Blood Burned (PULSE, Book 3) (PULSE Vampire Series)

by Kailin Gow

  His eyes were still squeezed shut.

  Stuart, can you hear me? She probed softly. Somehow his concern for her, his self-sacrifice, made her feel closer to him than ever.

  Yes... The sound was tentative, afraid.

  Stuart, open your eyes.

  No answer.

  Stuart, look at me. It's okay.

  She squeezed his hand. At last, tentatively, he let one eyelid flutter open. She could see the darkness of desire in his eyes.

  We'll work on this together, okay? You and me – both of us. We'll make sure you can control this. I'll help you.

  Stuart nodded.

  I need you with me. I can't lose you, too.

  Okay.

  This time his telepathic voice was strong and deep. He broke into normal speech. “Look, Kalina – I'm not like Jaegar is – was. I don't act on impulse. But that does not mean my desires are any less strong – any less pronounced than his. My blood seeks yours. It’s the strongest hunger I’ve ever encountered.”

  “I am the Carrier,” said Kalina.

  “It started before I met you,” said Stuart. “It began when Octavius first heard of you – first began seeking for you – this longing. He is my maker – I feel what he feels, want what he wants. My desire for you is a reflection of his – I know this. When Aaron sent me his message to come back to Rutherford to protect you, I was already half in love with you. Then I met you, and you were the dream I’ve always had of the woman… but you were already Octavius’. He had mentioned you over and over again how he must find you. Logically, I know this. But it does not make the sensation for me any less real – any less agonizing...”

  She cut him off, reaching out a hand to touch his hand, to show…

  He jumped away from her, opening his eyes, his fangs elongated. “Don’t touch me!”

  “I’m sorry!” Kalina gasped. “I want you to know how I feel…”

  I understand, please don’t or I can’t help what I’ll do next.

  Before Kalina could blink, Stuart was poised on top of her, his arms encircling her, his fangs bared. His eyes were filled with deep desire so great it kindled Kalina’s already burning skin. Kalina could feel his blood within her react with her hormones, stirring up her latent desire for him, his touch, his kiss.

  She looked into Stuart’s eyes, and felt her mouth parted and her tongue lick her lips in anticipation.

  “Oh,” Stuart groaned. “Octavius will kill me…”

  Octavius’ name brought some sense into Kalina’s mind. Then it brought pain…he no longer wanted her. She was free to choose anyone she wanted.

  “It’s okay, Stuart,” Kalina said. “Octavius and I are no longer. He wants me to choose another…”

  Stuart’s eyes blaze with hope as he descended to take Kalina’s mouth with his own.

  Chapter 3

  At last Stuart and Kalina arrived at Maeve's house. It was after midnight, and Kalina worried what would happen if it was Maeve's mother, rather than Maeve herself, who answered the door. How could Kalina explain away the blood on her shoes – the blood stains trickling at the end of her mouth, Stuart – who looked even more vampire-like than ever with the blossoming of his desire. They had kissed passionately, his mouth tasting hers, while he held her close, his face strained with his strong need. She had kissed him fervently back, all her pent up feelings for him combined with her need to comfort him. Finally, not being able to hold back, he darted out of the car panting…before Kalina could blink.

  Now she stood far apart from Stuart, whose eyes still held hers with unspoken desire and longing. Kalina turned to look ahead. She mustn’t think of what just happened or both of them would never get to Maeve’s. At the corner of her eye, she saw Stuart flinched, now telepathically-connected to Kalina, being able to see in her mind’s eye that passionate scene.

  Please Kalina, you’re torturing me. Think of something else.

  She thought of the task ahead. It won’t be easy telling Maeve about everything. She sighed and rang the doorbell.

  Here's to hoping, right? She said to Stuart. He nodded curtly back at her. Kalina could see how hard he was trying not to let her see his ferocious desire for her, despite his kiss, and she tactfully looked away. She respected his efforts, even as she could not deny the sensation of being so hotly – so tantalizingly – desired thrilled her. The kiss did nothing to quench this desire…but to fuel it. Above all things, however, she felt compassion for Stuart, for his predicament. Octavius had said once that if any vampire was to become human, it should be Stuart – he had never wanted to shoulder the burdens of blood or immortality. Could she love Stuart the way he needed to be loved in order for the spell to work? She would have drained herself dry if it meant giving Stuart any chance at humanity. He deserved it – perhaps he deserved it most of all. His goodness, his self-sacrifice, so often went unacknowledged in the presence of his flashier, sexier brother Jaegar.

