Delphi Complete Works of Elizabeth Gaskell

by Elizabeth Gaskell

  Mary thought of Alice’s long-cherished, fond wish to revisit the home of her childhood, so often and often deferred, and now probably never to take place. Or if it did, how changed from the fond anticipation of what it was to have been! It would be a mockery to the blind and deaf Alice.

  The evening came quickly to an end. There was the humble cheerful meal, and then the bustling, merry farewell, and Mary was once more in the quietness and solitude of her own dingy, dreary-looking home; her father still out, the fire extinguished, and her evening’s task of work lying all undone upon the dresser. But it had been a pleasant little interlude to think upon. It had distracted her attention for a few hours from the pressure of many uneasy thoughts, of the dark, heavy, oppressive times, when sorrow and want seemed to surround her on every side; of her father, his changed and altered looks, telling so plainly of broken health, and an embittered heart; of the morrow, and the morrow beyond that, to be spent in that close monotonous workroom, with Sally Leadbitter’s odious whispers hissing in her ear; and of the hunted look, so full of dread, from Miss Simmonds’ door-step up and down the street, lest her persecuting lover should be near; for he lay in wait for her with wonderful perseverance, and of late had made himself almost hateful, by the unmanly force which he had used to detain her to listen to him, and the indifference with which he exposed her to the remarks of the passers-by, any one of whom might circulate reports which it would be terrible for her father to hear — and worse than death should they reach Jem Wilson. And all this she had drawn upon herself by her giddy flirting. Oh! how she loathed the recollection of the hot summer evening, when, worn out by stitching and sewing, she had loitered homewards with weary languor, and first listened to the voice of the tempter.

  And Jem Wilson! O Jem, Jem, why did you not come to receive some of the modest looks and words of love which Mary longed to give you, to try and make up for the hasty rejection which you as hastily took to be final, though both mourned over it with many tears. But day after day passed away, and patience seemed of no avail; and Mary’s cry was ever the old moan of the Moated Grange —

  ”‘Why comes he not?’ she said,

  ‘I am aweary, aweary.

  I would that I were dead.’“

  XIV. JEM’S INTERVIEW WITH POOR ESTHER.

  “Know the temptation ere you judge the crime!

  Look on this tree — ’t was green, and fair and graceful;

  Yet now, save these few shoots, how dry and rotten!

  Thou canst not tell the cause. Not long ago,

  A neighbour oak, with which its roots were twined,

  In falling wrenched them with such cruel force,

  That though we covered them again with care,

  Its beauty withered, and it pined away.

  So, could we look into the human breast,

  How oft the fatal blight that meets our view,

  Should we trace down to the torn, bleeding fibres

  Of a too trusting heart — where it were shame,

  For pitying tears, to give contempt or blame.”

  — ”STREET WALKS.”

  The month was over; — the honeymoon to the newly-married; the exquisite convalescence to the “living mother of a living child”; “the first dark days of nothingness” to the widow and the child bereaved; the term of penance, of hard labour, and of solitary confinement, to the shrinking, shivering, hopeless prisoner.

  “Sick, and in prison, and ye visited me.” Shall you, or I, receive such blessing? I know one who will. An overseer of a foundry, an aged man, with hoary hair, has spent his Sabbaths, for many years, in visiting the prisoners and the afflicted in Manchester New Bailey; not merely advising and comforting, but putting means into their power of regaining the virtue and the peace they had lost; becoming himself their guarantee in obtaining employment, and never deserting those who have once asked help from him.*

  *Vide Manchester Guardian of Wednesday, March 18,1846; and also the Reports of Captain Williams, prison inspector.

  Esther’s term of imprisonment was ended. She received a good character in the governor’s books; she had picked her daily quantity of oakum, had never deserved the extra punishment of the treadmill, and had been civil and decorous in her language. And once more she was out of prison. The door closed behind her with a ponderous clang, and in her desolation she felt as if shut out of home — from the only shelter she could meet with, houseless and penniless as she was, on that dreary day.

