by Jody Holford
C.C. whinnied, but it wasn’t the same conversational sound she’d made when Stella came in. She nudged her forward, thinking it had just been too long since she’d ridden her.
“Come on, C.C.” She nudged her with her heels again, but C.C. just shifted restlessly. Stella felt the slight tremble in the horse’s muscles through the saddle. She dismounted immediately.
Coming around to nuzzle C.C., she pressed her forehead to her nose. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
The horse shifted, nudging Stella with her nose, and tears clogged her throat. She took her time removing the tack, soothing her horse, and trying not to worry until she could do an actual exam.
As she went through with a checkup, starting with C.C.’s legs, Stella’s fingers itched to pull out her phone and call Zach. She loved horses. But he was better with them. You’re better when he’s here. The thought lodged in her head the way the golf-ball-sized lump did in her throat. C.C. protested and shuffled back when Stella ran her hands along the area between the knee and hoof. It was slightly swollen. She checked the shoes, earning more of C.C.’s ire.
Short of transporting C.C. to a bigger city or having a vet come to her, Stella could only do so much with her assessment. Zach was right. They needed an ultrasound machine. More than one if they were going to have horses living here. Yes, they could get along without it, but for how long? How much of her own vision could she see through if she was unwilling to accept that whatever her father had wanted for this place, he wasn’t here anymore. This was on her. She had to make some decisions, not just for her, but for her animals. For the animals she pledged to care for and look after. Zach might have withheld some information, but it had been with the same goal in mind.
As she nuzzled C.C. again, it hit her hard, right in the chest. She didn’t want to do this alone anymore. She didn’t want Andrew’s money. It was wrong. But that didn’t mean there weren’t other ways. Zach had given her ideas on how to be creative. He’d maximized their time and funds by thinking outside the box. It was time for her to do the same. She’d put her heart and her life in carefully labeled boxes in hopes of controlling the outcomes. But she couldn’t control death or loss or falling in love any more than she could be certain that if she’d known about her father’s heart, she could have saved him. Both Megan and Zach accused her of hiding, of keeping her guard so tightly in place that people not only couldn’t they get in, but she couldn’t get out.
“Time to break out, girl.”
The horse whinnied once more. Maybe it was animal speak for “It’s about time.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Stella dug her heels into Clover’s flanks. The horse picked up the pace and Stella tried to clear her mind. Too many things were rattling around, needing to fall into place. It’s happening. Just breathe. Unfortunately, she couldn’t ride, breathe, and think at the same time. No matter how hard she tried to focus on fixing things, her thoughts wandered to Zach. To how much she missed him. It hadn’t been easy keeping him at arm’s length. Or making Dexter keep him there, you coward.
But she had to do this her way. She needed to show him that she’d been wrong, too. Even when she’d given in to letting him be part of the clinic, letting him into her heart, she’d kept her distance. And when he’d messed up, she’d turned him away. She’d asked this entire town to give her a chance to prove herself, to see that she could fill her father’s shoes. But her father never would have turned someone away for making a mistake. Especially if it had been made with the best of intentions.
She’d moved from feeling betrayed by Zach to being angry at herself. She still hated that he’d accepted money from a third party and felt relief that doing so hadn’t dropped them headfirst into a scandal. Stella was so caught up in protecting what her father had built, she’d been running it into the ground. Without Zach, she would have. Maybe Dad wouldn’t make the choices she was about to, but he wasn’t here anymore. She pulled the reins, bringing Clover back to a trot.
She’d barely slept all week. After the first night, she’d switched to the couch because the scent of Zach lingered on her pillow. She’d been there ever since. At night, when she couldn’t sleep and thinking about Zach hurt, she made plans. Those plans meant giving up more control, but it also meant having a life. Mr. Henley’s truck came into view when Stella hit the top of the hilly field. She could melt down when everything was said and done. When she could breathe.
He was standing with his son, arms spread, as his son nodded along. Stella dismounted, leading Clover over and waving at them.
“Well, hi there. Gorgeous girl, she is,” Mr. Henley said, coming close.
His son, Nick, smiled at her. “Hey, Stella. How’s it going?”
They shook hands. She’d gone to school with him as well, but they hadn’t been close. Nick never stuck around school or played sports. He was a farmer’s son and had all the responsibilities that came along with it. Which, apparently, had paid off.
“You excited?” she asked, the hurt in her heart over selling this piece of land all but gone. Her dad would be happy. She was happy. This was a good decision personally and professionally.
“I am,” Nick said, his grin growing. “Dad’s giving me twenty dairy cows of my own.”
It was a fresh start for both of them. A way to make it on their own, with their fathers’ blessings. Stella knew, in her heart, that her father would approve of this plan. He’d cared for the Henley’s cows for years and now the next generation would benefit from the proximity to the clinic.
She chatted with them for a few more minutes, happy she’d dragged herself out of bed to take a ride. “I need to get back. I have a carpenter coming with my sign.”
“That’s great news, what you did there. My Mabel talked to Kimberly and she was just touched beyond belief. You’re a good girl, Stella. Your daddy would be proud.”
Stella smiled, swallowing down tears. For the first time, in maybe ever, she agreed.
