by Helen Lacey
“So,” he said as he took the plate and peeled off the cover. “Have you given any more thought to the idea of opening up your own business?”
She shrugged a little. “Some. I like the idea of doing what I love.”
Marshall ate some cake and the sugar hit was spectacular. “This is amazing.”
She smiled. “Thank you. But,” she said and sighed, “with the wedding and the baby coming…I’m not sure now is the right time. I do have a question though.”
“Shoot.”
She chewed her lower lip. “Um…where are we going to live?” she asked. “We haven’t exactly talked about this new arrangement. In fact, I’ve hardly seen you over the past few days.”
He ignored the dig, sensing that she blamed him for the fact they hadn’t spent much time together since she’d agreed to marry him. “I don’t know…where would you like to live?”
“The farm,” she said quickly. “It’s obviously the best place to raise a child. And Deidre and Allen are there, and Chester is there now, and it has plenty of room.”
Marshall stiffened. He had no idea she was thinking of living there. “Wouldn’t you feel better living closer to town? Not that I mind the commute, but it’s a long way from Mulhany Crossing.”
“My house is only leased and it’s too small,” she replied. “And yours isn’t much bigger. It seems like the obvious place to raise our kids.”
Kids…
Like there would be more than one. As though they were setting out on a lifetime together.
Idiot…marriage is meant to be for a lifetime.
But the farm was filled with memory and loss. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to forge another life there, with another wife. “I’m not sure we—”
“Did you ask me to marry you hoping I’d never agree?”
He jerked backwards. Could she read his mind? Did she know he was completely unsettled at the idea of taking her as his wife? “Of course not.”
“Then why have you been weirded out since I said yes?” she demanded, her voice raising several octaves.
“I haven’t been—”
“You have,” she refuted, shaking her head, her lovely hair flipping around her face. “We’ve hardly spoken since last week.”
“We were together yesterday,” he reminded her. “We’re together now. And while we’re on the subject of strange behavior—have you told your father about the wedding or the baby?”
Her mouth thinned. “Not yet. I haven’t told my father because we haven’t nutted out all the details. I don’t see the point in getting him worked up for no good reason.”
“So, gridlock?”
“It’s hardly the same thing. For one, you haven’t—”
He took three strides, hauled her into his arms and kissed her.
There wasn’t any finesse. Any seduction. Just plain old, unadulterated frustration and desire and the need to feel her curves pressed against him. It felt like an age since he’d held her close. And it was, he realized. They hadn’t shared any intimacy since the night they’d chaperoned the school dance.
And she kissed him back. Her tongue was in his mouth. Her hands were at his shoulders. Her breath mixing with his. Her breasts were surging against him. She felt so good, so vibrant and real, so achingly familiar in his arms, and her mouth was like tonic, calming him, balming him, making him forget for a moment the turmoil that resided in his gut.
You’ve always been a man of principle.
His mother-in-law’s words stuck in his head. And a familiar shame wound its way through his blood. Because being around Holly always made him question who he was, what he was, and the kind of man be believed himself to be.
She was his turmoil. His shame.
And, he suspected…his salvation.
He tore his mouth from hers and stepped back, putting space between, drawing great gulps of air into his lungs.
“Why did you do that?” she demanded, eyes blazing, her hair never seemed redder.
“Because sometimes you talk too much.”
She looked outraged for a moment and then threw back her head and laughed. “You really are a jerk, Marshall, I have no idea why I agreed to marry you.”
Because you’re in love with me…
He didn’t say it, didn’t want to sound like a conceited shit. But he knew she did.
“Because you’re having my baby,” he reminded her, the uneasy turmoil returning with a vengeance now that she was no longer in his arms. “Have dinner with me tonight?”
She looked startled. “You want to be seen out in public with me?”
His stomach contracted. “I’m going to ignore the sarcasm because we’ve been seen out together several times. But, yes, I’d like to take you to dinner. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“And then what? Sex?”
He shrugged, hating that the idea of getting laid was so damned inviting. “That’s up to you.”
“Tomorrow night,” she said and raised a brow. “That’s my best offer.”
“Do you have a date tonight?” he asked, irritation winding up his spine.
“I’m catching up with Julie to talk about wedding stuff. You’d be welcome to join us.”
Bridal magazines and bouquets? “Ah, no thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow. Seven. And thank you for the cake.”
She grabbed the basket, twirled on her heels and left.
*****
“So, did you come to a decision about where you’re going to live?” Julie asked later that evening as she flipped through another magazine.
Holly shrugged. “Not exactly. That’s kind of how our conversations go most of the time.”
Her friend regarded her kindly. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“No,” she replied earnestly.
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Because he asked me. Because I want my baby to have a full-time father. Because I…”
“Because you love him,” Julie said and smiled a little. “I just hope that’s enough.”
“It has to be,” Holly said, sadness seeping through to her bones. “And I thought you’d agree it was the best thing all around?”
Julie shrugged fractionally. “I want you to do what’s best for you.”