  But it was but for an instant that she stood there doubting. One thought had haunted her both by night and by day, with monomaniacal incessancy; and that thought was how to save Mary (her dead sister’s only child, her own little pet in the days of her innocence) from following in the same downward path to vice. To whom could she speak and ask for aid? She shrank from the idea of addressing John Barton again; her heart sank within her, at the remembrance of his fierce repulsing action, and far fiercer words. It seemed worse than death to reveal her condition to Mary, else she sometimes thought that this course would be the most terrible, the most efficient warning. She must speak; to that she was soul-compelled; but to whom? She dreaded addressing any of her former female acquaintance, even supposing they had sense, or spirit, or interest enough to undertake her mission.

  To whom shall the outcast prostitute tell her tale? Who will give her help in the day of need? Hers is the leper sin, and all stand aloof dreading to be counted unclean.

  In her wild night wanderings, she had noted the haunts and habits of many a one who little thought of a watcher in the poor forsaken woman. You may easily imagine that a double interest was attached by her to the ways and companionships of those with whom she had been acquainted in the days which, when present, she had considered hardly-worked and monotonous, but which now in retrospection seemed so happy and unclouded. Accordingly, she had, as we have seen, known where to meet with John Barton on that unfortunate night, which had only produced irritation in him, and a month’s imprisonment to her. She had also observed that he was still intimate with the Wilsons. She had seen him walking and talking with both father and son; her old friends too; and she had shed unregarded, unvalued tears, when some one had casually told her of George Wilson’s sudden death. It now flashed across her mind that to the son, to Mary’s playfellow, her elder brother in the days of childhood, her tale might be told, and listened to with interest by him, and some mode of action suggested by which Mary might be guarded and saved.

  All these thoughts had passed through her mind while yet she was in prison; so when she was turned out, her purpose was clear, and she did not feel her desolation of freedom as she would otherwise have done.

  That night she stationed herself early near the foundry where she knew Jem worked; he stayed later than usual, being detained by some arrangements for the morrow. She grew tired and impatient; many workmen had come out of the door in the long, dead, brick wall, and eagerly had she peered into their faces, deaf to all insult or curse. He must have gone home early; one more turn in the street, and she would go.

  During that turn he came out, and in the quiet of that street of workshops and warehouses, she directly heard his steps. How her heart failed her for an instant! but still she was not daunted from her purpose, painful as its fulfilment was sure to be. She laid her hand on his arm.

  As she expected, after a momentary glance at the person who thus endeavoured to detain him, he made an effort to shake it off, and pass on. But, trembling as she was, she had provided against this by a firm and unusual grasp.

  “You must listen to me, Jem Wilson,” she said, with almost an accent of command.

  “Go away, missis; I’ve nought to do with you, either in hearkening or talking.”

  He made another struggle.

  “You must listen,” she said again, authoritatively, “for Mary

  Barton’s sake.”

  The spell of her name was as potent as that of the mariner’s glittering eye. “He listened like a three-year child.”

 
“I know you care enough for her to wish to save her from harm.”

  He interrupted his earnest gaze into her face, with the exclamation —

  “And who can yo be to know Mary Barton, or to know that she’s aught to me?”

  There was a little strife in Esther’s mind for an instant, between the shame of acknowledging herself, and the additional weight to her revelation which such acknowledgment would give. Then she spoke —

  “Do you remember Esther, the sister of John Barton’s wife? the aunt to Mary? And the valentine I sent you last February ten years?”

  “Yes, I mind her well! But yo are not Esther, are you?” He looked again into her face, and seeing that indeed it was his boyhood’s friend, he took her hand, and shook it with a cordiality that forgot the present in the past.

  “Why, Esther! Where han ye been this many a year? Where han ye been wandering that we none of us could find you out?”

  The question was asked thoughtlessly, but answered with fierce earnestness.

