As the sun set over the Mississippi River, only a few hundred yards from the plantation, Peyton stepped inside the tent filled with white lights and Casablanca lilies. It looked more like a wedding reception than an engagement party. She estimated about 100 people had arrived, and surely more were on their way, still making the drive from New Orleans. She saw many people already eating dinner, having availed themselves of the huge buffet and carving table, and decided to check on her pies before people went for dessert.
She shuffled around a few items on her table then adjusted a special tower she’d brought – much like a cupcake tower – to hold individual-sized pies she and Julia had made. She took a step back to inspect the tower from all angles, and after satisfying herself, she motioned to one of the catering staff, instructing that the table stay filled, with the pies on the tower being replaced first. She took one last look at the table before turning to join the party and looking for Quinn in the thickening crowd.
Peyton saw Griffin instead, right in front of her. He flashed a smile, his dimples in full force, and slid his hand into hers. He gave her a slow twirl towards the dance floor and pulled her into his arms. “Come on, let’s dance,” he said, holding her close.
Peyton took a deep breath. “OK, just one,” she said, starting to sway with him, carefully scanning the crowd, hoping Reed — if he was there — wasn’t looking.
“You look different tonight.”
“It’s the same old me.” Peyton smiled. “Just a new dress.”
“Well, whatever it is. It’s working.”
She slapped his shoulder. “You’re such a flirt.”
Griffin gently rubbed his hand against the slate blue, and she rested her head on his chest, smiling slightly. Peyton listened to the sound of his heart, its steady beat once bringing her so much comfort, sending her into peaceful dreams night after night. His arms slid all the way around her, more like a hug than a dance, as they moved slowly together. Peyton peeked up at him, as he rested his head atop hers. She suddenly felt his heartbeat quicken, sensing something wrong, something bothering him. She looked up expecting to see Reed nearby but instead saw Griffin looking down at her.
He swallowed hard and mustered some courage, knowing it was now or never. “You have no idea how completely sexy you are.”
What? Her head bolted up from his chest, and her mouth dropped open, finding his cute dimples replaced by desire, a fire in his eyes. It was obvious he wasn’t teasing this time. She felt chills on her arms, convinced her dress held some magical power throwing her world into orbit.
Griffin cupped her cheek. “You’ve never thought about us being together?”
What, again? Her eyes bulged in shock. But the truth was she had thought about them together — many times, a long time ago. She softened her eyes and tried to respond, to think of something to say, but nothing came out. The jazz band ended one song and segued into “Let’s Stay Together.” Her heart began to pound. This is too much!
“I think about you a lot,” Griffin said, gazing into her eyes. “The way your body felt pressed against mine while we kissed.” He pulled her a little closer. “I’ll never forget the way you looked in that black strapless bikini, with those little ties on the hips of the bottoms.”
“You remember what I was wearing? That was like 10 years ago.”
He tilted his head and leaned closer, his eyes on her lips. “I remember wanting to yank on that little tie. But you were too young, so I had to be good.” Griffin’s hands fell to her hips, gently drawing circles with his fingertips. “I wonder what would have happened if I’d ....”
“Mind if I cut in?” Reed asked, his eyes on Peyton, wearing a white cotton shirt, the top few buttons undone, and light brown slacks hanging on his hips. He put his hands on her waist, throwing off her balance a bit more.
Griffin narrowed his eyes. “Actually, her dance card is full tonight.”
Reed kept his eyes on Peyton. He hadn’t seen her in over a month. He wasn’t about to waste time with Griffin. He scanned her body up and down, her slate blue dress melted to her body, hugging the curves of her hips, her locket sitting perfectly between her breasts. She was the sexiest girl on the floor — that wasn’t new — but now she dressed so everyone else knew. He wondered, though, if she’d dressed up for Griffin, whether they’d come together. After all, Griffin’s hands were all over her, while she smiled and laughed and danced. She hasn’t suffered like I have.
“Just give us a minute,” Peyton said to Griffin. “Maybe check on my pie table, if you don’t mind.” Griffin did mind but did what was asked.
Reed took her in his arms and started to move her to the music, a rush of heat shooting between both of them. She pushed back gently, creating a slight distance. “Did you bring the devil’s food chocolate praline?”
“I don’t make that one anymore,” Peyton said quickly.
Reed gave a tight smile, not knowing exactly what that meant, but figuring it wasn’t good. “Do you remember this song?”
She nodded, her eyes down. “I assume you asked the band to play it?”
He tilted his head to catch her eyes. “I realized I loved you that night, and I....”
“This isn’t the time or place,” Peyton interrupted.
“It seems never a good time. You don’t return my calls. You return my flowers. You....”
“You haven’t called me in over a week.”
“So you’ve been keeping track?”
“Not really.”
“I was just trying to give you some space. You weren’t calling me back anyway.”
Peyton waved him off. “Look, our best friends are getting married. We should talk later. Let’s just try to enjoy the party, OK?”
“Probably so. Seemed you had the right idea with Griffin.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that you seemed to be really enjoying yourself with him.”
Peyton released his hands. “He’s just a friend. I’ve told you that before.”
