by Jody Holford
“A bunch of the guys who’d been dicks to us growing up—Rick, Colton, that whole group, they started being friendly to us. I wanted nothing to do with them. Travis and I were a unit. A team. It’d been that way so long, I never considered it could go another way. Rick was having this huge party and Travis wanted to go. It was the only fight we ever got in. He was pissed I wouldn’t go. Said we always did whatever I wanted, and he was tired of living in social isolation with me. That sure, maybe some of the guys were assholes, but people changed. Maybe it was time for me to change, too. I told him to go without me. Said he was welcome to make new friends and do all the changing he wanted, but I was fine with the status quo. I was fine, with or without him.”
Stella’s heart squeezed when his voice cracked. “You were kids.”
Taking a deep breath, he moved her hands from around him and stood up. He walked to the railing and gripped it with both hands, staring out at the sky. Stella wrapped her arms around her knees, her heart hurting for the kid he’d been and the man who’d carried this all these years.
“We were practically men, Stella. He went to the party. If I’d gone, if I’d sucked it up and tagged along, I would have stopped him from drinking so much. I sure as fuck would have stopped him from doing anything as stupid as jumping off a goddamn roof into a pool.”
Stella gasped, and Zach’s shoulders hunched. She wanted to go to him but didn’t know if she should.
Zach hung his head for a moment, then turned around to face her. He didn’t leave the railing, but his gaze burned into Stella’s.
“They said it was an accident. It was an accident. He went to jump, slipped, smashed his head on the way down and landed on the concrete.”
Stella’s throat tightened so fast and hard she wheezed. Zach closed his eyes, rubbing the heels of his hands against them. Working on steadying her breath, Stella lowered her legs as Zach did his hands.
“I should have been there.”
Unable to stop herself, Stella stood and launched herself at him. “You were a kid! You were both kids, Zach. It was an accident. It is not your fault.”
His arms came around her, but his tone was distant. “Says you and the army shrinks. But the bottom line is, if I had been there, it wouldn’t have happened.”
She reared back, clenching her fists in his shirt. “You don’t know that. You can’t know that. The very same thing could have happened if you two had gone together. Maybe you’d have gotten caught up and done the same. You can’t know. Would you have blamed yourself if it had been Rick or Colton?”
Zach practically snarled. “Fuck, no.”
Putting both hands on his cheeks, she tilted his head down. “It is not your fault.”
“He was my best friend.”
“Friends fight. They make mistakes. If he’d been hit by a drunk driver, would it be your fault?”
Zach’s brows pushed together, and she could feel his pain radiating against her and she wished she could absorb it. Take it from him.
“One decision and everything went sideways.”
Threading her hands through his hair, she went up on tiptoe. “That’s how it works. Sad as it is to say, life is full of a series of choices that lead us one place or another and we can’t go back. We can’t change what’s happened. But that doesn’t mean the results of whatever choice you didn’t make are your fault. If he’d gotten laid by the hottest girl on the planet that night at the party, would you have taken the credit?”
As he laughed, Zach’s fingers dug into her waist and Stella relished the sensation. They were both here. The past couldn’t be undone, but they had a say in the future through the choices they made. And at that moment, Stella chose Zach.
“Were you at the party?” He pulled her tighter against him.
“What?” The flowery scent of the night air, the emotion, and the moon shining down on them intoxicated her, swirling around them, making her want to push the world away.
“You said the hottest girl on the planet. From where I’m standing, that’s you.”
Smiling, she arched closer just as one of his hands roamed down and the other tunneled into her hair.
“I get it, you know,” she told him, her heart fluttering.
He continued to stare, and she wondered if she could tell him the truth of what had been haunting her for too long. He told you his truth.
“Tell me,” he whispered.
She nodded and took a deep breath. “My dad had a heart condition he didn’t tell anyone about. The doctor must have thought I knew because, at the hospital, he mentioned it.”
Zach smoothed her hair back from her face, and his eyes told her he understood how she felt, standing there, learning about it from a stranger.
“Baby, I’m sorry. But how is that the same?”
When his hands slid down to cup her face, she put hers on his wrists, gripping tight. “I keep thinking that if I’d come home in better shape, not shaken up from being dumped, if I’d kept in touch better, come home more often…anything. Maybe he’d have told me. Maybe I could have done something.”
“Stella,” he said, his voice a harsh, aching whisper that, oddly enough, soothed her like an embrace.
Forcing herself to let go of that demon, just as Zach was trying to do with his guilt over Travis, she took another fortifying breath. “We want to believe that, if we only knew, we could control the outcome. But we can’t. We don’t always know and we do the best we can in the moment.”
