by Kailin Gow
She remembered then what Octavius had said to her about her humanity. He had been so eager to get her away from the world of vampires, to let her grow up, get an education, get a life of her own outside of the world he had forced her into. Was this what Octavius had feared? Divorcing her from her human life, her human compassion – forcing her to feel like this kind of outsider, always?
And yet Octavius was too late. Now Kalina had the worst of both worlds – torn between the safe and serene beauty of the human world, and the dark mystery of her vampire life. She felt that both worlds were now foreign to her, both strange, and yet she could not fathom either of them.
“What's up?” asked Maeve, as they sat on the porch after one of their latest workout sessions.
“There's this guy,” Kalina began, sighing heavily.
“A guy? Spill...”
“When I was away in Rome. Another vampire...the one who made Jaegar and Stuart. And Aaron.”
“Something happened between you two?”
“I don't know,” said Kalina. She sighed. “I mean – it did happen. I mean...oh, I don't know what I mean! He was the reason the others found me – he sent for me. He'd been searching centuries for the Carrier. And he took me away with him.”
“He kidnapped you? Kalina – that's awful!” Maeve was both angry and concerned. Why didn’t you try to tell me…why did I just found this out now?
“No, it wasn't like that. He just...he was a perfect gentleman. He asked for a week of my time, no strings attached.”
“And you went with him?”
“I had to find out about my heritage – about Life’s Blood. And...it was the best week of my life. We went to Rome – to Paris! We saw the world! We talked about music, opera, philosophy, art...it was like a dream.”
“Opera, huh,” said Maeve, looking down. “Exciting.”
“We saw Tosca at the Opera Garnier in Paris! We went to the Ancient Roman Forum! We had gelato – well, I had gelato – in Piazza Navona at night. We walked through the streets of the city...oh, Maeve, it was amazing!”
“Sounds it,” but Maeve's voice was dull, even hollow.
“We're – we're in a complicated place right now,” said Kalina.
“How old is he?”
“He was twenty-seven when he was turned...”
“Twenty-seven!”
“But he's around two thousand years old now.”
“Kalina! He’s as old as Justin…” Maeve rose before it sunk in. “He’s two thousand years old?”
Kalina sighed, remembering how Octavius brought everything to life for her in Rome. “He was there when civilization was formed, long before America, long before everything you and I have ever seen. He has seen and done so much. And when you see him…he must have been the model for all those ancient statues you see from Roman times. He embodies masculinity itself. Every scent of him, his voice, his eyes, his body…”
Maeve raised an eyebrow. “I hope you didn't do anything stupid.”
“No – I mean...we…”
“Did you have sex with him?” Maeve asked.
Kalina was taken aback by Maeve’s bluntness. “I think I’m in love with him!” Kalina's voice shook. “We didn’t go all the way. We couldn’t, not with my Life’s Blood, not with the spell, but he knew how to make me feel…um…satisfied.” Kalina bit her lip, feeling awkward talking about what she and Octavius had in front of Maeve. “Only – he said...we can't be together. Because he can't become human.”
“Why not?”
“Because it's too dangerous! He can't protect me! He thinks it's unfair to take me away from the human world.”
“Well,” said Maeve. “He's right.”
Kalina was shocked. “What?”
“He is!” Maeve put her hands on her hips. “With all the crazy stuff you've been going through lately, the last thing you need is another vampire to worry about. Last time we talked, you were dealing with Stuart and Jaegar – not to mention Aaron – and now you're in love with some other vampire? I mean, Kalina, make up your mind! If Octavius said to forget him…forget him.”
“It's not as simple as that!” But Kalina knew how silly her explanations would appear to an outsider. “He may say to forget him, but my whole body, mind, and blood seek him, seek Jaegar, Stuart, and even Aaron. The reason I was in love – or thought I was – with Stuart and Jaegar and Aaron – it was because of Octavius! He's their maker! His blood was running through them...they feel what he feels for me. It may be because of the combination of their original blood with Octavius’ which caused this attraction. I don’t know. All I know is that I have blood that attracts these vampires to me, and I’m attracted to them too…”
“That's crazy!” cried Maeve.
“It's not crazy,” Kalina pleaded. “It's just how this is...Life’s Blood will attract vampires to me, and I will fall in love with one of them, turn him human…”
“Look,” said Maeve. “This – this vampire thing – it's threatening all of us...the last thing you should be doing is worrying about saving them!”
“But what about Stuart?”
“Stuart?” Maeve's face fell. “Well, Stuart's different. And he hates being a vampire – he thinks it's evil, cruel, horrible...he wants to be human! Doesn't that just prove my point?”
“What point?”
“That vampires are evil.”
Kalina's face fell. How could she tell Maeve that she was from vampires? Didn’t she already told her she was from a line of vampires-turned-humans or did Maeve refused to see her as anyone or anything other than same old Kalina, just one of the girls at school?
“Look,” she said. “I've gotta go to bed, okay? I'm tired.”
“Fine!” Maeve looked away. “If you want to put your life in danger, I'm not going to stop you!”
“Fine!” echoed Kalina.