  I guess we all go for the bad boys, Kalina thought to herself, and then straightened up, hoping Stuart had not heard her thoughts. He did not seem to change expression.

  At last Maeve answered the door. “Guys?” She furrowed her brow. “What's going on?” She caught sight of the blood on Kalina's shirt and Stuart's sleeves. “Holy...are you guys okay? Come inside.” She ushered them in. “Mom's passed out upstairs.”

  “What is it this time?”

  “Diazepam.” Maeve rolled her eyes. “At least you have someone used to playing doctor.” She gave a wry laugh. “What's going on, Kalina? You vanished for the last week of school. The principal said you were at a math Olympiad – but...that didn't sound like you, somehow.”

  Kalina had always wanted to be a history major.

  “I...” Where could she begin? How could Kalina even start to regale Maeve with the tales of Octavius – how he had taken her to Paris and Rome, made her fall in love with him, offer to... how she had lost him – how could Kalina tell her about Stuart and Jaegar and Aaron and everything that had happened since they last talked.

  “I just...can I sit down?” Kalina said at last.

  “Of course!” Maeve rushed to get Kalina a chair.

  “Let's just say,” said Kalina, “my trip was cut short. Because of a vampire. A very dangerous vampire. A vampire called Mal.”

  “Please,” Stuart cut in. “Kalina – you've had to deal with enough for one day. Do you mind...would it be better if...I explained?”

  Kalina shot him a grateful smile.

  Stuart was far better able than Kalina was to contain his emotions – indeed, Stuart was better at being stoic when the moment required it than anybody else Kalina had ever met. He spoke in a crisp, clear monotone, telling Maeve about Kalina's visit to Octavius, the arrangement the Greystone Brothers had made with Octavius, about the murder of the Consortium in Rome and Kalina's subsequent abduction in Paris. Kalina sat staring at her lap, her hands scratching and fidgeting at each other. Stuart told the whole story – as clearly and accurately as he could – but there was so much he left out! The beauty of that first night in Paris, after the opera – the way Kalina had succumbed to Octavius... the romance, that kiss upon the bridge – Kalina's fear, her pain, her torment as she had slowly come to realize her love for Octavius.

  “Kalina?” Maeve was saying. Kalina whirled into action.

  “What? What is it?”

  “Are you okay? You just...you went really red all of a sudden.”

  “Yeah, I'm okay.” Kalina looked down. “It's just been a really rough couple of weeks.”

  Stuart at last came to the conclusion of his story.

  “Wow,” said Maeve, staring out into space. “Just...wow.”

  “So you see,” Stuart concluded. “You must be as vigilant as possible. You cannot open your door to anybody – and never, above all things, invite anybody you do not know in. Tell your mother to do the same.”

  “My mother's never awake,” Maeve rolled her eyes.

  “Mal is as dangerous and invincible as crea
tures of your nightmares,” said Stuart. “He is mad – as a hatter – and willing to stop at nothing to get to Kalina. And this puts you in danger, too. Because Kalina cares for you.”

  “Kalina, I'm so sorry,” said Maeve, putting her hand on Kalina's knee. “You must have gone through so much.”

  Kalina was struck at Maeve's selflessness. She was the only friend in her old social circle who stuck by her when she grew distant and closed herself off following Aaron’s death. Kalina couldn’t handle the fake friendships she had developed over the years with some of the girls on her squad and circle. Maeve was the only true friend that she had, and it took Aaron’s death to find out. Had somebody told her, Kalina, that she was in grave danger because of her friend's blood, she would have been furious – seeking somebody to blame for her predicament. But here was Maeve, more concerned with Kalina's captivity than her own safety. Maeve had always been such a good friend – and Kalina had taken her for granted for so long, accepting unquestioningly that Maeve was happy to cede to Kalina the spotlight in everything – cheerleading, academics, popularity. Kalina looked down and resolved to try to be more like her best friend.