When she got back to the house after getting Clover settled in the barn, Megan’s car was in the driveway. She glanced at the clinic. The town was surviving with her shorter hours this week. She hated knowing that part of the reason everyone was so understanding was because they knew she and Zach had fought. That they’d broken up. Word traveled through some secret portal like fairy dust being sprinkled over the gossips.
Megan was sitting on the porch steps, Nacho on one side and Soda on the other.
“You’re alive,” she said, looking Stella over.
Stella offered a smile and hoped she didn’t look as tired as she felt. “Looks that way.” She took a seat beside Nacho, who nuzzled into her, then wrapped her arms around his shaggy neck.
“I came by to see if you were mad at me.”
Staring at her friend, Stella waited, but when Meg didn’t elaborate, she asked, “Why would I be mad at you?”
“I wasn’t sure if maybe I overstepped. I know you have reasons for being cautious, Stella, and friends are supposed to be supportive. They’re supposed to have your back and trash talk idiot guys who do idiotic things. Not suggest second chances. At least, not at first.”
Stella laughed. “True.” She gave the dogs a signal for them to go play and turned to look at Megan. “They’re also supposed to tell you when you’re making a mess of things. You should be able to tell me anything, Meg. And I know I don’t overshare like you and Taylor do—not that I’m complaining—I love when you guys do it. I’m just not used to having a bunch of girlfriends. Honestly, I’m not used to having a lot of people. Growing up, I followed my dad around and hung out with the animals. I think you were right. I was scared. Still am. I’m scared of needing someone, whether it’s you and Taylor or Zach. And I’m scared of not being enough. My dad was enough. When my mom died, he took care of everything. Me, this clinic, the house. I don’t remember him having help. But I’m not him. And I don’t want to do it alone anymore. Even though it scares me not to.”
Megan’s smile was as bright as
the sun in the sky. She wrapped her arms around Stella. “It scares everyone. Needing others, loving them, makes us vulnerable. But it also makes our lives fuller. Better.”
Stella nodded. She’d been thinking the same thing all week. Not having Zach around had been harder than trusting him. Harder than leaning on him. And maybe he wouldn’t give her a second chance, maybe he would and they wouldn’t work, but she wasn’t living her life if she didn’t try.
Megan stood up. “I just wanted to check on you, but Parks made me promise that we’d schedule another BBQ.”
Stella had worried so much about being alone and she wasn’t. She had a family. The one she’d made for herself. Megan squeezed her shoulder and with a serious look, pointed her index finger at her.
“You’re loved, Stella. Unconditionally. Not everyone leaves.”
Zach did. Megan’s features softened, like she could read Stella’s thoughts.
“You asked him to go,” Megan reminded her softly.
“And I did. Because you asked. But I never said anything about coming back. I’m always going to come back, Stella,” Zach said as he rounded the corner of the house.
Stella and Megan both gasped at his sudden appearance. What was he doing here? She wasn’t ready to see him. She’d made Dexter tell him she’d be in touch.
Megan stepped back. “I should go. You okay?”
She shook her head, then nodded. Undecided. But she would be. “Go. I’m fine.”
Megan sent a tight smile Zach’s way and walked to her car.
“I parked by the clinic. Dexter said you were out for a ride.”
He looked so good it stole her breath. How did she begin? Was she ready to say all the things she needed to say? She hadn’t even showered; the sign hadn’t arrived. She wasn’t prepared.
“Did you come for your things?” Looking at the ground, she cursed herself for starting there. But what if he had? What if he’d just come to remove all the physical evidence that he’d been in her life. That he’d made it better.
“Sort of.”
She looked up and watched him walk closer. So much for him declaring his undying love and begging her to take him back. He hadn’t come for her. Just his stuff.
Every part of her ached to fall into him and forget that they’d hurt each other. He’d given her so much. Maybe she didn’t deserve to ask for more.
Stammering, trying to figure out a way to stall, she looked back at the house. “Oh. Okay. Uh, I’ll get out of your way. We should probably book a time to talk about patients and stuff.” Stop it. What are you doing? This is your chance to tell him how you feel. To tell him you’re sorry. That you forgive him. That you need him. She was still acting scared. Curling her fingers into her palms, she tried to inhale some courage.
The scent of his cologne wafted around her and her knees all but buckled. Just the wind. It’s cool out. Right. Keep telling yourself that. She needed him to step back, out of her space, but she couldn’t form the words so she just stared at his chest, hoping he’d go around her, leave her there to figure out how to breathe again.
“Patients and stuff?” His voice was deep and rough.
She glanced up through lowered lashes. “Yes. I know I still have a contract to honor.”
He stepped closer. “Screw the contract.”
Her head snapped up. “What?”
“You’re right, Doc, we need to sort some stuff out, and I thought I could do this in some mature, romantic way but I can’t. Because looking at you and not touching you is fucking killing me.”
Her heart beat out of control. She couldn’t even talk over it. So she just soaked up the sight of him.
It’s your turn to leap. “I’m sorry,” she finally whispered.
“You’re sorry? What the hell do you have to be sorry for?” His tone was husky, and it roamed over her skin like a welcome caress.