  “Where have I been? What have I been doing? Why do you torment me with questions like these? Can you not guess? But the story of my life is wanted to give force to my speech, afterwards I will tell it you. Nay! don’t change your fickle mind now, and say you don’t want to hear it. You must hear it, and I must tell it; and then see after Mary, and take care she does not become like me. As she is loving now, so did I love once: one above me far.” She remarked not, in her own absorption, the change in Jem’s breathing, the sudden clutch at the wall which told the fearfully vivid interest he took in what she said. “He was so handsome, so kind! Well, the regiment was ordered to Chester (did I tell you he was an officer?), and he could not bear to part from me, nor I from him, so he took me with him. I never thought poor Mary would have taken it so to heart! I always meant to send for her to pay me a visit when I was married; for, mark you! he promised me marriage. They all do. Then came three years of happiness. I suppose I ought not to have been happy, but I was. I had a little girl, too. Oh! the sweetest darling that ever was seen! But I must not think of her,” putting her hand wildly up to her forehead, “or I shall go mad; I shall.”

  “Don’t tell me any more about yoursel,” said Jem soothingly.

  “What! you’re tired already, are you? but I will tell you; as you’ve asked for it, you shall hear it. I won’t recall the agony of the past for nothing. I will have the relief of telling it. Oh, how happy I was!” — sinking her voice into a plaintive, childlike manner. “It went like a shot through me when one day he came to me and told me he was ordered to Ireland, and must leave me behind; at Bristol we then were.”

  Jem muttered some words; she caught their meaning, and in a pleading voice continued —

  “Oh, don’t abuse him; don’t speak a word against him! You don’t know how I love him yet; yet, when I am sunk so low. You don’t guess how kind he was. He gave me fifty pounds before we parted, and I knew he could ill spare it. Don’t, Jem, please,” as his muttered indignation rose again. For her sake he ceased. “I might have done better with the money; I see now. But I did not know the value of it then. Formerly I had earned it easily enough at the factory, and as I had no more sensible wants, I spent it on dress and on eating. While I lived with him, I had it for asking; and fifty pounds would, I thought, go a long way. So I went back to Chester, where I’d been so happy, and set up a small-ware shop, and hired a room near. We should have done well, but alas! alas! my little girl fell ill, and I could not mind my shop and her too: and things grew worse and worse. I sold my goods anyhow to get money to buy her food and medicine; I wrote over and over again to her father for help, but he must have changed his quarters, for I never got an answer. The landlord seized the few bobbins and tapes I had left, for shop-rent; and the person to whom the mean little room, to which we had been forced to remove, belonged, threatened to turn us out unless his rent was paid; it had run on many weeks, and it was winter, cold bleak winter; and my child was so ill, so ill, and I was starving. And I could not bear to see her suffer, and forgot how much better it would be for us to die together; — oh, her moans, her moans, which money could give the means of relieving! So I went out into the street one January night — Do you think God will punish me for that?” she asked with wild vehemence, almost amounting to insanity, and shaking Jem’s arm in order to force an answer from him.

  But before he could shape his heart’s sympathy into words, her voice had lost its wildness, and she spoke with the quiet of despair.

  “But it’s no matter! I’ve done that since, which separates us as far asunder as heaven and hell can be.” Her voice rose again to the sharp pitch of agony. “My darling! my darling! even after death I may not see thee, my own sweet one! she was so good — like a little angel. What is that text, I don’t remember, — the text mother used to teach me when I sat on her knee long ago; it begins, ‘Blessed are the pure’“ —

  “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

  “Ay, that’s it! It would break mother’s heart if she knew what I am now — it did break Mary’s heart, you see. And now I recollect it was about her child I wanted to see you, Jem. You know Mary Barton, don’t you?” said she, trying to collect her thoughts.

  Yes, Jem knew her. How well, his beating heart could testify.

  “Well, there’s something to do for her; I forget what; wait a minute! She is so like my little girl,” said she, raising her eyes glistening with unshed tears, in search of the sympathy of Jem’s countenance.

  He deeply pitied her; but oh! how he longed to recall her mind to the subject of Mary, and the lover above her in rank, and the service to be done for her sake. But he controlled himself to silence. After awhile, she spoke again, and in a calmer voice.