Holly exhaled heavily. “Look, I know he’ll never love me like he loved Lynette. But we do have a connection and despite my hot temper, most of the time we actually get along really well. We like a lot of the same things. We’re both committed to raising our child in a happy home. So, maybe over time, he’ll come to care about what we have together. And yeah, maybe it’s never going to be some grand passion, or undying love…but I have to try, for the sake of my baby.”
Julie sighed. “You’re right. And really, what do I know about romantic love? I’ve never even been kissed.”
Holly’s heart lurched for her friend. Julie was such an incredibly warm and caring woman, and she hoped someone wonderful came along for her. Someone who wouldn’t break her heart.
Like mine feels broken.
Silly, she supposed. She had a ring on her finger. They had spoken to a celebrant. He’d even asked her out on a date. But it didn’t seem real. It didn’t feel right. It felt like she was pretending. And she suspected Marshall felt exactly the same way.
Of course he would never say so. He’d proposed. She’d accepted. He wasn’t about to go back on his word, that’s not the man he was. But she knew he wasn’t entering in the arrangement with a heart full of love—merely a head full of obligation and guilt.
“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you,” Holly said to her friend. “You’re quite the catch in this town.”
Julie laughed. “I don’t know about that.”
“What about Sam?” Holly suggested and winked.
Julie shook her head. “Friend-zone. Besides, as nice as he is, he’s got way too much emotional baggage. I’d like to find someone who wasn’t pining over someone else.”
“Yeah,” Holly said and sighed as
she rolled her eyes. “Me too.”
They both laughed and the mood lightened after that. They ate cheese and crackers, drank grape juice and talked about wedding gowns and flowers for the next hour. It was past nine o’clock when her friend left and Holly was just pulling on her nightgown when her phone beeped. She checked the message immediately.
Did you have a nice night? M.
She thought about ignoring him, staring at the modest band on her finger, thinking illogically about how easily he’d complied when she’d insisted on the bland ring, saying it was more than enough. Of course, it wasn’t. But she had no intention of demanding some kind of excessive diamond, even though she would have loved to wear something more extravagant. After a few minutes, she replied.
Lovely. You? H.
Seconds later her phone pinged again.
Lonely. M.
Holly’s insides crunched up. And her resolve instantly dwindled. And of course, all she wanted to do was see him.
Do you want to come over? H.
She stared at the phone and a reply came through within seconds.
See you in fifteen minutes. M.
Holly had the front door open and was hovering in the hallway when she saw his truck pull up outside just a little over ten minutes later. He was out and through the gate within seconds. He halted at the bottom on the steps, his dark hair gleaming, looking uber sexy in jeans and a blue shirt she just wanted to rip off his broad frame.
Reggie was beside him and the sweet dog rushed past her and headed down the hall and for the living room. He was, she suspected, making himself very comfortable on the couch.
They didn’t even bother with a greeting. Marshall climbed the steps, walked across the threshold, shut the door and quickly took her into his arms. He kissed her. She kissed him back. He curved her against him. She pressed closer. They made it to her bedroom in record time and he stripped off her nightgown with one movement and then quickly removed his clothes. Once they were naked, Marshall led her toward the bed and kissed her hotly, dragging her mouth to his, anchoring a handful of her hair, playing an erotic game with her tongue.
It was quick, mindless and captivating. He swept her up into a vortex of pleasure, wringing every ounce of response from her with his skillful hands and mouth. And then he was inside her, his strong body above hers, his thrusts driving her wild. Holly gripped his shoulders, kissing his neck, urging him on, saying words she’d never uttered before, about possessing her, about taking her, about meeting her in that place where only pleasure existed. They climaxed together and he cried out before he collapsed, just as Holly shuddered and writhed beneath him, feeling both overwhelmed and powerful.
He rolled off, sucking great gulps of air into his lungs, as though he couldn’t get enough breath into his body, his strong chest rising and falling dramatically. Holly lay a steadying hand on his bicep as her own breathing flattened out. Then she spoke.
“Have you ever—”
“No,” he said quickly, cutting her off. “Never.”
Her fingers curled around his arm. “You don’t know what I was going to say.”
“I do,” he said raggedly, his eyes shut. “You were going to ask if it had ever been like that for me before. Then like I said, never.”
“Why do you think that is?” she asked idly, tracing a pattern on his skin with her nails.
“Why is sex so good between us?” He shrugged loosely. “I don’t know. Chemistry.”
His hand moved to her abdomen and splayed out. “I think your belly is popping out.”
Holly smiled, loving the feel of his palm against the baby growing in her womb. “I’m ten weeks along, Marshall, and not really ready for a show and tell. Another month maybe.”
Marshall rolled onto his side and she instinctively did the same.
He touched her cheek, his brown eyes dark and slumberous. “Holly…I always try and be a good sort of person, you know.”
Her throat closed over. “I know.”
“And I try to be honest about how I feel about things.” He sighed and his breath mingled with hers. “I don’t quite know how to say this without sounding like a conceited jerk.”