When his mouth crashed against hers, she knew the conversation was over. Zach boosted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist and he headed for the house. His lips never left Stella’s, and he hugged her so close only air could fit between them. She felt, quite literally, consumed. And she wanted nothing more than to give him everything he needed. Zach didn’t put her down until they reached her bedroom. In the dark, with him over her, she could forget that they were both slightly damaged. In the quiet, with the only sounds being their combined breaths and the heavy beat of their hearts, Stella wondered if she’d been too quick to dismiss a second chance at forever. Zach had given her back her business. Her life. And quite possibly, her belief in happy endings.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Zach phoned Andrew back and got his voicemail. For some reason, his friend had called a total of nine times in five days. Since the pet wash, they’d been running their asses off and Zach hadn’t been able to talk. The moments he wasn’t buried in work, he was immersed, completely fucking submerged, in all that was Stella. He wondered if it was possible to be addicted to a person. Just being around her made it feel easier to breathe, to smile, to laugh.
When he’d told her about Travis, he’d expected to feel some relief at getting it off his chest. He hadn’t expected it to unleash a frenzy of feelings from both of them. Like they were drawn together by the things in their pasts that they couldn’t change or forget; it entwined them. Stella’s walls all but crumbled that night he made love to her, and he found himself wanting to do anything and everything to be what she needed.
Tossing his phone on the kitchen counter, he decided that if he couldn’t get a hold of Andrew by tomorrow, he’d tell Stella he needed a day and go find him. Hopefully it wasn’t anything health related. He’d even tried the clinic, but they kept saying he was unavailable. Stella was curled up on the couch with her laptop when he joined her in the living room.
She glanced up from the screen. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He was so fucked. She wore a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top. There wasn’t a drop of makeup on her face and her hair was up in some weird-ass bun thing on her head. And he practically drooled at the sight of her.
Dropping down beside her, she laughed when it jostled her into him. “Looking at porn?” He leaned in to see what she was doing.
Stella laughed. “Uh, no. Just checking the website actually. I was thinking we could start a newsletter. We could do it monthly, maybe include some coupons, some health advice?”
&nbs
p; Zach grinned up at her. “That’s a great idea.”
She nudged him. “You don’t have to sound quite so shocked.”
“Our Facebook page is getting several hits, too, and people have commented that they really enjoyed the pet wash. Definitely needs to be a yearly thing.”
Stella glanced down at him and their gazes held. She’d done that a few times in the last couple of days: stared at him like she wasn’t quite sure she could believe he’d be sticking around. If he had it his way, he and Stella would only dig in deeper. He wanted to plant roots, and he wanted to do that with Stella Lane. In every way possible.
“I never check the Facebook page. Do you comment back?”
He gestured to the computer. “Check it. And yeah. Sometimes. It’s easy enough to do from my phone.” Stella clicked on the home button instead of typing Facebook into the address bar and when the page came up, Zach’s stomach seized so sharply, he choked on his own breath.
“You okay?”
Stella was looking at him with concern, but Zach’s eyes went back to the screen. No fucking way. His chest tightened, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Zach?”
“Huh?”
She nudged him again. “What’s wrong?”
He sat up. “Nothing. I just swallowed wrong. I need a drink.”
Getting up, he left her there and hurried into the kitchen, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and brought up the internet. He went to the local news page and sure enough, there it was again. The headline read: CEO of chain store Pet Central accused of embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars.
“No. No.” His fingers clutched so tightly at his phone that the case cracked. “No.”
Clicking on the story, he was reading it so intently that he didn’t hear Stella come up behind him.
“Hey,” she said, her hands smoothing over his back.
He whirled, unintentionally startling her. “Hey.”
She stepped back and frowned. “What’s going on?”
Fuck. What the hell did he say? “I, uh, it’s just this news story. It surprised me is all. Sorry.”
Coming to his side, she looked down at his phone. “Oh, Zach. I’m so sorry. That’s your friend, right? Andrew Clark?” She touched his phone, scrolling upward to read the story. “That’s horrible.”
When she looked at him, her eyes were full of compassion and regret. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” What else could he say? Tell her. Tell her that you borrowed money from him. Why the fuck did he borrow money from him? Because he’d trusted him. And Stella trusted Zach. Getting to that point was a victory, and the thought of stripping that away made him feel physically sick. You can fix this. Call the bank. You’ve been here a couple months now. You have options. Could he just give Andrew back the money and not be implicated in any way? If he was somehow linked to Andrew financially, would it implicate Stella? The clinic?
Zach shoved his phone into his pocket. Running his hands through his hair, it took effort not to yank it out. What the hell had he done?
Stella stepped into him and put her hands on her chest. “It’s never easy to see your idols fall. We feel like the people we admire are untouchable. But they’re human, and we’re human, which means we can’t blame ourselves for believing in them.”
He stared at her, his hands still in his hair. Was she talking about herself or him? “I need some air.”
Stepping back, she lowered her hands and he saw the touch of hurt in her gaze. Yeah. He was shutting her out and yes, he felt like a jackass for doing it, but he needed to figure out a way to fix this. To unentangle himself from Andrew. Without Stella knowing.
“Okay,” she said, still regarding him carefully.
“I’m sorry. I just, I’m really surprised. I think I’ll try and call him.”
Understanding washed out the concern. “That’s nice of you. I’m sure he could use some support. And it did say alleged, right?”
He nodded, his throat too dry to talk.