  “When I came to Manchester (for I could not stay in Chester after her death), I found you all out very soon. And yet I never thought my poor sister was dead. I suppose I would not think so. I used to watch about the court where John lived, for many and many a night, and gather all I could about them from the neighbours’ talk; for I never asked a question. I put this and that together, and followed one, and listened to another; many’s the time I’ve watched the policeman off his beat, and peeped through the chink of the window-shutter to see the old room, and sometimes Mary or her father sitting up late for some reason or another. I found out Mary went to learn dressmaking, and I began to be frightened for her; for it’s a bad life for a girl to be out late at night in the streets, and after many an hour of weary work, they’re ready to follow after any novelty that makes a little change. But I made up my mind, that bad as I was, I could watch over Mary, and perhaps keep her from harm. So I used to wait for her at nights, and follow her home, often when she little knew any one was near her. There was one of her companions I never could abide, and I’m sure that girl is at the bottom of some mischief. By-and-by Mary’s walks homewards were not alone. She was joined soon after she came out by a man; a gentleman. I began to fear for her, for I saw she was light-hearted, and pleased with his attentions; and I thought worse of him for having such long talks with that bold girl I told you of. But I was laid up for a long time with spitting of blood; and could do nothing. I’m sure it made made me worse, thinking about what might be happening to Mary. And when I came out, all was going on as before, only she seemed fonder of him than ever; and oh! Jem, her father won’t listen to me, and it’s you must save Mary! You’re like a brother to her, and maybe could give her advice and watch over her, and at any rate John will hearken to you; only he’s so stern, and so cruel.” She began to cry a little at the remembrance of his harsh words; but Jem cut her short by his hoarse, stern inquiry —

  “Who is this spark that Mary loves? Tell me his name!”

  “It’s young Carson, old Carson’s son, that your father worked for.”

  There was a pause. She broke the silence —

  “O Jem, I charge you with the care of her! I suppose it would be murder to kill her, but it would be better for her to die tha
n to live to lead such a life as I do. Do you hear me, Jem?”

  “Yes, I hear you. It would be better. Better we were all dead.” This was said as if thinking aloud; but he immediately changed his tone and continued —

  “Esther, you may trust to my doing all I can for Mary. That I have determined on. And now listen to me. You loathe the life you lead, else you would not speak of it as you do. Come home with me. Come to my mother. She and my aunt Alice live together. I will see that they give you a welcome. And to-morrow I will see if some honest way of living cannot be found for you. Come home with me.”

  She was silent for a minute, and he hoped he had gained his point.

  Then she said —

  “God bless you, Jem, for the words you have just spoken. Some years ago you might have saved me, as I hope and trust you will yet save Mary. But, it is too late now; — too late,” she added, with accents of deep despair.

  Still he did not relax his hold. “Come home,” he said.

  “I tell you, I cannot. I could not lead a virtuous life if I would. I should only disgrace you. If you will know all,” said she, as he still seemed inclined to urge her, “I must have drink. Such as live like me could not bear life if they did not drink. It’s the only thing to keep us from suicide. If we did not drink, we could not stand the memory of what we have been, and the thought of what we are, for a day. If I go without food, and without shelter, I must have my dram. Oh! you don’t know the awful nights I have had in prison for want of it,” said she, shuddering, and glaring round with terrified eyes, as if dreading to see some spiritual creature, with dim form, near her.

  “It is so frightful to see them,” whispering in tones of wildness, although so low spoken. “There they go round and round my bed the whole night through. My mother, carrying little Annie (I wonder how they got together) and Mary — and all looking at me with their sad, stony eyes; O Jem! it is so terrible! They don’t turn back either, but pass behind the head of the bed, and I feel their eyes on me everywhere. If I creep under the clothes I still see them; and what is worse,” hissing out her words with fright, “they see me. Don’t speak to me of leading a better life — I must have drink. I cannot pass to-night without a dram; I dare not.”