“Did you guys come together?” Reed took her hands again.
“No, we didn’t. And I don’t like whatever you’re implying.”
“Were you trying to make me jealous?”
“I didn’t even know you were here!”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t have to answer your questions.” Peyton let go again. “And no, I wasn’t trying to make you jealous.” The song ended, and she walked off the dance floor, taking a seat at a table, with Reed following behind.
“It just looked like more than dancing,” he said.
Peyton looked away, still in shock over Griffin’s confession, not ready to discuss it with Reed, pissed Reed was even focusing on Griffin. She would’ve rather Reed focus on her, on their relationship. She drew a deep breath. “OK, he told me he wanted more, but....”
“When? Tonight? What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. I was in shock. I had no idea.”
Reed looked through the crowd for Griffin. He had a mind to beat the hell out of the guy right now, to knock him on his ass again, to squash him like the worm he was — regardless how many times he’d saved Peyton. But Griffin was on the other side of the tent, in a line at the bar. It was probably for the best he was too far away. Fighting at the engagement party wouldn’t make such a great impression, if Reed had any chance to get back with her anyway. He reached for his aching neck. “Why are you letting him live in your house?”
“How’d you know that?”
Reed looked down, pain in his eyes. “I knew he wouldn’t tell you I came by.”
“What?”
“I came by a little over a week ago. I couldn’t take it anymore. I missed you.” He reached for her hand. “I had to see you. But when I got there, instead of seeing you, I found Griffin fresh from the shower.”
She gently rubbed his knuckles, never thinking he’d just show up unannounced looking for her. No wonder he stopped calling me. She knew
it would sting if she ever knocked on Reed’s door and found Heather or some random girl inside. “He’s just staying at my house until he finds his own place. I’m sorry if he said it was anything more than that.”
Reed looked down at her fingers stroking his hand. He slipped his hand over hers and intertwined their fingers.
“Did you come alone?” Peyton asked quietly.
“Of course,” he said, his eyes turning soft, leaning closer to her, getting a glimpse of her cleavage, “but I want to leave with you.” Peyton blushed. “I like the dress, too.”
She gave a shy smile. “It’s new.”
“Did you wear it for me?” Reed narrowed his eyes as Griffin approached with a drink in each hand.
Peyton followed his eyes. “Don’t do anything crazy,” she warned and dropped his hand, just before Griffin arrived and handed her a drink. He took a seat on the other side of her.
The band suddenly stopped playing, and a hush came over the crowd. Peyton grasped her locket and focused her attention straight ahead, listening to Quinn’s parents say a few words, and then Bret’s. She tried to organize her thoughts for the toast she’d soon be making, all the while feeling the eyes of two men burning into her and each other. A few other family members spoke, then it was her turn. Peyton walked to the front of the tent.
“You’ve lost her,” Griffin whispered.
“I don’t think so,” Reed whispered back. “And don’t forget, you never had her.” He walked to the back of the tent, shaking out his hands, certain he would’ve killed Griffin if the guy kept running his mouth. He reminded himself he needed to focus on Peyton, not Griffin — just as Quinn had told him.
Peyton stood at the microphone, her knees shaky from Reed and Griffin, from the toast she was about to make, from the dress that barely covered her. She held a glass of champagne in one hand and twirled her locket with the other. “As most of you know, I’m a baker,” she started, “so I think in terms of recipes. I know all about good ingredients. I know them when I see them. And I know how to blend them together. It doesn’t happen by itself. It takes time. It takes work. It takes help.” She paused for a moment. “It takes heat.”
“Damn right!” Bret yelled out, and Quinn slapped his arm.
“I’ve known Quinn my whole life,” she continued. “She is a tremendous friend. She’s been there for me, frankly, in some really tough times.” Peyton smiled. “That doesn’t mean she isn’t crazy sometimes.”
Quinn curtsied, as the crowd roared in laughter. Peyton caught Reed’s eyes from the back of the tent and quickly looked away.
“But I love her. And I know Bret loves her.” Peyton twirled her locket again. “They have all the right ingredients — love, trust, laughter, heat, patience, forgiveness. They blend perfectly together. My Gram always said that people think marriage is a piece of cake, but they forget it takes a lot of time and just the right ingredients to make it.” The crowd nodded in agreement. “So when marriage gets rough,” she continued and winked at Bret, “and you know it will....” She paused and found Reed again. “Just remember you can have your cake and eat it, too — but only if you both stay in the kitchen and keep baking.”
Reed didn’t know what Peyton meant — whether it had anything to do with their own relationship, or what was left of it. Her words were confusing, too; she certainly hadn’t followed her own advice. She left me. Still, there was something hopeful, encouraging, about what she’d said and the way she looked at him.
Peyton raised her glass to Quinn and Bret. “Here’s to a lifetime of heat — in the kitchen, shower, hot tub, or bedroom!”
* * *
After lots of hugs and kisses, Peyton tended to her pie table then mingled with the crowd, always keeping in tight circles, making sure to keep a safe distance from both Griffin and Reed. But she could only keep her distance for so long. Griffin met her at her pie table, with drinks in both hands again.