“I just think you're being really stupid, okay?” said Maeve. “You're putting all our lives in danger because of your obsession with vampires!”
“It's not an obsession!” cried Kalina. What has gotten into Maeve? She was supportive when Stuart was around, but now? Didn’t Maeve hear anything she’s been telling her about Life’s Blood? Having it run through her veins is both a blessing and a curse. “I can't help it. Look, they came after me, okay?”
“Because you're so special!” Maeve scoffed. “Oh, I'm sorry – I forgot! You're the Carrier! So you're the most super-special, super-important snowflake in the world! Everyone loves you – because you're the Carrier!”
“It isn't like that, Maeve! I never wanted this. For goodness sakes, you knew Aaron, too, and had I known or anyone known he was a vampire, I would never have…Look, Maeve, I love you and all, but this has nothing to do with me being special. It has everything to do with accepting me for who or what I am. Accepting who Aaron was, too, and Stuart. I didn’t know Aaron was a vampire, neither did you, and yet we all loved him and accepted him.”
“I wouldn’t if I knew he was one…and he brought danger to Rutherford and everyone I cared about…” Maeve started then she lifted her hands in a sign of “enough!” and headed for her bedroom.
Kalina trudged up the steps to the guest room and went to bed, trying to quell her anger with the counting of sleep. Perhaps no human would understand the effects Life’s Blood had on vampires. Humans, in general, have a hard time believing there were vampires at all. Until they actually see one, then they believe…like Maeve. But then Maeve had resorted back to trying to deny there were vampires. Stuart was fine with her – they had shared blood, and he appeared human, but in reality, he was just as vampire as Jaegar, Octavius, and even Mal. Kalina shook her head. No wonder why supernatural creatures thought humans were weak…humans refused to see the truth before them before it’s too late. Their minds refused to open up to see if there were possibilities out there beyond their common beliefs. So…vampires not as good as the Greystone Brothers and Octavius could easily come along into Rutherford, pick off each human, even openly attac
k a group of cheerleaders and still get away with it. With that kind of mentality of denial, how can people defend themselves against them…the vampires… when they don’t even believe in them?
The stress of waiting for something to happen, of fearing about whatever was about to happen with Mal or Jaegar or other vampires who had descended on Rutherford, was getting to sweet Maeve and Kalina. She was strained with anxiety.
As she began to fall asleep, drifting into dreamland, she heard a voice.
Kalina.
She stirred.
Octavius.
Chapter 5
May I come in? Octavius asked her. Kalina knew it wasn't anything he had to ask – for Kalina had given him permission long since to enter the world of her mind – those secret places and recesses where her thoughts danced and twisted within her. She had loved him; she had opened herself up to him. And yet he would not enter without her word.
Yes.
She had missed him so much – wanted him so badly. Every day without him had been filled with the same strangling uncertainty, the same grief – undisclosed, held so tightly within her that she thought she would burst. She had woken up mornings, sobbing, missing him, bowled over by a grief so profound that rising itself felt beyond her – and she had forced herself beyond it anyway.
She had not allowed herself to be weak for him, no, not ever for love. She had not allowed herself to falter. But now, as she saw Octavius before her, the full memory of what she had been missing struck her, and Kalina shuddered. Her slender frame shook with emotion.
Octavius was as handsome and beautiful as she remembered him. His hair was still long and dark brown, tinged with light rays of copper and gold. His eyes were still the color of burnt pecans – soulful and mysterious – and his skin still smooth and marble, the color of milky coffee. Kalina felt her whole body respond to the sight of him, curling around her desire, filled with love.
Where are you?
I cannot say. Octavius looked grave. I am afraid the information is too dangerous to place in your mind, in case Jaegar...Mal...
I understand. Oh, she understood! Her rational mind understood! But at his refusal Kalina felt a pang of sudden sadness that cut her to the quick.
Have you found him? Kalina couldn't bear to say the name – either name. She was afraid speaking it aloud would bring them forth – invading her mind, her body, her soul.
No. Octavius' face was stony and downcast. I wish...I wish I had. I have been tracking signs of them all across Europe.
You think they're in Europe?
Jaegar and Aaron – across the sea – so far from her! Kalina's pain redoubled.
I have found hints...
Are they..Kalina did not say “dead,” but Octavius heard her. It was telepathy, after all, and she could hide so little from him; this was not the realm of normal speech.
I believe Aaron is alive.
Kalina's heart leaped.
Mal wishes to keep Aaron alive to search for other Carriers. It appears that it is rumored that there are others – and they have distracted Malvolio for the time being, as is the sale of your blood. He believes that by selling off the vials he has now, he can create a loyal army who will in turn come for you – rather than risking the adventure on his own.
Does that buy us time?
Kalina's heart began to pound as she remembered the prison – her pain – her fear.
Not enough.
Kalina began shaking, the pain of her loss and her love overwhelming her. In a few quick, straightforward steps, Octavius came towards her, taking her in his arms. He smelled so good, so powerful, like the musk of a forest after the rain. In real life his heart did not pound, but in her dream she could hear his heartbeat, flickering and pounding, ultimately alive, beating in synchronicity with her own.