“For fighting you every step on making this place better. For trying to keep you out. For sending you away. For not giving you another chance.”
She heard his breath hitch. He reached behind him and pulled some folded papers out of his pocket and handed them over.
“What is this?” She took them.
“You said second chance, Stell, and I’m having a hard time breathing, thinking maybe you’ll give me one, but you need to know, either way, whether you can forgive me or you can’t, I’m sorry. I messed up.”
She unfolded the papers and saw that he’d signed over the deed to his land by the ocean. Stella looked up at him, studied his face. “Again, what is this?”
“I sold the property. I thought it would take some time, but there were developers salivating to get it. They actually had a bidding war. I sold it in twenty-four hours.”
She shook her head, not understanding, her heart thrashing around, making her feel too many things at once. He makes me off-balance. In the best way. “Why? You love that land. It’s what you came home for.”
Zach stepped up to her, stroked one hand down her hair, and she sighed, leaned into his touch. She’d missed his touch.
“It’s land. I thought it was significant. I thought it meant I had a place to belong. I was wrong. You’re where I belong, Stella. We can sort shit with the clinic, we’ll figure it out, swear to God, but none of it matters if I don’t have you. I need to know what it’ll take to get you to forgive me.”
Stella bit her lip, unsure if she was dreaming. She hadn’t been sleeping well so there was a chance she could be hallucinating. But she could smell his cologne and hear his uneven breaths. This is real. A trickle of tears traveled down her cheek. Zach caught it and swiped at them with his thumb.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’d do anything to take it back. To do it over.”
Everything inside of her fought to burst free. Her heart beat too hard, her breath came too fast, her brain spun out of control. He wasn’t just here for the clinic. He was here for her.
“We can’t go back,” she said.
“Stella,” he said, his voice strained.
Moving closer, she touched her hand to his jaw. “But we can move forward.”
When his breath hitched, her heart did the same. He bent his knees, gripping her shoulders. “Together? We can move forward together. You and me. Us, right? Tell me there’s an us, Stella, because the rest of it doesn’t matter. I love you.”
Her breath and her heart settled. The pace slowed and the shaky feeling dissipated. Smiling around her tears, she felt steady. Sure. Even though she’d hoped he felt that way, hearing him say it filled her with happiness. With contentment. With hope and trust and all the things she was scared to want. The things she was terrified of losing. But he was standing right in front of her offering it all.
“You love me?”
Pulling her close so their bodies were aligned, the papers crinkled in her hand.
“I love you more than I knew a person could love another person. I feel like you’re part of me. A vital part of me, and I can’t breathe without you, Stella.”
Her chest filled like a balloon and she thought she might float away with the rightness of it.
Cupping her face, he leaned closer. “Say something. Tell me I haven’t wrecked everything.”
Slipping her arms around his neck, she shook her head. “You did exactly what you said you would.”
“What’s that?”
“You fixed everything. The clinic, my home. My heart. I love you.”
She barely got the last word out before his mouth closed over her own, and he was kissing her like he’d been starved of all of life’s necessities. And in a way, maybe they both had been—they’d been without each other and Zach was right about belonging. It wasn’t about a place. It was a person. And he was hers. She’d have to work on not being too scared to show him that every day. Even when he stopped kissing her mouth, his hands held her face and he rained kisses all over her face until she laughed.
“I didn’t think I’d be the reason for your laughter again.”
&nb
sp; She rested her head on his chest, held him close. “I didn’t think you’d come back.”
Kissing the top of her head, he stroked her hair. “I couldn’t stay away. You’re everything to me. You’re my reason.”
Confused, she tipped her head back. “Reason for what?”
“All of it. Life is short and there were a lot of nights after Travis’s death that I wished it was shorter. That I didn’t think I’d ever shed the guilt of not going with him to the party. But I got up every day, figuring there was a reason I didn’t tag along that night. I needed there to be, you know? I couldn’t make sense of it otherwise. I’ve been roaming around searching for a purpose, trying to understand why I never belonged anywhere else. Why, even though it hurt, I had to come home. Had to come here to this land, to your clinic. It’s because I was waiting to belong to you.”
There were no words to adequately describe how good it felt to look at him and know he meant it. Smiling, she gave him what she could. “I love you, and I want to keep being each other’s reasons. I want us to belong to each other.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
She loved him. He hadn’t expected that. He’d hoped. Fuck, he’d even prayed and promised unknown deities, but he hadn’t really believed. How the hell had he gotten lucky enough to find her? To have her and be able to call her his? He didn’t want to question everything anymore. He didn’t know why Travis died, why his dad drank away his life, or what made Andrew wreck his career. That’s just what had happened. What he did with each of those things was up to him. But he was done running.
Zach ran his hands over her arms, pulling her in for a hug, just to absorb the heat of her body. He reminded himself not to get distracted by the feel of her body under his hands, the soft, sweet fall of her hair and the vulnerable look he’d seen in her eyes. He’d never give her a reason to doubt him again. They’d fight and disagree, but he’d never withhold anything from her again. Which meant he had several things to tell her. Reluctantly, he pulled back, slid his hand into hers, and led her to the steps.