Stella came closer again and hugged him. With her head on his chest, she squeezed him tight. “I’m glad you’re here. At the clinic. I’m sorry this is happening to your friend, but it could be worse.”
When she lifted her head, he could only nod. Yes, it could be worse. She could find out that he hadn’t told her the whole truth before he had a chance to fix it. He’d tell her everything. As soon as he got some answers.
…
Zach had driven all the way to Andrew’s house to see if he was there. He wasn’t. He’d called before wasting the two hours, but worried his calls were now getting dodged. Which made no sense since Andrew had been trying so hard to get a hold of him. He’d hung around for a bit, staring at the damn-near stately mansion his former friend owned. He felt like a damn fool and that wasn’t even the worst of it. No. The worst is that you inadvertently dragged Stella into this. And then you didn’t fucking tell her what was up. Because he was determined to fix it. Zach had spent the last ten years of his life aiming for one goal: to belong. He thought that meant living in Brockton, working there, and being an integral part of the community. But it didn’t. Now, the only thing it meant to him was Stella loving him back because he knew he loved her, and everything he’d attained meant nothing if she didn’t want him.
Because he wasn’t quite ready to tell her everything, though he would tonight, he drove by his mother’s house since it was on the way. Coming back into Brockton as the sun dipped into the sky should have been a solace. He should have told her before he left. He knew not telling her was the same as lying, but he wanted to have answers. She’d definitely have questions. And anger. And hurt. Zach slammed the steering wheel. He’d rather pull his limbs off than hurt her.
The urge to unload, give her the whole story and figure out how to deal with the situation together was suddenly consuming. And if his mother hadn’t been playing with her dog on the front lawn while Shane used a weed trimmer around a couple of trees, he’d have kept going. Just to get rid of the ache in his chest.
Instead, he pulled into the driveway and got out of his car.
“This is a nice surprise,” his mother said, dropping the ball she’d been using for Chuck when he bounded toward Zach.
“How’s it going?” Shane asked, cutting the motor on the trimmer.
His mother stopped in front of him before he could lie and say he was fine.
“What’s wrong?” His mom put her hand on his arm and Chuck, picking up on her tone, whimpered.
Shane set the trimmer against the tree and wandered over to them.
“You alright, son?” With a graying goatee and arms as wide as the tree trunk, his voice shouldn’t have seemed so gentle. Zach looked back and forth between them and realized he was happy he came home, if for no other reason than to see his mom had finally gotten what she’d always deserved. Happiness. Someone to share her life with. Someone who appreciated her, protected her, welcomed her son into the fold as if it had never been a question. His own father had made it a fucking question. But not this guy. No, he was stable and solid and his mother was stronger because of it. Which was saying something since she was damn strong anyway. He wanted to be that rock for Stella, but chances were good, he’d already let things go too long to make that happen.
“Honey, you’re scaring me,” his mom said.
Zach shoved his hands through his hair. “I fucked up.”
Shane folded his arms over his wide chest and kept quiet while Chuck went back to his ball. His mother was clearly waiting for him to say more, to say something. But what the hell could he say?
“What happened?” She kept her hand on his arm and guided him to the stairs. Shane followed but stayed standing when they sat on the steps.
With as little detail or emotion as he could, Zach opened up. “I wanted in so bad, I didn’t take the time to consider all of the possibilities. Or the outcomes. I had no reason not to trust Andrew. Hell, I was flattered he
believed in me so strongly. That he’d want to invest in me.”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Shane asked.
His mom smiled but Zach just stared.
Shane shrugged. “It’s no secret you work your ass off to do what needs doing. Anyone with eyes can see you’re good at what you do. Regardless of what it is.”
Not having had any semblance of a relationship with his father, Zach was caught off guard by the depth of emotion he felt from hearing the certainty in Shane’s tone.
“Army teaches you to believe in yourself. You forget that?” Shane’s brows furrowed as he narrowed his eyes at Zach.
Surprised he could laugh, Zach did just that. “No, sir.”
Shane nodded. “I’m going to get a beer.”
When he went inside, Chuck followed. His mom leaned her head on his shoulder and didn’t press him.
“He’s a good man,” Zach said, breaking the quiet.
“So are you.”
“I screwed up, Mom. I should have told her before she cashed the check that it was a loan. I have the money, but it’s tied up. I didn’t give her all the facts and she’s going to hate that.”
His mom nodded against his shoulder. “She is. Just like you would. You know enough about half truths from your father to know they don’t feel good.”
Zach flinched. “I’m not him.”
His mom straightened and turned her body to face him. “You listen to me, Zach. And you listen damn well. You are nothing like your father. Nothing. I never got a chance to tell you I was sorry about subjecting you to the life he offered us, but I wasn’t entirely sorry for choosing him.”
Anger still burned in the pit of his stomach. “How could you not be? And why would you be sorry? It wasn’t your fault he was a useless asshole.”
One side of her lips tipped up. “Watch your mouth. And no, it’s not my fault he was, but I chose him. And I stayed. I should have done better for both of us.”