Don't worry, my darling, said Octavius. Aaron will be safe for the time being. His nose is one of the most powerful skills a vampire can have. Mal is not stupid enough to throw that away in a fit of rage – angry though he may be. As long as Aaron is useful, he will remain alive.
And Jaegar? The name shook her to the core.
I am sorry. Octavius stroked Kalina's hair softly. As long as...ever since he became invincible, he has developed his own powers of telepathy. He can no longer be located with a simple prick of the mind, as it were. He has learned to block himself off from his maker. I do not know where he is.
Could he be...here?
Octavius sighed. His face contorted with pain. I know how he feels about you, Kalina. I know what he wants. He will want to come after you – with or without Malvolio. Mal removed all traces of his inhibition, his humanity – and, as much as he hated to admit it, Jaegar always had some. He never violated you – as many vampires would have – in either sense of the word. He sighed. You have been lucky, Kalina – not to encounter these types of vampires. They...they are truly monsters.
At last Octavius could resist it no longer. He cupped Kalina's face in his hands, letting his fingers trail slowly down her cheeks. She moaned at the touch, closing her eyes and allowing his fingertips to brush past her lips, her nose, her eyelids. Her lashes fluttered under him.
I do not want you to live in fear, Kalina, said Octavius. I care too deeply for you for that. You cannot be a prisoner of your fear – of my fear – of this story and this saga. If I had wanted to keep you mired in these vampire troubles, I would not have…His voice trailed off, racked with irrepressible pain. I have asked my best guards from the villa in Beverly Hills to look after you.
Bodyguards?
You will be safe. These are the best men in America.
Can you trust them? She knew her Life’s Blood would complicate the situation of any vampire. Would they try to steal her for themselves, as the Greystone Brothers had done?
They know you are mine, said Octavius. They will not try anything with you.
Yours?
The world hung upon the air! Kalina's heart leaped at it. She had wanted for so long, so badly, to be “yours,” to belong body and soul to Octavius – he had rejected her. He had loved her too much…or maybe he had not loved her enough...
Always, Octavius’ voice was shaking.
But he had left her! Kalina could not bring herself to believe it. Even after what he had said, about breaking it off with her for her own safety, Kalina could not believe it. If he had only loved her enough, if he had only wanted her enough, if he had only cared for her enough, then nothing else would have mattered! He would have risked everything for her – never mind the cost!
That is not true!
Kalina started. What isn't?
He had heard her thoughts. In this realm of dreams there was such a fine line between thought and speech, between what was hers alone and what was theirs.
If I had loved you less, said Octavius, I would have been selfish. I would have wanted you with me. But...I love you too much to let you sacrifice your life – your self -your beauty and intelligence and youth and potential – for a vampire like me – a worthless vampire. I love you too much to let you down – to become human and in doing so lose my ability to protect you – and those like you – and those you love.
But...Kalina's voice trailed off. Surely this could not be the answer! Surely this could not be the ending! Love conquered all – she knew love conquered all – and she could not fathom a world in which love could ever be impossible.
I am reminded, said Octavius – softly – of a poem. A poem written by one Richard Lovelace.
A poem?
You like poetry, don't you, Kalina? In Paris and in Rome he had read her the works of Tennyson and Shakespeare, T.S. Eliot and Coleridge, sitting by the Seine, walking in Piazza Navona. It had been some of the most beautiful time of her life.
I do.
Octavius gave a deep sigh and recommenced stroking her hair.
TELL me not, sweet, I am unkind
That from nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind,
To
war and arms I fly.
True, a new mistress now I chase,
The first foe in the field;
And with a stronger faith embrace
A sword, a horse, a shield.
Yet this inconstancy is such
As you too shall adore;
I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Loved I not honor more.
When Octavius finished the poem, there were tears in both their eyes.
Kalina...
Octavius...
Their voices melded together in a single symphony of love.
I thought you didn't want me. Kalina's voice was fierce as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. I thought I was only a fling to you – something stupid and inconsequential. I thought you didn't want me – didn't need me – didn't love me...
That could never be true!
She reached up on her tiptoes in order to be able to gaze more fully into Octavius’ eyes. They were filled with love and pain, the overwhelming and astonishing force of his emotion. It bowled her over. It overpowered her. Kalina felt that she had been struck by lightning, that the very force of his being shook her to the core. She traced circles across his cheek and lips with her fingertips.
I want to be with you, Kalina, he was saying, and she could feel the truth of his words within her, deep within her soul. She knew them to be true; the truth of the words could be heard in the rhythm of her heartbeat, the flow of her blood, the gasping of her sighs. I want to be with you as I've never wanted anything in the whole world. I will never lie to you, Kalina. I can't lie to you. I can't be with you – I cannot deny this. But nor can I deny how much I want...I need...
She could wait no longer. Desire ran hot within her. Then show me. She swept upwards on her tiptoes and let her lips brush against those of Octavius. He started back for a moment, surprised. And then, overpowered, beyond himself, he gave in to the sweet force of her kiss, opening his lips to hers. She began unbuttoning his shirt; he slipped her nightdress off her shoulders, and as they kissed they lost themselves and each other in that nebulous and astral realm of dreams, of night, of desire.