  She saw Stuart and Maeve sitting next to each other and smiled to herself. Perhaps she was wrong to be jealous, but she could certainly see these two kind, selfless people making a life together. It was a happiness she felt both deserved.

  Stuart continued explaining the Life’s Blood mythology to Maeve.

  “Wow,” said Maeve again.

  “So you see – who it is that Kalina loves is of the utmost importance. For she will fall in love with a vampire – she must.”

  “So, you're destined to love a vampire!” Maeve's eyes opened wide. “That's so trippy!”

  Kalina colored, unsure of what to say. “It's...a family thing,” she said at last.

  “A family thing?” Maeve furrowed her brows. “I thought you were...”

  “Adopted? Yeah, I am. But my birth parents – my birth family. I'm from this, like, long line of vampires and humans.”

  “Together?” Maeve's eyes widened further. “Having...sex?”

  “And vampires-turned-humans,” said Kalina. “Because of the Life’s Blood.”

  “Wow.” Maeve considered. “Is that why I had to give Stuart my blood, then? Why you couldn't do it?”

  The memory of how useless, how angry Kalina had felt came back to her and turned her cheeks crimson. But Kalina forced down her jealousy. “Yes,” she said softly. “That is why. I would have given Stuart my blood if I could.” She took Stuart's hand and squeezed it tightly. “For everything he's done – he and his family – I would have gladly given Stuart my blood.”

  Stuart smiled back at her, gratefully. He had found it easier, it seemed, to quell his desire when Maeve was in the room. At that moment, Kalina felt that whatever strange relationship she and Stuart had was something more than mere friendship. It was a blood bond, the bond of true kin – a loyalty that had transcended this era, transcended time. It was the loyalty of the days of Stuart and Jaegar's lives, the Medieval chivalry in which a knight would serve his lady with no hope of romantic reciprocation, only the courtly ideal. Knights would stand by their ladies. Jaegar and Stuart were knights from the Middle Ages, and that chivalrous love for their chosen lady, Kalina, had not diminished through the ages. Knights would stand by their king. Kalina thought of Octavius, then, and sighed. The pain of that wound was still fresh.

  “I hope Jaegar and Aaron are okay,” said Maeve – a bit awkwardly.

  She's taking this so well, said Kalina to Stuart. She let him feel her relief. She had been so afraid Maeve would be angry.

  She's strong, Stuart replied. You're lucky to have a friend like her.

  “I know,” said Kalina out loud.

  “You know what?” Maeve turned to her.

  “I'm lucky,” said Kalina. “To have a friend like you. I just…don't want you to get hurt. For my sake.”

  “Well,” said Maeve, “How do you protect yourself?”

  Kalina and Stuart exchanged looks.

  “So you don't get hurt,” said Maeve. “I want to know how to kill one of these things. If I'm in danger, the least I want to do is fight back. I want to know how to use a stake – or garlic – or mirrors, or whatever it is you use.”

  “A stake,” said Stuart and Kalina, in unison.

  “Okay, a stake then,” said Maeve. “Point is, I just want to make sure you can leave me alone without me getting myself killed. Teach me- whatever it is you know. Self-defense.” She laughed. “Karate. Something.”

  “Well, you're a cheerleader,” said Kalina dryly. “You’re athletic and quick. That's a nice start.”

  But she could hear what Stuart was thinking, and she felt the same thing. She could teach Maeve self-defense, and it might be enough to stave off a few of the less experienced vampires – enough to get rid of the average bounty hunter or newborn looking for someone to suck dry. But if Jaegar or Mal came along, Kalina knew, there was no fighting either of them and expecting to come out alive.

  And all would surely be lost.

  Chapter 4

  So it began that Kalina remained for a time with Maeve. It was a simple matter getting permission – Kalina explained to Maeve's mother that she didn't want to remain alone in the house when Justin was away, given what had happened to Aaron and Maeve – and Maeve's mother in turn replied with a long, slow nod, only slightly dulled by haze. She wasn't sure that uninviting Jaegar from her house would work – Stuart warned her that the process was tricky, and often required a full mental self-possession that he wondered aloud if Kalina possessed when it came to Jaegar.