She refused his offer this time. “Why didn’t you tell me Reed came to my house?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to see him,” Griffin said. “I thought it would just upset you.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Griffin’s eyes grew wide. “I guess I always just want to protect you.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m a big girl,” she said, her face softening. “I don’t always need you to protect me. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re right, but I guess I want to take care of you.”
“It seems like you want a lot.”
He stroked her cheek. “I don’t want a lot — just you.”
Peyton looked away and twirled her locket, seeing Quinn waving to her from the other side of the tent. “Your sister needs me.”
“She can wait a minute.” He slid his arms around her waist and held her in his arms. “Just promise me you’ll think about it.”
* * *
The bartenders stopped serving, and the band began to pack up. Peyton slipped out of the tent and into the moonlight, leaving behind the party winding down. She removed her shoes before walking an oak-covered path to a little bench down by the Mississippi River. She needed some fresh air, some space, some peace. It seemed impossible that two men – good guys with full knowledge of her flaws, the bad hand she’d been dealt – could both be interested in her. It had to be the clothes. Dr. Lorraine was right.
Peyton looked down at her hands, trying to make sense of her life. For so long she’d looked for someone else’s hand, the hand of a monster, as if finding it could somehow heal her. But she’d never truly looked at her own hands, or thought about them in any serious way — how they’d clothed her, fed her, tied her shoes, said “hello” or “fuck off” with one simple gesture.
And more than that, they’d fought for her life. They’d searched for a rapist. They’d buried her family. They’d run a successful business. They’d prayed hard and often. They’d loved and lost.
She knew they had more to do, at least she hoped so, like one day wearing a wedding band and cradling a child of her own. She wondered who’d be wearing the matching band and who’d be holding her hand in the delivery room.
“I saw your magazine cover,” Reed said. Peyton jumped slightly and turned around. “You looked beautiful.”
“How did you know I was out here?”
“I haven’t taken my eyes off you all night.” He took a seat beside her. “That’s not entirely true. I’ve kept one eye on Griffin.” They each took a deep breath and sat in silence, looking out at the water. “I can’t fix this if you don’t talk to me.”
He didn’t know what words to use or what could possibly be going on in her mind. He usually knew what a girl wanted — but not with Peyton, not this time. She was different than every other woman, different than the script he’d always followed, making her interesting and stunning and maddening all at once. He loved her for it, for how she made him feel, different than he ever had before, willing to follow a new script, a better one, one he’d write himself.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, grabbing his neck.
Peyton closed her eyes, breathing deeply, the wind blowing softly in her hair. She remembered sitting on a similar bench with Reed on their first date, both of them watching the Mississippi River weave and wind through New Orleans. It was a different conversation then — light, fun, impulsive, spontaneous — as the sun fell all around them.
But now the sun had set. And she was facing a choice. Of all the things that could have happened tonight, she never expected that.
Griffin had emerged out of nowhere. She felt stupid she didn’t see it coming — especially since Reed never missed a chance to warn her. Griffin was a safe choice. She and Griffin knew everything about each other: there would be no surprises, no secrets, no women coming out of the woodwork. She knew what she’d get with him — marriage, kids — all the things she and Reed never talked about. On paper, Griffin made perfect sense.
But life wasn’t lived on paper; it was lived on dreams
, hopes, fears. And it often didn’t make sense — just like the beautiful twisted lines on her hands.
“I know I’ve got some seriously screwed-up family issues,” Reed said, “and that you and I have things to work out.”
The water was as murky as her own feelings. She thought about her own screwed-up issues, and how it took years of therapy to ever express them. And when she finally did — to a guy like Reed of all people — he handled them well. But she didn’t handle his issues well at all; she got scared and pushed him away, just as Dr. Lorraine said. But he didn’t give up. He returned over and over again, trying to remind her of his love, of who she really is, of who they are together. “I overreacted,” she said, reaching to fix her wind-blown hair.
Reed lowered her hand with his and moved her hair with his fingertips, tucking it behind her ear. “I should’ve been more open with you — especially after everything you told me.” He gently touched her scar.
“You can’t fix me,” she said.
“I’m still going to try. And if I can’t, I’ll share your scar with you.”
“But I’ll still be broken.”
“You’re not broken,” he said, searching her eyes. “You’re just under renovation.” Peyton looked at her hands again, considering the possibility. “I know we’re worth saving. We’re not broken. We’re perfect together.”
She breathed in the sweet smell of honeysuckle filling the fresh Louisiana air and heard crickets chirping their sizzling sound, wondering if the symphony of the South was trying to tell her something, to point her in a direction, to ease her mind. Reed put his hand in hers. She felt the same jolt of electricity and something else, too — something better. Love.
His hand — like her heart — held the answer the whole time. There was no choice at all. She leaned towards his lips and kissed him tenderly, parting her lips. He placed both his hands on her cheeks, as his tongue softly caressed hers. He pulled back slightly, his lips turning up in a sweet smile. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” she said.
“What about Griffin?” Reed asked quietly.
“I want him in my life.” Peyton wrapped her arms around his waist. “But I’m where I want to be.”
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