend started talking about the cute onesie’s and held one up high. Holly wasn’t ready to announce her pregnancy to the world. Or even Millie. She only told Julie and her best friend Siobhan, who had been living in Los Angeles for the past three years.
And Marshall.
Of course, Sam now knew. And she suspected his other friend, Levi, was also in the loop. But she was sure that Marshall wouldn’t be spreading the news around town. He was, she knew, essentially a very private man. Holly certainly didn’t want to be the subject of gossip, but she knew it was inevitable once her pregnancy began to show.
By the time they were outside and walking down the street, it was after ten. Julie tried to persuade Holly to make a day of it and hang out with her at Serenity Farm, but Holly was tired and wanted nothing more than to go home and rest for a while, and later go to see her horse, Chester. Before she headed home, she headed to the veterinary hospital to drop off a few forms for Sam and discovered Marshall’s familiar truck parked outside. She thought about bailing. But being a coward wasn’t her scene. Instead, she pushed back her shoulders and walked through the entrance.
Marshall was by the counter, Sam was on the other side, and both men were deep in conversation. But he turned instantly, almost as though he sensed her presence.
Holly’s breath caught in her throat and she cursed herself for being so stupidly naïve. He looked so gorgeous. So…hot. Her hormones reacted instantly and she cursed herself again, hating that he could garner such a reaction without trying. It was damned infuriating! Sam, she decided, was much better looking. And she liked him more. He was who she should have fallen for. Not the moody, unfriendly cowboy who stood in front of her.
“Hey, Holly,” Sam said and smiled. “What are doing here on your day off?”
She waved the folder in her hands. “Just returning the forms you gave me the other day.”
Sam took the folder. “Sure. Be back in a minute.”
He left the front office and Holly was left alone with Marshall. He looked at her and then spoke. “How are you?”