  “Deep down,” he said gravely, “you care for him. You want him to come into the house – but as the Jaegar you know. The Jaegar you remember. The Jaegar you...” His voice trailed off and he looked down. “The Jaegar you love,” he said at last, forcing himself to sound as light and casual as possible.

  “I understand,” said Kalina. The idea scared her. Could her feelings really so interfere with her powers of self-defense? If she couldn't even keep Jaegar out of her own house, how would she expect to fight him off when the time came – how could she expect to stake him if she had to? She didn't want to think about it. The thought filled her with disgust, with dread. And yet she knew there was a chance it would come to that. She would want so badly to help Jaegar, to turn him back to the side of the good, to convince him to look into himself...but, as Stuart reminded her, his face grim and full of despair, every second that she spent reasoning with him was another second giving him the option to kill her.

  She tried to shut him out of her mind, so afraid that he would be able to see her location, to find her.

  Kalina, the voices came at night. I will find you. I will taste you. I will drink you. I will suck you dry.

  And she woke up in tears.

  All the same, being with Maeve made everything feel better. Somehow having Maeve around, with her soft brown eyes and sweet disposition, was like having some grounding in the real world, one foot in the land of safety and happiness. When they were sitting on Maeve's terrace drinking lemonade, weeding together in the back garden and feeling the cool January breeze ripple over their faces, it felt like there could be no vampires in existence at all. This was the real world, Kalina thought, the world she had left behind. A world of garden weeds and lemonades, of Maeve's Cape Cod-style cottage and cups of tea in the morning.

  And then Maeve asked if they could start practicing self-defense.

  “Maeve...” Kalina hated the idea. It meant somehow that all this was real – that Maeve really was in danger, that they were both really and truly in danger. She shook her head.

  “It's not going to change anything,” said Maeve, “you know that. If we forget about the vampires, it doesn't mean that they'll forget about us.”

  “I know,” said Kalina darkly. That night they went out into the garden, practicing moves that Kalina knew Maeve would need to defeat any vampires.<
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  “Okay,” said Kalina, “so it's like this. You need to be able to use a stake in both hands.”

  “But I'm right-handed.”

  “Doesn't matter. If a vamp pins you down with one hand, you need to be able to use the other. I like to try throwing the javelin with both hands – it helps my aim.”

  Kalina showed Maeve all the tricks that Stuart had originally taught her – the seemingly innocuous water gun loaded with holy water, the sharp crosses - a Catholic variant on the ninja star – and of course the stakes themselves, sharpened and primed to sink deep into the heart of any vampire brave enough to challenge them.

  Maeve was an easy enough study. Her years of cheerleading had made her athletic, lithe, and strong. But she did not have Kalina's blood in her – the Life’s Blood that gave her properties of a vampire. She was only a human, resolutely a human even at her strongest and most hardworking. It was a fact that gave Kalina pause. She even found herself being snappish to Maeve, impatient with Maeve's errors, her difficulty learning, her mistakes.

  She wasn't used to humans, she realized. She wasn't used to human error – human slowness, humans making mistakes. She had almost come to think of herself as a vampire – as the Carrier, child of humans and vampires alike – she was given entry into the world of the supernatural; she had been able to pass into the Bibliotheque Supernaturel in Paris. She hadn't even spoken to a true human in weeks. Suddenly Maeve – stumbling over a karate move; tripping up over her own stake, missing the target on an accuracy and aiming exercise – seemed so strange to her, so foreign. So impossibly human! Kalina found herself instinctively irritated at Maeve's failures. No wonder vampires found human beings such easy prey, she thought! They really couldn't defend themselves at all!

  Kalina immediately chided herself for her thoughts. She was only scared, she told herself – afraid for Maeve, afraid for all the humans she cared about. And yet, through all this, Kalina could not help but feel that there was something different about her, something changed. She had gone so deeply into the world of vampires that she had become one of them; humans were strange to her – different.