She stilled instantly. “Then just say it.”
He stroked her cheek. “I know you…what I’m trying to say, as clumsy as always, is that I know you think you have some sort of…that you have feelings for…for me.” He paused, almost for effect, and she felt her entire body sag. “And I’ll never disrespect that, Holly. I’ll always treat you well and I’ll be faithful and I’ll try to be a good husband to you and father to our child. But I can’t pretend to feel something…something else…if that makes sense.”
I’ll never love you…
He said more by not actually saying the words.
Humiliation coursed through her veins. And hurt unlike she’d ever known. “Marshall, I don’t—”
His fingertips touched her lips. “It’s okay, Holly. I’m not making fun or telling you how to feel about things. You feel what you feel, I can’t control that. But I just wanted to clear the air between us. To make sure we’re both on the same page.”
The same page? Holly was pretty sure they weren’t even in the same library, let alone the same book!
She shrugged. “Sure. Whatever.”
He kissed her softly. “You really are incredible. And beautiful. Being around you always makes me feel good, Holly.”
It was a nice compliment. Although Holly was certain it had more to do with the fact that they’d both just had a mind-boggling orgasm and that they were still naked, and that he was still aroused, and his other hand had started gently caressing her hip.
“You’re not so bad yourself. But you know, we still haven’t worked out where we’re going to live. I’d like to—”
He kissed her, cutting off her words. And of course, she kissed him back. Once his tongue was in her mouth, she lost all coherent thought. And then they were making love again and he was inside her and she was holding on to him and for a brief moment in time, Holly let go of her insecurities and remembered that he would soon be her husband. Her husband. This man who didn’t love her. Who would never love her.
It was after eleven before they fell asleep, and when she awoke the following morning it was to a warm and wet tongue licking her hand. Reggie. Holly moaned and rolled and realized the bed beside her was empty. She looked at the clock. Seven thirty.
She got up, wrapped herself in a cotton robe and headed for the kitchen, with Reggie at her side. Marshall was behind the counter, fully dressed, making breakfast. He looked up when she entered the room and smiled.
“Morning.”
Her heart skipped a beat. He looked so damned good. “Hi there.”
“Eggs?” he queried and held up a plate.
Holly’s stomach rumbled. And she remembered how she’d only snacked on cheese and crackers the night before. “Great.”
He passed her the plate and she headed for the table. She watched as he moved around the kitchen, making coffee for himself and tea for her, buttering toast, doing everything with a kind of calm economy that made her insides quiver. She’d never get enough of looking at him, of being with him, of touching his skin or kissing his sexy-as-sin mouth.
He instructed Reggie to settle by the door and then came to the table. He sat down and once they started on breakfast, he spoke. “I’ve been thinking…if you want to make a home at the farm, then that’s what we’ll do.”
Holly suspected it was a big decision for him. His family home had memory attached to it—both good and bad. But she wasn’t going to deny her child the opportunity to grow up at the place that was part of his or her legacy. And despite his reticence, she knew Marshall realized the same.
“Even though it might be hard for you,” she said quietly.
He sighed. “Life sometimes is about doing hard things.”
Like marrying a woman he didn’t love for the sake of a child neither of them had expected.
And then, be
cause she was tired and oddly happy and because Marshall was in her kitchen and had made her breakfast after spending the night making sweet love to her, Holly sat back in her chair, met his gaze, and said exactly what was in her heart.
“I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I saw you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Marshall stared at her as a strange feeling uncurled in his chest. She looked so incredibly earnest. So lovely. And he knew he didn’t deserve her revelation.
“Holly, I—”
“Don’t worry, Marshall,” she said and waved a hand, cutting him off. “I’m not going to fall apart or get all weepy or start demanding things from you. I’m in love with you. There,” she said on a heavy breath, “I said it. And nothing catastrophic happened. The sky didn’t fall in. I don’t feel any better or any worse now than I did a second ago. I’m still me. You’re still you. We’re still having a baby together. It’s a strange emotion, isn’t it?” she said and sipped her tea. “I mean, I love my father and my brothers and my best friend Siobhan. And I love Chester and I loved Scruffy, an old dog I had when I was a little girl. But I’ve never been in love before. I think I was infatuated with my high school boyfriend for a while. And of course, I kind of have a thing for the Hemsworth brothers. But this feels different. And I understand, you know,” she said so quietly he had to push forward in his seat to hear her, “why it’s so hard for you to let go of everything you had with your wife.”
“You do?” he managed to say, despite his heart racing one hundred miles per hour.
She nodded. “Sure. Love like that…love that makes you feel good one moment and in the depths of despair the next…love that passionate and strong…love that makes you wild and joyful and filled with hope for the future…it doesn’t come along every day. For some, it never comes along at all. So, in a way, I’m lucky. And I’m grateful.”
Marshall wasn’t sure what he was going to say, or how he felt, or what he was going to do about her revelation—because his reply was interrupted by a steady knock on the door and then the sound of Reggie barking and racing from the kitchen.